little dorrit-信丽(英文版)-第49部分

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what　he　would；　he　fell　into　such　a　mood　of　abstraction　that　Gowan　said
again；　'I　am　very　much　afraid　my　mother　has　bored　you？'　To　which　he
roused　himself　to　answer；　'Not　at　all！'　and　soon　relapsed　again。

In　that　state　of　mind　which　rendered　nobody　uneasy；　his　thoughtfulness
would　have　turned　principally　on　the　man　at　his　side。　He　would　have
thought　of　the　morning　when　he　first　saw　him　rooting　out　the　stones　with
his　heel；　and　would　have　asked　himself；　'Does　he　jerk　me　out　of　the
path　in　the　same　careless；　cruel　way？'　He　would　have　thought；　had　this
introduction　to　his　mother　been　brought　about　by　him　because　he　knew
what　she　would　say；　and　that　he　could　thus　place　his　position　before
a　rival　and　loftily　warn　him　off；　without　himself　reposing　a　word　of
confidence　in　him？　He　would　have　thought；　even　if　there　were　no　such
design　as　that；　had　he　brought　him　there　to　play　with　his　repressed
emotions；　and　torment　him？　The　current　of　these　meditations　would　have
been　stayed　sometimes　by　a　rush　of　shame；　bearing　a　remonstrance　to
himself　from　his　own　open　nature；　representing　that　to　shelter　such
suspicions；　even　for　the　passing　moment；　was　not　to　hold　the　high；
unenvious　course　he　had　resolved　to　keep。　At　those　times；　the　striving
within　him　would　have　been　hardest；　and　looking　up　and　catching　Gowan's
eyes；　he　would　have　started　as　if　he　had　done　him　an　injury。

Then；　looking　at　the　dark　road　and　its　uncertain　objects；　he　would　have
gradually　trailed　off　again　into　thinking；　'Where　are　we　driving；　he
and　I；　I　wonder；　on　the　darker　road　of　life？　How　will　it　be　with　us；　and
with　her；　in　the　obscure　distance？'　Thinking　of　her；　he　would　have　been
troubled　anew　with　a　reproachful　misgiving　that　it　was　not　even　loyal　to
her　to　dislike　him；　and　that　in　being　so　easily　prejudiced　against　him
he　was　less　deserving　of　her　than　at　first。

'You　are　evidently　out　of　spirits；'　said　Gowan；　'I　am　very　much　afraid
my　mother　must　have　bored　you　dreadfully。'　'Believe　me；　not　at　all；'
said　Clennam。　'It's　nothing……nothing！'




CHAPTER　27。　Five…and…Twenty

A　frequently　recurring　doubt；　whether　Mr　Pancks's　desire　to　collect
information　relative　to　the　Dorrit　family　could　have　any　possible
bearing　on　the　misgivings　he　had　imparted　to　his　mother　on　his　return
from　his　long　exile；　caused　Arthur　Clennam　much　uneasiness　at　this
period。　What　Mr　Pancks　already　knew　about　the　Dorrit　family；　what　more
he　really　wanted　to　find　out；　and　why　he　should　trouble　his　busy　head
about　them　at　all；　were　questions　that　often　perplexed　him。　Mr　Pancks
was　not　a　man　to　waste　his　time　and　trouble　in　researches　prompted　by
idle　curiosity。　That　he　had　a　specific　object　Clennam　could　not　doubt。
And　whether　the　attainment　of　that　object　by　Mr　Pancks's　industry　might
bring　to　light；　in　some　untimely　way；　secret　reasons　which　had　induced
his　mother　to　take　Little　Dorrit　by　the　hand；　was　a　serious　speculation。

