little dorrit-信丽(英文版)-第115部分

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above　her。

'You　will　understand；　I　dare　say；　without　my　telling　you；　that　my
brother　has　e　home　to　find　my　dear　father's　will；　and　to　take
possession　of　his　property。　He　says；　if　there　is　a　will；　he　is　sure　I
shall　be　left　rich；　and　if　there　is　none；　that　he　will　make　me　so。'

He　would　have　spoken；　but　she　put　up　her　trembling　hand　again；　and　he
stopped。


'I　have　no　use　for　money；　I　have　no　wish　for　it。　It　would　be　of　no　value
at　all　to　me　but　for　your　sake。　I　could　not　be　rich；　and　you　here。　I
must　always　be　much　worse　than　poor；　with　you　distressed。　Will　you　let
me　lend　you　all　I　have？　Will　you　let　me　give　it　you？　Will　you　let　me
show　you　that　I　have　never　forgotten；　that　I　never　can　forget；　your
protection　of　me　when　this　was　my　home？　Dear　Mr　Clennam；　make　me　of　all
the　world　the　happiest；　by　saying　Yes。　Make　me　as　happy　as　I　can　be　in
leaving　you　here；　by　saying　nothing　to…night；　and　letting　me　go
away　with　the　hope　that　you　will　think　of　it　kindly；　and　that　for　my
sake……not　for　yours；　for　mine；　for　nobody's　but　mine！……you　will　give　me
the　greatest　joy　I　can　experience　on　earth；　the　joy　of　knowing　that　I
have　been　serviceable　to　you；　and　that　I　have　paid　some　little　of　the
great　debt　of　my　affection　and　gratitude。　I　can't　say　what　I　wish　to
say。　I　can't　visit　you　here　where　I　have　lived　so　long；　I　can't　think　of
you　here　where　I　have　seen　so　much；　and　be　as　calm　and　forting　as　I
ought。　My　tears　will　make　their　way。　I　cannot　keep　them　back。　But
pray；　pray；　pray；　do　not　turn　from　your　Little　Dorrit；　now；　in　your
affliction！　Pray；　pray；　pray；　I　beg　you　and　implore　you　with　all　my
grieving　heart；　my　friend……my　dear！……take　all　I　have；　and　make　it　a
Blessing　to　me！'

The　star　had　shone　on　her　face　until　now；　when　her　face　sank　upon　his
hand　and　her　own。

It　had　grown　darker　when　he　raised　her　in　his　encircling　arm；　and　softly
answered　her。

'No；　darling　Little　Dorrit。　No；　my　child。　I　must　not　hear　of　such　a
sacrifice。　Liberty　and　hope　would　be　so　dear；　bought　at　such　a　price；
that　I　could　never　support　their　weight；　never　bear　the　reproach　of
possessing　them。　But　with　what　ardent　thankfulness　and　love　I　say　this；
I　may　call　Heaven　to　witness！'

'And　yet　you　will　not　let　me　be　faithful　to　you　in　your　affliction？'

'Say；　dearest　Little　Dorrit；　and　yet　I　will　try　to　be　faithful　to　you。
If；　in　the　bygone　days　when　this　was　your　home　and　when　this　was　your
dress；　I　had　understood　myself　（I　speak　only　of　myself）　better；　and
had　read　the　secrets　of　my　own　breast　more　distinctly；　if；　through　my
reserve　and　self…mistrust；　I　had　discerned　a　light　that　I　see　brightly
now　when　it　has　passed　far　away；　and　my　weak　footsteps　can　never
overtake　it；　if　I　had　then　known；　and　told　you　that　I　loved　and　honoured
you；　not　as　the　poor　child　I　used　to　call　you；　but　as　a　woman　whose
true　hand　would　raise　me　high　above　myself　and　make　me　a　far　happier　and
better　man；　if　I　had　so　used　the　opportunity　there　is　no　recalling……as
I　wish　I　had；　O　I　wish　I　had！……and　if　something　had　kept　us　apart　then；
when　I　was　moderately　thriving；　and　when　you　were　poor；　I　might　have　met
your　noble　offer　of　your　fortune；　dearest　girl；　with　other　words　than
these；　and　still　have　blushed　to　touch　it。　But；　as　it　is；　I　must　never
touch　it；　never！'

