简爱(英文版)-第24部分

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ous　attempt；　and　if　so；　why　he　kept　her　wickedness　a　secret。　It　little　mattered　whether　my　curiosity　irritated　him；　I　knew　the　pleasure　of　vexing　and　soothing　him　by　turns；　it　was　one　I　chiefly　delighted　in；　and　a　sure　instinct　always　prevented　me　from　going　too　far；　beyond　the　verge　of　provocation　I　never　ventured；　on　the　extreme　brink　I　liked　well　to　try　my　skill。　Retaining　every　minute　form　of　respect；　every　propriety　of　my　station；　I　could　still　meet　him　in　argument　without　fear　or　uneasy　restraint；　this　suited　both　him　and　me。
A　tread　creaked　on　the　stairs　at　last。　Leah　made　her　appearance；　but　it　was　only　to　intimate　that　tea　was　ready　in　Mrs。　Fairfax’s　room。　Thither　I　repaired；　glad　at　least　to　go　downstairs；　for　that　brought　me；　I　imagined；　nearer　to　Mr。　Rochester’s　presence。
“You　must　want　your　tea；”　said　the　good　lady；　as　I　joined　her；　“you　ate　so　little　at　dinner。　I　am　afraid；”　she　continued；　“you　are　not　well　to…day：　you　look　flushed　and　feverish。”
“Oh；　quite　well！　I　never　felt　better。”
“Then　you　must　prove　it　by　evincing　a　good　appetite；　will　you　fill　the　teapot　while　I　knit　off　this　needle？”　Having　pleted　her　task；　she　rose　to　draw　down　the　blind；　which　she　had　hitherto　kept　up；　by　way；　I　suppose；　of　making　the　most　of　daylight；　though　dusk　was　now　fast　deepening　into　total　obscurity。
“It　is　fair　to…night；”　said　she；　as　she　looked　through　the　panes；　“though　not　starlight；　Mr。　Rochester　has；　on　the　whole；　had　a　favourable　day　for　his　journey。”
“Journey！—Is　Mr。　Rochester　gone　anywhere？　I　did　not　know　he　was　out。”
“Oh；　he　set　of　the　moment　he　had　breakfasted！　He　is　gone　to　the　Leas；　Mr。　Eshton’s　place；　ten　miles　on　the　other　side　Millcote。　I　believe　there　is　quite　a　party　assembled　there；　Lord　Ingram；　Sir　George　Lynn；　Colonel　Dent；　and　others。”
“Do　you　expect　him　back　to…night？”
“No—nor　to…morrow　either；　I　should　think　he　is　very　likely　to　stay　a　week　or　more：　when　these　fine；　fashionable　people　get　together；　they　are　so　surrounded　by　elegance　and　gaiety；　so　well　provided　with　all　that　can　please　and　entertain；　they　are　in　no　hurry　to　separate。　Gentlemen　especially　are　often　in　request　on　such　occasions；　and　Mr。　Rochester　is　so　talented　and　so　lively　in　society；　that　I　believe　he　is　a　general　favourite：　the　ladies　are　very　fond　of　him；　though　you　would　not　think　his　appearance　calculated　to　remend　him　particularly　in　their　eyes：　but　I　suppose　his　acquirements　and　abilities；　perhaps　his　wealth　and　good　blood；　make　amends　for　any　little　fault　of　look。”
“Are　there　ladies　at　the　Leas？”
“There　are　Mrs。　Eshton　and　her　three　daughters—very　elegant　young　ladies　indeed；　and　there　are　the　Honourable　Blanche　and　Mary　Ingram；　most　beautiful　women；　I　suppose：　indeed　I　have　seen　Blanche；　six　or　seven　years　since；　when　she　was　a　girl　of　eighteen。　She　came　here　to　a　Christmas　ball　and　party　Mr。　Rochester　gave。　You　should　have　seen　the　dining…room　that　day—how　richly　it　was　decorated；　how　brilliantly　lit　up！　I　should　think　there　were　fifty　ladies　and　gentlemen　present—all　of　the　first　county　families；　and　Miss　Ingram　was　considered　the　belle　of　the　evening。”
