5 midnight sun午夜阳光-第29部分

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and　Jessica　didn　t　speak　again；　but　Jessica　peeked　at　Bella　several　times；　and　once　her　face　was　brilliant　scarlet　again　for　no　apparent　reason。　Lunch　couldn　t　e　fast　enough。　I　wasn　t　sure　if　Jessica　would　get　some　of　the　answers　I　was　waiting　for　when　the　class　was　over；　but　Bella　was　quicker　than　she　was。　As　soon　as　the　bell　sounded；　Bella　turned　to　Jessica。　In　English；　Mike　asked　me　if　you　said　anything　about　Monday　night；　Bella　said；　a　smile　pulling　at　the　corners　of　her　lips。　I　understood　this　for　what　is　was　offence　as　the　best　defense。　Mike　asked　about　me？　Joy　made　Jessica　s　mind　suddenly　unguarded；　softer；　without　its　usual　snide　edge。　You　re　kidding！　What　did　you　say？　I　told　him　you　said　you　had　a　lot　of　fun　and　he　looked　pleased。　Tell　me　exactly　what　he　said；　and　your　exact　answer！　That　was　all　I　was　going　to　get　from　Jessica　today；　clearly。　Bella　was　smiling　like　she　was　thinking　the　same　thing。　Like　she　d　won　the　round。　Well；　lunch　would　be　another　story。　I　would　have　better　success　with　getting　answers　out　of　her　than　Jessica；　I　would　make　sure　of　that。　I　could　hardly　bear　to　check　in　occasionally　with　Jessica　through　the　fourth　hour。　I　had　no　patience　for　her　obsessive　thoughts　of　Mike　Newton。　I　d　had　more　than　enough　of　him　in　the　last　two　weeks。　He　was　lucky　to　be　alive。　I　moved　apathetically　through　gym　class　with　Alice；　the　way　we　always　moved　when　it　came　to　physical　activity　with　humans。　She　was　my　teammate；　naturally。　It　was　the　first　day　of　badminton。　I　sighed　with　boredom；　swinging　the　racket　in　slow　motion　to　tap　the　birdie　back　to　the　other　side。　Lauren　Mallory　was　on　the　other　team；　she　missed。　Alice　was　twirling　her　racket　like　a　baton；　staring　at　the　ceiling。　We　all　hated　gym；　Emmett　especially。　Throwing　games　was　an　affront　to　his　personal　philosophy。　Gym　seemed　worse　today　than　usual　I　felt　just　as　irritated　as　Emmett　always　did。

Before　my　head　could　explode　with　impatience；　Coach　Clapp　called　the　games　and　sent　us　out　early。　I　was　ridiculously　grateful　that　he　d　skipped　breakfast　a　fresh　attempt　to　diet　and　the　consequent　hunger　had　him　in　a　hurry　to　leave　campus　to　find　a　greasy　lunch　somewhere。　He　promised　himself　he　would　start　over　tomorrow。。。　This　gave　me　enough　time　to　get　to　the　math　building　before　Bella　s　class　ended。　Enjoy　yourself；　Alice　thought　as　she　headed　off　to　meet　Jasper。　Just　a　few　days　more　to　be　patient。　I　suppose　you　won　t　say　hi　to　Bella　for　me；　will　you？　I　shook　my　head；　exasperated。　Were　all　psychics　so　smug？　You　might　FYI；　it　s　going　to　be　sunny　on　both　sides　of　the　sound　this　weekend。　want　to　rearrange　your　plans。　I　sighed　as　I　continued　in　the　opposite　direction。　Smug；　but　definitely　useful。　I　leaned　against　the　wall　by　the　door；　waiting。　I　was　close　enough　that　I　could　hear　Jessica　s　voice　through　the　bricks　as　well　as　her　thoughts。　You　re　not　sitting　with　us　today；　are　you？　tons　she　didn　t　tell　me。　She　looks　all　lit　up。　I　bet　there　s　I　don　t　think　so；　Bella　answered；　oddly　unsure。　Hadn　t　I　promised　to　spend　lunch　with　her？　