She　besought　him；　more　pathetically　and　earnestly；　with　her　little
supplicatory　hand；　than　she　could　have　done　in　any　words。

'I　am　disgraced　enough；　my　Little　Dorrit。　I　must　not　descend　so　low　as
that；　and　carry　you……so　dear；　so　generous；　so　good……down　with　me。　GOD
bless　you；　GOD　reward　you！　It　is　past。'　He　took　her　in　his　arms；　as　if
she　had　been　his　daughter。

'Always　so　much　older；　so　much　rougher；　and　so　much　less　worthy；　even
what　I　was　must　be　dismissed　by　both　of　us；　and　you　must　see　me　only　as
I　am。　I　put　this　parting　kiss　upon　your　cheek；　my　child……who　might　have
been　more　near　to　me；　who　never　could　have　been　more　dear……a　ruined　man
far　removed　from　you；　for　ever　separated　from　you；　whose　course　is
run　while　yours　is　but　beginning。　I　have　not　the　courage　to　ask　to　be
forgotten　by　you　in　my　humiliation；　but　I　ask　to　be　remembered　only　as　I
am。'

The　bell　began　to　ring；　warning　visitors　to　depart。　He　took　her　mantle
from　the　wall；　and　tenderly　wrapped　it　round　her。

'One　other　word；　my　Little　Dorrit。　A　hard　one　to　me；　but　it　is　a
necessary　one。　The　time　when　you　and　this　prison　had　anything　in　mon
has　long　gone　by。　Do　you　understand？'

'O！　you　will　never　say　to　me；'　she　cried；　weeping　bitterly；　and　holding
up　her　clasped　hands　in　entreaty；　'that　I　am　not　to　e　back　any　more！
You　will　surely　not　desert　me　so！'

'I　would　say　it；　if　I　could；　but　I　have　not　the　courage　quite　to　shut
out　this　dear　face；　and　abandon　all　hope　of　its　return。　But　do　not　e
soon；　do　not　e　often！　This　is　now　a　tainted　place；　and　I　well　know
the　taint　of　it　clings　to　me。　You　belong　to　much　brighter　and　better
scenes。　You　are　not　to　look　back　here；　my　Little　Dorrit；　you　are　to　look
away　to　very　different　and　much　happier　paths。　Again；　GOD　bless　you　in
them！　GOD　reward　you！'

Maggy；　who　had　fallen　into　very　low　spirits；　here　cried；　'Oh　get　him
into　a　hospital；　do　get　him　into　a　hospital；　Mother！　He'll　never　look
like　hisself　again；　if　he　an't　got　into　a　hospital。　And　then　the　little
woman　as　was　always　a　spinning　at　her　wheel；　she　can　go　to　the　cupboard
with　the　Princess；　and　say；　what　do　you　keep　the　Chicking　there　for？　and
then　they　can　take　it　out　and　give　it　to　him；　and　then　all　be　happy！'

The　interruption　was　seasonable；　for　the　bell　had　nearly　rung　itself
out。　Again　tenderly　wrapping　her　mantle　about　her；　and　taking　her　on　his
arm　（though；　but　for　her　visit；　he　was　almost　too　weak　to　walk）；　Arthur
led　Little　Dorrit　down…stairs。　She　was　the　last　visitor　to　pass　out　at
the　Lodge；　and　the　gate　jarred　heavily　and　hopelessly　upon　her。

With　the　funeral　clang　that　it　sounded　into　Arthur's　heart；　his　sense　of
weakness　returned。　It　was　a　toilsome　journey　up…stairs　to　his　room；　and
he　re…entered　its　dark　solitary　precincts　in　unutterable　misery。