“You　saw　her；　you　say；　Mrs。　Fairfax：　what　was　she　like？”
“Yes；　I　saw　her。　The　dining…room　doors　were　thrown　open；　and；　as　it　was　Christmas…time；　the　servants　were　allowed　to　assemble　in　the　hall；　to　hear　some　of　the　ladies　sing　and　play。　Mr。　Rochester　would　have　me　to　e　in；　and　I　sat　down　in　a　quiet　corner　and　watched　them。　I　never　saw　a　more　splendid　scene：　the　ladies　were　magnificently　dressed；　most　of　them—at　least　most　of　the　younger　ones—looked　handsome；　but　Miss　Ingram　was　certainly　the　queen。”
“And　what　was　she　like？”
“Tall；　fine　bust；　sloping　shoulders；　long；　graceful　neck：　olive　plexion；　dark　and　clear；　noble　features；　eyes　rather　like　Mr。　Rochester’s：　large　and　black；　and　as　brilliant　as　her　jewels。　And　then　she　had　such　a　fine　head　of　hair；　raven…black　and　so　beingly　arranged：　a　crown　of　thick　plaits　behind；　and　in　front　the　longest；　the　glossiest　curls　I　ever　saw。　She　was　dressed　in　pure　white；　an　amber…coloured　scarf　was　passed　over　her　shoulder　and　across　her　breast；　tied　at　the　side；　and　descending　in　long；　fringed　ends　below　her　knee。　She　wore　an　amber…coloured　flower；　too；　in　her　hair：　it　contrasted　well　with　the　jetty　mass　of　her　curls。”
“She　was　greatly　admired；　of　course？”
“Yes；　indeed：　and　not　only　for　her　beauty；　but　for　her　acplishments。　She　was　one　of　the　ladies　who　sang：　a　gentleman　acpanied　her　on　the　piano。　She　and　Mr。　Rochester　sang　a　duet。”
“Mr。　Rochester？　I　was　not　aware　he　could　sing。”
“Oh！　he　has　a　fine　bass　voice；　and　an　excellent　taste　for　music。”
“And　Miss　Ingram：　what　sort　of　a　voice　had　she？”
“A　very　rich　and　powerful　one：　she　sang　delightfully；　it　was　a　treat　to　listen　to　her；—and　she　played　afterwards。　I　am　no　judge　of　music；　but　Mr。　Rochester　is；　and　I　heard　him　say　her　execution　was　remarkably　good。”
“And　this　beautiful　and　acplished　lady；　she　is　not　yet　married？”
“It　appears　not：　I　fancy　neither　she　nor　her　sister　have　very　large　fortunes。　Old　Lord　Ingram’s　estates　were　chiefly　entailed；　and　the　eldest　son　came　in　for　everything　almost。”
“But　I　wonder　no　wealthy　nobleman　or　gentleman　has　taken　a　fancy　to　her：　Mr。　Rochester；　for　instance。　He　is　rich；　is　he　not？”
“Oh！　yes。　But　you　see　there　is　a　considerable　difference　in　age：　Mr。　Rochester　is　nearly　forty；　she　is　but　twenty…five。”
“What　of　that？　More　unequal　matches　are　made　every　day。”
“True：　yet　I　should　scarcely　fancy　Mr。　Rochester　would　entertain　an　idea　of　the　sort。　But　you　eat　nothing：　you　have　scarcely　tasted　since　you　began　tea。”
“No：　I　am　too　thirsty　to　eat。　Will　you　let　me　have　another　cup？”
I　was　about　again　to　revert　to　the　probability　of　a　union　between　Mr。　Rochester　and　the　beautiful　Blanche；　but　Adèle　came　in；　and　the　conversation　was　turned　into　another　channel。
When　once　more　alone；　I　reviewed　the　information　I　had　got；　looked　into　my　heart；　examined　its　thoughts　and　feelings；　and　endeavoured　to　bring　back　with　a　strict　hand　such　as　had　been　straying　through　imagination’s　boundless　and　trackless　waste；　into　the　safe　fold　of　mon　sense。
