2 new+moon新月-第17部分

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But　this　was　only　first　gear。　My　foot　itched　toward　the　gearshift　as　I　twisted　for　more　gas。　

〃No；　Bella！〃　the　angry；　honeysweet　voice　ordered　in　my　ear。　〃Watch　what　you're　doing！〃　

It　distracted　me　enough　from　the　speed　to　realize　that　the　road　was　starting　a　slow　curve　to　the　left；　and　I　
was　still　going　straight。　Jacob　hadn't　told　me　how　to　turn。　

〃Brakes；　brakes；〃　I　muttered　to　myself；　and　I　instinctively　slammed　down　with　my　right　foot；　like　I　would　
in　my　truck。　

The　bike　was　suddenly　unstable　underneath　me；　shivering　first　to　one　side　and　then　the　other。　It　was　
dragging　me　toward　the　green　wall；　and　I　was　going　too　fast。　I　tried　to　turn　the　handlebar　the　other　
direction；　and　the　sudden　shift　of　my　weight　pushed　the　bike　toward　the　ground；　still　spinning　toward　the　
trees。　

The　motorcycle　landed　on　top　of　me　again；　roaring　loudly；　pulling　me　across　the　wet　sand　until　it　hit　
something　stationary。　I　couldn't　see。　My　face　was　mashed　into　the　moss。　I　tried　to　lift　my　head；　but　there　
was　something　in　the　way。　

I　was　dizzy　and　confused。　It　sounded　like　there　were　three　things　snarling—the　bike　over　me；　the　voice　in　
my　head；　and　something　else…　

〃Bella！〃　Jacob　yelled；　and　I　heard　the　roar　of　the　other　bike　cut　off。　

The　motorcycle　no　longer　pinned　me　to　the　ground；　and　I　rolled　over　to　breathe。　All　the　growling　went　
silent。　

〃Wow；〃　I　murmured。　I　was　thrilled。　This　had　to　be　it；　the　recipe　for　a　hallucination—adrenaline　plus　
clanger　plus　stupidity。　Something　close　to　that；　anyway。　

〃Bella！〃　Jacob　was　crouching　over　me　anxiously。　〃Bella；　are　you　alive？〃　

〃I'm　great！〃　I　enthused。　I　flexed　my　arms　and　legs。　Everything　seemed　to　be　working　correctly。　〃Let's　do　
itagain。〃　

〃I　don't　think　so。〃　Jacob　still　sounded　worried。　〃I　think　I'd　better　drive　you　to　the　hospital　first。〃　

〃I'mfine。〃　

〃Um；　Bella？　You've　got　a　huge　cut　on　your　forehead；　and　it's　gushing　blood；〃　he　informed　me。　

I　clapped　my　hand　over　my　head。　Sure　enough；　it　was　wet　and　sticky。　I　could　smell　nothing　but　the　damp　
moss　on　my　face；　and　that　held　off　the　nausea。　

〃Oh；　I'm　so　sorry；　Jacob。〃　I　pushed　hard　against　the　gash；　as　if　I　could　force　the　blood　back　inside　my　
head。　

〃Why　are　you　apologizing　for　bleeding？〃　he　wondered　as　he　wrapped　a　long　arm　around　my　waist　and　
pulled　me　to　my　feet。　〃Let's　go。　I'll　drive。〃　He　held　out　his　hand　for　the　keys。　

〃What　about　the　bikes？〃　I　asked；　handing　them　over。　

He　thought　for　a　second。　〃Wait　here。　And　take　this。〃　He　pulled　off　his　Tshirt；　already　spotted　with　
blood；　and　threw　it　to　me。　I　wadded　it　up　and　held　it　tightly　to　my　forehead。　I　was　starting　to　smell　the　
blood；　I　breathed　deeply　through　my　mouth　and　tried　to　concentrate　on　something　else。　

Jacob　jumped　on　the　black　motorcycle；　kicked　it　to　a　start　in　one　try；　and　raced　back　down　the　road；　
spraying　sand　and　pebbles　behind　him。　He　looked　athletic　and　professional　as　he　leaned　over　the　
handlebars；　head　low；　face　forward；　his　shiny　hair　whipping　against　the　russet　skin　of　his　back。　My　eyes　
narrowed　enviously。　I　was　sure　I　hadn't　looked　like　that　on　my　motorcycle。　

