5 midnight sun午夜阳光-第32部分

快捷操作: 按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页 按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页 按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部! 如果本书没有阅读完，想下次继续接着阅读，可使用上方 "收藏到我的浏览器" 功能 和 "加入书签" 功能！


g。　If　she　intended　to　continue　to　try　to　play；　I　was　going　to　have　to　manufacture　an　excuse　to　pull　her　out　of　class。　The　coach　laughed。　Sorry；　Newton。　Shouldn　t　inflict　her　on　the　others　That　girl　s　the　worst　jinx　I　ve　ever　seen。　He　turned　his　back　deliberately　and　moved　to　watch　another　game　so　that　Bella　could　return　to　her　former　spectator　s　role。　Ow；　Mike　thought　again；　massaging　his　arm。　He　turned　to　Bella。　Are　you　okay？　Yeah；　are　you？　she　asked　sheepishly；　blushing。　I　think　I　ll　make　it。　hurts！　Don　t　want　to　sound　like　a　crybaby。　But；　man；　that　Mike　swung　his　arm　in　a　circle；　wincing。　I　ll　just　stay　back　here；　Bella　said；　embarrassment　and　chagrin　on　her　face　rather　than　pain。　Maybe　Mike　had　got　the　worst　of　it。　I　certainly　hoped　that　was　the　case。　At　least　she　wasn　t　playing　anymore。　She　held　her　racquet　so　carefully　behind　her　back；　her　eyes　wide　with　remorse　I　had　to　disguise　my　laugh　as　coughing。　What　s　funny？　Emmett　wanted　to　know。　Tell　you　later；　I　muttered。　Bella　didn　t　venture　into　the　game　again。　alone。　The　coach　ignored　her　and　let　Mike　play　I　breezed　through　the　quiz　at　the　end　of　the　hour；　and　Mrs。　Goff　let　me　go　early。　I　was　listening　intently　to　Mike　as　I　walked　across　the　campus。　He　d　decided　to　confront　Bella　about　me。　Jessica　swears　they　re　dating。　Why？　Why　did　he　have　to　pick　her？　He　didn　t　recognize　the　real　phenomenon　that　she　d　picked　me。　So。　So　what？　she　wondered。　You　and　Cullen；　huh？　important　to　you。。。　You　and　the　freak。　I　guess；　if　a　rich　guy　is　that　I　gritted　my　teeth　at　his　degrading　assumption。　That　s　none　of　your　business；　Mike。　Defensive。　So　it　s　true。　Crap。　I　don　t　like　it。　You　don　t　have　to；　she　snapped。　Why　can　t　she　see　what　a　circus　sideshow　he　is？　Like　they　all　are。　The　way　he

stares　at　her。　It　gives　me　chills　to　watch。　something　to　eat。　I　cringed；　waiting　for　her　response。　He　looks　at　you　like　like　you　re　Her　face　turned　bright　red；　and　her　lips　pressed　together　like　she　was　holding　her　breath。　Then；　suddenly；　a　giggle　burst　through　her　lips。　Now　she　s　laughing　at　me。　Great。　Mike　turned；　thoughts　sullen；　and　wandered　off　to　change。　I　leaned　against　the　gym　wall　and　tried　to　pose　myself。　How　could　she　have　laughed　at　Mike　s　accusation　so　entirely　on　target　that　I　began　to　worry　that　Forks　was　being　too　aware　Why　would　she　laugh　at　the　suggestion　that　I　could　kill　her；　when　she　knew　that　it　was　entirely　true？　Where　was　the　humor　in　that？　What　was　wrong　with　her？　Did　she　have　morbid　sense　of　humor？　That　didn　t　fit　with　my　idea　of　her　character；　but　how　could　I　be　sure？　Or　maybe　my　daydream　of　the　giddy　angel　was　true　in　the　one　respect；　in　that　she　had　no　sense　of　fear　at　all。　Brave　that　was　one　word　for　it。　Others　might　say　stupid；　but　I　knew　how　bright　she　was。　No　matter　what　the　reason；　though；　this　lack　of　fear　or　twisted　sense　of　humor　wasn　t　good　for　her。　Was　it　this　strange　lack　that　put　her　in　danger　so　constantly？　Maybe　she　would　always　need　me　here　Just　like　that；　my　mood　was　soaring。　If　I　could　just　discipline　myself；　make　myself　safe；　then　perhaps　it　would　be　right　for　me　to　stay　with　her。　When　she　walked　through　the　gym　doors；　her　shoulders　were　stiff　and　her　lower　lip　was　between　her　teeth　again　a　sign　of　anxiety。　But　as　soon　as　her　eyes　met　mine；　her　rigid　shoulders　relaxed　and　a　wide　smile　spread　across　her　face。　It　was　an　oddly　peaceful　expression。　She　walked　right　to　my　side　without　hesitation；　only　stopping　when　she　was　so　close　that　her　body　heat　crashed　over　me　like　a　tidal　wave。　Hi；　she　whispered。　The　happiness　I　felt　in　this　moment　was；　again；　without　precedent。　Hello；　I　said；　and　then　because　with　my　mood　suddenly　so　light　I　couldn　t　resist　teasing　her　I　added；　How　was　gym？　Her　smile　wavered。　Fine。　She　was　a　poor　liar。　Really？　I　asked；　about　to　press　the　issue　I　was　still　concerned　about　her　head；　was　she　in　pain？　but　then　Mike　Newton　s　thoughts　we　so　loud　they　broke　my　concentration。　I　hate　him。　I　wish　he　would　die。　I　hope　he　drives　that　shiny　car　right　off　a　cliff。　Why　couldn　t　he　just　leave　her　alone？　Stick　to　his　own　kind　to　the　freaks。

