1 twilight暮色-第40部分

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it。　I　couldn't　afford　it　now。　I　didn't　know　when　he　would　return。　

I　concentrated　on　my　escape。　I　had　to　hope　that　my　familiarity　with　the　
airport　would　turn　the　odds　in　my　favor。　Somehow；　I　had　to　keep　Alice　
away…　

I　knew　Alice　was　in　the　other　room　waiting　for　me；　curious。　But　I　had　to　
deal　with　one　more　thing　in　private；　before　Jasper　was　back。　

I　had　to　accept　that　I　wouldn't　see　Edward　again；　not　even　one　last　
glimpse　of　his　face　to　carry　with　me　to　the　mirror　room。　I　was　going　to　
hurt　him；　and　I　couldn't　say　goodbye。　I　let　the　waves　of　torture　wash　
over　me；　have　their　way　for　a　time。　Then　I　pushed　them　back；　too；　and　

went　to　face　Alice。　

The　only　expression　I　could　manage　was　a　dull；　dead　look。　I　saw　her　alarm　
and　I　didn't　wait　for　her　to　ask。　I　had　just　one　script　and　I'd　never　
manage　improvisation　now。　

〃My　mom　was　worried；　she　wanted　to　e　home。　But　it's　okay；　I　convinced　
her　to　stay　away。〃　My　voice　was　lifeless。　

〃We'll　make　sure　she's　fine；　Bella；　don't　worry。〃　

I　turned　away；　I　couldn't　let　her　see　my　face。　

My　eye　fell　on　a　blank　page　of　the　hotel　stationery　on　the　desk。　I　went　
to　it　slowly；　a　plan　forming。　There　was　an　envelope　there；　too。　That　was　
good。　

〃Alice；〃　I　asked　slowly；　without　turning；　keeping　my　voice　level。　〃If　I　
write　a　letter　for　my　mother；　would　you　give　it　to　her？　Leave　it　at　the　
house；　I　mean。〃　

〃Sure；　Bella。〃　Her　voice　was　careful。　She　could　see　me　ing　apart　at　
the　seams。　I　had　to　keep　my　emotions　under　better　control。　

I　went　into　the　bedroom　again；　and　knelt　next　to　the　little　bedside　table　
to　write。　

〃Edward；〃　I　wrote。　My　hand　was　shaking；　the　letters　were　hardly　legible。　



I　love　you。　I　am　so　sorry。　He　has　my　mom；　and　I　have　to　try。　I　know　it　
may　not　work。　I　am　so　very；　very　sorry。　

Don't　be　angry　with　Alice　and　Jasper。　If　I　get　away　from　them　it　will　be　
a　miracle。　Tell　them　thank　you　for　me。　Alice　especially；　please。　

And　please；　please；　don't　e　after　him。　That's　what　he　wants。　I　think。　
I　can't　bear　it　if　anyone　has　to　be　hurt　because　of　me；　especially　you。　
Please；　this　is　the　only　thing　I　can　ask　you　now。　For　me。　

I　love　you。　Forgive　me。　

Bella　



I　folded　the　letter　carefully；　and　sealed　it　in　the　envelope。　Eventually　
he　would　find　it。　I　only　hoped　he　would　understand；　and　listen　to　me　just　
this　once。　

And　then　I　carefully　sealed　away　my　heart。　

===========================================================================　


22。　HIDEANDSEEK　




It　had　taken　much　less　time　than　I'd　thought　—　all　the　terror；　the　
despair；　the　shattering　of　my　heart。　The　minutes　were　ticking　by　more　
slowly　than　usual。　Jasper　still　hadn't　e　back　when　I　returned　to　
Alice。　I　was　afraid　to　be　in　the　same　room　with　her；　afraid　that　she　
would　guess…　and　afraid　to　hide　from　her　for　the　same　reason。　

I　would　have　thought　I　was　far　beyond　the　ability　to　be　surprised；　my　
thoughts　tortured　and　unstable；　but　I　was　surprised　when　I　saw　Alice　bent　
over　the　desk；　gripping　the　edge　with　two　hands。　