Not　that　he　ever　wavered　either　in　his　desire　or　his　determination　to
repair　a　wrong　that　had　been　done　in　his　father's　time；　should　a
wrong　e　to　light；　and　be　reparable。　The　shadow　of　a　supposed　act
of　injustice；　which　had　hung　over　him　since　his　father's　death；　was
so　vague　and　formless　that　it　might　be　the　result　of　a　reality　widely
remote　from　his　idea　of　it。　But；　if　his　apprehensions　should　prove　to
be　well　founded；　he　was　ready　at　any　moment　to　lay　down　all　he　had；　and
begin　the　world　anew。　As　the　fierce　dark　teaching　of　his　childhood　had
never　sunk　into　his　heart；　so　that　first　article　in　his　code　of　morals
was；　that　he　must　begin；　in　practical　humility；　with　looking　well　to
his　feet　on　Earth；　and　that　he　could　never　mount　on　wings　of　words　to
Heaven。　Duty　on　earth；　restitution　on　earth；　action　on　earth；　these
first；　as　the　first　steep　steps　upward。　Strait　was　the　gate　and　narrow
was　the　way；　far　straiter　and　narrower　than　the　broad　high　road　paved
with　vain　professions　and　vain　repetitions；　motes　from　other　men's　eyes
and　liberal　delivery　of　others　to　the　judgment……all　cheap　materials
costing　absolutely　nothing。

No。　It　was　not　a　selfish　fear　or　hesitation　that　rendered　him
uneasy；　but　a　mistrust　lest　Pancks　might　not　observe　his　part　of　the
understanding　between　them；　and；　making　any　discovery；　might　take　some
course　upon　it　without　imparting　it　to　him。　On　the　other　hand；　when　he
recalled　his　conversation　with　Pancks；　and　the　little　reason　he　had　to
suppose　that　there　was　any　likelihood　of　that　strange　personage　being
on　that　track　at　all；　there　were　times　when　he　wondered　that　he　made　so
much　of　it。　Labouring　in　this　sea；　as　all　barks　labour　in　cross　seas；　he
tossed　about　and　came　to　no　haven。

The　removal　of　Little　Dorrit　herself　from　their　customary　association；
did　not　mend　the　matter。　She　was　so　much　out；　and　so　much　in　her　own
room；　that　he　began　to　miss　her　and　to　find　a　blank　in　her　place。　He　had
written　to　her　to　inquire　if　she　were　better；　and　she　had　written
back；　very　gratefully　and　earnestly　telling　him　not　to　be　uneasy　on　her
behalf；　for　she　was　quite　well；　but　he　had　not　seen　her；　for　what；　in
their　intercourse；　was　a　long　time。

He　returned　home　one　evening　from　an　interview　with　her　father；　who　had
mentioned　that　she　was　out　visiting……which　was　what　he　always　said
when　she　was　hard　at　work　to　buy　his　supper……and　found　Mr　Meagles　in　an
excited　state　walking　up　and　down　his　room。　On　his　opening　the　door；　Mr
Meagles　stopped；　faced　round；　and　said：

'Clennam！……Tattycoram！'

'What's　the　matter？'

'Lost！'

'Why；　bless　my　heart　alive！'　cried　Clennam　in　amazement。　'What　do　you
mean？'

'Wouldn't　count　five…and…twenty；　sir；　couldn't　be　got　to　do　it；　stopped
at　eight；　and　took　herself　off。'

'Left　your　house？'

'Never　to　e　back；'　said　Mr　Meagles；　shaking　his　head。　'You　don't　know
that　girl's　passionate　and　proud　character。　A　team　of　horses　couldn't
draw　her　back　now；　the　bolts　and　bars　of　the　old　Bastille　couldn't　keep
her。'

'How　did　it　happen？　Pray　sit　down　and　tell　me。'