Arraigned　at　my　own　bar；　Memory　having　given　her　evidence　of　the　hopes；　wishes；　sentiments　I　had　been　cherishing　since　last　night—of　the　general　state　of　mind　in　which　I　had　indulged　for　nearly　a　fortnight　past；　Reason　having　e　forward　and　told；　in　her　own　quiet　way　a　plain；　unvarnished　tale；　showing　how　I　had　rejected　the　real；　and　rabidly　devoured　the　ideal；—I　pronounced　judgment　to　this　effect：—
That　a　greater　fool　than　Jane　Eyre　had　never　breathed　the　breath　of　life；　that　a　more　fantastic　idiot　had　never　surfeited　herself　on　sweet　lies；　and　swallowed　poison　as　if　it　were　nectar。
“You；”　I　said；　“a　favourite　with　Mr。　Rochester？　You　gifted　with　the　power　of　pleasing　him？　You　of　importance　to　him　in　any　way？　Go！　your　folly　sickens　me。　And　you　have　derived　pleasure　from　occasional　tokens　of　preference—equivocal　tokens　shown　by　a　gentleman　of　family　and　a　man　of　the　world　to　a　dependent　and　a　novice。　How　dared　you？　Poor　stupid　dupe！—Could　not　even　self…　interest　make　you　wiser？　You　repeated　to　yourself　this　morning　the　brief　scene　of　last　night？—Cover　your　face　and　be　ashamed！　He　said　something　in　praise　of　your　eyes；　did　he？　Blind　puppy！　Open　their　bleared　lids　and　look　on　your　own　accursed　senselessness！　It　does　good　to　no　woman　to　be　flattered　by　her　superior；　who　cannot　possibly　intend　to　marry　her；　and　it　is　madness　in　all　women　to　let　a　secret　love　kindle　within　them；　which；　if　unreturned　and　unknown；　must　devour　the　life　that　feeds　it；　and；　if　discovered　and　responded　to；　must　lead；　ignis…fatus…like；　into　miry　wilds　whence　there　is　no　extrication。
“Listen；　then；　Jane　Eyre；　to　your　sentence：　tomorrow；　place　the　glass　before　you；　and　draw　in　chalk　your　own　picture；　faithfully；　without　softening　one　defect；　omit　no　harsh　line；　smooth　away　no　displeasing　irregularity；　write　under　it；　‘Portrait　of　a　Governess；　disconnected；　poor；　and　plain。’
“Afterwards；　take　a　piece　of　smooth　ivory—you　have　one　prepared　in　your　drawing…box：　take　your　palette；　mix　your　freshest；　finest；　clearest　tints；　choose　your　most　delicate　camel…hair　pencils；　delineate　carefully　the　loveliest　face　you　can　imagine；　paint　it　in　your　softest　shades　and　sweetest　lines；　according　to　the　description　given　by　Mrs。　Fairfax　of　Blanche　Ingram；　remember　the　raven　ringlets；　the　oriental　eye；—What！　you　revert　to　Mr。　Rochester　as　a　model！　Order！　No　snivel！—no　sentiment！—no　regret！　I　will　endure　only　sense　and　resolution。　Recall　the　august　yet　harmonious　lineaments；　the　Grecian　neck　and　bust；　let　the　round　and　dazzling　arm　be　visible；　and　the　delicate　hand；　omit　neither　diamond　ring　nor　gold　bracelet；　portray　faithfully　the　attire；　aerial　lace　and　glistening　satin；　graceful　scarf　and　golden　rose；　call　it　‘Blanche；　an　acplished　lady　of　rank。’
“Whenever；　in　future；　you　should　chance　to　fancy　Mr。　Rochester　thinks　well　of　you；　take　out　these　two　pictures　and　pare　them：　say；　‘Mr。　Rochester　might　probably　win　that　noble　lady’s　love；　if　he　chose　to　strive　for　it；　is　it　likely　he　would　waste　a　serious　thought　on　this　indigent　and　insignificant　plebeian？’”
