简爱(英文版)-第4部分

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Again　I　paused；　then　bunglingly　enounced—
“But　John　Reed　knocked　me　down；　and　my　aunt　shut　me　up　in　the　red…　room。”
Mr。　Lloyd　a　second　time　produced　his　snuff…box。
“Don’t　you　think　Gateshead　Hall　a　very　beautiful　house？”　asked　he。　“Are　you　not　very　thankful　to　have　such　a　fine　place　to　live　at？”
“It　is　not　my　house；　sir；　and　Abbot　says　I　have　less　right　to　be　here　than　a　servant。”
“Pooh！　you　can’t　be　silly　enough　to　wish　to　leave　such　a　splendid　place？”
“If　I　had　anywhere　else　to　go；　I　should　be　glad　to　leave　it；　but　I　can　never　get　away　from　Gateshead　till　I　am　a　woman。”
“Perhaps　you　may—who　knows？　Have　you　any　relations　besides　Mrs。　Reed？”
“I　think　not；　sir。”
“None　belonging　to　your　father？”
“I　don’t　know。　I　asked　Aunt　Reed　once；　and　she　said　possibly　I　might　have　some　poor；　low　relations　called　Eyre；　but　she　knew　nothing　about　them。”
“If　you　had　such；　would　you　like　to　go　to　them？”
I　reflected。　Poverty　looks　grim　to　grown　people；　still　more　so　to　children：　they　have　not　much　idea　of　industrious；　working；　respectable　poverty；　they　think　of　the　word　only　as　connected　with　ragged　clothes；　scanty　food；　fireless　grates；　rude　manners；　and　debasing　vices：　poverty　for　me　was　synonymous　with　degradation。
“No；　I　should　not　like　to　belong　to　poor　people；”　was　my　reply。
“Not　even　if　they　were　kind　to　you？”
I　shook　my　head：　I　could　not　see　how　poor　people　had　the　means　of　being　kind；　and　then　to　learn　to　speak　like　them；　to　adopt　their　manners；　to　be　uneducated；　to　grow　up　like　one　of　the　poor　women　I　saw　sometimes　nursing　their　children　or　washing　their　clothes　at　the　cottage　doors　of　the　village　of　Gateshead：　no；　I　was　not　heroic　enough　to　purchase　liberty　at　the　price　of　caste。
“But　are　your　relatives　so　very　poor？　Are　they　working　people？”
“I　cannot　tell；　Aunt。　Reed　says　if　I　have　any；　they　must　be　a　beggarly　set：　I　should　not　like　to　go　a　begging。”
“Would　you　like　to　go　to　school？”
Again　I　reflected：　I　scarcely　knew　what　school　was：　Bessie　sometimes　spoke　of　it　as　a　place　where　young　ladies　sat　in　the　stocks；　wore　backboards；　and　were　expected　to　be　exceedingly　genteel　and　precise：　John　Reed　hated　his　school；　and　abused　his　master；　but　John　Reed’s　tastes　were　no　rule　for　mine；　and　if　Bessie’s　accounts　of　school…discipline　（gathered　from　the　young　ladies　of　a　family　where　she　had　lived　before　ing　to　Gateshead）　were　somewhat　appalling；　her　details　of　certain　acplishments　attained　by　these　same　young　ladies　were；　I　thought；　equally　attractive。　She　boasted　of　beautiful　paintings　of　landscapes　and　flowers　by　them　executed；　of　songs　they　could　sing　and　pieces　they　could　play；　of　purses　they　could　；　of　French　books　they　could　translate；　till　my　spirit　was　moved　to　emulation　as　I　listened。　Besides；　school　would　be　a　plete　change：　it　implied　a　long　journey；　an　entire　separation　from　Gateshead；　an　entrance　into　a　new　life。
“I　should　indeed　like　to　go　to　school；”　was　the　audible　conclusion　of　my　musings。
