1 twilight暮色-第7部分

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tone　was　cutting。　

My　temper　flared　now；　and　I　glared　defiantly　at　him。　〃There's　nothing　
wrong　with　my　head。〃　

He　glared　back。　〃What　do　you　want　from　me；　Bella？〃　

〃I　want　to　know　the　truth；〃　I　said。　〃I　want　to　know　why　I'm　lying　for　
you。〃　

〃What　do　you　think　happened？〃　he　snapped。　

It　came　out　in　a　rush。　

〃All　I　know　is　that　you　weren't　anywhere　near　me　—　Tyler　didn't　see　you；　
either；　so　don't　tell　me　I　hit　my　head　too　hard。　That　van　was　going　to　
crush　us　both　—　and　it　didn't；　and　your　hands　left　dents　in　the　side　of　
it　—　and　you　left　a　dent　in　the　other　car；　and　you're　not　hurt　at　all　—　
and　the　van　should　have　smashed　my　legs；　but　you　were　holding　it　up…〃　I　
could　hear　how　crazy　it　sounded；　and　I　couldn't　continue。　I　was　so　mad　I　
could　feel　the　tears　ing；　I　tried　to　force　them　back　by　grinding　my　
teeth　together。　

He　was　staring　at　me　incredulously。　But　his　face　was　tense；　defensive。　

〃You　think　I　lifted　a　van　off　you？〃　His　tone　questioned　my　sanity；　but　it　
only　made　me　more　suspicious。　It　was　like　a　perfectly　delivered　line　by　a　
skilled　actor。　

I　merely　nodded　once；　jaw　tight。　

〃Nobody　will　believe　that；　you　know。〃　His　voice　held　an　edge　of　derision　
now。　

〃I'm　not　going　to　tell　anybody。〃　I　said　each　word　slowly；　carefully　
controlling　my　anger。　

Surprise　flitted　across　his　face。　〃Then　why　does　it　matter？〃　

〃It　matters　to　me；〃　I　insisted。　〃I　don't　like　to　lie　—　so　there'd　better　
be　a　good　reason　why　I'm　doing　it。〃　

〃Can't　you　just　thank　me　and　get　over　it？〃　

〃Thank　you。〃　I　waited；　fuming　and　expectant。　

〃You're　not　going　to　let　it　go；　are　you？〃　

〃No。〃　

〃In　that　case…　I　hope　you　enjoy　disappointment。〃　

We　scowled　at　each　other　in　silence。　I　was　the　first　to　speak；　trying　to　
keep　myself　focused。　I　was　in　danger　of　being　distracted　by　his　livid；　
glorious　face。　It　was　like　trying　to　stare　down　a　destroying　angel。　

〃Why　did　you　even　bother？〃　I　asked　frigidly。　

He　paused；　and　for　a　brief　moment　his　stunning　face　was　unexpectedly　
vulnerable。　

〃I　don't　know；〃　he　whispered。　

And　then　he　turned　his　back　on　me　and　walked　away。　

I　was　so　angry；　it　took　me　a　few　minutes　until　I　could　move。　When　I　could　
walk；　I　made　my　way　slowly　to　the　exit　at　the　end　of　the　hallway。　

The　waiting　room　was　more　unpleasant　than　I'd　feared。　It　seemed　like　
every　face　I　knew　in　Forks　was　there；　staring　at　me。　Charlie　rushed　to　my　
side；　I　put　up　my　hands。　

〃There's　nothing　wrong　with　me；〃　I　assured　him　sullenly。　I　was　still　
aggravated；　not　in　the　mood　for　chitchat。　

〃What　did　the　doctor　say？〃　

〃Dr。　Cullen　saw　me；　and　he　said　I　was　fine　and　I　could　go　home。〃　I　
sighed。　Mike　and　Jessica　and　Eric　were　all　there；　beginning　to　converge　
on　us。　〃Let's　go；〃　I　urged。　

Charlie　put　one　arm　behind　my　back；　not　quite　touching　me；　and　led　me　to　
the　glass　doors　of　the　exit。　I　waved　sheepishly　at　my　friends；　hoping　to　
convey　that　they　didn't　need　to　worry　anymore。　It　was　a　huge　relief—　the　
first　time　I'd　ever　felt　that　way　—　to　get　into　the　cruiser。　