〃Alice？〃　

She　didn't　react　when　I　called　her　name；　but　her　head　was　slowly　rocking　
side　to　side；　and　I　saw　her　face。　Her　eyes　were　blank；　dazed…　My　thoughts　
flew　to　my　mother。　Was　I　already　too　late？　

I　hurried　to　her　side；　reaching　out　automatically　to　touch　her　hand。　

〃Alice！〃　Jasper's　voice　whipped；　and　then　he　was　right　behind　her；　his　
hands　curling　over　hers；　loosening　them　from　their　grip　on　the　table。　
Across　the　room；　the　door　swung　shut　with　a　low　click。　

〃What　is　it？〃　he　demanded。　

She　turned　her　face　away　from　me；　into　his　chest。　〃Bella；〃　she　said。　

〃I'm　right　here；〃　I　replied。　

Her　head　twisted　around；　her　eyes　locking　on　mine；　their　expression　still　
strangely　blank。　I　realized　at　once　that　she　hadn't　been　speaking　to　me；　
she'd　been　answering　Jasper's　question。　

〃What　did　you　see？〃　I　said　—　and　there　was　no　question　in　my　flat；　
uncaring　voice。　

Jasper　looked　at　me　sharply。　I　kept　my　expression　vacant　and　waited。　His　
eyes　were　confused　as　they　flickered　swiftly　between　Alice's　face　and　
mine；　feeling　the　chaos…　for　I　could　guess　what　Alice　had　seen　now。　

I　felt　a　tranquil　atmosphere　settle　around　me。　I　weled　it；　using　it　to　
keep　my　emotions　disciplined；　under　control。　

Alice；　too；　recovered　herself。　

〃Nothing；　really；〃　she　answered　finally；　her　voice　remarkably　calm　and　
convincing。　〃Just　the　same　room　as　before。〃　

She　finally　looked　at　me；　her　expression　smooth　and　withdrawn。　〃Did　you　
want　breakfast？〃　

〃No；　I'll　eat　at　the　airport。〃　I　was　very　calm；　too。　I　went　to　the　
bathroom　to　shower。　Almost　as　if　I　were　borrowing　Jasper's　strange　extra　
sense；　I　could　feel　Alice's　wild　—　though　wellconcealed　—　desperation　to　
have　me　out　of　the　room；　to　be　alone　with　Jasper。　So　she　could　tell　him　
that　they　were　doing　something　wrong；　that　they　were　going　to　fail…　

I　got　ready　methodically；　concentrating　on　each　little　task。　I　left　my　
hair　down；　swirling　around　me；　covering　my　face。　The　peaceful　mood　Jasper　
created　worked　its　way　through　me　and　helped　me　think　clearly。　Helped　me　
plan。　I　dug　through　my　bag　until　I　found　my　sock　full　of　money。　I　emptied　
it　into　my　pocket。　

I　was　anxious　to　get　to　the　airport；　and　glad　when　we　left　by　seven。　I　
sat　alone　this　time　in　the　back　of　the　dark　car。　Alice　leaned　against　the　
door；　her　face　toward　Jasper　but；　behind　her　sunglasses；　shooting　glances　
in　my　direction　every　few　seconds。　

〃Alice？〃　I　asked　indifferently。　

She　was　wary。　〃Yes？〃　

〃How　does　it　work？　The　things　that　you　see？〃　I　stared　out　the　side　
window；　and　my　voice　sounded　bored。　〃Edward　said　it　wasn't　definite…　that　
things　change？〃　It　was　harder　than　I　would　have　thought　to　say　his　name。　
That　must　have　been　what　alerted　Jasper；　why　a　fresh　wave　of　serenity　
filled　the　car。　

〃Yes；　things　change…〃　she　murmured　—　hopefully；　I　thought。　〃Some　things　
are　more　certain　than　others…　like　the　weather。　People　are　harder。　I　only　
see　the　course　they're　on　while　they're　on　it。　Once　they　change　their　
minds　—　make　a　new　decision；　no　matter　how　small　—　the　whole　future　
shifts。〃　

