2 new+moon新月-第7部分

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same　as　the　last；　cold　and　statuelike。　But　that　wasn't　the　most　troubling　part　of　this　photograph。　The　
contrast　between　the　two　of　us　was　painful。　He　looked　like　a　god。　I　looked　very　average；　even　for　a　
human；　almost　shamefully　plain。　I　flipped　the　picture　over　with　a　feeling　of　disgust。　

Instead　of　doing　my　homework；　I　stayed　up　to　put　my　pictures　into　the　album。　With　a　ballpoint　pen　I　
scrawled　captions　under　all　the　pictures；　the　names　and　the　dates。　I　got　to　the　picture　of　Edward　and　me；　
and；　without　looking　at　it　too　long；　I　folded　it　in　half　and　stuck　it　under　the　metal　tab；　Edwardside　up。　

When　I　was　done；　I　stuffed　the　second　set　of　prints　in　a　fresh　envelope　and　penned　a　long　thankyou　
letter　to　Renee。　

Edward　still　hadn't　e　over。　I　didn't　want　to　admit　that　he　was　the　reason　I'd　stayed　up　so　late；　but　of　
course　he　was。　I　tried　to　remember　the　last　time　he'd　stayed　away　like　this；　without　an　excuse；　a　phone　
call…　He　never　had。　

Again；　I　didn't　sleep　well。　

School　followed　the　silent；　frustrating；　terrifying　pattern　of　the　last　two　days。　I　felt　relief　when　I　saw　
Edward　waiting　for　me　in　the　parking　lot；　but　it　faded　quickly。　He　was　no　different；　unless　maybe　more　
remote。　

It　was　hard　to　even　remember　the　reason　for　all　this　mess。　My　birthday　already　felt　like　the　distant　past。　If　
only　Alice　would　e　back。　Soon。　Before　this　got　any　more　out　of　hand。　

But　I　couldn't　count　on　that。　I　decided　that；　if　I　couldn't　talk　to　him　today；　really　talk；　then　I　was　going　to　
see　Carlisle　tomorrow。　I　had　to　do　something。　

After　school；　Edward　and　I　were　going　to　talk　it　out；　I　promised　myself。　I　wasn't　accepting　any　excuses。　

He　walked　me　to　my　truck；　and　I　steeled　myself　to　make　my　demands。　

〃Do　you　mind　if　I　e　over　today？〃　he　asked　before　we　got　to　the　truck；　beating　me　to　the　punch。　

〃Of　course　not。〃　

〃Now？〃　he　asked　again；　opening　my　door　for　me。　

〃Sure；〃　I　kept　my　voice　even；　though　I　didn't　like　the　urgency　in　his　tone。　〃I　was　just　going　to　drop　a　letter　
for　Renee　in　the　mailbox　on　the　way。　I'll　meet　you　there。〃　

He　looked　at　the　fat　envelope　on　the　passenger　seat。　Suddenly；　he　reached　over　me　and　snagged　it。　

〃I'll　do　it；〃　he　said　quietly。　〃And　I'll　still　beat　you　there。〃　He　smiled　my　favorite　crooked　smile；　but　it　was　
wrong。　It　didn't　reach　his　eyes。　

〃Okay；〃　I　agreed；　unable　to　smile　back。　He　shut　the　door；　and　headed　toward　his　car。　

He　did　beat　me　home。　He　was　parked　in　Charlie's　spot　when　I　pulled　up　in　front　of　the　house。　That　was　
a　bad　sign。　He　didn't　plan　to　stay；　then。　I　shook　my　head　and　took　a　deep　breath；　trying　to　locate　some　
courage。　

He　got　out　of　his　car　when　I　stepped　out　of　the　truck；　and　came　to　meet　me。　He　reached　to　take　my　
book　bag　from　me。　That　was　normal。　But　he　shoved　it　back　onto　the　seat。　That　was　not　normal。　