What？　Bella　demanded。　My　eyes　refocused　on　her　face。　me　again。　She　looked　at　Mike　s　retreating　back；　and　then　at　Newton　s　getting　on　my　nerves；　I　admitted。　Her　mouth　fell　open；　and　her　smile　disappeared。　She　must　have　forgotten　that　I　d　had　the　power　to　watch　through　her　calamitous　last　hour；　or　hoped　that　I　hadn　t　utilized　it。　You　weren　t　listening　again？　How　s　your　head？　You　re　unbelievable！　she　said　through　her　teeth；　and　then　she　turned　away　from　me　and　stalked　furiously　toward　the　parking　lot。　Her　skin　flushed　dark　red　she　was　embarrassed。　I　kept　pace　with　her；　hoping　that　her　anger　would　pass　soon。　quick　to　forgive　me。　She　was　usually　It　You　were　the　one　who　mentioned　how　I　d　never　seen　you　in　Gym；　I　explained。　made　me　curious。　She　didn　t　answer；　her　eyebrows　pulled　together。　She　came　to　a　sudden　halt　in　the　parking　lot　when　she　realized　that　the　way　to　my　car　was　blocked　by　a　crowd　of　male　students。　I　wonder　how　fast　they　ve　gone　in　this　thing　Look　at　the　SMG　shift　paddles。　side　grills　I　ve　never　seen　those　outside　of　a　magazine　Nice　Sure　wish　I　had　sixty　thousand　dollars　laying　around　This　was　exactly　why　it　was　better　for　Rosalie　to　only　use　her　car　out　of　town。　I　wound　through　the　throng　of　lustful　boys　to　my　car；　after　a　second　of　hesitation；　Bella　followed　suit。　Ostentatious；　I　muttered　as　she　climbed　in。　What　kind　of　car　is　that？　she　wondered。　An　M3。　She　frowned。　I　don　t　speak　Car　and　Driver。　It　s　a　BMW。　I　rolled　my　eyes　and　then　focused　on　backing　out　without　running　anyone　down。　I　had　to　lock　eyes　with　a　few　boys　that　didn　t　seem　willing　to　move　out　of　my　way。　A　halfsecond　meeting　my　gaze　seemed　to　be　enough　to　convince　them。　Are　you　still　angry？　I　asked　her。　Her　frown　had　relaxed。