I　nodded　thoughtfully。　〃So　you　couldn't　see　James　in　Phoenix　until　he　
decided　to　e　here。〃　

〃Yes；〃　she　agreed；　wary　again。　

And　she　hadn't　seen　me　in　the　mirror　room　with　James　until　I'd　made　the　
decision　to　meet　him　there。　I　tried　not　to　think　about　what　else　she　
might　have　seen。　I　didn't　want　my　panic　to　make　Jasper　more　suspicious。　
They　would　be　watching　me　twice　as　carefully　now；　anyway；　after　Alice's　
vision。　This　was　going　to　be　impossible。　

We　got　to　the　airport。　Luck　was　with　me；　or　maybe　it　was　just　good　odds。　
Edward's　plane　was　landing　in　terminal　four；　the　largest　terminal；　where　
most　flights　landed　—　so　it　wasn't　surprising　that　his　was。　But　it　was　
the　terminal　I　needed：　the　biggest；　the　most　confusing。　And　there　was　a　
door　on　level　three　that　might　be　the　only　chance。　

We　parked　on　the　fourth　floor　of　the　huge　garage。　I　led　the　way；　for　once　
more　knowledgeable　about　my　surroundings　than　they　were。　We　took　the　
elevator　down　to　level　three；　where　the　passengers　unloaded。　Alice　and　
Jasper　spent　a　long　time　looking　at　the　departing　flights　board。　I　could　
hear　them　discussing　the　pros　and　cons　of　New　York；　Atlanta；　Chicago。　
Places　I'd　never　seen。　And　would　never　see。　

I　waited　for　my　opportunity；　impatient；　unable　to　stop　my　toe　from　
tapping。　We　sat　in　the　long　rows　of　chairs　by　the　metal　detectors；　Jasper　
and　Alice　pretending　to　peoplewatch　but　really　watching　me。　Every　inch　I　
shifted　in　my　seat　was　followed　by　a　quick　glance　out　of　the　corner　of　
their　eyes。　It　was　hopeless。　Should　I　run？　Would　they　dare　to　stop　me　
physically　in　this　public　place？　Or　would　they　simply　follow？　

I　pulled　the　unmarked　envelope　out　of　my　pocket　and　set　it　on　top　of　
Alice's　black　leather　bag。　She　looked　at　me。　

〃My　letter；〃　I　said。　She　nodded；　tucking　it　under　the　top　flap。　He　would　
find　it　soon　enough。　

The　minutes　passed　and　Edward's　arrival　grew　closer。　It　was　amazing　how　
every　cell　in　my　body　seemed　to　know　he　was　ing；　to　long　for　his　
ing。　That　made　it　very　hard。　I　found　myself　trying　to　think　of　excuses　
to　stay；　to　see　him　first　and　then　make　my　escape。　But　I　knew　that　was　
impossible　if　I　was　going　to　have　any　chance　to　get　away。　

Several　times　Alice　offered　to　go　get　breakfast　with　me。　Later；　I　told　
her；　not　yet。　

I　stared　at　the　arrival　board；　watching　as　flight　after　flight　arrived　on　
time。　The　flight　from　Seattle　crept　closer　to　the　top　of　the　board。　

And　then；　when　I　had　only　thirty　minutes　to　make　my　escape；　the　numbers　
changed。　His　plane　was　ten　minutes　early。　I　had　no　more　time。　

〃I　think　I'll　eat　now；〃　I　said　quickly。　

Alice　stood。　〃I'll　e　with　you。〃　

〃Do　you　mind　if　Jasper　es　instead？〃　I　asked。　〃I'm　feeling　a　little…〃　I　
didn't　finish　the　sentence。　My　eyes　were　wild　enough　to　convey　what　I　
didn't　say。　

Jasper　stood　up。　Alice's　eyes　were　confused；　but　—　I　saw　to　my　relief—　
not　suspicious。　She　must　be　attributing　the　change　in　her　vision　to　some　
maneuver　of　the　tracker's　rather　than　a　betrayal　by　me。　