“Well；　well！　who　knows　what　may　happen？”　said　Mr。　Lloyd；　as　he　got　up。　“The　child　ought　to　have　change　of　air　and　scene；”　he　added；　speaking　to　himself；　“nerves　not　in　a　good　state。”
Bessie　now　returned；　at　the　same　moment　the　carriage　was　heard　rolling　up　the　gravel…walk。
“Is　that　your　mistress；　nurse？”　asked　Mr。　Lloyd。　“I　should　like　to　speak　to　her　before　I　go。”
Bessie　invited　him　to　walk　into　the　breakfast…room；　and　led　the　way　out。　In　the　interview　which　followed　between　him　and　Mrs。　Reed；　I　presume；　from　after…occurrences；　that　the　apothecary　ventured　to　remend　my　being　sent　to　school；　and　the　remendation　was　no　doubt　readily　enough　adopted；　for　as　Abbot　said；　in　discussing　the　subject　with　Bessie　when　both　sat　sewing　in　the　nursery　one　night；　after　I　was　in　bed；　and；　as　they　thought；　asleep；　“Missis　was；　she　dared　say；　glad　enough　to　get　rid　of　such　a　tiresome；　ill…　conditioned　child；　who　always　looked　as　if　she　were　watching　everybody；　and　scheming　plots　underhand。”　Abbot；　I　think；　gave　me　credit　for　being　a　sort　of　infantine　Guy　Fawkes。
On　that　same　occasion　I　learned；　for　the　first　time；　from　Miss　Abbot’s　munications　to　Bessie；　that　my　father　had　been　a　poor　clergyman；　that　my　mother　had　married　him　against　the　wishes　of　her　friends；　who　considered　the　match　beneath　her；　that　my　grandfather　Reed　was　so　irritated　at　her　disobedience；　he　cut　her　off　without　a　shilling；　that　after　my　mother　and　father　had　been　married　a　year；　the　latter　caught　the　typhus　fever　while　visiting　among　the　poor　of　a　large　manufacturing　town　where　his　curacy　was　situated；　and　where　that　disease　was　then　prevalent：　that　my　mother　took　the　infection　from　him；　and　both　died　within　a　month　of　each　other。
Bessie；　when　she　heard　this　narrative；　sighed　and　said；　“Poor　Miss　Jane　is　to　be　pitied；　too；　Abbot。”
“Yes；”　responded　Abbot；　“if　she　were　a　nice；　pretty　child；　one　might　passionate　her　forlornness；　but　one　really　cannot　care　for　such　a　little　toad　as　that。”
“Not　a　great　deal；　to　be　sure；”　agreed　Bessie：　“at　any　rate；　a　beauty　like　Miss　Georgiana　would　be　more　moving　in　the　same　condition。”
“Yes；　I　doat　on　Miss　Georgiana！”　cried　the　fervent　Abbot。　“Little　darling！—with　her　long　curls　and　her　blue　eyes；　and　such　a　sweet　colour　as　she　has；　just　as　if　she　were　painted！—Bessie；　I　could　fancy　a　Welsh　rabbit　for　supper。”
“So　could　I—with　a　roast　onion。　e；　we’ll　go　down。”　They　went。
Chapter　4
From　my　discourse　with　Mr。　Lloyd；　and　from　the　above　reported　conference　between　Bessie　and　Abbot；　I　gathered　enough　of　hope　to　suffice　as　a　motive　for　wishing　to　get　well：　a　change　seemed　near；—I　desired　and　waited　it　in　silence。　It　tarried；　however：　days　and　weeks　passed：　I　had　regained　my　normal　state　of　health；　but　no　new　allusion　was　made　to　the　subject　over　which　I　brooded。　Mrs。　Reed　surveyed　me　at　times　with　a　severe　eye；　but　seldom　addressed　me：　since　my　illness；　she　had　drawn　a　more　marked　line　of　separation　than　ever　between　me　and　her　own　children；　appointing　me　a　small　closet　to　sleep　in　by　myself；　condemning　me　to　take　my　meals　alone；　and　pass　all　my　time　in　the　nursery；　while　my　cousins　were　constantly　in　the　drawing…room。　Not　a　hint；　however；　did　she　drop　about　sending　me　to　school：　still　I　felt　an　instinctive　certainty　that　she　would　not　long　endure　me　under　the　same　roof　with　her；　for　her　glance；　now　more　than　ever；　when　turned　on　me；　expressed　an　insuperable　and　rooted　aversion。