What　was　she　thinking？　They　came　out　of　the　class　together；　and　both　girls　eyes　widened　when　they　saw　me。　But　I　could　only　hear　Jessica。　Nice。　Wow。　Oh；　yeah；　there　s　more　going　on　here　than　she　s　telling　me。　Maybe　I　ll　call　her　tonight　Or　maybe　I　shouldn　t　encourage　her。　Huh。　I　hope　he　moves　past　her　in　a　hurry。　Mike　is　cute　but　wow。　See　you　later；　Bella。　Bella　walked　toward　me；　pausing　a　step　away；　still　unsure。　across　her　cheekbones。　Her　skin　was　pink　I　knew　her　well　enough　now　to　be　sure　that　there　was　no　fear　behind　her　hesitation。　Apparently；　this　was　about　some　gulf　she　imagined　between　her　feelings　and　mine。　More　than　he　likes　me。　Absurd！　Hello；　I　said；　my　voice　a　tad　curt。　Her　face　got　brighter。　Hi。　She　didn　t　seem　inclined　to　say　anything　else；　so　I　led　the　way　to　the　cafeteria　and　she　walked　silently　beside　me。　The　jacket　had　worked　her　scent　was　not　the　blow　it　usually　was。　It　was　just　an　intensification　of　the　pain　I　already　felt。　I　could　ignore　it　more　easily　than　I　once　would　have　believed　possible。　Bella　was　restless　as　we　waited　in　line；　toying　absently　with　the　zipper　on　her　jacket　and　shifting　nervously　from　foot　to　foot。　She　glanced　at　me　often；　but　whenever　she　met　my　gaze；　she　looked　down　as　if　she　were　embarrassed。　Was　this

because　so　many　people　were　staring　at　us？　Maybe　she　could　hear　the　loud　whispers　the　gossip　was　verbal　as　well　as　mental　today。　Or　maybe　she　realized；　from　my　expression；　that　she　was　in　trouble。　She　didn　t　say　anything　until　I　was　assembling　her　lunch。　liked　not　yet　so　I　grabbed　one　of　everything。　What　are　you　doing？　she　hissed　in　a　low　voice。　me？　I　didn　t　know　what　she　You　re　not　getting　all　that　for　Half　is　for　me；　of　I　shook　my　head；　and　shoved　the　tray　up　to　the　register。　course。　She　raised　one　eyebrow　skeptically；　but　said　nothing　more　as　I　paid　for　the　food　and　escorted　her　to　the　table　we　d　sat　at　last　week　before　her　disastrous　experience　with　blood　typing。　It　seemed　like　much　more　than　a　few　days。　Everything　was　different　now。　She　sat　across　from　me　again。　I　pushed　the　tray　toward　her。　Take　whatever　you　want；　I　encouraged。　She　picked　up　an　apple　and　twisted　it　in　her　hands；　a　speculative　look　on　her　face。　I　m　curious。　What　a　surprise。　What　would　you　do　if　someone　dared　you　to　eat　food？　she　continued　in　a　low　voice　that　wouldn　t　carry　to　human　ears。　Immortal　ears　were　another　matter；　if　those　ears　were　paying　attention。　I　probably　should　have　mentioned　something　to　them　earlier　You　re　always　curious；　I　plained。　Oh　well。　It　wasn　t　like　I　hadn　t　had　to　eat　before。　It　was　part　of　the　charade。　An　unpleasant　part。　I　reached　for　the　closest　thing；　and　held　her　eyes　while　I　bite　off　a　small　bite　of　whatever　it　was。　Without　looking；　I　couldn　t　tell。　It　was　as　slimy　and　chunky　and　repulsive　as　any　other　human　food。　I　chewed　swiftly　and　swallowed；　trying　to　keep　the　grimace　off　my　face。　The　gob　of　food　moved　slowly　and　unfortably　down　my　throat。　I　sighed　as　I　thought　of　how　I　would　have　to　choke　it　back　up　later。　Bella　s　expression　was　shocked。　Impressed。　I　wanted　to　roll　my　eyes。　Disgusting。　Of　course　we　would　have　perfected　such　deceptions。　If　someone　dared　you　to　eat　dirt；　you　could；　couldn　t　you？　Her　nose　wrinkled　and　she　smiled。　I　laughed。　I　did　once　on　a　dare。　It　wasn　t　so　bad。　I　suppose　I　m　not　surprised。　They　look　cozy；　don　t　they？　Good　body　language。　I　ll　give　Bella　my　take　later。　He　s　leaning　toward　her　just　the　way　he　should；　if　he　s　interested。　He　looks　interested。　He　looks　perfect。　Jessica　sighed。　Yum。