Jasper　walked　silently　beside　me；　his　hand　on　the　small　of　my　back；　as　if　
he　were　guiding　me。　I　pretended　a　lack　of　interest　in　the　first　few　
airport　cafes；　my　head　scanning　for　what　I　really　wanted。　And　there　it　
was；　around　the　corner；　out　of　Alice's　sharp　sight：　the　levelthree　
ladies'　room。　

〃Do　you　mind？〃　I　asked　Jasper　as　we　passed。　〃I'll　just　be　a　moment。〃　

〃I'll　be　right　here；〃　he　said。　

As　soon　as　the　door　shut　behind　me；　I　was　running。　I　remembered　the　time　
I　had　gotten　lost　from　this　bathroom；　because　it　had　two　exits。　

Outside　the　far　door　it　was　only　a　short　sprint　to　the　elevators；　and　if　
Jasper　stayed　where　he　said　he　would；　I'd　never　be　in　his　line　of　sight。　
I　didn't　look　behind　me　as　I　ran。　This　was　my　only　chance；　and　even　if　he　
saw　me；　I　had　to　keep　going。　People　stared；　but　I　ignored　them。　Around　
the　corner　the　elevators　were　waiting；　and　I　dashed　forward；　throwing　my　
hand　between　the　closing　doors　of　a　full　elevator　headed　down。　I　squeezed　
in　beside　the　irritated　passengers；　and　checked　to　make　sure　that　the　
button　for　level　one　had　been　pushed。　It　was　already　lit；　and　the　doors　
closed。　

As　soon　as　the　door　opened　I　was　off　again；　to　the　sound　of　annoyed　
murmurs　behind　me。　I　slowed　myself　as　I　passed　the　security　guards　by　the　
luggage　carousels；　only　to　break　into　a　run　again　as　the　exit　doors　came　
into　view。　I　had　no　way　of　knowing　if　Jasper　was　looking　for　me　yet。　

I　would　have　only　seconds　if　he　was　following　my　scent。　I　jumped　out　the　
automatic　doors；　nearly　smacking　into　the　glass　when　they　opened　too　
slowly。　

Along　the　crowded　curb　there　wasn't　a　cab　in　sight。　

I　had　no　time。　Alice　and　Jasper　were　either　about　to　realize　I　was　gone；　
or　they　already　had。　They　would　find　me　in　a　heartbeat。　

A　shuttle　to　the　Hyatt　was　just　closing　its　doors　a　few　feet　behind　me。　

〃Wait！〃　I　called；　running；　waving　at　the　driver。　

〃This　is　the　shuttle　to　the　Hyatt；〃　the　driver　said　in　confusion　as　he　
opened　the　doors。　

〃Yes；〃　I　huffed；　〃that's　where　I'm　going。〃　I　hurried　up　the　steps。　

He　looked　askance　at　my　luggageless　state；　but　then　shrugged；　not　caring　
enough　to　ask。　

Most　of　the　seats　were　empty。　I　sat　as　far　from　the　other　travelers　as　
possible；　and　watched　out　the　window　as　first　the　sidewalk；　and　then　the　
airport；　drifted　away。　I　couldn't　help　imagining　Edward；　where　he　would　
stand　at　the　edge　of　the　road　when　he　found　the　end　of　my　trail。　I　
couldn't　cry　yet；　I　told　myself。　I　still　had　a　long　way　to　go。　

My　luck　held。　In　front　of　the　Hyatt；　a　tiredlooking　couple　was　getting　
their　last　suitcase　out　of　the　trunk　of　a　cab。　I　jumped　out　of　the　
shuttle　and　ran　to　the　cab；　sliding　into　the　seat　behind　the　driver。　The　
tired　couple　and　the　shuttle　driver　stared　at　me。　

I　told　the　surprised　cabbie　my　mother's　address。　〃I　need　to　get　there　as　
soon　as　possible。〃　