Eliza　and　Georgiana；　evidently　acting　according　to　orders；　spoke　to　me　as　little　as　possible：　John　thrust　his　tongue　in　his　cheek　whenever　he　saw　me；　and　once　attempted　chastisement；　but　as　I　instantly　turned　against　him；　roused　by　the　same　sentiment　of　deep　ire　and　desperate　revolt　which　had　stirred　my　corruption　before；　he　thought　it　better　to　desist；　and　ran　from　me　tittering　execrations；　and　vowing　I　had　burst　his　nose。　I　had　indeed　levelled　at　that　prominent　feature　as　hard　a　blow　as　my　knuckles　could　inflict；　and　when　I　saw　that　either　that　or　my　look　daunted　him；　I　had　the　greatest　inclination　to　follow　up　my　advantage　to　purpose；　but　he　was　already　with　his　mama。　I　heard　him　in　a　blubbering　tone　mence　the　tale　of　how　“that　nasty　Jane　Eyre”　had　flown　at　him　like　a　mad　cat：　he　was　stopped　rather　harshly—
“Don’t　talk　to　me　about　her；　John：　I　told　you　not　to　go　near　her；　she　is　not　worthy　of　notice；　I　do　not　choose　that　either　you　or　your　sisters　should　associate　with　her。”
Here；　leaning　over　the　banister；　I　cried　out　suddenly；　and　without　at　all　deliberating　on　my　words—
“They　are　not　fit　to　associate　with　me。”
Mrs。　Reed　was　rather　a　stout　woman；　but；　on　hearing　this　strange　and　audacious　declaration；　she　ran　nimbly　up　the　stair；　swept　me　like　a　whirlwind　into　the　nursery；　and　crushing　me　down　on　the　edge　of　my　crib；　dared　me　in　an　emphatic　voice　to　rise　from　that　place；　or　utter　one　syllable　during　the　remainder　of　the　day。
“What　would　Uncle　Reed　say　to　you；　if　he　were　alive？”　was　my　scarcely　voluntary　demand。　I　say　scarcely　voluntary；　for　it　seemed　as　if　my　tongue　pronounced　words　without　my　will　consenting　to　their　utterance：　something　spoke　out　of　me　over　which　I　had　no　control。
“What？”　said　Mrs。　Reed　under　her　breath：　her　usually　cold　posed　grey　eye　became　troubled　with　a　look　like　fear；　she　took　her　hand　from　my　arm；　and　gazed　at　me　as　if　she　really　did　not　know　whether　I　were　child　or　fiend。　I　was　now　in　for　it。
“My　Uncle　Reed　is　in　heaven；　and　can　see　all　you　do　and　think；　and　so　can　papa　and　mama：　they　know　how　you　shut　me　up　all　day　long；　and　how　you　wish　me　dead。”
Mrs。　Reed　soon　rallied　her　spirits：　she　shook　me　most　soundly；　she　boxed　both　my　ears；　and　then　left　me　without　a　word。　Bessie　supplied　the　hiatus　by　a　homily　of　an　hour’s　length；　in　which　she　proved　beyond　a　doubt　that　I　was　the　most　wicked　and　abandoned　child　ever　reared　under　a　roof。　I　half　believed　her；　for　I　felt　indeed　only　bad　feelings　surging　in　my　breast。