I　was　surprised　at　how　far　I'd　gone。　I　could　barely　see　Jacob　in　the　distance　when　he　finally　got　to　the　
truck。　He　threw　the　bike　into　the　bed　and　sprinted　to　the　driver's　side。　

I　really　didn't　feel　bad　at　all　as　he　coaxed　my　truck　to　a　deafening　roar　in　his　hurry　to　get　back　to　me。　My　
head　stung　a　little；　and　my　stomach　was　uneasy；　but　the　cut　wasn't　serious。　Head　wounds　just　bled　more　
than　most。　His　urgency　wasn't　necessary。　

Jacob　left　the　truck　running　as　he　raced　back　to　me；　wrapping　his　arm　around　my　waist　again。　

〃Okay；　let's　get　you　in　the　truck。〃　

〃I'm　honestly　fine；〃　I　assured　him　as　he　helped　me　in。　〃Don't　get　worked　up。　It's　just　a　little　blood。〃　

〃Just　a　lot　of　blood；〃　I　heard　him　mutter　as　he　went　back　for　my　bike。　

〃Now；　let's　think　about　this　for　a　second；〃　I　began　when　he　got　back　in。　〃If　you　take　me　to　the　ER　like　
this；　Charlie　is　sure　to　hear　about　it。〃　I　glanced　down　at　the　sand　and　dirt　caked　into　my　jeans。　

〃Bella；　I　think　you　need　stitches。　I'm　not　going　to　let　you　bleed　to　death。〃　

〃I　won't；〃　I　promised。　〃Let's　just　take　the　bikes　back　first；　and　then　we'll　make　a　stop　at　my　house　so　I　
can　dispose　of　the　evidence　before　we　go　to　the　hospital。〃　

〃What　about　Charlie？〃　

〃He　said　he　had　to　work　today。〃　

〃Are　you　really　sure？〃　

〃Trust　me。　I'm　an　easy　bleeder。　It's　not　nearly　as　dire　as　it　looks。〃　

Jacob　wasn't　happy—his　full　mouth　turned　down　in　an　uncharacteristic　frown—but　he　didn't　want　to　get　
me　in　trouble。　I　stared　out　the　window；　holding　his　ruined　shirt　to　my　head；　while　he　drove　me　to　Forks。　

The　motorcycle　was　better　than　I'd　dreamed。　It　had　served　its　original　purpose。　I'd　cheated—broken　my　
promise。　I'd　been　needlessly　reckless。　I　felt　a　little　less　pathetic　now　that　the　promises　had　been　broken　
on　both　sides。　

And　then　to　discover　the　key　to　the　hallucinations！　At　least；　I　hoped　I　had。　I　was　going　to　test　the　theory　
as　soon　as　possible。　Maybe　they'd　get　through　with　me　quickly　in　the　ER；　and　I　could　try　again　tonight。　

Racing　down　the　road　like　that　had　been　amazing。　The　feel　of　the　wind　in　my　face；　the　speed　and　the　
freedom…　it　reminded　me　of　a　past　life；　flying　through　the　thick　forest　without　a　road；　piggyback　while　he　
ran—I　stopped　thinking　right　there；　letting　the　memory　break　off　in　the　sudden　agony。　I　flinched。　

〃You　still　okay？〃　Jacob　checked。　

〃Yeah。〃　I　tried　to　sound　as　convincing　as　before。　

〃By　the　way；〃　he　added。　〃I'm　going　to　disconnect　your　foot　brake　tonight。〃　

At　home；　I　went　to　look　at　myself　in　the　mirror　first　thing；　it　was　pretty　gruesome。　Blood　was　drying　in　
thick　streaks　across　my　cheek　and　neck；　matting　in　my　muddy　hair。　I　examined　myself　clinically；　
pretending　the　blood　was　paint　so　it　wouldn't　upset　my　stomach。　I　breathed　through　my　mouth；　and　was　
fine。　