We　drove　in　silence。　I　was　so　wrapped　up　in　my　thoughts　that　I　barely　
knew　Charlie　was　there。　I　was　positive　that　Edward's　defensive　behavior　
in　the　hall　was　a　confirmation　of　the　bizarre　things　I　still　could　hardly　
believe　I'd　witnessed。　

When　we　got　to　the　house；　Charlie　finally　spoke。　

〃Um…　you'll　need　to　call　Renée。〃　He　hung　his　head；　guilty。　

I　was　appalled。　〃You　told　Mom！〃　

〃Sorry。〃　

I　slammed　the　cruiser's　door　a　little　harder　than　necessary　on　my　way　out。　

My　mom　was　in　hysterics；　of　course。　I　had　to　tell　her　I　felt　fine　at　
least　thirty　times　before　she　would　calm　down。　She　begged　me　to　e　home　
—　forgetting　the　fact　that　home　was　empty　at　the　moment　—　but　her　pleas　
were　easier　to　resist　than　I　would　have　thought。　I　was　consumed　by　the　
mystery　Edward　presented。　And　more　than　a　little　obsessed　by　Edward　
himself。　Stupid；　stupid；　stupid。　I　wasn't　as　eager　to　escape　Forks　as　I　
should　be；　as　any　normal；　sane　person　would　be。　

I　decided　I　might　as　well　go　to　bed　early　that　night。　Charlie　continued　
to　watch　me　anxiously；　and　it　was　getting　on　my　nerves。　I　stopped　on　my　
way　to　grab　three　Tylenol　from　the　bathroom。　They　did　help；　and；　as　the　
pain　eased；　I　drifted　to　sleep。　

That　was　the　first　night　I　dreamed　of　Edward　Cullen。　

===========================================================================　


4。　INVITATIONS　

In　my　dream　it　was　very　dark；　and　what　dim　light　there　was　seemed　to　be　
radiating　from　Edward's　skin。　I　couldn't　see　his　face；　just　his　back　as　
he　walked　away　from　me；　leaving　me　in　the　blackness。　No　matter　how　fast　I　
ran；　I　couldn't　catch　up　to　him；　no　matter　how　loud　I　called；　he　never　
turned。　Troubled；　I　woke　in　the　middle　of　the　night　and　couldn't　sleep　
again　for　what　seemed　like　a　very　long　time。　After　that；　he　was　in　my　
dreams　nearly　every　night；　but　always　on　the　periphery；　never　within　
reach。　

The　month　that　followed　the　accident　was　uneasy；　tense；　and；　at　first；　
embarrassing。　

To　my　dismay；　I　found　myself　the　center　of　attention　for　the　rest　of　that　
week。　Tyler　Crowley　was　impossible；　following　me　around；　obsessed　with　
making　amends　to　me　somehow。　I　tried　to　convince　him　what　I　wanted　more　
than　anything　else　was　for　him　to　forget　all　about　it　—　especially　since　
nothing　had　actually　happened　to　me　—　but　he　remained　insistent。　He　
followed　me　between　classes　and　sat　at　our　nowcrowded　lunch　table。　Mike　
and　Eric　were　even　less　friendly　toward　him　than　they　were　to　each　other；　
which　made　me　worry　that　I'd　gained　another　unwele　fan。　

No　one　seemed　concerned　about　Edward；　though　I　explained　over　and　over　
that　he　was　the　hero　—　how　he　had　pulled　me　out　of　the　way　and　had　nearly　
been　crushed；　too。　I　tried　to　be　convincing。　Jessica；　Mike；　Eric；　and　
everyone　else　always　mented　that　they　hadn't　even　seen　him　there　till　
the　van　was　pulled　away。　

I　wondered　to　myself　why　no　one　else　had　seen　him　standing　so　far　away；　
before　he　was　suddenly；　impossibly　saving　my　life。　With　chagrin；　I　
realized　the　probable　cause　—　no　one　else　was　as　aware　of　Edward　as　I　
always　was。　No　one　else　watched　him　the　way　I　did。　How　pitiful。　