〃e　for　a　walk　with　me；〃　he　suggested　in　an　unemotional　voice；　taking　my　hand。　

I　didn't　answer。　I　couldn't　think　of　a　way　to　protest；　but　I　instantly　knew　that　I　wanted　to。　I　didn't　like　
this。　This　is　bad；　this　is　very　bad；　the　voice　in　my　head　repeated　again　and　again。　

But　he　didn't　wait　for　an　answer。　He　pulled　me　along　toward　the　east　side　of　the　yard；　where　the　forest　
encroached。　I　followed　unwillingly；　trying　to　think　through　the　panic。　It　was　what　I　wanted；　I　reminded　
myself。　The　chance　to　talk　it　all　through。　So　why　was　the　panic　choking　me？　

We'd　gone　only　a　few　steps　into　the　trees　when　he　stopped。　We　were　barely　on　the　trail—I　could　still　
see　the　house。　

Some　walk。　

Edward　leaned　against　a　tree　and　stared　at　me；　his　expression　unreadable。　

〃Okay；　let's　talk；〃　I　said。　It　sounded　braver　than　it　felt。　

He　took　a　deep　breath。　

〃Bella；　we're　leaving。〃　

I　took　a　deep　breath；　too。　This　was　an　acceptable　option。　I　thought　I　was　prepared。　But　I　still　had　to　ask。　

〃Why　now？　Another　year—〃　

〃Bella；　it's　time。　How　much　longer　could　we　stay　in　Forks；　after　all？　Carlisle　can　barely　pass　for　thirty；　
and　he's　claiming　thirtythree　now。　We'd　have　to　start　over　soon　regardless。〃　

His　answer　confused　me。　I　thought　the　point　of　leaving　was　to　let　his　family　live　in　peace。　Why　did　we　
have　to　leave　if　they　were　going？　I　stared　at　him；　trying　to　understand　what　he　meant。　

He　stared　back　coldly。　

With　a　roll　of　nausea；　I　realized　I'd　misunderstood。　

〃When　you　say　we—；〃　I　whispered。　

〃I　mean　my　family　and　myself。〃　Each　word　separate　and　distinct。　

I　shook　my　head　back　and　forth　mechanically；　trying　to　clear　it。　He　waited　without　any　sign　of　
impatience。　It　took　a　few　minutes　before　I　could　speak。　

〃Okay；〃　I　said。　〃I'll　e　with　you。〃　

〃You　can't；　Bella。　Where　we're　going…　It's　not　the　right　place　for　you。〃　

〃Where　you　are　is　the　right　place　for　me。〃　

〃I'm　no　good　for　you；　Bella。〃　

〃Don't　be　ridiculous。〃　I　wanted　to　sound　angry；　but　it　just　sounded　like　I　was　begging。　〃You're　the　very　
best　part　of　my　life。〃　

〃My　world　is　not　for　you；〃　he　said　grimly。　

〃What　happened　with　Jasper—that　was　nothing；　Edward！　Nothing！〃　

〃You're　right；〃　he　agreed。　〃It　was　exactly　what　was　to　be　expected。〃　

〃You　promised！　In　Phoenix；　you　promised　that　you　would　stay—〃　

〃As　long　as　that　was　best　for　you；〃　he　interrupted　to　correct　me。　

〃No！　This　is　about　my　soul；　isn't　it？〃　I　shouted；　furious；　the　words　exploding　out　of　me—somehow　it　still　
sounded　like　a　plea。　〃Carlisle　told　me　about　that；　and　I　don't　care；　Edward。　I　don't　care！　You　can　have　
my　soul。　I　don't　want　it　without　you—it's　yours　already！〃　

He　took　a　deep　breath　and　stared；　unseeingly；　at　the　ground　for　a　long　moment。　His　mouth　twisted　the　
tiniest　bit。　When　he　finally　looked　up；　his　eyes　were　different；　harder—like　the　liquid　gold　had　frozen　
solid。　

〃Bella；　I　don't　want　you　to　e　with　me。〃　He　spoke　the　words　slowly　and　precisely；　his　cold　eyes　on　
my　face；　watching　as　I　absorbed　what　he　was　really　saying。　

There　was　a　pause　as　I　repeated　the　words　in　my　head　a　few　times；　sifting　through　them　for　their　real　
intent。　