I　met　Jessica　s　curious　eyes；　and　she　looked　away　nervously；　giggling　to　the　girl　next　to　her。　Hmmm。　Probably　better　to　stick　to　Mike。　Reality；　not　fantasy　She　ll　break　it　down　Jessica　s　analyzing　everything　I　do；　I　informed　Bella。　for　you　later。　I　pushed　the　plate　of　food　back　towards　her　pizza；　I　realized　wondering　how　best　to　begin。　My　former　frustration　flared　as　the　words　repeated　in　my　head：　More　than　he　likes　me。　But　I　don　t　see　how　I　can　help　that。　She　took　a　bite　from　the　same　slice　of　pizza。　It　amazed　me　how　trusting　she　was。　Of　course；　she　didn　t　know　I　was　poisonous　not　that　sharing　food　would　hurt　her。　Still；　I　expected　her　to　treat　me　differently。　As　something　other。　She　never　did　at　least；　not　in　a　negative　way　I　would　start　off　gently。　So　the　waitress　was　pretty；　was　she？　She　raised　the　eyebrow　again。　You　really　didn　t　notice？　Absurd；　again。　As　if　any　woman　could　hope　to　capture　my　attention　from　Bella。　No。　I　wasn　t　paying　attention。　I　had　a　lot　on　my　mind。　had　been　the　soft　cling　of　her　thin　blouse　Good　thing　she　d　worn　that　ugly　sweater　today。　Poor　girl；　Bella　said；　smiling。　Not　the　least　of　which　She　liked　that　I　hadn　t　found　the　waitress　interesting　in　any　way。　I　could　understand　that。　How　many　times　had　I　imagined　crippling　Mike　Newton　in　the　biology　room？　She　couldn　t　honestly　believe　that　her　human　feelings；　the　fruition　of　seventeen　short　mortal　years；　could　be　stronger　than　the　immortal　passions　that　had　been　building　up　in　me　for　a　century。　Something　you　said　to　Jessica　I　couldn　t　keep　my　voice　casual。　bothers　me。　Well；　it　She　was　immediately　on　the　defensive。　I　m　not　surprised　you　heard　something　you　didn　t　like。　You　know　what　they　say　about　eavesdroppers。　Eavesdroppers　never　hear　good　of　themselves；　that　was　the　saying。　I　warned　you　I　would　be　listening；　I　reminded　her。　And　I　warned　you　that　you　didn　t　want　to　know　everything　I　was　thinking。　Ah；　she　was　thinking　of　when　I　d　made　her　cry。　Remorse　made　my　voice　thicker。　You　did。　You　aren　t　precisely　right；　though。　I　do　want　to　know　what　you　re　thinking　everything。　I　just　wish　that　you　wouldn　t　be　thinking　some　things。

More　halflies。　course　I　did。　I　knew　I　shouldn　t　want　her　to　care　about　me。　But　I　did。　Of　That　s　quite　a　distinction；　she　grumbled；　scowling　at　me。　really　the　point　at　the　moment。　Then　what　is？　But　that　s　not　She　leaned　toward　me；　her　hand　cupped　lightly　around　her　throat。　eye　distracted　me。　How　soft　that　skin　must　feel　Focus；　I　manded　myself。　It　drew　my　Do　you　truly　believe　that　you　care　more　for　me　than　I　do　for　you？　I　asked。　question　sounded　ridiculous　to　me；　like　the　words　were　scrambled。　Her　eyes　were　wide；　her　breathing　stopped。　