'As　to　how　it　happened；　it's　not　so　easy　to　relate：　because　you　must
have　the　unfortunate　temperament　of　the　poor　impetuous　girl　herself；
before　you　can　fully　understand　it。　But　it　came　about　in　this　way。　Pet
and　Mother　and　I　have　been　having　a　good　deal　of　talk　together　of　late。
I'll　not　disguise　from　you；　Clennam；　that　those　conversations　have　not
been　of　as　bright　a　kind　as　I　could　wish；　they　have　referred　to　our
going　away　again。　In　proposing　to　do　which；　I　have　had；　in　fact；　an
object。'

Nobody's　heart　beat　quickly。

'An　object；'　said　Mr　Meagles；　after　a　moment's　pause；　'that　I　will　not
disguise　from　you；　either；　Clennam。　There's　an　inclination　on　the　part
of　my　dear　child　which　I　am　sorry　for。　Perhaps　you　guess　the　person。
Henry　Gowan。'

'I　was　not　unprepared　to　hear　it。'

'Well！'　said　Mr　Meagles；　with　a　heavy　sigh；　'I　wish　to　God　you　had　never
had　to　hear　it。　However；　so　it　is。　Mother　and　I　have　done　all　we　could
to　get　the　better　of　it；　Clennam。　We　have　tried　tender　advice；　we
have　tried　time；　we　have　tried　absence。　As　yet；　of　no　use。　Our　late
conversations　have　been　upon　the　subject　of　going　away　for　another　year
at　least；　in　order　that　there　might　be　an　entire　separation　and　breaking
off　for　that　term。　Upon　that　question；　Pet　has　been　unhappy；　and
therefore　Mother　and　I　have　been　unhappy。'　Clennam　said　that　he　could
easily　believe　it。

'Well！'　continued　Mr　Meagles　in　an　apologetic　way；　'I　admit　as　a
practical　man；　and　I　am　sure　Mother　would　admit　as　a　practical　woman；
that　we　do；　in　families；　magnify　our　troubles　and　make　mountains　of　our
molehills　in　a　way　that　is　calculated　to　be　rather　trying　to　people　who
look　on……to　mere　outsiders；　you　know；　Clennam。

Still；　Pet's　happiness　or　unhappiness　is　quite　a　life　or　death　question
with　us；　and　we　may　be　excused；　I　hope；　for　making　much　of　it。　At　all
events；　it　might　have　been　borne　by　Tattycoram。　Now；　don't　you　think
so？'

'I　do　indeed　think　so；'　returned　Clennam；　in　most　emphatic　recognition
of　this　very　moderate　expectation。

'No；　sir；'　said　Mr　Meagles；　shaking　his　head　ruefully。　'She　couldn't
stand　it。　The　chafing　and　firing　of　that　girl；　the　wearing　and　tearing
of　that　girl　within　her　own　breast；　has　been　such　that　I　have
softly　said　to　her　again　and　again　in　passing　her；　〃Five…and…twenty；
Tattycoram；　five…and…twenty！〃　I　heartily　wish　she　could　have　gone
on　counting　five…and…twenty　day　and　night；　and　then　it　wouldn't　have
happened。'

Mr　Meagles　with　a　despondent　countenance　in　which　the　goodness　of　his
heart　was　even　more　expressed　than　in　his　times　of　cheerfulness　and
gaiety；　stroked　his　face　down　from　his　forehead　to　his　chin；　and　shook
his　head　again。

'I　said　to　Mother　（not　that　it　was　necessary；　for　she　would　have　thought
it　all　for　herself）；　we　are　practical　people；　my　dear；　and　we　know　her
story；　we　see　in　this　unhappy　girl　some　reflection　of　what　was　raging　in
her　mother's　heart　before　ever　such　a　creature　as　this　poor　thing　was
in　the　world；　we'll　gloss　her　temper　over；　Mother；　we　won't　notice　it　at
present；　my　dear；　we'll　take　advantage　of　some　better　disposition　in　her
another　time。　So　we　said　nothing。　But；　do　what　we　would；　it　seems　as　if
it　was　to　be；　she　broke　out　violently　one　night。'

'How；　and　why？'

