4 breaking dawn破晓-第45部分

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focus　and　attitude；　anyone　could　do　as　well　as　Bella。　Even　now—perhaps　he　only　has　such　difficulty　
because　he　believes　it's　natural　and　unavoidable。　Maybe　if　he　expected　more　of　himself；　he　would　rise　to　
those　expectations。　You're　making　him　question　a　lot　of　deeprooted　assumptions；　Bella。〃　

〃But　that's　unfair；〃　Carlisle　said。　〃Everyone　is　different；　everyone　has　their　own　challenges。　Perhaps　what　
Bella　is　doing　goes　beyond　the　natural。　Maybe　this　is　her　gift；　so　to　speak。〃　

I　froze　with　surprise。　Renesmee　felt　the　change；　and　touched　me。　She　remembered　the　last　second　of　
time　and　wondered　why。　

〃That's　an　interesting　theory；　and　quite　plausible；〃　Edward　said。　

For　a　tiny　space；　I　was　disappointed。　What？　No　magic　visions；　no　formidable　offensive　abilities　like；　oh；　
shooting　lightning　bolts　from　my　eyes　or　something？　Nothing　helpful　or　cool　at　all？　

And　then　I　realized　what　that　might　mean；　if　my　〃superpower〃　was　no　more　than　exceptional　selfcontrol。　

For　one　thing；　at　least　I　had　a　gift。　It　could　have　been　nothing。　

But；　much　more　than　that；　if　Edward　was　right；　then　I　could　skip　right　over　the　part　I'd　feared　the　very　
most。　

What　if　I　didn't　have　to　be　a　newborn？　Not　in　the　crazed　killingmachine　sense；　anyway。　What　if　I　could　
fit　right　in　with　the　Cullens　from　my　first　day？　What　if　we　didn't　have　to　hide　out　somewhere　remote　for　a　
year　while　I　〃grew　up〃？　What　if；　like　Carlisle；　I　never　killed　a　single　person？　What　if　I　could　be　a　good　
vampire　right　away？　

I　could　see　Charlie。　

I　sighed　as　soon　as　reality　filtered　through　hope。　I　couldn't　see　Charlie　right　away。　The　eyes；　the　voice；　
the　perfected　face。　What　could　I　possibly　say　to　him；　how　could　I　even　begin？　I　was　furtively　glad　that　I　
had　some　excuses　for　putting　things　off　for　a　while；　as　much　as　I　wanted　to　find　some　way　to　keep　
Charlie　in　my　life；　I　was　terrified　of　that　first　meeting。　Seeing　his　eyes　pop　as　he　took　in　my　new　face；　my　
new　skin。　Knowing　that　he　was　frightened。　Wondering　what　dark　explanation　would　form　in　his　head。　

I　was　chicken　enough　to　wait　for　a　year　while　my　eyes　cooled。　And　here　I'd　thought　I　would　be　so　
fearless　when　I　was　indestructible。　

〃Have　you　ever　seen　an　equivalent　to　selfcontrol　as　a　talent？〃　Edward　asked　Carlisle。　〃Do　you　really　
think　that's　a　gift；　or　just　a　product　of　all　her　preparation？〃　

Carlisle　shrugged；　'it's　slightly　similar　to　what　Siobhan　has　always　been　able　to　do；　though　she　wouldn't　
call　it　a　

gift。〃　

〃Siobhan；　your　friend　in　that　Irish　coven？〃　Rosalie　asked。　1　wasn't　aware　that　she　did　anything　special。　I　
thought　



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it　was　Maggie　who　was　talented　in　that　bunch。〃　

〃Yes；　Siobhan　thinks　the　same。　But　she　has　this　way　of　deciding　her　goals　and　then　almost。。。　willing　
them　into　reality。　She　considers　it　good　planning；　but　I've　always　wondered　if　it　was　something　more。　
When　she　included　Maggie；　for　instance。　Liam　was　very　territorial；　but　Siobhan　wanted　it　to　work　out；　
and　so　it　did。〃　