〃You…　don't…　want　me？〃　I　tried　out　the　words；　confused　by　the　way　they　sounded；　placed　in　that　
order。　

〃No。〃　

I　stared；　unprehending；　into　his　eyes。　He　stared　back　without　apology。　His　eyes　were　like　
topaz—hard　and　clear　and　very　deep。　I　felt　like　I　could　see　into　them　for　miles　and　miles；　yet　nowhere　in　
rheir　bottomless　depths　could　I　see　a　contradiction　to　the　word　he'd　spoken。　

〃Well；　that　changes　things。〃　I　was　surprised　by　how　calm　and　reasonable　my　voice　sounded。　It　must　be　
because　I　was　so　numb。　I　couldn't　realize　what　he　was　telling　me。　It　still　didn't　make　any　sense。　

He　looked　away　into　the　trees　as　he　spoke　again。　〃Of　course；　I'll　always　love　you…　in　a　way。　But　what　
happened　the　other　night　made　me　realize　that　it's　time　for　a　change。　Because　I'm…　tired　of　pretending　
to　be　something　I'm　not；　Bella。　I　am　not　human。〃　He　looked　back；　and　the　icy　planes　of　his　perfect　face　
were　not　human。　〃I've　let　this　go　on　much　too　long；　and　I'm　sorry　for　that。〃　

〃Don't。〃　My　voice　was　just　a　whisper　now；　awareness　was　beginning　to　seep　through　me；　trickling　like　
acid　through　my　veins。　〃Don't　do　this。〃　

He　just　stared　at　me；　and　I　could　see　from　his　eyes　that　my　words　were　far　too　late。　He　already　had。　

〃You're　not　good　for　me；　Bella。〃　He　turned　his　earlier　words　around；　and　so　I　had　no　argument。　How　
well　I　knew　that　I　wasn't　good　enough　for　him。　

I　opened　my　mouth　to　say　something；　and　then　closed　it　again。　He　waited　patiently；　his　face　wiped　clean　
of　all　emotion。　I　tried　again。　

〃If…　that's　what　you　want。〃　

He　nodded　once。　

My　whole　body　went　numb。　I　couldn't　feel　anything　below　the　neck。　

〃I　would　like　to　ask　one　favor；　though；　if　that's　not　too　much；〃　he　said。　

I　wonder　what　he　saw　on　my　face；　because　something　flickered　across　his　own　face　in　response。　But；　
before　I　could　identify　it；　he'd　posed　his　features　into　the　same　serene　mask。　

〃Anything；〃　I　vowed；　my　voice　faintly　stronger。　

As　I　watched；　his　frozen　eyes　melted。　The　gold　became　liquid　again；　molten；　burning　down　into　mine　with　
an　intensity　that　was　overwhelming。　

〃Don't　do　anything　reckless　or　stupid；〃　he　ordered；　no　longer　detached。　〃Do　you　understand　what　I'm　
saying？〃　

I　nodded　helplessly。　

His　eyes　cooled；　the　distance　returned。　〃I'm　thinking　of　Charlie；　of　course。　He　needs　you。　Take　care　of　
yourself—for　him。〃　

I　nodded　again。　〃I　will；〃　I　whispered。　

He　seemed　to　relax　just　a　little。　

〃And　I'll　make　you　a　promise　in　return；〃　he　said。　〃I　promise　that　this　will　be　the　last　time　you'll　see　me。　I　
won't　e　back。　I　won't　put　you　through　anything　like　this　again。　You　can　go　on　with　your　life　without　
any　more　interference　from　me。　It　will　be　as　if　I'd　never　existed。〃　

My　knees　must　have　started　to　shake；　because　the　trees　were　suddenly　wobbling。　I　could　hear　the　blood　
pounding　faster　than　normal　behind　my　ears。　His　voice　sounded　farther　away。　

He　smiled　gently。　〃Don't　worry。　You're　human—your　memory　is　no　more　than　a　sieve。　Time　heals　all　
wounds　for　your　kind。〃　