November；　December；　and　half　of　January　passed　away。　Christmas　and　the　New　Year　had　been　celebrated　at　Gateshead　with　the　usual　festive　cheer；　presents　had　been　interchanged；　dinners　and　evening　parties　given。　From　every　enjoyment　I　was；　of　course；　excluded：　my　share　of　the　gaiety　consisted　in　witnessing　the　daily　apparelling　of　Eliza　and　Georgiana；　and　seeing　them　descend　to　the　drawing…room；　dressed　out　in　thin　muslin　frocks　and　scarlet　sashes；　with　hair　elaborately　ringletted；　and　afterwards；　in　listening　to　the　sound　of　the　piano　or　the　harp　played　below；　to　the　passing　to　and　fro　of　the　butler　and　footman；　to　the　jingling　of　glass　and　china　as　refreshments　were　handed；　to　the　broken　hum　of　conversation　as　the　drawing…room　door　opened　and　closed。　When　tired　of　this　occupation；　I　would　retire　from　the　stairhead　to　the　solitary　and　silent　nursery：　there；　though　somewhat　sad；　I　was　not　miserable。　To　speak　truth；　I　had　not　the　least　wish　to　go　into　pany；　for　in　pany　I　was　very　rarely　noticed；　and　if　Bessie　had　but　been　kind　and　panionable；　I　should　have　deemed　it　a　treat　to　spend　the　evenings　quietly　with　her；　instead　of　passing　them　under　the　formidable　eye　of　Mrs。　Reed；　in　a　room　full　of　ladies　and　gentlemen。　But　Bessie；　as　soon　as　she　had　dressed　her　young　ladies；　used　to　take　herself　off　to　the　lively　regions　of　the　kitchen　and　housekeeper’s　room；　generally　bearing　the　candle　along　with　her。　I　then　sat　with　my　doll　on　my　knee　till　the　fire　got　low；　glancing　round　occasionally　to　make　sure　that　nothing　worse　than　myself　haunted　the　shadowy　room；　and　when　the　embers　sank　to　a　dull　red；　I　undressed　hastily；　tugging　at　knots　and　strings　as　I　best　might；　and　sought　shelter　from　cold　and　darkness　in　my　crib。　To　this　crib　I　always　took　my　doll；　human　beings　must　love　something；　and；　in　the　dearth　of　worthier　objects　of　affection；　I　contrived　to　find　a　pleasure　in　loving　and　cherishing　a　faded　graven　image；　shabby　as　a　miniature　scarecrow。　It　puzzles　me　now　to　remember　with　what　absurd　sincerity　I　doated　on　this　little　toy；　half　fancying　it　alive　and　capable　of　sensation。　I　could　not　sleep　unless　it　was　folded　in　my　night…gown；　and　when　it　lay　there　safe　and　warm；　I　was　paratively　happy；　believing　it　to　be　happy　likewise。
Long　did　the　hours　seem　while　I　waited　the　departure　of　the　pany；　and　listened　for　the　sound　of　Bessie’s　step　on　the　stairs：　sometimes　she　would　e　up　in　the　interval　to　seek　her　thimble　or　her　scissors；　or　perhaps　to　bring　me　something　by　way　of　supper—a　bun　or　a　cheese…cake—then　she　would　sit　on　the　bed　while　I　ate　it；　and　when　I　had　finished；　she　would　tuck　the　clothes　round　me；　and　twice　she　kissed　me；　and　said；　“Good　night；　Miss　Jane。”　When　thus　gentle；　Bessie　seemed　to　me　the　best；　prettiest；　kindest　being　in　the　world；　and　I　wished　most　intensely　that　she　would　always　be　so　pleasant　and　amiable；　and　never　push　me　about；　or　scold；　or　task　me　unreasonably；　as　she　was　too　often　wont　to　do。　Bessie　Lee　must；　I　think；　have　been　a　girl　of　good　natural　capacity；　for　she　was　smart　in　all　she　did；　and　had　a　remarkable　knack　of　narrative；　so；　at　least；　I　judge　from　the　impression　made　on　me　by　her　nursery　tales。　She　was　pretty　too；　if　my　recollections　of　her　face　and　person　are　correct。　I　remember　her　as　a　slim　young　woman；　with　black　hair；　dark　eyes；　very　nice　features；　and　good；　clear　plexion；　but　she　had　a　capricious　and　hasty　temper；　and　indifferent　ideas　of　principle　or　justice：　still；　such　as　she　was；　I　preferred　her　to　any　one　else　at　Gateshead　Hall。