Edward；　Carlisle；　and　Rosalie　settled　into　chairs　as　they　continued　with　the　discussion。　Jacob　sat　next　to　
Seth　protectively；　looking　bored。　From　the　way　his　eyelids　drooped；　I　was　sure　he'd　be　unconscious　
momentarily。　

I　listened；　but　my　attention　was　divided。　Renesmee　was　still　telling　me　about　her　day。　I　held　her　by　the　
window　wall；　my　arms　rocking　her　automatically　as　we　stared　into　each　other's　eyes。　

I　realized　that　the　others　had　no　reason　for　sitting　down。　I　was　perfectly　fortable　standing。　It　was　just　
as　restful　as　stretching　out　on　a　bed　would　be。　I　knew　I　would　be　able　to　stand　like　this　for　a　week　
without　moving　and　I　would　feel　just　as　relaxed　at　the　end　of　the　seven　days　as　I　did　at　the　beginning。　

They　must　sit　out　of　habit。　Humans　would　notice　someone　standing　for　hours　without　ever　shifting　her　
weight　to　a　different　foot。　Even　now；　I　saw　Rosalie　brush　her　fingers　against　her　hair　and　Carlisle　cross　
his　legs。　Little　motions　to　keep　from　being　too　still；　too　much　a　vampire。　I　would　have　to　pay　attention　to　
what　they　did　and　start　practicing。　

I　rolled　my　weight　back　to　my　left　leg。　It　felt　kind　of　silly。　

Maybe　they　were　just　trying　to　give　me　a　little　alone　time　with　my　baby—as　alone　as　was　safe。　

Renesmee　told　me　about　every　minute　happening　of　the　day；　and　I　got　the　feeling　from　the　tenor　of　her　
little　stories　that　she　wanted　me　to　know　her　every　bit　as　much　I　wanted　the　same　thing。　It　worried　her　
that　I　had　missed　things—like　the　sparrows　that　had　hopped　closer　and　closer　when　Jacob　had　held　her；　
both　of　them　very　still　beside　one　of　the　big　hemlocks；　the　birds　wouldn't　e　close　to　Rosalie。　Or　the　
outrageously　icky　white　stuff—baby　formula—that　Carlisle　had　put　in　her　cup；　it　smelled　like　sour　dirt。　
Or　the　song　Edward　had　crooned　to　her　that　was　so　perfect　Renesmee　played　it　for　me　twice；　I　was　
surprised　that　I　was　in　the　background　of　that　memory；　perfectly　motionless　but　looking　fairly　battered　
still。　I　shuddered；　remembering　that　time　from　my　own　perspective。　The　hideous　fire。。。　

After　almost　an　hour—the　others　were　still　deeply　absorbed　in　their　discussion；　Seth　and　Jacob　snoring　
in　harmony　on　the　couch—Renesmee's　memory　stories　began　to　slow。　They　got　slightly　blurry　around　the　
edges　and　drifted　out　of　focus　before　they　came　to　their　conclusions。　I　was　about　to　interrupt　Edward　in　
a　panic—was　there　something　wrong　with　her？—when　her　eyelids　fluttered　and　closed。　She　yawned；　her　
plump　pink　lips　stretching　into　a　

round　O；　and　her　eyes　never　reopened。　

Her　hand　fell　away　from　my　face　as　she　drifted　to　sleep—the　backs　of　her　eyelids　were　the　pale　
lavender　color　of　thin　clouds　before　the　sunrise。　Careful　not　to　disturb　her；　I　lifted　that　hand　back　to　my　
skin　and　held　it　there　curiously。　At　first　there　was　nothing；　and　then；　after　a　few　minutes；　a　flickering　of　
colors　like　a　handful　of　butterflies　were　scattering　from　her　thoughts。　

Mesmerized；　I　watched　her　dreams。　There　was　no　sense　to　it。　Just　colors　and　shapes　and　faces。　I　was　