〃And　your　memories？〃　I　asked。　It　sounded　like　there　was　something　stuck　in　my　throat；　like　I　was　
choking。　

〃Well〃—he　hesitated　for　a　short　second—〃I　won't　forget。　But　my　kind…　we're　very　easily　distracted。〃　
He　smiled；　the　smile　was　tranquil　and　it　did　not　touch　his　eyes。　

He　took　a　step　away　from　me。　〃That's　everything；　I　suppose。　We　won't　bother　you　again。〃　

The　plural　caught　my　attention。　That　surprised　me；　I　would　have　thought　I　was　beyond　noticing　anything。　

〃Alice　isn't　ing　back；〃　I　realized。　I　don't　know　how　he　heard　me—the　words　made　no　sound—but　he　
seemed　to　understand。　

He　shook　his　head　slowly；　always　watching　my　face。　

〃No。　They're　all　gone。　I　staved　behind　to　tell　you　goodbye。〃　

〃Alice　is　gone？〃　My　voice　was　blank　with　disbelief。　

〃She　wanted　to　say　goodbye；　but　I　convinced　her　that　a　clean　break　would　be　better　for　you。〃　

I　was　dizzy；　it　was　hard　to　concentrate。　His　words　swirled　around　in　my　head；　and　I　heard　the　doctor　at　
the　hospital　in　Phoenix；　last　spring；　as　he　showed　me　the　Xrays。　You　can　see　it's　a　clean　break；　his　
finger　traced　along　the　picture　of　my　severed　bone。　That's　good。　It　will　heal　more　easily；　more　quickly　
。　

I　tried　to　breathe　normally。　I　needed　to　concentrate；　to　find　a　way　out　of　this　nightmare。　

〃Goodbye；　Bella；〃　he　said　in　the　same　quiet；　peaceful　voice。　

〃Wait！〃　I　choked　out　the　word；　reaching　for　him；　willing　my　deadened　legs　to　carry　me　forward。　

I　thought　he　was　reaching　for　me；　too。　But　his　cold　hands　locked　around　my　wrists　and　pinned　them　to　
my　sides。　He　leaned　down；　and　pressed　his　lips　very　lightly　to　my　forehead　for　the　briefest　instant。　My　
eyes　closed。　

〃Take　care　of　yourself；〃　he　breathed；　cool　against　my　skin。　

There　was　a　light；　unnatural　breeze。　My　eyes　flashed　open。　The　leaves　on　a　small　vine　maple　shuddered　
with　the　gentle　wind　of　his　passage。　

He　was　gone。　

With　shaky　legs；　ignoring　the　fact　that　my　action　was　useless；　I　followed　him　into　the　forest。　The　evidence　
of　his　path　had　disappeared　instantly。　There　were　no　footprints；　the　leaves　were　still　again；　but　I　walked　
forward　without　thinking。　I　could　not　do　anything　else。　I　had　to　keep　moving。　If　I　stopped　looking　for　
him；　it　was　over。　

Love；　life；　meaning…　over。　

I　walked　and　walked。　Time　made　no　sense　as　I　pushed　slowly　through　the　thick　undergrowth。　It　was　
hours　passing；　but　also　only　seconds。　Maybe　it　felt　like　time　had　frozen　because　the　forest　looked　the　
same　no　matter　how　far　I　went。　I　started　to　worry　that　I　was　traveling　in　a　circle；　a　very　small　circle　at　
that；　but　I　kept　going。　I　stumbled　often；　and；　as　it　grew　darker　and　darker；　I　fell　often；　too。　

Finally；　I　tripped　over　something—it　was　black　now；　I　had　no　idea　what　caught　my　foot—and　I　stayed　
down。　I　rolled　onto　my　side；　so　that　I　could　breathe；　and　curled　up　on　the　wet　bracken。　

As　I　lay　there；　I　had　a　feeling　that　more　time　was　passing　than　I　realized。　I　couldn't　remember　how　long　it　
had　been　since　nightfall。　Was　it　always　so　dark　here　at　night？　Surely；　as　a　rule；　some　little　bit　of　moonlight　
would　filter　down　through　the　clouds；　through　the　chinks　in　the　canopy　of　trees；　and　find　the　ground。　