I　washed　up　as　well　as　I　could。　Then　I　hid　my　dirty；　bloody　clothes　in　the　bottom　of　my　laundry　basket；　
putting　on　new　jeans　and　a　buttonup　shirt　（that　I　didn't　have　to　pull　over　my　head）　as　carefully　as　I　could。　
I　managed　to　do　this　onehanded　and　keep　both　garments　bloodfree。　

〃Hurry　up；〃　Jacob　called。　

〃Okay；　okay；〃　I　shouted　back。　After　making　sure　I　left　nothing　incriminating　behind　me；　I　headed　
downstairs。　

〃How　do　I　look？〃　I　asked　him。　

〃Better；〃　he　admitted。　

〃But　do　I　look　like　I　tripped　in　your　garage　and　hit　my　head　on　a　hammer？〃　

〃Sure；　I　guess　so。〃　

〃Let's　go　then。〃　

Jacob　hurried　me　out　the　door；　and　insisted　on　driving　again。　We　were　halfway　to　the　hospital　when　I　
realized　he　was　still　shirtless。　

I　frowned　guiltily。　〃We　should　have　grabbed　you　a　jacket。〃　

〃That　would　have　given　us　away；〃　he　teased。　〃Besides；　it's　not　cold。〃　

〃Are　you　kidding？〃　I　shivered　and　reached　out　to　turn　the　heat　on。　

I　watched　Jacob　to　see　if　he　was　just　playing　tough　so　I　wouldn't　worry；　but　he　looked　fortable　
enough。　He　had　one　arm　over　the　back　of　my　seat；　though　I　was　huddled　up　to　keep　warm。　

Jacob　really　did　look　older　than　sixteen—not　quite　forty；　but　maybe　older　than　me。　Quil　didn't　have　too　
much　on　him　in　the　muscle　department；　for　all　that　Jacob　claimed　to　be　a　skeleton。　The　muscles　were　the　
long　wiry　kind；　but　they　were　definitely　there　under　the　smooth　skin。　His　skin　was　such　a　pretty　color；　it　
made　me　jealous。　

Jacob　noticed　my　scrutiny。　

〃What？〃　he　asked；　suddenly　selfconscious。　

〃Nothing。　I　just　hadn't　realized　before。　Did　you　know；　you're　sort　of　beautiful？〃　

Once　the　words　slipped　out；　I　worried　that　he　might　take　my　impulsive　observation　the　wrong　way。　

But　Jacob　just　rolled　his　eyes。　〃You　hit　your　head　pretty　hard；　didn't　you？〃　

〃I'm　serious。〃　

〃Well；　then；　thanks。　Sort　of。〃　

I　grinned。　〃You're　sort　of　wele。〃　

I　had　to　have　seven　stitches　to　c　lose　the　cut　on　my　forehead。　After　the　sting　of　the　local　anesthetic；　there　
was　no　pain　in　the　procedure。　Jacob　held　my　hand　while　Dr。　Snow　was　sewing；　and　I　tried　not　to　think　
about　why　that　was　ironic。　

We　were　at　the　hospital　forever。　By　the　time　I　was　done；　I　had　to　drop　Jacob　off　at　his　home　and　hurry　
back　to　cook　dinner　for　Charlie。　Charlie　seemed　to　buy　my　story　about　falling　in　Jacob's　garage。　After　
all；　it　wasn't　like　I　hadn't　been　able　to　land　myself　in　the　ER　before　with　no　more　help　than　my　own　feet。　

This　night　was　not　as　bad　as　that　first　night；　after　I'd　heard　the　perfect　voice　in　Port　Angeles。　The　hole　
came　back；　the　way　it　always　did　when　I　was　away　from　Jacob；　but　it　didn't　throb　so　badly　around　the　
edges。　I　was　already　planning　ahead；　looking　forward　to　more　delusions；　and　that　was　a　distraction。　
Also；　I　knew　I　would　feel　better　tomorrow　when　I　was　with　Jacob　again。　That　made　the　empty　hole　and　
the　familiar　pain　easier　to　bear；　relief　was　in　sight。　The　nightmare；　too；　had　lost　a　little　of　its　potency。　I　was　
horrified　by　the　nothingness；　as　always；　but　I　was　also　strangely　impatient　as　I　waited　for　the　moment　that　
would　send　me　screaming　into　consciousness。　I　knew　the　nightmare　had　to　end。　