quickly。　Her　breath　came　in　a　low　gasp。　You　re　doing　it　again；　she　murmured。　What？　Then　she　looked　away；　blinking　The　Dazzling　me；　she　admitted；　meeting　my　eyes　warily。　Oh。　Hmm。　I　wasn　t　quite　sure　what　to　do　about　that。　Nor　was　I　sure　that　I　didn　t　want　to　dazzle　her。　I　was　still　thrilled　that　I　could。　But　it　wasn　t　helping　the　progression　of　the　conversation。　It　s　not　your　fault。　She　sighed。　You　can　t　help　it。　Are　you　going　to　answer　my　question？　I　demanded。　She　stared　at　the　table。　That　was　all　she　said。　Yes；　you　are　going　to　answer；　or　yes；　you　really　think　that？　I　asked　impatiently。　Yes；　I　really　think　that；　she　said　without　looking　up。　There　was　a　faint　undertone　of　sadness　in　her　voice。　She　blushed　again；　and　her　teeth　moved　unconsciously　to　worry　her　lip。　Abruptly；　I　realized　that　this　was　very　hard　for　her　to　admit；　because　she　truly　believed　it。　And　I　was　no　better　than　that　coward；　Mike；　asking　for　her　to　confirm　her　feelings　before　I　d　confirmed　my　own。　It　didn　t　matter　that　I　felt　I　d　make　my　side　abundantly　clear。　It　hadn　t　gotten　through　to　her；　and　so　I　had　no　excuse。　You　re　wrong；　I　promised。　She　must　hear　the　tenderness　in　my　voice。　You　can　t　know　Yes。　Bella　looked　up　to　me；　her　eyes　opaque；　giving　nothing　away。　that；　she　whispered。　She　thought　that　I　was　underestimating　her　feelings　because　I　couldn　t　hear　her　thoughts。　But；　in　truth；　the　problem　was　that　she　was　underestimating　mine。　What　makes　you　think　so？　I　wondered。

She　stared　back　millionth　time；　beg　her　to　tell　to　keep　me　from　at　me；　the　furrow　between　her　brows；　biting　her　lips。　For　the　I　wished　desperately　that　I　could　just　hear　her。　I　was　about　to　me　what　thought　she　was　struggling　with；　but　she　held　up　a　finger　speaking。　Let　me　think；　she　requested。　As　long　as　she　was　simply　organizing　her　thoughts；　I　could　be　patient。　Or　I　could　pretend　to　be。　She　pressed　her　hands　together；　twining　and　untwining　her　slender　fingers。　She　was　watching　her　hands　as　if　they　belonged　to　someone　else　while　she　spoke。　Well；　aside　from　the　obvious；　she　murmured。　Sometimes　I　can　t　be　sure　I　don　t　know　how　to　read　minds　but　sometimes　it　seems　like　you　re　trying　to　say　goodbye　when　you　re　saying　something　else。　She　didn　t　look　up。　She　d　caught　that；　had　she？　Did　she　realize　that　it　was　only　weakness　and　selfishness　that　kept　me　here？　Did　she　think　less　of　me　for　that？　Perceptive；　I　breathed；　and　then　watched　in　horror　as　pain　twisted　her　expression。　I　hurried　to　contradict　her　assumption。　That　s　exactly　why　you　re　wrong；　though　I　began；　and　then　I　paused；　remembering　the　first　words　of　her　explanation。　They　bothered　me；　though　I　wasn　t　sure　I　understood　exactly。　the　obvious　？　Well；　look　at　me；　she　said。　I　was　looking。　All　I　ever　did　was　look　at　her。　What　did　she　mean？　What　do　you　mean；　I　m　absolutely　ordinary；　she　explained。　Well；　except　for　the　bad　things　like　all　the　near　death　experiences　and　being　so　clumsy　that　I　m　almost　disabled。　And　look　at　you。　She　fanned　the　air　toward　me；　like　she　was　making　some　point　so　obvious　it　wasn　t　worth　spelling　out。　She　thought　she　was　ordinary？　