Edward　was　never　surrounded　by　crowds　of　curious　bystanders　eager　for　his　
firsthand　account。　People　avoided　him　as　usual。　The　Cullens　and　the　Hales　
sat　at　the　same　table　as　always；　not　eating；　talking　only　among　
themselves。　None　of　them；　especially　Edward；　glanced　my　way　anymore。　

When　he　sat　next　to　me　in　class；　as　far　from　me　as　the　table　would　allow；　
he　seemed　totally　unaware　of　my　presence。　Only　now　and　then；　when　his　
fists　would　suddenly　ball　up　—　skin　stretched　even　whiter　over　the　bones　
—　did　I　wonder　if　he　wasn't　quite　as　oblivious　as　he　appeared。　

He　wished　he　hadn't　pulled　me　from　the　path　of　Tyler's　van　—　there　was　no　
other　conclusion　I　could　e　to。　

I　wanted　very　much　to　talk　to　him；　and　the　day　after　the　accident　I　
tried。　The　last　time　I'd　seen　him；　outside　the　ER；　we'd　both　been　so　
furious。　I　still　was　angry　that　he　wouldn't　trust　me　with　the　truth；　even　
though　I　was　keeping　my　part　of　the　bargain　flawlessly。　But　he　had　in　
fact　saved　my　life；　no　matter　how　he'd　done　it。　And；　overnight；　the　heat　
of　my　anger　faded　into　awed　gratitude。　

He　was　already　seated　when　I　got　to　Biology；　looking　straight　ahead。　I　
sat　down；　expecting　him　to　turn　toward　me。　He　showed　no　sign　that　he　
realized　I　was　there。　

〃Hello；　Edward；〃　I　said　pleasantly；　to　show　him　I　was　going　to　behave　
myself。　

He　turned　his　head　a　fraction　toward　me　without　meeting　my　gaze；　nodded　
once；　and　then　looked　the　other　way。　

And　that　was　the　last　contact　I'd　had　with　him；　though　he　was　there；　a　
foot　away　from　me；　every　day。　I　watched　him　sometimes；　unable　to　stop　
myself—　from　a　distance；　though；　in　the　cafeteria　or　parking　lot。　I　
watched　as　his　golden　eyes　grew　perceptibly　darker　day　by　day。　But　in　
class　I　gave　no　more　notice　that　he　existed　than　he　showed　toward　me。　I　

was　miserable。　And　the　dreams　continued。　

Despite　my　outright　lies；　the　tenor　of　my　emails　alerted　Renée　to　my　
depression；　and　she　called　a　few　times；　worried。　I　tried　to　convince　her　
it　was　just　the　weather　that　had　me　down。　

Mike；　at　least；　was　pleased　by　the　obvious　coolness　between　me　and　my　lab　
partner。　I　could　see　he'd　been　worried　that　Edward's　daring　rescue　might　
have　impressed　me；　and　he　was　relieved　that　it　seemed　to　have　the　
opposite　effect。　He　grew　more　confident；　sitting　on　the　edge　of　my　table　
to　talk　before　Biology　class　started；　ignoring　Edward　as　pletely　as　he　
ignored　us。　

The　snow　washed　away　for　good　after　that　one　dangerously　icy　day。　Mike　
was　disappointed　he'd　never　gotten　to　stage　his　snowball　fight；　but　
pleased　that　the　beach　trip　would　soon　be　possible。　The　rain　continued　
heavily；　though；　and　the　weeks　passed。　

Jessica　made　me　aware　of　another　event　looming　on　the　horizon　—　she　
called　the　first　Tuesday　of　March　to　ask　my　permission　to　invite　Mike　to　
the　girls'　choice　spring　dance　in　two　weeks。　

〃Are　you　sure　you　don't　mind…　you　weren't　planning　to　ask　him？〃　she　
persisted　when　I　told　her　I　didn't　mind　in　the　least。　

〃No；　Jess；　I'm　not　going；〃　I　assured　her。　Dancing　was　glaringly　outside　
my　range　of　abilities。　