The　next　Wednesday；　before　I　could　get　home　from　the　ER；　Dr。　Gerandy　called　to　warn　my　father　that　I　
might　possibly　have　a　concussion　and　advised　him　to　wake　me　up　every　two　hours　through　the　night　to　
make　sure　it　wasn't　serious。　Charlie's　eyes　narrowed　suspiciously　at　my　weak　explanation　about　tripping　
again。　

〃Maybe　you　should　just　stay　out　of　the　garage　altogether；　Bella；〃　he　suggested　that　night　during　dinner。　

I　panicked；　worried　that　Charlie　was　about　to　lay　down　some　kind　of　edict　that　would　prohibit　La　Push；　
and　consequently　my　motorcycle。　And　I　wasn't　giving　it　up—I'd　had　the　most　amazing　hallucination　
today。　My　velvetvoiced　delusion　had　yelled　at　me　for　almost　five　minutes　before　I'd　hit　the　brake　too　
abruptly　and　launched　myself　into　the　tree。　I'd　take　whatever　pain　that　would　cause　me　tonight　without　
plaint。　

〃This　didn't　happen　in　the　garage；〃　I　protested　quickly。　〃We　were　hiking；　and　I　tripped　over　a　rock。〃　

〃Since　when　do　you　hike？〃　Charlie　asked　skeptically。　

〃Working　at　Newton's　was　bound　to　rub　off　sometime；〃　I　pointed　out。　〃Spend　every　day　selling　all　the　
virtues　of　the　outdoors；　eventually　you　get　curious。〃　

Charlie　glared　at　me；　unconvinced。　

〃I'll　be　more　careful；〃　I　promised；　surreptitiously　crossing　my　fingers　under　the　table。　

〃I　don't　mind　you　hiking　right　there　around　La　Push；　but　keep　close　to　town；　okay？〃　

〃Why？〃　

〃Well；　we've　been　getting　a　lot　of　wildlife　plaints　lately。　The　forestry　department　is　going　to　check　into　
it；　but　for　the　time　being…〃　

〃Oh；　the　big　bear；〃　I　said　with　sudden　prehension。　〃Yeah；　some　of　the　hikers　ing　through　
Newton's　have　seen　it。　Do　you　think　there's　really　some　giant　mutated　grizzly　out　there？〃　

His　forehead　creased。　〃There's　something。　Keep　it　close　to　town；　okay？〃　

〃Sure；　sure；〃　I　said　quickly。　He　didn't　look　pletely　appeased。　

〃Charlie's　getting　nosy；〃　I　plained　to　Jacob　when　I　picked　him　up　after　school　Friday。　

〃Maybe　we　should　cool　it　with　the　bikes。〃　He　saw　my　objecting　expression　and　added；　〃At　least　for　a　
week　or　so。　You　could　stay　out　of　the　hospital　for　a　week；　right？〃　

〃What　are　we　going　to　do？〃　I　griped。　

He　smiled　cheerfully。　〃What　ever　you　want。〃　

I　thought　about　that　for　a　minute—about　what　I　wanted。　

I　hated　the　idea　of　losing　even　my　brief　seconds　of　closeness　with　the　memories　that　didn't　hurt—the　ones　
that　came　on　their　own；　without　me　thinking　of　them　consciously。　If　I　couldn't　have　the　bikes；　I　was　going　
to　have　to　find　some　other　avenue　to　the　danger　and　the　adrenaline；　and　that　was　going　to　take　serious　
thought　and　creativity。　Doing　nothing　in　the　meantime　was　not　appealing。　Suppose　I　got　depressed　again；　
even　with　Jake？　I　had　to　keep　occupied。　

Maybe　there　was　some　other　way；　some　other　recipe…　some　other　place。　

The　house　had　been　a　mistake；　certainly。　But　his　presence　must　be　stamped　somewhere；　somewhere　
other　than　inside　me。　There　had　to　be　a　place　where　he　seemed　more　real　than　among　all　the　familiar　
landmarks　that　were　crowded　with　other　human　memories。　