She　thought　that　I　was　somehow　preferable　to　her？　In　whose　estimation？　Silly；　narrowminded；　blind　humans　like　Jessica　or　Ms。　Cope？　How　could　she　not　realize　that　she　was　the　most　beautiful　most　exquisite　those　words　weren　t　even　enough。　And　she　had　no　idea。　You　don　t　see　yourself　very　clearly；　you　know；　I　told　her。　I　ll　admit　you　re　deadon　about　the　bad　things　I　laughed　humorlessly。　I　did　not　find　the　evil　fate　who　haunted　her　ical。　The　clumsiness；　however；　was　sort　of　funny。　Endearing。　Would　she　believe　me　if　I　told　her　she　was　beautiful；　inside　and　out？　Perhaps　she　would　find　corroboration　more　persuasive。　But　you　didn　t　hear　what　every　human　male　was　thinking　on　your　first　day。　Ah；　the　hope；　the　thrill；　the　eagerness　of　those　thoughts。　The　speed　with　which　they　d　turned　to　impossible　fantasies。　Impossible；　because　she　wanted　none　of　them。　I　was　the　one　she　said　yes　to。　My　smile　must　have　been　smug。　Her　face　was　blank　with　surprise。　I　don　t　believe　it；　she　mumbled。

Trust　me　just　this　once　you　are　the　opposite　of　ordinary。　Her　existence　alone　was　excuse　enough　to　justify　the　creation　of　the　entire　world。　She　wasn　t　used　to　pliments；　I　could　see　that。　Another　thing　she　would　just　have　to　get　used　to。　She　flushed；　and　changed　the　subject。　But　I　m　not　saying　goodbye。　Don　t　you　see？　That　s　what　proves　me　right。　I　care　the　most；　because　if　I　can　do　it　Would　I　ever　be　unselfish　enough　to　do　the　right　thing？　I　shook　my　head　in　despair。　I　would　have　to　find　the　strength。　She　deserved　a　life。　Not　what　Alice　had　seen　ing　for　her。　If　leaving　is　the　right　thing　to　do　And　it　had　to　be　the　right　thing；　didn　t　it？　There　was　no　reckless　angel。　Bella　didn　t　belong　with　me。　Then　I　ll　hurt　myself　to　keep　from　hurting　you；　to　keep　you　safe。　As　I　said　the　words；　I　willed　them　to　be　true。　She　glared　at　me。　Somehow；　my　words　had　angered　her。　would　do　the　same？　she　demanded　furiously。　And　you　don　t　think　I　So　furious　so　soft　and　so　fragile。　How　could　she　ever　hurt　anyone？　You　d　never　have　to　make　the　choice；　I　told　her；　depressed　anew　by　the　wide　difference　between　us。　She　stared　at　me；　concern　replacing　the　anger　in　her　eyes　and　bringing　out　the　little　pucker　between　them。　There　was　something　truly　wrong　with　the　order　of　the　universe　if　someone　so　good　and　so　breakable　did　not　merit　a　guardian　angel　to　keep　her　out　of　trouble。　Well；　I　thought　with　dark　humor；　at　least　she　has　a　guardian　vampire。　I　smiled。　How　I　loved　my　excuse　to　stay。　Of　course；　keeping　you　safe　is　beginning　to　feel　like　a　fulltime　occupation　that　requires　my　constant　presence。　She　smiled；　too。　No　one　has　tried　to　do　away　with　me　today；　she　said　lightly；　and　then　her　face　turned　speculative　for　half　a　second　before　her　eyes　went　opaque　again。　Yet；　I　added　dryly。　Yet；　she　agreed　to　my　surprise。　I　d　expected　her　to　deny　any　need　for　protection。　How　could　he？　That　selfish　jackass！　How　could　he　do　this　to　us？　Rosalie　s　piercing　mental　shriek　broke　through　my　concentration。　Easy；　Rose；　I　heard　Emmett　whisper　from　across　the　cafeteria。　His　arm　was　around　her　shoulders；　holding　her　tight　into　his　side　restraining　her