〃It　will　be　really　fun。〃　Her　attempt　to　convince　me　was　halfhearted。　I　
suspected　that　Jessica　enjoyed　my　inexplicable　popularity　more　than　my　
actual　pany。　

〃You　have　fun　with　Mike；〃　I　encouraged。　

The　next　day；　I　was　surprised　that　Jessica　wasn't　her　usual　gushing　self　
in　Trig　and　Spanish。　She　was　silent　as　she　walked　by　my　side　between　
classes；　and　I　was　afraid　to　ask　her　why。　If　Mike　had　turned　her　down；　I　
was　the　last　person　she　would　want　to　tell。　

My　fears　were　strengthened　during　lunch　when　Jessica　sat　as　far　from　Mike　
as　possible；　chatting　animatedly　with　Eric。　Mike　was　unusually　quiet。　

Mike　was　still　quiet　as　he　walked　me　to　class；　the　unfortable　look　on　
his　face　a　bad　sign。　But　he　didn't　broach　the　subject　until　I　was　in　my　
seat　and　he　was　perched　on　my　desk。　As　always；　I　was　electrically　aware　
of　Edward　sitting　close　enough　to　touch；　as　distant　as　if　he　were　merely　
an　invention　of　my　imagination。　

〃So；〃　Mike　said；　looking　at　the　floor；　〃Jessica　asked　me　to　the　spring　
dance。〃　

〃That's　great。〃　I　made　my　voice　bright　and　enthusiastic。　〃You'll　have　a　
lot　of　fun　with　Jessica。〃　

〃Well…〃　He　floundered　as　he　examined　my　smile；　clearly　not　happy　with　my　
response。　〃I　told　her　I　had　to　think　about　it。〃　

〃Why　would　you　do　that？〃　I　let　disapproval　color　my　tone；　though　I　was　
relieved　he　hadn't　given　her　an　absolute　no。　

His　face　was　bright　red　as　he　looked　down　again。　Pity　shook　my　resolve。　

〃I　was　wondering　if…　well；　if　you　might　be　planning　to　ask　me。〃　

I　paused　for　a　moment；　hating　the　wave　of　guilt　that　swept　through　me。　
But　I　saw；　from　the　corner　of　my　eye；　Edward's　head　tilt　reflexively　in　
my　direction。　

〃Mike；　I　think　you　should　tell　her　yes；〃　I　said。　

〃Did　you　already　ask　someone？〃　Did　Edward　notice　how　Mike's　eyes　
flickered　in　his　direction？　

〃No；〃　I　assured　him。　〃I'm　not　going　to　the　dance　at　all。〃　

〃Why　not？〃　Mike　demanded。　

I　didn't　want　to　get　into　the　safety　hazards　that　dancing　presented；　so　I　
quickly　made　new　plans。　

〃I'm　going　to　Seattle　that　Saturday；〃　I　explained。　I　needed　to　get　out　of　
town　anyway　—　it　was　suddenly　the　perfect　time　to　go。　

〃Can't　you　go　some　other　weekend？〃　

〃Sorry；　no；〃　I　said。　〃So　you　shouldn't　make　Jess　wait　any　longer　—　it's　
rude。〃　

〃Yeah；　you're　right；〃　he　mumbled；　and　turned；　dejected；　to　walk　back　to　
his　seat。　I　closed　my　eyes　and　pressed　my　fingers　to　my　temples；　trying　
to　push　the　guilt　and　sympathy　out　of　my　head。　Mr。　Banner　began　talking。　
I　sighed　and　opened　my　eyes。　

And　Edward　was　staring　at　me　curiously；　that　same；　familiar　edge　of　
frustration　even　more　distinct　now　in　his　black　eyes。　

I　stared　back；　surprised；　expecting　him　to　look　quickly　away。　But　instead　
he　continued　to　gaze　with　probing　intensity　into　my　eyes。　There　was　no　
question　of　me　looking　away。　My　hands　started　to　shake。　

〃Mr。　Cullen？〃　the　teacher　called；　seeking　the　answer　to　a　question　that　I　
hadn't　heard。　