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pleased　by　how　often　my　face—both　of　my　faces；　hideous　human　and　glorious　immortal—cropped　up　in　
her　unconscious　thoughts。　More　than　Edward　or　Rosalie。　I　was　neck　and　neck　with　Jacob；　I　tried　not　to　
let　that　get　to　me。　

For　the　first　time；　I　understood　how　Edward　had　been　able　to　watch　me　sleep　night　after　boring　night；　
just　to　hear　me　talk　in　my　sleep。　I　could　watch　Renesmee　dream　forever。　

The　change　in　Edward's　tone　caught　my　attention　when　he　said；　〃Finally；〃　and　turned　to　gaze　out　the　
window。　It　was　deep；　purply　night　outside；　but　I　could　see　just　as　far　as　before。　Nothing　was　hidden　in　
the　darkness；　everything　had　just　changed　colors。　

Leah；　still　glowering；　got　up　and　slunk　into　the　brush　just　as　Alice　came　into　view　on　the　other　side　of　the　
river。　Alice　swung　back　and　forth　from　a　branch　like　a　trapeze　artist；　toes　touching　hands；　before　
throwing　her　body　into　a　graceful　flat　spin　over　the　river。　Esme　made　a　more　traditional　leap；　while　
Emmett　charged　right　through　the　water；　splashing　water　so　far　that　splatters　hit　the　back　windows。　To　
my　surprise；　Jasper　followed　after；　his　own　efficient　leap　seeming　understated；　even　subtle；　after　the　
others。　k　

The　huge　grin　stretching　Alice's　face　was　familiar　in　a　dim；　odd　way。　Everyone　was　suddenly　smiting　at　
me—Esme　sweet；　Emmett　excited；　Rosalie　a　little　superior；　Carlisle　indulgent；　and　Edward　expectant。　

Alice　skipped　into　the　room　ahead　of　everyone　else；　her　hand　stretched　out　in　front　of　her　and　
impatience　making　a　nearly　visible　aura　around　her。　In　her　palm　was　an　everyday　brass　key　with　an　
oversized　pink　satin　bow　tied　around　it。　

She　held　the　key　out　for　me；　and　I　automatically　gripped　Renesmee　more　securely　in　my　right　arm　so　
that　I　could　open　my　left。　Alice　dropped　the　key　into　it。　

〃Happy　birthday！〃　she　squealed。　

I　rolled　my　eyes。　〃No　one　starts　counting　on　the　actual　day　of　birth；〃　I　reminded　her。　〃Your　first　birthday　
is　at　the　year　mark；　Alice。〃　

Her　grin　turned　smug。　〃We're　not　celebrating　your　vampire　birthday。　Yet。　It's　September　thirteenth；　
Bella。　Happy　nieenth　birthday！〃　

24。　SURPRISE　

〃No。　No　way！〃　I　shook　my　head　fiercely　and　then　shot　a　glance　at　the　smug　smile　on　my　
seventeenyearold　husband's　face。　〃No；　this　doesn't　count。　I　stopped　aging　three　days　ago。　I　am　
eighteen　forever。〃　

〃Whatever；〃　Alice　said；　dismissing　my　protest　with　a　quick　shrug。　〃We're　celebrating　anyway；　so　suck　it　
up。〃　

I　sighed。　There　was　rarely　a　point　to　arguing　with　Alice。　

Her　grin　got　impossibly　wider　as　she　read　the　acquiescence　in　my　eyes。　

〃Are　you　ready　to　open　your　present？〃　Alice　sang。　




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〃Presents；〃　Edward　corrected；　and　he　pulled　another　key—this　one　longer　and　silver　with　a　less　gaudy　
blue　bow—from　his　pocket。　

I　struggled　to　keep　from　rolling　my　eyes。　I　knew　immediately　what　this　key　was　to—the　〃after　car。〃　I　
wondered　if　I　should　feel　excited。　It　seemed　the　vampire　conversion　hadn't　given　me　any　sudden　interest　
in　sports　cars。　

