1 twilight暮色-第24部分

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I'll　be　in　and　out　all　day…　you　go　and　have　fun。〃　

〃Are　you　sure？〃　

〃Absolutely；　Dad。　Besides；　the　freezer　is　getting　dangerously　low　on　fish　
—　we're　down　to　a　two；　maybe　three　years'　supply。〃　

〃You're　sure　easy　to　live　with；　Bella。〃　He　smiled。　

〃I　could　say　the　same　thing　about　you；〃　I　said；　laughing。　The　sound　of　my　
laughter　was　off；　but　he　didn't　seem　to　notice。　I　felt　so　guilty　for　
deceiving　him　that　I　almost　took　Edward's　advice　and　told　him　where　I　
would　be。　Almost。　

After　dinner；　I　folded　clothes　and　moved　another　load　through　the　dryer。　
Unfortunately　it　was　the　kind　of　job　that　only　keeps　hands　busy。　My　mind　
definitely　had　too　much　free　time；　and　it　was　getting　out　of　control。　I　
fluctuated　between　anticipation　so　intense　that　it　was　very　nearly　pain；　
and　an　insidious　fear　that　picked　at　my　resolve。　I　had　to　keep　reminding　
myself　that　I'd　made　my　choice；　and　I　wasn't　going　back　on　it。　I　pulled　
his　note　out　of　my　pocket　much　more　often　than　necessary　to　absorb　the　
two　small　words　he'd　written。　He　wants　me　to　be　safe；　I　told　myself　again　
and　again。　I　would　just　hold　on　to　the　faith　that；　in　the　end；　that　
desire　would　win　out　over　the　others。　And　what　was　my　other　choice　—　to　
cut　him　out　of　my　life？　Intolerable。　Besides；　since　I'd　e　to　Forks；　it　
really　seemed　like　my　life　was　about　him。　

But　a　tiny　voice　in　the　back　of　my　mind　worried；　wondering　if　it　would　
hurt　very　much…　if　it　ended　badly。　

I　was　relieved　when　it　was　late　enough　to　be　acceptable　for　bedtime。　I　
knew　I　was　far　too　stressed　to　sleep；　so　I　did　something　I'd　never　done　
before。　I　deliberately　took　unnecessary　cold　medicine　—　the　kind　that　
knocked　me　out　for　a　good　eight　hours。　I　normally　wouldn't　condone　that　
type　of　behavior　in　myself；　but　tomorrow　would　be　plicated　enough　
without　me　being　loopy　from　sleep　deprivation　on　top　of　everything　else。　
While　I　waited　for　the　drugs　to　kick　in；　I　dried　my　clean　hair　till　it　
was　impeccably　straight；　and　fussed　over　what　I　would　wear　tomorrow。　With　
everything　ready　for　the　morning；　I　finally　lay　in　my　bed。　I　felt　hyper；　
I　couldn't　stop　twitching。　I　got　up　and　rifled　through　my　shoebox　of　CDs　
until　I　found　a　collection　of　Chopin's　nocturnes。　I　put　that　on　very　
quietly　and　then　lay　down　again；　concentrating　on　relaxing　individual　
parts　of　my　body。　Somewhere　in　the　middle　of　that　exercise；　the　cold　
pills　took　effect；　and　I　gladly　sank　into　unconsciousness。　



I　woke　early；　having　slept　soundly　and　dreamlessly　thanks　to　my　
gratuitous　drug　use。　Though　I　was　well　rested；　I　slipped　right　back　into　
the　same　hectic　frenzy　from　the　night　before。　I　dressed　in　a　rush；　

smoothing　my　collar　against　my　neck；　fidgeting　with　the　tan　sweater　till　
it　hung　right　over　my　jeans。　I　sneaked　a　swift　look　out　the　window　to　see　
that　Charlie　was　already　gone。　A　thin；　cottony　layer　of　clouds　veiled　the　
sky。　They　didn't　look　very　lasting。　