“I’ll　do　it；”　I　resolved：　and　having　framed　this　determination；　I　grew　calm；　and　fell　asleep。
I　kept　my　word。　An　hour　or　two　sufficed　to　sketch　my　own　portrait　in　crayons；　and　in　less　than　a　fortnight　I　had　pleted　an　ivory　miniature　of　an　imaginary　Blanche　Ingram。　It　looked　a　lovely　face　enough；　and　when　pared　with　the　real　head　in　chalk；　the　contrast　was　as　great　as　self…control　could　desire。　I　derived　benefit　from　the　task：　it　had　kept　my　head　and　hands　employed；　and　had　given　force　and　fixedness　to　the　new　impressions　I　wished　to　stamp　indelibly　on　my　heart。
Ere　long；　I　had　reason　to　congratulate　myself　on　the　course　of　wholesome　discipline　to　which　I　had　thus　forced　my　feelings　to　submit。　Thanks　to　it；　I　was　able　to　meet　subsequent　occurrences　with　a　decent　calm；　which；　had　they　found　me　unprepared；　I　should　probably　have　been　unequal　to　maintain；　even　externally。
Chapter　17
A　week　passed；　and　no　news　arrived　of　Mr。　Rochester：　ten　days；　and　still　he　did　not　e。　Mrs。　Fairfax　said　she　should　not　be　surprised　if　he　were　to　go　straight　from　the　Leas　to　London；　and　thence　to　the　Continent；　and　not　show　his　face　again　at　Thornfield　for　a　year　to　e；　he　had　not　unfrequently　quitted　it　in　a　manner　quite　as　abrupt　and　unexpected。　When　I　heard　this；　I　was　beginning　to　feel　a　strange　chill　and　failing　at　the　heart。　I　was　actually　permitting　myself　to　experience　a　sickening　sense　of　disappointment；　but　rallying　my　wits；　and　recollecting　my　principles；　I　at　once　called　my　sensations　to　order；　and　it　was　wonderful　how　I　got　over　the　temporary　blunder—how　I　cleared　up　the　mistake　of　supposing　Mr。　Rochester’s　movements　a　matter　in　which　I　had　any　cause　to　take　a　vital　interest。　Not　that　I　humbled　myself　by　a　slavish　notion　of　inferiority：　on　the　contrary；　I　just　said—
“You　have　nothing　to　do　with　the　master　of　Thornfield；　further　than　to　receive　the　salary　he　gives　you　for　teaching　his　protégée；　and　to　be　grateful　for　such　respectful　and　kind　treatment　as；　if　you　do　your　duty；　you　have　a　right　to　expect　at　his　hands。　Be　sure　that　is　the　only　tie　he　seriously　acknowledges　between　you　and　him；　so　don’t　make　him　the　object　of　your　fine　feelings；　your　raptures；　agonies；　and　so　forth。　He　is　not　of　your　order：　keep　to　your　caste；　and　be　too　self…respecting　to　lavish　the　love　of　the　whole　heart；　soul；　and　strength；　where　such　a　gift　is　not　wanted　and　would　be　despised。”
I　went　on　with　my　day’s　business　tranquilly；　but　ever　and　anon　vague　suggestions　kept　wandering　across　my　brain　of　reasons　why　I　should　quit　Thornfield；　and　I　kept　involuntarily　framing　advertisements　and　pondering　conjectures　about　new　situations：　these　thoughts　I　did　not　think　check；　they　might　germinate　and　bear　fruit　if　they　could。
Mr。　Rochester　had　been　absent　upwards　of　a　fortnight；　when　the　post　brought　Mrs。　Fairfax　a　letter。
“It　is　from　the　master；”　said　she；　as　she　looked　at　the　direction。　“Now　I　suppose　we　shall　know　whether　we　are　to　expect　his　return　or　not。”