When　it　was　almost　midnight；　and　the　prison　had　long　been　quiet；　a
cautious　creak　came　up　the　stairs；　and　a　cautious　tap　of　a　key　was　given
at　his　door。　It　was　Young　John。　He　glided　in；　in　his　stockings；　and　held
the　door　closed；　while　he　spoke　in　a　whisper。

'It's　against　all　rules；　but　I　don't　mind。　I　was　determined　to　e
through；　and　e　to　you。'

'What　is　the　matter？'

'Nothing's　the　matter；　sir。　I　was　waiting　in　the　court…yard　for　Miss
Dorrit　when　she　came　out。　I　thought　you'd　like　some　one　to　see　that　she
was　safe。'

'Thank　you；　thank　you！　You　took　her　home；　John？'

'I　saw　her　to　her　hotel。　The　same　that　Mr　Dorrit　was　at。　Miss　Dorrit
walked　all　the　way；　and　talked　to　me　so　kind；　it　quite　knocked　me　over。
Why　do　you　think　she　walked　instead　of　riding？'

'I　don't　know；　John。'

'To　talk　about　you。　She　said　to　me；　〃John；　you　was　always　honourable；
and　if　you'll　promise　me　that　you　will　take　care　of　him；　and　never　let
him　want　for　help　and　fort　when　I　am　not　there；　my　mind　will　be　at
rest　so　far。〃　I　promised　her。　And　I'll　stand　by　you；'　said　John　Chivery；
'for　ever！'

Clennam；　much　affected；　stretched　out　his　hand　to　this　honest　spirit。

'Before　I　take　it；'　said　John；　looking　at　it；　without　ing　from　the
door；　'guess　what　message　Miss　Dorrit　gave　me。'

Clennam　shook　his　head。

'〃Tell　him；〃'　repeated　John；　in　a　distinct；　though　quavering　voice；
'〃that　his　Little　Dorrit　sent　him　her　undying　love。〃　Now　it's　delivered。
Have　I　been　honourable；　sir？'

'Very；　very！'

'Will　you　tell　Miss　Dorrit　I've　been　honourable；　sir？'

'I　will　indeed。'

'There's　my　hand；　sir；'　said　john；　'and　I'll　stand　by　you　forever！'

After　a　hearty　squeeze；　he　disappeared　with　the　same　cautious　creak　upon
the　stair；　crept　shoeless　over　the　pavement　of　the　yard；　and；　locking
the　gates　behind　him；　passed　out　into　the　front　where　he　had　left　his
shoes。　If　the　same　way　had　been　paved　with　burning　ploughshares；　it　is
not　at　all　improbable　that　John　would　have　traversed　it　with　the　same
devotion；　for　the　same　purpose。




CHAPTER　30。　Closing　in


The　last　day　of　the　appointed　week　touched　the　bars　of　the　Marshalsea
gate。　Black；　all　night；　since　the　gate　had　clashed　upon　Little　Dorrit；
its　iron　stripes　were　turned　by　the　early…glowing　sun　into　stripes　of
gold。　Far　aslant　across　the　city；　over　its　jumbled　roofs；　and　through
the　open　tracery　of　its　church　towers；　struck　the　long　bright　rays；　bars
of　the　prison　of　this　lower　world。

Throughout　the　day　the　old　house　within　the　gateway　remained　untroubled
by　any　visitors。　But；　when　the　sun　was　low；　three　men　turned　in　at　the
gateway　and　made　for　the　dilapidated　house。

Rigaud　was　the　first；　and　walked　by　himself　smoking。　Mr　Baptist　was
the　second；　and　jogged　close　after　him；　looking　at　no　other　object。
Mr　Pancks　was　the　third；　and　carried　his　hat　under　his　arm　for　the
liberation　of　his　restive　hair；　the　weather　being　extremely　hot。　They
all　came　together　at　the　door…steps。

'You　pair　of　madmen！'　said　Rigaud；　facing　about。　'Don't　go　yet！'

