4 breaking dawn破晓-第38部分

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〃Yes；　it　can　be　quite　confusing。〃　

I　nodded　one　fast；　jerky　bob。　〃But　I　feel　like　me。　Sort　of。　I　didn't　expect　that。〃　

Edward's　arms　squeezed　lightly　around　my　waist。　〃I　told　you　so；〃　he　whispered。　

〃You　are　quite　controlled；〃　Carlisle　mused。　〃More　so　than　　expected；　even　with　the　time　you　had　to　
prepare　yourself　mentally　for　this。〃　

I　thought　about　the　wild　mood　swings；　the　difficulty　concentrating；　and　whispered；　〃I'm　not　sure　about　
that。〃　

He　nodded　seriously；　and　then　his　jeweled　eyes　glittered　with　interest。　〃It　seems　like　we　did　something　
right　with　the　morphine　this　time。　Tell　me；　what　do　you　remember　of　the　transformation　process？〃　

I　hesitated；　intensely　aware　of　Edward's　breath　brushing　against　my　cheek；　sending　whispers　of　
electricity　through　my　skin。　



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〃Everything　was。。。　very　dim　before。　I　remember　the　baby　couldn't　breathe___〃　

I　looked　at　Edward；　momentarily　frightened　by　the　memory。　

〃Renesmee　is　healthy　and　well；〃　he　promised；　a　gleam　I'd　never　seen　before　in　his　eyes。　He　said　her　
name　with　an　understated　fervor。　A　reverence。　The　way　devout　people　talked　about　their　gods。　〃What　
do　you　remember　after　that？〃　

I　focused　on　my　poker　face。　I'd　never　been　much　of　a　liar。　〃It's　hard　to　remember。　It　was　so　dark　
before。　And　then。。。　I　opened　my　eyes　and　I　could　see　everything〃　

〃Amazing；〃　Carlisle　breathed；　his　eyes　alight。　

Chagrin　washed　through　me；　and　I　waited　for　the　heat　to　burn　in　my　cheeks　and　give　me　away。　And　then　
I　remembered　that　I　would　never　blush　again。　Maybe　that　would　protect　Edward　from　the　truth。　

I'd　have　to　find　a　way　to　tip　off　Carlisle；　though。　Someday。　If　he　ever　needed　to　create　another　vampire。　
That　possibility　seemed　very　unlikely；　which　made　me　feel　better　about　lying。　

〃I　want　you　to　think—to　tell　me　everything　you　remember；〃　Carlisle　pressed　excitedly；　and　I　couldn't　
help　the　grimace　that　flashed　across　my　face。　I　didn't　want　to　have　to　keep　lying；　because　I　might　slip　up。　
And　I　didn't　want　to　think　about　the　burning。　Unlike　the　human　memories；　that　part　was　perfectly　clear　
and　I　found　I　could　remember　it　with　far　too　much　precision。　

〃Oh；　I'm　so　sorry；　Bella；〃　Carlisle　apologized　immediately。　〃Of　course　your　thirst　must　be　very　
unfortable。　This　conversation　can　wait。〃　

Until　he'd　mentioned　it；　the　thirst　actually　wasn't　unmanageable。　There　was　so　much　room　in　my　head。　A　
separate　part　of　my　brain　was　keeping　tabs　on　the　burn　in　my　throat；　almost　like　a　reflex。　The　way　my　old　
brain　had　handled　breathing　and　blinking。　

But　Carlisle's　assumption　brought　the　burn　to　the　forefront　of　my　mind。　Suddenly；　the　dry　ache　was　all　I　
could　think　about；　and　the　more　I　thought　about　it；　the　more　it　hurt。　My　hand　flew　up　to　cup　my　throat；　
like　I　could　smother　the　flames　from　the　outside。　The　skin　of　my　neck　was　strange　beneath　my　fingers。　So　
smooth　it　was　somehow　soft；　though　it　was　hard　as　stone；　too。　