Not　tonight。　Tonight　the　sky　was　utterly　black。　Perhaps　there　was　no　moon　tonight—a　lunar　eclipse；　a　
new　moon。　

A　new　moon。　I　shivered；　though　I　wasn't　cold。　

It　was　black　for　a　long　time　before　I　heard　them　calling。　

Someone　was　shouting　my　name。　It　was　muted；　muffled　by　the　wet　growth　that　surrounded　me；　but　it　
was　definitely　my　name。　I　didn't　recognize　the　voice。　I　thought　about　answering；　but　I　was　dazed；　and　it　
took　a　long　time　to　e　to　the　conclusion　that　I　should　answer。　By　then；　the　calling　had　stopped。　

Sometime　later；　the　rain　woke　me　up。　I　don't　think　I'd　really　fallen　asleep；　I　was　just　lost　in　an　unthinking　
stupor；　holding　with　all　my　strength　to　the　numbness　that　kept　me　from　realizing　what　I　didn't　want　to　
know。　

The　rain　bothered　me　a　little。　It　was　cold。　I　unwrapped　my　arms　from　around　my　legs　to　cover　my　face。　

It　was　then　that　I　heard　the　calling　again。　It　was　farther　away　this　time；　and　sometimes　it　sounded　like　
several　voices　were　calling　at　once。　I　tried　to　breathe　deeply。　I　remembered　that　I　should　answer；　but　I　
didn't　think　they　would　be　able　to　hear　me。　Would　I　be　able　to　shout　loud　enough？　

Suddenly；　there　was　another　sound；　startlingly　close。　A　kind　of　snuffling；　an　animal　sound。　It　sounded　big。　
I　wondered　if　I　should　feel　afraid。　I　didn't—just　numb。　It　didn't　matter。　The　snuffling　went　away。　

The　rain　continued；　and　I　could　feel　the　water　pooling　up　against　my　cheek。　I　was　trying　to　gather　the　
strength　to　turn　my　head　when　I　saw　the　light。　

At　first　it　was　just　a　dim　glow　reflecting　off　the　bushes　in　the　distance。　It　grew　brighter　and　brighter；　
illuminating　a　large　space　unlike　the　focused　beam　of　a　flashlight。　The　light　broke　through　the　closest　
brush；　and　I　could　see　that　it　was　a　propane　lantern；　but　that　was　all　I　could　see—the　brightness　blinded　
me　for　a　moment。　

〃Bella。〃　

The　voice　was　deep　and　unfamiliar；　but　full　of　recognition。　He　wasn't　calling　my　name　to　search；　he　was　
acknowledging　that　I　was　found。　

I　stared　up—impossibly　high　it　seemed—at　the　dark　face　that　I　could　now　see　above　me。　I　was　vaguely　
aware　that　the　stranger　probably　only　looked　so　tall　because　my　head　was　still　on　the　ground。　

〃Have　you　been　hurt？〃　

I　knew　the　words　meant　something；　but　I　could　only　stare；　bewildered。　How　could　the　meaning　matter　at　
this　point？　

〃Bella；　my　name　is　Sam　Uley。〃　

There　was　nothing　familiar　about　his　name。　

〃Charlie　sent　me　to　look　for　you。〃　

Charlie？　That　struck　a　chord；　and　I　tried　to　pay　more　attention　to　what　he　was　saying。　Charlie　mattered；　
if　nothing　else　did。　

The　tall　man　held　out　a　hand。　I　gazed　at　it；　not　sure　what　I　was　supposed　to　do。　

His　black　eyes　appraised　me　for　a　second；　and　then　he　shrugged。　In　a　quick　and　supple　notion；　he　pulled　
me　up　from　the　ground　and　into　his　arms。　

I　hung　there；　limp；　as　he　loped　swiftly　through　the　wet　forest。　Some　part　of　me　knew　this　should　upset　
me—being　carried　away　by　a　stranger。　But　there　was　nothing　left　in　me　t