I　could　think　of　one　place　where　that　might　hold　true。　One　place　that　would　always　belong　to　him　and　no　
one　else。　A　magic　place；　full　of　light。　The　beautiful　meadow　I'd　seen　only　once　in　my　life；　lit　by　sunshine　
and　the　sparkle　of　his　skin。　

This　idea　had　a　huge　potential　for　backfiring—it　might　be　dangerously　painful。　My　chest　ached　with　
emptiness　even　to　think　of　it。　It　was　hard　to　hold　myself　upright；　to　not　give　myself　away。　But　surely；　there　
of　all　places；　I　could　hear　his　voice。　And　I'd　already　told　Charlie　I　was　hiking…　

〃What　are　you　thinking　about　so　hard？〃　Jacob　asked。　

〃Well…〃　I　began　slowly。　〃I　found　this　place　in　the　forest　once—I　came　across　it　when　I　was；　um；　hiking。　
A　little　meadow；　the　most　beautiful　place。　I　don't　know　if　I　could　track　it　down　again　on　my　own。　It　
would　definitely　take　a　few　tries…〃　

〃We　could　use　a　pass　and　a　grid　pattern；〃　Jacob　said　with　confident　helpfulness。　〃Do　you　know　
where　you　started　from？〃　

〃Yes；　just　below　the　trailhead　where　the　oen　ends。　I　was　going　mostly　south；　I　think。〃　

〃Cool。　We'll　find　it。〃　As　always；　Jacob　was　game　for　anything　I　wanted。　No　matter　how　strange　it　was。　

So；　Saturday　afternoon；　I　tied　on　my　new　hiking　boots—purchased　that　morning　using　my　
twentypercentoff　employee　discount　for　the　first　time—grabbed　my　new　topographical　map　of　the　
Olympic　Peninsula；　and　drove　to　La　Push。　

We　didn't　get　started　immediately；　first；　Jacob　sprawled　across　the　living　room　floor—taking　up　the　
whole　room—and；　for　a　full　twenty　minutes；　drew　a　plicated　web　across　the　key　section　of　the　map　
while　I　perched　on　a　kitchen　chair　and　talked　to　Billy。　Billy　didn't　seem　at　all　concerned　about　our　
proposed　hiking　trip。　I　was　surprised　that　Jacob　had　told　him　where　we　were　going；　given　the　fuss　people　
were　making　about　the　bear　sightings。　I　wanted　to　ask　Billy　not　to　say　anything　about　this　to　Charlie；　but　I　
was　afraid　that　making　the　request　would　cause　the　opposite　result。　

〃Maybe　we'll　see　the　super　bear；〃　Jacob　joked；　eyes　on　his　design。　

I　glanced　at　Billy　swiftly；　fearing　a　Charliestyle　reaction。　

But　Billy　just　laughed　at　his　son。　〃Maybe　you　should　take　a　jar　of　honey；　just　in　case。〃　

Jake　chuckled。　〃Hope　your　new　boots　are　fast；　Bella。　One　little　jar　isn't　going　to　keep　a　hungry　bear　
occupied　for　long。〃　

〃I　only　have　to　be　faster　than　you。〃　

〃Good　luck　with　that！〃　Jacob　said；　rolling　his　eyes　as　he　refolded　the　map。　〃Let's　go。〃　

〃Have　fun；〃　Billy　rumbled；　wheeling　himself　toward　the　refrigerator。　

Charlie　was　not　a　hard　person　to　live　with；　but　it　looked　to　me　like　Jacob　had　it　even　easier　than　I　did。　

I　drove　to　the　very　end　of　the　dirt　road；　stopping　near　the　sign　that　marked　the　beginning　of　the　trailhead。　
It　had　been　a　long　time　since　I'd　been　here；　and　my　stomach　reacted　nervously。　This　might　be　a　very　bad　
thing。　But　it　would　be　worth　it；　if　I　got　to　hear　him。　

I　got　out　and　looked　at　the　dense　wall　of　green。　

〃I　went　this　way；〃　I　murmured；　pointing　straight　ahead。　

〃Hmm；〃　Jake　muttered。　

〃What？