I　ate　breakfast　without　tasting　the　food；　hurrying　to　clean　up　when　I　was　
done。　I　peeked　out　the　window　again；　but　nothing　had　changed。　I　had　just　
finished　brushing　my　teeth　and　was　heading　back　downstairs　when　a　quiet　
knock　sent　my　heart　thudding　against　my　rib　cage。　

I　flew　to　the　door；　I　had　a　little　trouble　with　the　simple　dead　bolt；　but　
I　yanked　the　door　open　at　last；　and　there　he　was。　All　the　agitation　
dissolved　as　soon　as　I　looked　at　his　face；　calm　taking　its　place。　I　
breathed　a　sigh　of　relief　—　yesterday's　fears　seemed　very　foolish　with　
him　here。　

He　wasn't　smiling　at　first　—　his　face　was　somber。　But　then　his　expression　
lightened　as　he　looked　me　over；　and　he　laughed。　

〃Good　morning；〃　he　chuckled。　

〃What's　wrong？〃　I　glanced　down　to　make　sure　I　hadn't　forgotten　anything　
important；　like　shoes；　or　pants。　

〃We　match。〃　He　laughed　again。　I　realized　he　had　a　long；　light　tan　sweater　
on；　with　a　white　collar　showing　underneath；　and　blue　jeans。　I　laughed　
with　him；　hiding　a　secret　twinge　of　regret　—　why　did　he　have　to　look　like　
a　runway　model　when　I　couldn't？　

I　locked　the　door　behind　me　while　he　walked　to　the　truck。　He　waited　by　
the　passenger　door　with　a　martyred　expression　that　was　easy　to　understand。　

〃We　made　a　deal；〃　I　reminded　him　smugly；　climbing　into　the　driver's　seat；　
and　reaching　over　to　unlock　his　door。　

〃Where　to？〃　I　asked。　

〃Put　your　seat　belt　on　—　I'm　nervous　already。〃　

I　gave　him　a　dirty　look　as　I　plied。　

〃Where　to？〃　I　repeated　with　a　sigh。　

〃Take　the　oneohone　north；〃　he　ordered。　

It　was　surprisingly　difficult　to　concentrate　on　the　road　while　feeling　
his　gaze　on　my　face。　I　pensated　by　driving　more　carefully　than　usual　
through　the　stillsleeping　town。　

〃Were　you　planning　to　make　it　out　of　Forks　before　nightfall？〃　

〃This　truck　is　old　enough　to　be　your　car's　grandfather　—　have　some　
respect；〃　I　retorted。　

We　were　soon　out　of　the　town　limits；　despite　his　negativity。　Thick　
underbrush　and　greenswathed　trunks　replaced　the　lawns　and　houses。　

〃Turn　right　on　the　oen；〃　he　instructed　just　as　I　was　about　to　ask。　I　
obeyed　silently。　

〃Now　we　drive　until　the　pavement　ends。〃　

I　could　hear　a　smile　in　his　voice；　but　I　was　too　afraid　of　driving　off　
the　road　and　proving　him　right　to　look　over　and　be　sure。　

〃And　what's　there；　at　the　pavement's　end？〃　I　wondered。　

〃A　trail。〃　

〃We're　hiking？〃　Thank　goodness　I'd　worn　tennis　shoes。　

〃Is　that　a　problem？〃　He　sounded　as　if　he'd　expected　as　much。　

〃No。〃　I　tried　to　make　the　lie　sound　confident。　But　if　he　thought　my　truck　
was　slow…　

〃Don't　worry；　it's　only　five　miles　or　so；　and　we're　in　no　hurry。〃　

Five　miles。　I　didn't　answer；　so　that　he　wouldn't　hear　my　voice　crack　in　
panic。　Five　miles　of　treacherous　roots　and　loose　stones；　trying　to　twist　
my　ankles　or　otherwise　incapacitate　me。　This　was　going　to　be　humiliating。　

We　drove　in　silence　for　a　while　as　I　contemplated　the　ing　horror。　

〃What　are　you　thinking？〃　he　asked　impatiently　after　a　few　moments。　

I　lied　again。　〃Just　wondering　where　we're　going。〃　

〃It's　a　place　I　like　to　go　when　the　weather　is　nice。〃　We　both　glanced　out　
the　windows　at　the　thinning　clouds　after　he　spoke。　