And　while　she　broke　the　seal　and　perused　the　document；　I　went　on　taking　my　coffee　（we　were　at　breakfast）：　it　was　hot；　and　I　attributed　to　that　circumstance　a　fiery　glow　which　suddenly　rose　to　my　face。　Why　my　hand　shook；　and　why　I　involuntarily　spilt　half　the　contents　of　my　cup　into　my　saucer；　I　did　not　choose　to　consider。
“Well；　I　sometimes　think　we　are　too　quiet；　but　we　run　a　chance　of　being　busy　enough　now：　for　a　little　while　at　least；”　said　Mrs。　Fairfax；　still　holding　the　note　before　her　spectacles。
Ere　I　permitted　myself　to　request　an　explanation；　I　tied　the　string　of　Adèle’s　pinafore；　which　happened　to　be　loose：　having　helped　her　also　to　another　bun　and　refilled　her　mug　with　milk；　I　said；　nonchalantly—
“Mr。　Rochester　is　not　likely　to　return　soon；　I　suppose？”
“Indeed　he　is—in　three　days；　he　says：　that　will　be　next　Thursday；　and　not　alone　either。　I　don’t　know　how　many　of　the　fine　people　at　the　Leas　are　ing　with　him：　he　sends　directions　for　all　the　best　bedrooms　to　be　prepared；　and　the　library　and　drawing…rooms　are　to　be　cleaned　out；　I　am　to　get　more　kitchen　hands　from　the　George　Inn；　at　Millcote；　and　from　wherever　else　I　can；　and　the　ladies　will　bring　their　maids　and　the　gentlemen　their　valets：　so　we　shall　have　a　full　house　of　it。”　And　Mrs。　Fairfax　swallowed　her　breakfast　and　hastened　away　to　mence　operations。
The　three　days　were；　as　she　had　foretold；　busy　enough。　I　had　thought　all　the　rooms　at　Thornfield　beautifully　clean　and　well　arranged；　but　it　appears　I　was　mistaken。　Three　women　were　got　to　help；　and　such　scrubbing；　such　brushing；　such　washing　of　paint　and　beating　of　carpets；　such　taking　down　and　putting　up　of　pictures；　such　polishing　of　mirrors　and　lustres；　such　lighting　of　fires　in　bedrooms；　such　airing　of　sheets　and　feather…beds　on　hearths；　I　never　beheld；　either　before　or　since。　Adèle　ran　quite　wild　in　the　midst　of　it：　the　preparations　for　pany　and　the　prospect　of　their　arrival；　seemed　to　throw　her　into　ecstasies。　She　would　have　Sophie　to　look　over　all　her　“toilettes；”　as　she　called　frocks；　to　furbish　up　any　that　were　“passées；”　and　to　air　and　arrange　the　new。　For　herself；　she　did　nothing　but　caper　about　in　the　front　chambers；　jump　on　and　off　the　bedsteads；　and　lie　on　the　mattresses　and　piled…up　bolsters　and　pillows　before　the　enormous　fires　roaring　in　the　chimneys。　From　school　duties　she　was　exonerated：　Mrs。　Fairfax　had　pressed　me　into　her　service；　and　I　was　all　day　in　the　storeroom；　helping　（or　hindering）　her　and　the　cook；　learning　to　make　custards　and　cheese…cakes　and　French　pastry；　to　truss　game　and　garnish　desert…dishes。
The　party　were　expected　to　arrive　on　Thursday　afternoon；　in　time　for　dinner　at　six。　During　the　intervening　period　I　had　no　time　to　nurse　chimeras；　and　I　believe　I　was　as　active　and　gay　as　anybody—Adèle　excepted。　Still；　now　and　then；　I　received　a　damping　check　to　my　cheerfulness；　and　was；　in　spite　of　myself；　thrown　back　on　the　region　of　doubts　and　portents；　and　dark　conjectures。　This　was　when　I　chanced　to　see　the　third…storey　staircase　door　（which　of　late　had　always　been　kept　locked）　open　slowly；　and　give　passage　to　the　form　of　Grace　Poole；　in　prim　c