'If　you　ask　me　Why；'　said　Mr　Meagles；　a　little　disturbed　by　the
question；　for　he　was　far　more　intent　on　softening　her　case　than　the
family's；　'I　can　only　refer　you　to　what　I　have　just　repeated　as　having
been　pretty　near　my　words　to　Mother。　As　to　How；　we　had　said　Good　night
to　Pet　in　her　presence　（very　affectionately；　I　must　allow）；　and　she
had　attended　Pet　up…stairs……you　remember　she　was　her　maid。　Perhaps　Pet；
having　been　out　of　sorts；　may　have　been　a　little　more　inconsiderate　than
usual　in　requiring　services　of　her：　but　I　don't　know　that　I　have　any
right　to　say　so；　she　was　always　thoughtful　and　gentle。'

'The　gentlest　mistress　in　the　world。'

'Thank　you；　Clennam；'　said　Mr　Meagles；　shaking　him　by　the　hand；　'you
have　often　seen　them　together。　Well！　We　presently　heard　this　unfortunate
Tattycoram　loud　and　angry；　and　before　we　could　ask　what　was　the　matter；
Pet　came　back　in　a　tremble；　saying　she　was　frightened　of　her。　Close
after　her　came　Tattycoram　in　a　flaming　rage。　〃I　hate　you　all　three；〃
says　she；　stamping　her　foot　at　us。　〃I　am　bursting　with　hate　of　the　whole
house。〃'

'Upon　which　you……？'

'I？'　said　Mr　Meagles；　with　a　plain　good　faith　that　might　have　manded
the　belief　of　Mrs　Gowan　herself。　'I　said；　count　five…and…twenty；
Tattycoram。'

Mr　Meagles　again　stroked　his　face　and　shook　his　head；　with　an　air　of
profound　regret。

'She　was　so　used　to　do　it；　Clennam；　that　even　then；　such　a　picture　of
passion　as　you　never　saw；　she　stopped　short；　looked　me　full　in　the　face；
and　counted　（as　I　made　out）　to　eight。　But　she　couldn't　control　herself
to　go　any　further。　There　she　broke　down；　poor　thing；　and　gave　the　other
seventeen　to　the　four　winds。　Then　it　all　burst　out。　She　detested　us；　she
was　miserable　with　us；　she　couldn't　bear　it；　she　wouldn't　bear　it；　she
was　determined　to　go　away。　She　was　younger　than　her　young　mistress；　and
would　she　remain　to　see　her　always　held　up　as　the　only　creature　who　was
young　and　interesting；　and　to　be　cherished　and　loved？　No。　She　wouldn't；
she　wouldn't；　she　wouldn't！　What　did　we　think　she；　Tattycoram；　might
have　been　if　she　had　been　caressed　and　cared　for　in　her　childhood；　like
her　young　mistress？　As　good　as　her？　Ah！　Perhaps　fifty　times　as　good。
When　we　pretended　to　be　so　fond　of　one　another；　we　exulted　over　her；
that　was　what　we　did；　we　exulted　over　her　and　shamed　her。　And　all　in
the　house　did　the　same。　They　talked　about　their　fathers　and　mothers；　and
brothers　and　sisters；　they　liked　to　drag　them　up　before　her　face。　There
was　Mrs　Tickit；　only　yesterday；　when　her　little　grandchild　was　with　her；
had　been　amused　by　the　child's　trying　to　call　her　（Tattycoram）　by　the
wretched　name　we　gave　her；　and　had　laughed　at　the　name。　Why；　who　didn't；
and　who　were　we　that　we　should　have　a　right　to　name　her　like　a　dog　or　a
cat？　But　she　didn't　care。　She　would　take　no　more　benefits　from　us；　she
would　fling　us　her　name　back　again；　and　she　would　go。　She　would　leave
us　that　minute；　nobody　should　stop　her；　and　we　should　never　hear　of　her
again。'