Edward　dropped　his　arms　and　took　my　other　hand；　tugging　gently。　〃Let's　hunt；　Bella。〃　

My　eyes　opened　wider　and　the　pain　of　the　thirst　receded；　shock　taking　its　place。　

Me？　Hunt？　With　Edward？　But。。。　how？　I　didn't　know　what　to　do。　

He　read　the　alarm　in　my　expression　and　smiled　encouragingly。　〃It's　quite　easy；　love。　Instinctual。　Don't　
worry；　I'll　show　you。〃　When　I　didn't　move；　he　grinned　his　crooked　smile　and　raised　his　eyebrows。　〃I　was　
under　the　impression　that　you'd　always　wanted　to　see　me　hunt。〃　

I　laughed　in　a　short　burst　of　humor　（part　of　me　listened　in　wonder　to　the　pealing　bell　sound）　as　his　words　
reminded　me　of　cloudy　human　conversations。　And　then　I　took　a　whole　second　to　run　quickly　through　
those　first　days　




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with　Edward—the　true　beginning　of　my　life—in　my　head　so　that　I　would　never　forget　them。　I　did　not　
expect　that　it　would　be　so　unfortable　to　remember。　Like　trying　to　squint　through　muddy　water。　I　
knew　from　Rosalie's　experience　that　if　I　thought　of　my　human　memories　enough；　I　would　not　lose　them　
over　time。　I　did　not　want　to　forget　one　minute　I'd　spent　with　Edward；　even　now；　when　eternity　stretched　
in　front　of　us。　i　would　have　to　make　sure　those　human　memories　were　cemented　into　my　infallible　vampire　
mind。　

〃Shall　we？〃　Edward　asked。　He　reached　up　to　take　the　hand　that　was　still　at　my　neck。　His　fingers　
smoothed　down　the　column　of　my　throat。　〃I　don't　want　you　to　be　hurting；〃　he　added　in　a　low　murmur。　
Something　I　would　not　have　been　able　to　hear　before。　

Tm　fine；〃　I　said　out　of　lingering　human　habit。　〃Wait。　First。〃　

There　was　so　much。　I'd　never　gotten　to　my　questions。　There　were　more　important　things　than　the　ache。　

It　was　Carlisle　who　spoke　now。　〃Yes？〃　

〃I　want　to　see　her。　Renesmee。〃　

It　was　oddly　difficult　to　say　her　name。　My　daughter；　these　words　were　even　harder　to　think。　It　all　
seemed　so　distant。　I　tried　to　remember　how　I　had　felt　three　days　ago；　and　automatically；　my　hands　pulled　
free　of　Edward's　and　dropped　to　my　stomach。　

Flat。　Empty。　I　clutched　at　the　pale　silk　that　covered　my　skin；　panicking　again；　while　an　insignificant　part　
of　my　mind　noted　that　Alice　must　have　dressed　me。　

I　knew　there　was　nothing　left　inside　me；　and　I　faintly　remembered　the　bloody　removal　scene；　but　the　
physical　proof　was　still　hard　to　process。　All　I　knew　was　loving　my　little　nudger　inside　of　me。　Outside　of　
me；　she　seemed　like　something　I　must　have　imagined。　A　fading　dream—a　dream　that　was　half　nightmare。　

While　I　wrestled　with　my　confusion；　I　saw　Edward　and　Carlisle　exchange　a　guarded　glance。　

〃What？〃　I　demanded。　

〃Bella；〃　Edward　said　soothingly。　〃That's　not　really　a　good　idea。　She's　half　human；　love。　Her　heart　beats；　
and　blood　runs　in　her　veins。　Until　your　thirst　is　positively　under　control。。。　You　don't　want　to　put　her　in　
danger；　do　you？〃　

I　frowned。　Of　course　I　must　not　want　that。　

Was　I　out　of　control？　Confused；　yes。　Easily　unfocused；　yes。　But　dangerous？　To　her？　My　daughter？　