〃Mine　first；〃　Alice　said；　and　then　stuck　her　tongue　out；　foreseeing　his　answer。　

〃Mine　is　closer。〃　

〃But　look　at　how　she's　dressed〃　Alice's　words　were　almost　a　moan。　〃It's　been　killing　me　all　day。　That　is　
clearly　the　priority。〃　

My　eyebrows　pulled　together　as　I　wondered　how　a　key　could　get　me　into　new　clothes。　Had　she　gotten　
me　a　whole　trunkful？　

〃I　know—I'll　play　you　for　it；〃　Alice　suggested。　〃Rock；　paper；　scissors。〃　

Jasper　chuckled　and　Edward　sighed。　

〃Why　you　don't　you　just　tell　me　who　wins？〃　Edward　said　wryly。　

Alice　beamed。　〃I　do。　Excellent。〃　

〃It's　probably　better　that　I　wait　for　morning；　anyway。〃　Edward　smiled　crookedly　at　me　and　then　nodded　
toward　

Jacob　and　Seth；　who　looked　like　they　were　crashed　for　the　night；　I　wonder　how　long　they'd　stayed　up　
this　time。　〃I　think　it　might　be　more　fun　if　Jacob　was　awake　for　the　big　reveal；　don't　you　agree？　So　that　
someone　there　is　able　to　express　the　right　level　of　enthusiasm？〃　

I　grinned　back。　He　knew　me　well。　

〃Yay；〃　Alice　sang。　〃Bella；　give　Ness—Renesmee　to　Rosalie。〃　

〃Where　does　she　usually　sleep？〃　

Alice　shrugged。　〃In　Rose's　arms。　Or　Jacob's。　Or　Esme's。　You　get　the　picture。　She　has　never　been　set　
down　in　her　entire　life。　She's　going　to　be　the　most　spoiled　halfvampire　in　existence。〃　

Edward　laughed　while　Rosalie　took　Renesmee　expertly　in　her　arms。　〃She　is　also　the　most　unspoiled　
halfvampire　in　existence；〃　Rosalie　said。　〃The　beauty　of　being　one　of　a　kind。〃　

Rosalie　grinned　at　me；　and　I　was　glad　to　see　that　the　new　radeship　between　us　was　still　there　in　her　
smile。　I　hadn't　been　entirely　sure　it　would　last　after　Renesmee's　life　was　no　longer　tied　to　mine。　But　maybe　
we　had　fought　together　on　the　same　side　long　enough　that　we　would　always　be　friends　now。　I'd　finally　
made　the　same　choice　she　would　have　if　she'd　been　in　my　shoes。　That　seemed　to　have　washed　away　her　
resentment　for　all　my　other　choices。　

Alice　shoved　the　beribboned　key　in　my　hand；　then　grabbed　my　elbow　and　steered　me　toward　the　back　



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door。　〃Let's　go；　let's　go；〃　she　trilled。　

〃Is　it　outside？〃　

〃Sort　of；〃　Alice　said；　pushing　me　forward。　

〃Enjoy　your　gift；〃　Rosalie　said。　〃It's　from　all　of　us。　Esme　especially。〃　

〃Aren't　you　ing；　too？〃　I　realized　that　no　one　had　moved。　

〃We'll　give　you　a　chance　to　appreciate　it　alone；〃　Rosalie　said。　〃You　can　tell　us　about　it。。。　later。〃　

Emmett　guffawed。　Something　about　his　laugh　made　me　feel　like　blushing；　though　I　wasn't　sure　why。　

I　realized　that　lots　of　things　about　me—like　truly　hating　surprises；　and　not　liking　gifts　in　general　much　
more—had　not　changed　one　bit。　It　was　a　relief　and　revelation　to　discover　how　much　of　my　essential　core　
traits　had　e　with　me　into　this　new　body。　

I　hadn't　expected　to　be　myself。　I　smiled　widely。　

Alice　tugged　my　elbow；　and　I　couldn't　stop　smiling　as　I　followed　her　into　the　purple　night。　Only　Edward　
came　with　us。　