〃Charlie　said　it　would　be　warm　today。〃　

〃And　did　you　tell　Charlie　what　you　were　up　to？〃　he　asked。　

〃Nope。〃　

〃But　Jessica　thinks　we're　going　to　Seattle　together？〃　He　seemed　cheered　
by　the　idea。　

〃No；　I　told　her　you　canceled　on　me　—　which　is　true。〃　

〃No　one　knows　you're　with　me？〃　Angrily；　now。　

〃That　depends…　I　assume　you　told　Alice？〃　

〃That's　very　helpful；　Bella；〃　he　snapped。　

I　pretended　I　didn't　hear　that。　

〃Are　you　so　depressed　by　Forks　that　it's　made　you　suicidal？〃　he　demanded　
when　I　ignored　him。　

〃You　said　it　might　cause　trouble　for　you…　us　being　together　publicly；〃　I　
reminded　him。　

〃So　you're　worried　about　the　trouble　it　might　cause　me—　if　you　don't　e　
home？〃　His　voice　was　still　angry；　and　bitingly　sarcastic。　

I　nodded；　keeping　my　eyes　on　the　road。　

He　muttered　something　under　his　breath；　speaking　so　quickly　that　I　
couldn't　understand。　

We　were　silent　for　the　rest　of　the　drive。　I　could　feel　the　waves　of　
infuriated　disapproval　rolling　off　of　him；　and　I　could　think　of　nothing　
to　say。　

And　then　the　road　ended；　constricting　to　a　thin　foot　trail　with　a　small　
wooden　marker。　I　parked　on　the　narrow　shoulder　and　stepped　out；　afraid　
because　he　was　angry　with　me　and　I　didn't　have　driving　as　an　excuse　not　
to　look　at　him。　It　was　warm　now；　warmer　than　it　had　been　in　Forks　since　
the　day　I'd　arrived；　almost　muggy　under　the　clouds。　I　pulled　off　my　
sweater　and　knotted　it　around　my　waist；　glad　that　I'd　worn　the　light；　
sleeveless　shirt　—　especially　if　I　had　five　miles　of　hiking　ahead　of　me。　

I　heard　his　door　slam；　and　looked　over　to　see　that　he'd　removed　his　
sweater；　too。　He　was　facing　away　from　me；　into　the　unbroken　forest　beside　
my　truck。　

〃This　way；〃　he　said；　glancing　over　his　shoulder　at　me；　eyes　still　
annoyed。　He　started　into　the　dark　forest。　

〃The　trail？〃　Panic　was　clear　in　my　voice　as　I　hurried　around　the　truck　to　

catch　up　to　him。　

〃I　said　there　was　a　trail　at　the　end　of　the　road；　not　that　we　were　taking　
it。〃　

〃No　trail？〃　I　asked　desperately。　

〃I　won't　let　you　get　lost。〃　He　turned　then；　with　a　mocking　smile；　and　I　
stifled　a　gasp。　His　white　shirt　was　sleeveless；　and　he　wore　it　
unbuttoned；　so　that　the　smooth　white　skin　of　his　throat　flowed　
uninterrupted　over　the　marble　contours　of　his　chest；　his　perfect　
musculature　no　longer　merely　hinted　at　behind　concealing　clothes。　He　was　
too　perfect；　I　realized　with　a　piercing　stab　of　despair。　There　was　no　way　
this　godlike　creature　could　be　meant　for　me。　

He　stared　at　me；　bewildered　by　my　tortured　expression。　

〃Do　you　want　to　go　home？〃　he　said　quietly；　a　different　pain　than　mine　
saturating　his　voice。　

〃No。〃　I　walked　forward　till　I　was　close　beside　him；　anxious　not　to　waste　
one　second　of　whatever　time　I　might　have　with　him。　