I　couldn't　be　positive　that　the　answer　was　no。　So　I　would　have　to　be　patient。　That　sounded　difficult。　
Because　until　I　saw　her　again；　she　wouldn't　be　real。　Just　a　fading　dream。。。　of　a　stranger。。。　

〃Where　is　she？〃　I　listened　hard；　and　then　I　could　hear　the　beating　heart　on　the　floor　below　me。　I　could　
hear　more　than　one　person　breathing—quietly；　like　they　were　listening；　too。　There　was　also　a　fluttering　
sound；　a　thrumming；　that　I　couldn't　place___　

And　the　sound　of　the　heartbeat　was　so　moist　and　appealing；　that　my　mouth　started　watering。　




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So　I　would　definitely　have　to　learn　how　to　hunt　before　I　saw　her。　My　stranger　baby。　

〃Is　Rosalie　with　her？〃　

〃Yes；〃　Edward　answered　in　a　clipped　tone；　and　I　could　see　that　something　he'd　thought　of　upset　him。　I'd　
thought　

he　and　Rose　were　over　their　differences。　Had　the　animosity　erupted　again？　Before　I　could　ask；　he　pulled　
my　hands　away　from　my　flat　stomach；　tugging　gently　again。　

〃Wait；〃　I　protested　again；　trying　to　focus。　〃What　about　Jacob？　And　Charlie？　Tell　me　everything　that　I　
missed。　How　long　was　I。。。　unconscious？〃　

Edward　didn't　seem　to　notice　my　hesitation　over　the　last　word。　Instead；　he　was　exchanging　another　wary　
glance　with　Carlisle。　

〃What's　wrong？〃　I　whispered。　

〃Nothing　is　wrong〃　Carlisle　told　me；　emphasizing　the　last　word　in　a　strange　way。　〃Nothing　has　changed　
much；　actually—you　were　only　unaware　for　just　over　two　days。　It　was　very　fast；　as　these　things　go。　
Edward　did　an　excellent　job。　Quite　innovative—the　venom　injection　straight　to　your　heart　was　his　idea。〃　
He　paused　to　smile　proudly　at　his　son　and　then　sighed。　〃Jacob　is　still　here；　and　Charlie　still　believes　that　
you　are　sick。　He　thinks　you're　in　Atlanta　right　now；　undergoing　tests　at　the　CDC。　We　gave　him　a　bad　
number；　and　he's　frustrated。　He's　been　speaking　to　Esme。〃　

〃I　should　call　him。。。；〃　I　murmured　to　myself；　but；　listening　to　my　own　voice；　I　understood　the　new　
difficulties。　He　wouldn't　recognize　this　voice。　It　wouldn't　reassure　him。　And　then　the　earlier　surprise　
intruded。　〃Hold　on—Jacob　is　still　here？〃　

Another　glance　between　them。　

〃Bella；〃　Edward　said　quickly。　〃There's　much　to　discuss；　but　we　should　take　care　of　you　first。　You　have　
to　be　in　pain___〃　

When　he　pointed　that　out；　I　remembered　the　burn　in　my　throat　and　swallowed　convulsively。　〃But　Jacob　
—〃　

〃We　have　all　the　time　in　the　world　for　explanations；　love；〃　he　reminded　me　gently。　

Of　course。　I　could　wait　a　little　longer　for　the　answer；　it　would　be　easier　to　listen　when　the　fierce　pain　of　
the　fiery　thirst　was　no　longer　scattering　my　concentration。　〃Okay。〃　

〃Wait；　wait；　wait；〃　Alice　trilled　from　the　doorway。　She　danced　across　the　room；　dreamily　graceful。　As　
with　Edward　and　Carlisle；　I　felt　some　shock　as　I　really　looked　at　her　face　for　the　first　time。　So　lovely。　
〃You　promised　I　could　be　there　the　first　time！　What　if　you　two　run　past　something　reflective？〃　