Definitely；　she　answered　curtly。　I　sighed。　Maybe　I　shouldn　t　have　brought　it　up。　Oh　well。　amends；　I　supposed。　Will　you　forgive　me　if　I　apologize？　She　thought　about　that　for　a　moment。　you　promise　not　to　do　it　again。　I　could　try　to　make　Maybe　if　you　mean　it；　she　decided。　And　if　I　wasn　t　going　to　lie　to　her；　and　there　was　no　way　I　was　agreeing　to　that。　Perhaps　if　I　offered　her　a　different　exchange。　How　about　if　I　mean　it；　and　I　agree　to　let　you　drive　this　Saturday？　internally　at　the　thought。　I　cringed　The　furrow　popped　into　existence　between　her　eyes　as　she　considered　the　new　bargain。　Deal；　she　said　after　a　moment　of　thought。　Now　for　my　apology　I　d　never　tried　to　dazzle　Bella　on　purpose　before；　but　now　seemed　like　a　good　time。　I　stared　deep　into　her　eyes　as　I　drove　away　from　the　school；　wondering　if　I　was　doing　it　right。　I　used　my　most　persuasive　tone。　Then　I　m　very　sorry　I　upset　you。　Her　heartbeat　thudded　louder　than　before；　and　the　rhythm　was　abruptly　staccato。　Her　eyes　widened；　looking　a　little　stunned。　I　halfsmiled。　It　seemed　like　I　d　gotten　it　right。　Of　course；　I　was　having　a　bit　of　difficulty　looking　away　from　her　eyes；　too。　Equally　dazzled。　It　was　a　good　thing　I　had　this　road　memorized。　And　I　ll　be　on　your　doorstep　bright　and　early　Saturday　morning；　I　added；　finishing　the　agreement。　She　blinked　swiftly；　shaking　her　head　as　if　to　clear　it。　Um；　she　said；　it　doesn　t　help　with　the　Charlie　situation　if　an　unexplained　Volvo　is　left　in　the　driveway。　Ah；　how　little　she　still　knew　me。　How　she　started　to　ask。　I　interrupted　her。　The　answer　would　be　hard　to　explain　without　a　demonstration；　and　now　was　hardly　the　time。　Don　t　worry　about　it。　I　ll　be　there；　no　car。　She　put　her　head　on　one　side；　and　looked　for　a　second　like　she　was　going　to　press　for　more；　but　then　she　seemed　to　change　her　mind。　Is　it　later　yet？　she　asked；　reminding　me　of　our　unfinished　conversation　in　the　cafeteria　today；　she　d　let　go　of　one　difficult　question　just　to　return　another　that　was　more　unappealing。　I　suppose　it　is　later；　I　agreed　unwillingly。　I　parked　in　front　of　her　house；　tensing　as　I　tried　to　think　of　how　to　explain　without　making　my　monstrous　nature　too　evident；　without　frightening　her　again。　Or　was　that　wrong？　To　minimalize　my　darkness？　She　waited　with　the　same　politely　interested　mask　she　d　worn　at　lunch。　been　less　anxious；　her　preposterous　calm　would　have　made　me　laugh。　If　I　d　I　wasn　t　intending　to　bring　a　car。

And　you　still　want　to　know　why　you　can　t　see　me　hunt？　I　asked。　Well；　mostly　I　was　wondering　about　your　reaction；　she　said。　Did　I　frighten　you？　I　asked；　positive　that　she　would　deny　it。　No。　I　tried　not　to　smile；　and　failed。　I　apologize　for　scaring　you。　And　then　my　smile　vanished　with　the　momentary　humor。　It　was　just　the　very　thought　of　you　being　there　while　we　hunted。　That　would　be　bad？　The　mental　picture　was　too　much　Bella；　so　vulnerable　in　the　empty　darkness；　myself；　out　of　control　I　tried　to　banish　it　from　my　head。　Extremely。　Because　？　I　took　a　deep　breath；　concentrating　for　one　moment　on　the　burning　thirst。　Feeling　it；　managing　it；　proving　my　dominion　over　it。　It　would　never　control　me　again　I　willed　that　to　be　true。　I　would　be　safe　for　her。　I　stared　at　the　wele　clouds　without　seeing　them；　wishing　I　could　believe　that　my　determination　would　make　any　difference　if　I　were　hunting　when　I　crossed　her　scent。　When　we　hunt　we　give　ourselves　over　to　our　senses；　I　told　her；　thinking　through　each　word　before　I　spoke　it。　Govern　less　with　our　minds。　Especially　our　sense　of　smell。　If　you　were　anywhere　near　me　when　I　lost　control　that　way　I　shook　my　head　in　agony　at　the　thought　of　what　would　not　what　could；　but　what　would　surely　happen　then。　I　listened　to　the　spike　in　her　heartbeat；　and　then　turned；　restless；　to　read　her　eyes。　Bella　s　face　was　posed；　her　eyes　grave。　Her　mouth　was　pursed　just　slightly　in　what　I　guessed　was　concern。　But　concern　for　what？　Her　own　safety？　Or　my　anguish？　I　continued　to　stare　at　her；　trying　to　translate　her　ambiguous　expression　into　sure　fact。　She　gazed　back。　Her　eyes　grew　wider　after　a　moment；　and　her　pupils　dilated；　though　the　light　had　not　changed。　My　breathing　accelerated；　and　suddenly　the　quiet　in　the　car　seemed　to　be　humming；　just　like　in　the　darkened　biology　room　this　afternoon。　The　pulsing　current　raced　between　us　again；　and　my　desire　to　touch　her　was；　briefly；　stronger　even　than　the　demands　of　my　thirst。　The　throbbing　electricity　made　it　feel　like　I　had　a　pulse　again。　My　body　sang　with　it。　Like　I　was　human。　More　than　anything　in　the　world；　I　wanted　to　feel　the　heat　of　her　lips　against　mine。　For　one　second；　I　struggled　desperately　to　find　the　strength；　the　control；　to　able　to　put　my　mouth　so　close　to　her　skin　She　sucked　in　a　ragged　breath；　and　only　then　did　I　realize　that　when　I　had　started　breathing　faster；　she　had　stopped　breathing　altogether。　I　closed　my　eyes；　trying　to　break　the　connection　between　us。　No　more　mistakes。　Bella　s　existence　was　tied　to　a　thousand　delicately　balanced　chemical　processes；　all　so　easily　disrupted。　The　rhythmic　expansion　of　her　lungs；　the　flow　of　oxygen；