〃What's　wrong？〃　he　asked；　his　voice　gentle。　

〃I'm　not　a　good　hiker；〃　I　answered　dully。　〃You'll　have　to　be　very　
patient。〃　

〃I　can　be　patient　—　if　I　make　a　great　effort。〃　He　smiled；　holding　my　
glance；　trying　to　lift　me　out　of　my　sudden；　unexplained　dejection。　

I　tried　to　smile　back；　but　the　smile　was　unconvincing。　He　scrutinized　my　
face。　

〃I'll　take　you　home；〃　he　promised。　I　couldn't　tell　if　the　promise　was　
unconditional；　or　restricted　to　an　immediate　departure。　I　knew　he　thought　
it　was　fear　that　upset　me；　and　I　was　grateful　again　that　I　was　the　one　
person　whose　mind　he　couldn't　hear。　

〃If　you　want　me　to　hack　five　miles　through　the　jungle　before　sundown；　
you'd　better　start　leading　the　way；〃　I　said　acidly。　He　frowned　at　me；　
struggling　to　understand　my　tone　and　expression。　

He　gave　up　after　a　moment　and　led　the　way　into　the　forest。　

It　wasn't　as　hard　as　I　had　feared。　The　way　was　mostly　flat；　and　he　held　
the　damp　ferns　and　webs　of　moss　aside　for　me。　When　his　straight　path　took　
us　over　fallen　trees　or　boulders；　he　would　help　me；　lifting　me　by　the　
elbow；　and　then　releasing　me　instantly　when　I　was　clear。　His　cold　touch　
on　my　skin　never　failed　to　make　my　heart　thud　erratically。　Twice；　when　
that　happened；　I　caught　a　look　on　his　face　that　made　me　sure　he　could　
somehow　hear　it。　

I　tried　to　keep　my　eyes　away　from　his　perfection　as　much　as　possible；　but　
I　slipped　often。　Each　time；　his　beauty　pierced　me　through　with　sadness。　

For　the　most　part；　we　walked　in　silence。　Occasionally　he　would　ask　a　
random　question　that　he　hadn't　gotten　to　in　the　past　two　days　of　
interrogation。　He　asked　about　my　birthdays；　my　grade　school　teachers；　my　
childhood　pets　—　and　I　had　to　admit　that　after　killing　three　fish　in　a　
row；　I'd　given　up　on　the　whole　institution。　He　laughed　at　that；　louder　
than　I　was　used　to　—　belllike　echoes　bouncing　back　to　us　from　the　empty　
woods。　

The　hike　took　me　most　of　the　morning；　but　he　never　showed　any　sign　of　
impatience。　The　forest　spread　out　around　us　in　a　boundless　labyrinth　of　
ancient　trees；　and　I　began　to　be　nervous　that　we　would　never　find　our　way　
out　again。　He　was　perfectly　at　ease；　fortable　in　the　green　maze；　never　
seeming　to　feel　any　doubt　about　our　direction。　

After　several　hours；　the　light　that　filtered　through　the　canopy　
transformed；　the　murky　olive　tone　shifting　to　a　brighter　jade。　The　day　

had　turned　sunny；　just　as　he'd　foretold。　For　the　first　time　since　we'd　
entered　the　woods；　I　felt　a　thrill　of　excitement　—　which　quickly　turned　
to　impatience。　

〃Are　we　there　yet？〃　I　teased；　pretending　to　scowl。　

〃Nearly。〃　He　smiled　at　the　change　in　my　mood。　〃Do　you　see　the　brightness　
ahead？〃　

I　peered　into　the　thick　forest。　〃Um；　should　I？〃　

He　smirked。　〃Maybe　it's　a　bit　soon　for　your　eyes。〃　

〃Time　to　visit　the　optometrist；〃　I　muttered。　His　smirk　grew　more　
pronounced。　

But　then；　after　another　hundred　yards；　I　could　definitely　see　a　
lightening　in　the　trees　ahead；　a　glow　that　was　yellow　instead　of　green。　I　
picked　up　the　pace；　my　eagerness　growing　with　every　step。　He　let　me　lead　
now；　following　noiselessly。　