〃Alice—；〃　Edward　protested。　

〃It　will　only　take　a　second！〃　And　with　that；　Alice　darted　from　the　room。　

Edward　sighed。　



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〃What　is　she　talking　about？〃　

But　Alice　was　already　back；　carrying　the　huge；　giltframed　mirror　from　Rosalie's　room；　which　was　nearly　
twice　as　tall　as　she　was；　and　several　times　as　wide。　

Jasper　had　been　so　still　and　silent　that　I'd　taken　no　notice　of　him　since　he'd　followed　behind　Carlisle。　
Now　he　moved　again；　to　hover　over　Alice；　his　eyes　locked　on　my　expression。　Because　I　was　the　danger　
here。　

I　knew　he　would　be　tasting　the　mood　around　me；　too；　and　so　he　must　have　felt　my　jolt　of　shock　as　I　
studied　his　face；　looking　at　it　closely　for　the　first　time。　

Through　my　sightless　human　eyes；　the　scars　left　from　his　former　life　with　the　newborn　armies　in　the　South　
had　been　mostly　invisible。　Only　with　a　bright　light　to　throw　their　slightly　raised　shapes　into　definition　could　
I　even　make　out　their　existence。　

Now　that　I　could　see；　the　scars　were　Jasper's　most　dominant　feature。　It　was　hard　to　take　my　eyes　off　his　
ravaged　neck　and　jaw—hard　to　believe　that　even　a　vampire　could　have　survived　so　many　sets　of　teeth　
ripping　into　his　throat。　

Instinctively；　I　tensed　to　defend　myself。　Any　vampire　who　saw　Jasper　would　have　had　the　same　reaction。　
The　scars　were　like　a　lighted　billboard。　Dangerous；　they　screamed。　How　many　vampires　had　tried　to　
kill　Jasper？　Hundreds？　Thousands？　The　same　number　that　had　died　in　the　attempt　

Jasper　both　saw　and　felt　my　assessment；　my　caution；　and　he　smiled　wryly。　

〃Edward　gave　me　grief　for　not　getting　you　to　a　mirror　before　the　wedding；〃　Alice　said；　pulling　my　
attention　away　from　her　frightening　lover。　Tm　not　going　to　be　chewed　out　again。〃　

〃Chewed　out？〃　Edward　asked　skeptically；　one　eyebrow　curving　upward。　

〃Maybe　I'm　overstating　things；〃　she　murmured　absently　as　she　turned　the　mirror　to　face　me。　

〃And　maybe　this　has　solely　to　do　with　your　own　voyeuristic　gratification；〃　he　countered。　

Alice　winked　at　him。　

I　was　only　aware　of　this　exchange　with　the　lesser　part　of　my　concentration。　The　greater　part　was　riveted　
on　the　person　in　the　mirror。　

My　first　reaction　was　an　unthinking　pleasure。　The　alien　creature　in　the　glass　was　indisputably　beautiful；　
every　bit　as　beautiful　as　Alice　or　Esme。　She　was　fluid　even　in　stillness；　and　her　flawless　face　was　pale　as　
the　moon　against　the　frame　of　her　dark；　heavy　hair。　Her　limbs　were　smooth　and　strong；　skin　glistening　
subtly；　luminous　as　a　pearl。　

My　second　reaction　was　horror。　

Who　was　she？　At　first　glance；　I　couldn't　find　my　face　anywhere　in　the　smooth；　perfect　planes　of　her　
features。　




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And　her　eyes！　Though　I'd　known　to　expect　them；　her　eyes　still　sent　a　thrill　of　terror　through　me。　

All　the　while　I　studied　and　reacted；　her　face　was　perfectly　posed；　a　carving　of　a　goddess；　showing　
nothing　of　the　turmoil　roiling　inside　me。　And　then　her　full　lips　moved。　