'We　don't　mean　to；'　said　Mr　Pancks。　Giving　him　a　dark　glance　in
acknowledgment　of　his　answer；　Rigaud　knocked　loudly。　He　had　charged
himself　with　drink；　for　the　playing　out　of　his　game；　and　was　impatient
to　begin。　He　had　hardly　finished　one　long　resounding　knock；　when　he
turned　to　the　knocker　again　and　began　another。　That　was　not　yet　finished
when　Jeremiah　Flintwinch　opened　the　door；　and　they　all　clanked　into　the
stone　hall。　Rigaud；　thrusting　Mr　Flintwinch　aside；　proceeded　straight
up…stairs。　His　two　attendants　followed　him；　Mr　Flintwinch　followed　them；
and　they　all　came　trooping　into　Mrs　Clennam's　quiet　room。　It　was　in　its
usual　state；　except　that　one　of　the　windows　was　wide　open；　and　Affery
sat　on　its　old…fashioned　window…seat；　mending　a　stocking。　The　usual
articles　were　on　the　little　table；　the　usual　deadened　fire　was　in　the
grate；　the　bed　had　its　usual　pall　upon　it；　and　the　mistress　of　all　sat
on　her　black　bier…like　sofa；　propped　up　by　her　black　angular　bolster
that　was　like　the　headsman's　block。

Yet　there　was　a　nameless　air　of　preparation　in　the　room；　as　if　it　were
strung　up　for　an　occasion。　From　what　the　room　derived　it……every　one　of
its　small　variety　of　objects　being　in　the　fixed　spot　it　had　occupied
for　years……no　one　could　have　said　without　looking　attentively　at　its
mistress；　and　that；　too；　with　a　previous　knowledge　of　her　face。　Although
her　unchanging　black　dress　was　in　every　plait　precisely　as　of　old；　and
her　unchanging　attitude　was　rigidly　preserved；　a　very　slight　additional
setting　of　her　features　and　contraction　of　her　gloomy　forehead　was　so
powerfully　marked；　that　it　marked　everything　about　her。

'Who　are　these？'　she　said；　wonderingly；　as　the　two　attendants　entered。
'What　do　these　people　want　here？'

'Who　are　these；　dear　madame；　is　it？'　returned　Rigaud。　'Faith；　they　are
friends　of　your　son　the　prisoner。　And　what　do　they　want　here；　is　it？
Death；　madame；　I　don't　know。　You　will　do　well　to　ask　them。'

'You　know　you　told　us　at　the　door；　not　to　go　yet；'　said　Pancks。

'And　you　know　you　told　me　at　the　door；　you　didn't　mean　to　go；'　retorted
Rigaud。　'In　a　word；　madame；　permit　me　to　present　two　spies　of　the
prisoner's……madmen；　but　spies。　If　you　wish　them　to　remain　here　during
our　little　conversation；　say　the　word。　It　is　nothing　to　me。'

'Why　should　I　wish　them　to　remain　here？'　said　Mrs　Clennam。　'What　have　I
to　do　with　them？'

'Then；　dearest　madame；'　said　Rigaud；　throwing　himself　into　an　arm…chair
so　heavily　that　the　old　room　trembled；　'you　will　do　well　to　dismiss
them。　It　is　your　affair。　They　are　not　my　spies；　not　my　rascals。'

'Hark！　You　Pancks；'　said　Mrs　Clennam；　bending　her　brows　upon　him
angrily；　'you　Casby's　clerk！　Attend　to　your　employer's　business　and　your
own。　Go。　And　take　that　other　man　with　you。'　'Thank　you；　ma'am；'　returned
Mr　Pancks；　'I　am　glad　to　say　I　see　no　objection　to　our　both　retiring。
We　have　done　all　we　undertook　to　do　for　Mr　Clennam。　His　constant　anxiety
has　been　（and　it　grew　worse　upon　him　when　he　became　a　prisoner）；　that
this　agreeable　gentleman　should　be　brought　back　here　to　the　place　from
which　he　slipped　away。　Here　he　is……brought　back。　And　I　will　say；'　added
Mr　Pancks；　'to　his　ill…looking　face；　that　in　my　opinion　the　world　would
be　no　worse　for　his　slipping　out　of　it　altogether。'