Mr　Meagles　had　recited　all　this　with　such　a　vivid　remembrance　of　his
original；　that　he　was　almost　as　flushed　and　hot　by　this　time　as　he
described　her　to　have　been。

'Ah；　well！'　he　said；　wiping　his　face。　'It　was　of　no　use　trying　reason
then；　with　that　vehement　panting　creature　（Heaven　knows　what　her
mother's　story　must　have　been）；　so　I　quietly　told　her　that　she　should
not　go　at　that　late　hour　of　night；　and　I　gave　her　MY　hand　and　took　her
to　her　room；　and　locked　the　house　doors。　But　she　was　gone　this　morning。'
'And　you　know　no　more　of　her？'

'No　more；'　returned　Mr　Meagles。　'I　have　been　hunting　about　all　day。　She
must　have　gone　very　early　and　very　silently。　I　have　found　no　trace　of
her　down　about　us。'

'Stay！　You　want；'　said　Clennam；　after　a　moment's　reflection；　'to　see
her？　I　assume　that？'

'Yes；　assuredly；　I　want　to　give　her　another　chance；　Mother　and　Pet
want　to　give　her　another　chance；　e！　You　yourself；'　said　Mr　Meagles；
persuasively；　as　if　the　provocation　to　be　angry　were　not　his　own　at　all；
'want　to　give　the　poor　passionate　girl　another　chance；　I　know；　Clennam。'

'It　would　be　strange　and　hard　indeed　if　I　did　not；'　said　Clennam；　'when
you　are　all　so　forgiving。　What　I　was　going　to　ask　you　was；　have　you
thought　of　that　Miss　Wade？'

'I　have。　I　did　not　think　of　her　until　I　had　pervaded　the　whole　of　our
neighbourhood；　and　I　don't　know　that　I　should　have　done　so　then　but
for　finding　Mother　and　Pet；　when　I　went　home；　full　of　the　idea　that
Tattycoram　must　have　gone　to　her。　Then；　of　course；　I　recalled　what　she
said　that　day　at　dinner　when　you　were　first　with　US。'

'Have　you　any　idea　where　Miss　Wade　is　to　be　found？'

'To　tell　you　the　truth；'　returned　Mr　Meagles；　'it's　because　I　have　an
addled　jumble　of　a　notion　on　that　subject　that　you　found　me　waiting
here。　There　is　one　of　those　odd　impressions　in　my　house；　which　do
mysteriously　get　into　houses　sometimes；　which　nobody　seems　to　have
picked　up　in　a　distinct　form　from　anybody；　and　yet　which　everybody　seems
to　have　got　hold　of　loosely　from　somebody　and　let　go　again；　that　she
lives；　or　was　living；　thereabouts。'　Mr　Meagles　handed　him　a　slip　of
paper；　on　which　was　written　the　name　of　one　of　the　dull　by…streets　in
the　Grosvenor　region；　near　Park　Lane。

'Here　is　no　number；'　said　Arthur　looking　over　it。

'No　number；　my　dear　Clennam？'　returned　his　friend。　'No　anything！　The
very　name　of　the　street　may　have　been　floating　in　the　air；　for；　as　I
tell　you；　none　of　my　people　can　say　where　they　got　it　from。　However；
it's　worth　an　inquiry；　and　as　I　would　rather　make　it　in　pany　than
alone；　and　as　you　too　were　a　fellow…traveller　of　that　immovable　woman's；
I　thought　perhaps……'　Clennam　finished　the　sentence　for　him　by　taking　up
his　hat　again；　and　saying　he　was　ready。

It　was　now　summer…time；　a　grey；　hot；　dusty　evening。　They　rode　to　the　top
of　Oxford　Street；　and　there　alighting；　dived　in　among　the　great　streets
of　melancholy　stateliness；　and　the　little　streets　that　try　to　be　as
stately　and　succeed　in　being　more　melanch