〃The　eyes？〃　I　whispered；　unwilling　to　say　my　eyes。　〃How　long？　

〃They'll　darken　up　in　a　few　months；〃　Edward　said　in　a　soft；　forting　voice。　〃Animal　blood　dilutes　the　
color　more　quickly　than　a　diet　of　human　blood。　They'll　turn　amber　first；　then　gold。〃　

My　eyes　would　blaze　like　vicious　red　flames　for　months？　

〃Months？〃　My　voice　was　higher　now；　stressed。　In　the　mirror；　the　perfect　eyebrows　lifted　incredulously　
above　her　glowing　crimson　eyes—brighter　than　any　I'd　ever　seen　before。　

Jasper　took　a　step　forward；　alarmed　by　the　intensity　of　my　sudden　anxiety。　He　knew　young　vampires　
only　too　well；　did　this　emotion　presage　some　misstep　on　my　part？　

No　one　answered　my　question。　I　looked　away；　to　Edward　and　Alice。　Both　their　eyes　were　slightly　

unfocused—reacting　to　Jasper's　unease。　Listening　to　its　cause；　looking　ahead　to　the　immediate　future。　

I　took　another　deep；　unnecessary　breath。　

〃No；　I'm　fine；〃　I　promised　them。　My　eyes　flickered　to　the　stranger　in　the　mirror　and　back。　〃It's　just。。。　a　
lot　to　take　in。〃　

Jasper's　brow　furrowed；　highlighting　the　two　scars　over　his　left　eye。　

〃I　don't　know；〃　Edward　murmured。　

The　woman　in　the　mirror　frowned。　〃What　question　did　I　miss？〃　

Edward　grinned。　〃Jasper　wonders　how　you're　doing　it。〃　

〃Doing　what？〃　

〃Controlling　your　emotions；　Bella；〃　Jasper　answered。　〃I've　never　seen　a　newborn　do　that—stop　an　
emotion　in　its　tracks　that　way。　You　were　upset；　but　when　you　saw　our　concern；　you　reined　it　in；　regained　
power　over　yourself。　I　was　prepared　to　help；　but　you　didn't　need　it。〃　

〃Is　that　wrong？〃　I　asked。　My　body　automatically　froze　as　I　waited　for　his　verdict。　

〃No；〃　he　said；　but　his　voice　was　unsure。　

Edward　stroked　his　hand　down　my　arm；　as　if　encouraging　me　to　thaw。　〃It's　very　impressive；　Bella；　but　
we　don't　understand　it。　We　don't　know　how　long　it　can　hold。〃　

I　considered　that　for　a　portion　of　a　second。　At　any　moment；　would　I　snap？　Turn　into　a　monster？　

I　couldn't　feel　it　ing　on。。。。　Maybe　there　was　no　way　to　anticipate　such　a　thing。　



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〃But　what　do　you　think？〃　Alice　asked；　a　little　impatient　now；　pointing　to　the　mirror。　

〃I'm　not　sure；〃　I　hedged；　not　wanting　to　admit　how　frightened　I　really　was。　

I　stared　at　the　beautiful　woman　with　the　terrifying　eyes；　looking　for　pieces　of　me。　There　was　something　
there　in　the　shape　of　her　lips—if　you　looked　past　the　dizzying　beauty；　it　was　true　that　her　upper　lip　was　
slightly　out　of　balance；　a　bit　too　full　to　match　the　lower。　Finding　this　familiar　little　flaw　made　me　feel　a　tiny　
bit　better。　Maybe　the　rest　of　me　was　in　there；　too。　

I　raised　my　hand　experimentally；　and　the　woman　in　the　mirror　copied　the　movement；　touching　her　face；　
too。　Her　crimson　eyes　watched　me　warily。　

Edward　sighed。　

I　turned　away　from　her　to　look　at　him；　raising　one　eyebrow。　

〃Disappointed？〃　I　asked；　my　ringing　voice　impassive。　

He　laughed。　〃Yes；〃　he　admitted。　

I　felt　the　shock　break　throug