〃That's　in　Scottsdale；〃　he　plained。　

I　threw　four　twenties　over　the　seat。　

〃Will　that　be　enough？〃　

〃Sure；　kid；　no　problem。〃　

I　sat　back　against　the　seat；　folding　my　arms　across　my　lap。　The　familiar　
city　began　to　rush　around　me；　but　I　didn't　look　out　the　windows。　I　
exerted　myself　to　maintain　control。　I　was　determined　not　to　lose　myself　
at　this　point；　now　that　my　plan　was　successfully　pleted。　There　was　no　
point　in　indulging　in　more　terror；　more　anxiety。　My　path　was　set。　I　just　
had　to　follow　it　now。　

So；　instead　of　panicking；　I　closed　my　eyes　and　spent　the　twenty　minutes'　

drive　with　Edward。　

I　imagined　that　I　had　stayed　at　the　airport　to　meet　Edward。　I　visualized　
how　I　would　stand　on　my　toes；　the　sooner　to　see　his　face。　How　quickly；　
how　gracefully　he　would　move　through　the　crowds　of　people　separating　us。　
And　then　I　would　run　to　close　those　last　few　feet　between　us　—　reckless　
as　always　—　and　I　would　be　in　his　marble　arms；　finally　safe。　

I　wondered　where　we　would　have　gone。　North　somewhere；　so　he　could　be　
outside　in　the　day。　Or　maybe　somewhere　very　remote；　so　we　could　lay　in　
the　sun　together　again。　I　imagined　him　by　the　shore；　his　skin　sparkling　
like　the　sea。　It　wouldn't　matter　how　long　we　had　to　hide。　To　be　trapped　
in　a　hotel　room　with　him　would　be　a　kind　of　heaven。　So　many　questions　I　
still　had　for　him。　I　could　talk　to　him　forever；　never　sleeping；　never　
leaving　his　side。　

I　could　see　his　face　so　clearly　now…　almost　hear　his　voice。　And；　despite　
all　the　horror　and　hopelessness；　I　was　fleetingly　happy。　So　involved　was　
I　in　my　escapist　daydreams；　I　lost　all　track　of　the　seconds　racing　by。　

〃Hey；　what　was　the　number？〃　

The　cabbie's　question　punctured　my　fantasy；　letting　all　the　colors　run　
out　of　my　lovely　delusions。　Fear；　bleak　and　hard；　was　waiting　to　fill　the　
empty　space　they　left　behind。　

〃Fiftyeight　twentyone。〃　My　voice　sounded　strangled。　The　cabbie　looked　
at　me；　nervous　that　I　was　having　an　episode　or　something。　

〃Here　we　are；　then。〃　He　was　anxious　to　get　me　out　of　his　car；　probably　
hoping　I　wouldn't　ask　for　my　change。　

〃Thank　you；〃　I　whispered。　There　was　no　need　to　be　afraid；　I　reminded　
myself。　The　house　was　empty。　I　had　to　hurry；　my　mom　was　waiting　for　me；　
frightened；　depending　on　me。　

I　ran　to　the　door；　reaching　up　automatically　to　grab　the　key　under　the　
eave。　I　unlocked　the　door。　It　was　dark　inside；　empty；　normal。　I　ran　to　
the　phone；　turning　on　the　kitchen　light　on　my　way。　There；　on　the　
whiteboard；　was　a　tendigit　number　written　in　a　small；　neat　hand。　My　
fingers　stumbled　over　the　keypad；　making　mistakes。　I　had　to　hang　up　and　
start　again。　I　concentrated　only　on　the　buttons　this　time；　carefully　
pressing　each　one　in　turn。　I　was　successful。　I　held　the　phone　to　my　ear　
with　a　shaking　hand。　It　rang　only　once。　

〃Hello；　Bella；〃　that　easy　voice　answered。　〃That　was　very　quick。　I'm　
impressed。〃　

〃Is　my　mom　all　right？〃　

〃She's　perfectly　fine。　Don't　worry；　Bella；　I　have　no　quarrel　with　her。　
Unless　you　didn't　e　alone；　of　course。〃　Light；　amused。　

〃I'm　alone。〃　I'd　never　been　more　alone　in　my　entire　life。　

〃Very　good。　Now；　do　you　know　the　ballet　studio　just　arou