〃The　Krebs　Cycle；〃　Edward　answered；　seeming　reluctant　as　he　turned　to　
look　at　Mr。　Banner。　

I　looked　down　at　my　book　as　soon　as　his　eyes　released　me；　trying　to　find　
my　place。　Cowardly　as　ever；　I　shifted　my　hair　over　my　right　shoulder　to　
hide　my　face。　I　couldn't　believe　the　rush　of　emotion　pulsing　through　me　—　
just　because　he'd　happened　to　look　at　me　for　the　first　time　in　a　
halfdozen　weeks。　I　couldn't　allow　him　to　have　this　level　of　influence　
over　me。　It　was　pathetic。　More　than　pathetic；　it　was　unhealthy。　

I　tried　very　hard　not　to　be　aware　of　him　for　the　rest　of　the　hour；　and；　
since　that　was　impossible；　at　least　not　to　let　him　know　that　I　was　aware　
of　him。　When　the　bell　rang　at　last；　I　turned　my　back　to　him　to　gather　my　
things；　expecting　him　to　leave　immediately　as　usual。　

〃Bella？〃　His　voice　shouldn't　have　been　so　familiar　to　me；　as　if　I'd　known　
the　sound　of　it　all　my　life　rather　than　for　just　a　few　short　weeks。　

I　turned　slowly；　unwillingly。　I　didn't　want　to　feel　what　I　knew　I　would　
feel　when　I　looked　at　his　tooperfect　face。　My　expression　was　wary　when　I　
finally　turned　to　him；　his　expression　was　unreadable。　He　didn't　say　
anything。　

〃What？　Are　you　speaking　to　me　again？〃　I　finally　asked；　an　unintentional　
note　of　petulance　in　my　voice。　

His　lips　twitched；　fighting　a　smile。　〃No；　not　really；〃　he　admitted。　

I　closed　my　eyes　and　inhaled　slowly　through　my　nose；　aware　that　I　was　
gritting　my　teeth。　He　waited。　

〃Then　what　do　you　want；　Edward？〃　I　asked；　keeping　my　eyes　closed；　it　was　
easier　to　talk　to　him　coherently　that　way。　

〃I'm　sorry。〃　He　sounded　sincere。　〃I'm　being　very　rude；　I　know。　But　it's　
better　this　way；　really。〃　

I　opened　my　eyes。　His　face　was　very　serious。　

〃I　don't　know　what　you　mean；〃　I　said；　my　voice　guarded。　

〃It's　better　if　we're　not　friends；〃　he　explained。　〃Trust　me。〃　

My　eyes　narrowed。　I'd　heard　that　before。　

〃It's　too　bad　you　didn't　figure　that　out　earlier；〃　I　hissed　through　my　
teeth。　〃You　could　have　saved　yourself　all　this　regret。〃　

〃Regret？〃　The　word；　and　my　tone；　obviously　caught　him　off　guard。　〃Regret　
for　what？〃　

〃For　not　just　letting　that　stupid　van　squish　me。〃　

He　was　astonished。　He　stared　at　me　in　disbelief。　

When　he　finally　spoke；　he　almost　sounded　mad。　〃You　think　I　regret　saving　
your　life？〃　

〃I　know　you　do；〃　I　snapped。　

〃You　don't　know　anything。〃　He　was　definitely　mad。　

I　turned　my　head　sharply　away　from　him；　clenching　my　jaw　against　all　the　
wild　accusations　I　wanted　to　hurl　at　him。　I　gathered　my　books　together；　
then　stood　and　walked　to　the　door。　I　meant　to　sweep　dramatically　out　of　
the　room；　but　of　course　I　caught　the　toe　of　my　boot　on　the　door　jamb　and　
dropped　my　books。　I　stood　there　for　a　moment；　thinking　about　leaving　
them。　Then　I　sighed　and　bent　to　pick　them　up。　He　was　there；　he'd　already　
stacked　them　into　a　pile。　He　handed　them　to　me；　his　face　hard。　

〃Thank　you；〃　I　said　icily。　

His　eyes　narrowed。　

〃You're　wele；〃