It　was　the　fifteenth　of　January；　about　nine　o’clock　in　the　morning：　Bessie　was　gone　down　to　breakfast；　my　cousins　had　not　yet　been　summoned　to　their　mama；　Eliza　was　putting　on　her　bon　and　warm　garden…coat　to　go　and　feed　her　poultry；　an　occupation　of　which　she　was　fond：　and　not　less　so　of　selling　the　eggs　to　the　housekeeper　and　hoarding　up　the　money　she　thus　obtained。　She　had　a　turn　for　traffic；　and　a　marked　propensity　for　saving；　shown　not　only　in　the　vending　of　eggs　and　chickens；　but　also　in　driving　hard　bargains　with　the　gardener　about　flower…roots；　seeds；　and　slips　of　plants；　that　functionary　having　orders　from　Mrs。　Reed　to　buy　of　his　young　lady　all　the　products　of　her　parterre　she　wished　to　sell：　and　Eliza　would　have　sold　the　hair　off　her　head　if　she　could　have　made　a　handsome　profit　thereby。　As　to　her　money；　she　first　secreted　it　in　odd　corners；　wrapped　in　a　rag　or　an　old　curl…paper；　but　some　of　these　hoards　having　been　discovered　by　the　housemaid；　Eliza；　fearful　of　one　day　losing　her　valued　treasure；　consented　to　intrust　it　to　her　mother；　at　a　usurious　rate　of　interest—fifty　or　sixty　per　cent。；　which　interest　she　exacted　every　quarter；　keeping　her　accounts　in　a　little　book　with　anxious　accuracy。
Georgiana　sat　on　a　high　stool；　dressing　her　hair　at　the　glass；　and　interweaving　her　curls　with　artificial　flowers　and　faded　feathers；　of　which　she　had　found　a　store　in　a　drawer　in　the　attic。　I　was　making　my　bed；　having　received　strict　orders　from　Bessie　to　get　it　arranged　before　she　returned　（for　Bessie　noe　as　a　sort　of　under…nurserymaid；　to　tidy　the　room；　dust　the　chairs；　&c。）。　Having　spread　the　quilt　and　folded　my　night…dress；　I　went　to　the　window…seat　to　put　in　order　some　picture…books　and　doll’s　house　furniture　scattered　there；　an　abrupt　mand　from　Georgiana　to　let　her　playthings　alone　（for　the　tiny　chairs　and　mirrors；　the　fairy　plates　and　cups；　were　her　property）　stopped　my　proceedings；　and　then；　for　lack　of　other　occupation；　I　fell　to　breathing　on　the　frost…flowers　with　which　the　window　was　fretted；　and　thus　clearing　a　space　in　the　glass　through　which　I　might　look　out　on　the　grounds；　where　all　was　still　and　petrified　under　the　influence　of　a　hard　frost。
From　this　window　were　visible　the　porter’s　lodge　and　the　carriage…　road；　and　just　as　I　had　dissolved　so　much　of　the　silver…white　foliage　veiling　the　panes　as　left　room　to　look　out；　I　saw　the　gates　thrown　open　and　a　carriage　roll　through。　I　watched　it　ascending　the　drive　with　indifference；　carriages　often　came　to　Gateshead；　but　none　ever　brought　visitors　in　whom　I　was　interested；　it　stopped　in　front　of　the　house；　the　door…bell　rang　loudly；　the　new…er　was　admitted。　All　this　being　nothing　to　me；　my　vacant　attention　soon　found　livelier　attraction　in　the　spectacle　of　a　little　hungry　robin；　which　came　and　chirruped　on　the　twigs　of　the　leafless　cherry…tree　nailed　against　the　wall　near　the　casement。　The　remains　of　my　breakfast　of　bread　and