'Your　opinion　is　not　asked；'　answered　Mrs　Clennam。　'Go。'

'I　am　sorry　not　to　leave　you　in　better　pany；　ma'am；'　said　Pancks；
'and　sorry；　too；　that　Mr　Clennam　can't　be　present。　It's　my　fault；　that
is。'

'You　mean　his　own；'　she　returned。

'No；　I　mean　mine；　ma'am；'　said　Pancks；'for　it　was　my　misfortune　to　lead
him　into　a　ruinous　investment。'　（Mr　Pancks　still　clung　to　that　word；
and　never　said　speculation。）　'Though　I　can　prove　by　figures；'　added　Mr
Pancks；　with　an　anxious　countenance；　'that　it　ought　to　have　been　a　good
investment。　I　have　gone　over　it　since　it　failed；　every　day　of　my　life；
and　it　es　out……regarded　as　a　question　of　figures……triumphant。　The
present　is　not　a　time　or　place；'　Mr　Pancks　pursued；　with　a　longing
glance　into　his　hat；　where　he　kept　his　calculations；　'for　entering　upon
the　figures；　but　the　figures　are　not　to　be　disputed。　Mr　Clennam　ought　to
have　been　at　this　moment　in　his　carriage　and　pair；　and　I　ought　to　have
been　worth　from　three　to　five　thousand　pound。'

Mr　Pancks　put　his　hair　erect　with　a　general　aspect　of　confidence　that
could　hardly　have　been　surpassed；　if　he　had　had　the　amount　in　his
pocket。　These　incontrovertible　figures　had　been　the　occupation　of　every
moment　of　his　leisure　since　he　had　lost　his　money；　and　were　destined　to
afford　him　consolation　to　the　end　of　his　days。

'However；'　said　Mr　Pancks；　'enough　of　that。　Altro；　old　boy；　you　have
seen　the　figures；　and　you　know　how　they　e　out。'　Mr　Baptist；　who　had
not　the　slightest　arithmetical　power　of　pensating　himself　in　this
way；　nodded；　with　a　fine　display　of　bright　teeth。

At　whom　Mr　Flintwinch　had　been　looking；　and　to　whom　he　then　said：

'Oh！　it's　you；　is　it？　I　thought　I　remembered　your　face；　but　I　wasn't
certain　till　I　saw　your　teeth。　Ah！　yes；　to　be　sure。　It　was　this
officious　refugee；'　said　Jeremiah　to　Mrs　Clennam；　'who　came　knocking
at　the　door　on　the　night　when　Arthur　and　Chatterbox　were　here；　and　who
asked　me　a　r　Blandois。'

'It　is　true；'　Mr　Baptist　cheerfully　admitted。　'And　behold　him；　padrone！
I　have　found　him　consequentementally。'

'I　shouldn't　have　objected；'　returned　Mr　Flintwinch；　'to　your　having
broken　your　neck　consequentementally。'

'And　now；'　said　Mr　Pancks；　whose　eye　had　often　stealthily　wandered　to
the　window…seat　and　the　stocking　that　was　being　mended　there；　'I've
only　one　other　word　to　say　before　I　go。　If　Mr　Clennam　was　here……but
unfortunately；　though　he　has　so　far　got　the　better　of　this　fine
gentleman　as　to　return　him　to　this　place　against　his　will；　he　is　ill
and　in　prison……ill　and　in　prison；　poor　fellow……if　he　was　here；'　said　Mr
Pancks；　taking　one　step　aside　towards　the　window…seat；　and　laying
his　right　hand　upon　the　stocking；　'he　would　say；　〃Affery；　tell　your
dreams！〃'

Mr　Pancks　held　up　his　right　forefinger　between　his　nose　and　the　stocking
with　a　ghostly　air　of　warning；　turned；　steamed　out　and　towed　Mr　Baptist