I　reached　the　edge　of　the　pool　of　light　and　stepped　through　the　last　
fringe　of　ferns　into　the　loveliest　place　I　had　ever　seen。　The　meadow　was　
small；　perfectly　round；　and　filled　with　wildflowers　—　violet；　yellow；　and　
soft　white。　Somewhere　nearby；　I　could　hear　the　bubbling　music　of　a　
stream。　The　sun　was　directly　overhead；　filling　the　circle　with　a　haze　of　
buttery　sunshine。　I　walked　slowly；　awestruck；　through　the　soft　grass；　
swaying　flowers；　and　warm；　gilded　air。　I　halfway　turned；　wanting　to　share　
this　with　him；　but　he　wasn't　behind　me　where　I　thought　he'd　be。　I　spun　
around；　searching　for　him　with　sudden　alarm。　Finally　I　spotted　him；　still　
under　the　dense　shade　of　the　canopy　at　the　edge　of　the　hollow；　watching　
me　with　cautious　eyes。　Only　then　did　I　remember　what　the　beauty　of　the　
meadow　had　driven　from　my　mind　—　the　enigma　of　Edward　and　the　sun；　which　
he'd　promised　to　illustrate　for　me　today。　

I　took　a　step　back　toward　him；　my　eyes　alight　with　curiosity。　His　eyes　
were　wary；　reluctant。　I　smiled　encouragingly　and　beckoned　to　him　with　my　
hand；　taking　another　step　back　to　him。　He　held　up　a　hand　in　warning；　and　
I　hesitated；　rocking　back　onto　my　heels。　

Edward　seemed　to　take　a　deep　breath；　and　then　he　stepped　out　into　the　
bright　glow　of　the　midday　sun。　

===========================================================================　


13。　CONFESSIONS　




Edward　in　the　sunlight　was　shocking。　I　couldn't　get　used　to　it；　though　
I'd　been　staring　at　him　all　afternoon。　His　skin；　white　despite　the　faint　
flush　from　yesterday's　hunting　trip；　literally　sparkled；　like　thousands　
of　tiny　diamonds　were　embedded　in　the　surface。　He　lay　perfectly　still　in　
the　grass；　his　shirt　open　over　his　sculpted；　incandescent　chest；　his　
scintillating　arms　bare。　His　glistening；　pale　lavender　lids　were　shut；　
though　of　course　he　didn't　sleep。　A　perfect　statue；　carved　in　some　
unknown　stone；　smooth　like　marble；　glittering　like　crystal。　

Now　and　then；　his　lips　would　move；　so　fast　it　looked　like　they　were　
trembling。　But；　when　I　asked；　he　told　me　he　was　singing　to　himself；　it　
was　too　low　for　me　to　hear。　

I　enjoyed　the　sun；　too；　though　the　air　wasn't　quite　dry　enough　for　my　
taste。　I　would　have　liked　to　lie　back；　as　he　did；　and　let　the　sun　warm　my　
face。　But　I　stayed　curled　up；　my　chin　resting　on　my　knees；　unwilling　to　
take　my　eyes　off　him。　The　wind　was　gentle；　it　tangled　my　hair　and　ruffled　
the　grass　that　swayed　around　his　motionless　form。　

The　meadow；　so　spectacular　to　me　at　first；　paled　next　to　his　magnificence。　

Hesitantly；　always　afraid；　even　now；　that　he　would　disappear　like　a　
mirage；　too　beautiful　to　be　real…　hesitantly；　I　reached　out　one　finger　
and　stroked　the　back　of　his　shimmering　hand；　where　it　lay　within　my　
reach。　I　marveled　again　at　the　perfect　texture；　satin　smooth；　cool　as　
stone。　When　I　looked　up　again；　his　eyes　were　open；　watching　me。　
Butterscotch　today；　lighter；　warmer　after　hunting。　His　quick　smile　turned　
up　the　corners　of　his　flawless　lips。　

〃I　don't　scare　you？〃　he　asked　playfully；　but　I　could　hear　the　real　
curiosity　in　his　soft　voice。　

〃No　more　than　usual。〃　

He　smiled　wider；　his　teeth　flashe