was　life　or　death　to　her。　The　fluttering　cadence　of　her　fragile　heart　could　be　stopped　by　so　many　stupid　accidents　or　illnesses　or　by　me。　I　did　not　believe　that　any　member　of　my　family　would　hesitate　if　he　or　she　were　offered　a　chance　back　if　he　or　she　could　trade　immortality　for　mortality　again。　Any　one　of　us　would　stand　in　fire　for　it。　Burn　for　as　many　days　or　centuries　as　were　necessary。　Most　of　our　kind　prized　immortality　above　anything　else。　There　were　even　humans　who　craved　this；　who　searched　in　dark　places　for　those　who　could　give　them　the　blackest　of　gifts　Not　us。　Not　my　family。　We　would　trade　anything　to　be　human。　But　none　of　us　had　ever　been　as　desperate　for　a　way　back　as　I　was　now。　I　stared　at　the　microscopic　pits　and　flaws　in　the　windshield；　like　there　was　some　solution　hidden　in　the　glass。　The　electricity　had　not　faded；　and　I　had　to　concentrate　to　keep　my　hands　on　the　wheel。　My　right　hand　began　to　sting　without　pain　again；　from　when　I　d　touched　her　before。　Bella；　I　think　you　should　go　inside　now。　She　obeyed　at　once；　without　ment；　getting　out　of　the　car　and　shutting　the　door　behind　herself。　Did　she　feel　the　potential　for　disaster　as　clearly　as　I　did？　Did　it　hurt　her　to　leave；　as　it　hurt　me　to　let　her　go？　The　only　solace　was　that　I　would　see　her　soon。　Sooner　than　she　would　see　me。　I　smiled　at　that；　then　rolled　the　window　down　and　leaned　across　to　speak　to　her　one　more　time　it　was　safer　now；　with　the　heat　of　her　body　outside　the　car。　She　turned　to　see　what　I　wanted；　curious。　Still　curious；　though　she　d　asked　me　so　many　questions　today。　My　own　curiosity　was　entirely　unsatisfied；　answering　her　questions　today　had　only　revealed　my　secrets　I　d　gotten　little　from　her　but　my　own　conjectures。　That　wasn　t　fair。　Oh；　Bella？　Yes？　Tomorrow　it　s　my　turn。　Her　forehead　puckered。　Your　turn　to　what？　Ask　the　questions。　Tomorrow；　when　we　were　in　a　safer　place；　surrounded　by　witnesses；　I　would　get　my　own　answers。　I　grinned　at　the　thought；　and　then　I　turned　away　because　she　made　no　move　to　leave。　Even　with　her　outside　of　the　car；　the　echo　of　the　electricity　zinged　in　the　air。　I　wanted　to　get　out；　too；　to　walk　her　to　her　door　as　an　excuse　to　stay　beside　her　No　more　mistakes。　I　hit　the　gas；　and　then　sighed　as　she　disappeared　behind　me。　It　seemed　like　I　was　always　running　toward　Bella　or　running　away　from　her；　never　staying　in　place。　I　would　have　to　find　some　way　to　hold　my　ground　if　we　were　ever　going　to　have　any　peace。