〃There's　the　enthusiasm　I'm　looking　for；〃　Alice　murmured　approvingly。　Then　she　dropped　my　arm；　made　
two　lithe　bounds；　and　leaped　over　the　river。　

〃C'mon；　Bella；〃　she　called　from　the　other　side。　

Edward　jumped　at　the　same　time　I　did；　it　was　every　bit　as　fun　as　it　had　been　this　afternoon。　Maybe　a　
little　bit　more　fun　because　the　night　changed　everything　into　new；　rich　colors。　

Alice　took　off　with　us　on　her　heels；　heading　due　north。　It　was　easier　to　follow　the　sound　of　her　feet　
whispering　against　the　ground　and　the　fresh　path　of　her　scent　than　it　was　to　keep　my　eyes　on　her　through　
the　thick　vegetation。　

At　no　sign　I　could　see；　she　whirled　and　dashed　back　to　where　I　paused。　

〃Don't　attack　me；〃　she　warned；　and　sprang　at　me。　

〃What　are　you　doing？〃　I　demanded；　squirming　as　she　scrambled　onto　my　back　and　wrapped　her　hands　
around　my　face。　I　felt　the　urge　to　throw　her　off；　but　I　controlled　it。　

〃Making　sure　you　can't　see。〃　

〃I　could　take　care　of　that　without　the　theatrics；〃　Edward　offered。　

〃You　might　let　her　cheat。　Take　her　hand　and　lead　her　forward。〃　

〃Alice；　I—〃　

〃Don't　bother；　Bella。　We're　doing　this　my　way。〃　



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I　felt　Edward's　fingers　weave　through　mine。　〃Just　a　few　seconds　more；　Bella。　Then　she'll　go　annoy　
someone　else。〃　He　pulled　me　forward。　I　kept　up　easily。　I　wasn't　afraid　of　hitting　a　tree；　the　tree　would　be　
the　only　one　getting　hurt　in　that　scenario。　

〃You　might　be　a　little　more　appreciative；〃　Alice　chided　him。　〃This　is　as　much　for　you　as　it　is　for　her。〃　

〃True。　Thank　you　again；　Alice。〃　

〃Yeah；　yeah。　Okay。〃　Alice's　voice　suddenly　shot　up　with　excitement。　〃Stop　there。　Turn　her　just　a　little　to　
the　right。　Yes；　like　that。　Okay。　Are　you　ready？〃　she　squeaked。　

〃I'm　ready。〃　There　were　new　scents　here；　piquing　my　interest；　increasing　my　curiosity。　Scents　that　didn't　
belong　in　the　deep　woods。　Honeysuckle。　Smoke。　Roses。　Sawdust？　Something　metallic；　too。　The　richness　
of　deep　earth；　dug　up　and　exposed。　I　leaned　toward　the　mystery。　

Alice　hopped　down　from　my　back；　releasing　her　grip　on　my　eyes。　

I　stared　into　the　violet　dark。　There；　nestled　into　a　small　clearing　in　the　forest；　was　a　tiny　stone　cottage；　
lavender　gray　in　the　light　of　the　stars。　

It　belonged　here　so　absolutely　that　it　seemed　as　if　it　must　have　grown　from　the　rock；　a　natural　formation。　
Honeysuckle　climbed　up　one　wall　like　a　lattice；　winding　all　the　way　up　and　over　the　thick　wooden　
shingles。　Late　summer　roses　bloomed　in　a　handkerchiefsized　garden　under　the　dark；　deepset　windows。　
There　was　a　little　path　of　flat　stones；　amethyst　in　the　night；　that　led　up　to　the　quaint　arched　wooden　door。　

I　curled　my　hand　around　the　key　I　held；　shocked。　

〃What　do　you　think？〃　Alice's　voice　was　soft　now；　it　fit　with　the　perfect　quiet　of　the　storybook　scene。　

I　opened　my　mouth　but　said　nothing。　

〃Esme　thought　we　m