new moon(暮光之城-新月英文版)-第47部分

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〃Motorcycle？〃　he　asked。　I　knew　his　voice　well　enough　to　hear　something　brewing　
behind　the　calm。　
〃I　guess　I　didn't　tell　Alice　about　that　part。〃　
〃No。〃　
〃Well；　about　that　See；　I　found　that　when　I　was　doing　something　dangerous　
or　stupid　I　could　
remember　you　more　clearly；〃　I　confessed；　feeling　pletely　mental。　〃I　could　
remember　how　your　voice　
sounded　when　you　were　angry。　I　could　hear　it；　like　you　were　standing　right　
there　next　to　me。　Mostly　I　
tried　not　to　think　about　you；　but　this　didn't　hurt　so　much—it　was　like　you　
were　protecting　me　again。　Like　
you　didn't　want　me　to　be　hurt。　
〃And；　well；　I　wonder　if　the　reason　I　could　hear　you　so　clearly　was　because；　
underneath　it　all。　I　always　
knew　that　you　hadn't　stopped　loving　me。〃　
Again；　as　I　spoke；　the　words　brought　with　them　a　sense　of　conviction。　Of　
rightness。　Some　deep　place　
inside　me　recognized　truth。　
His　words　came　out　half…strangled。　〃You　were　risking　your　life　to　hear—
〃　
〃Shh；〃　I　interrupted　him。　〃Hold　on　a　second。　I　think　I'm　having　an　epiphany　
here。〃　
I　thought　of　that　night　in　Port　Angeles　when　I'd　had　my　first　delusion。　I'd　
e　up　with　two　options。　
Insanity　or　wish　fulfillment。　I'd　seen　no　third　option。　
But　what　if　
What　if　you　sincerely　believed　something　was　true；　but　you　were　dead　wrong？　
What　if　you　were　so　
stubbornly　sure　that　you　were　right；　that　you　wouldn't　even　consider　the　
truth？　Would　the　truth　be　
silenced；　or　would　it　try　to　break　through？　
Option　three：　Edward　loved　me。　The　bond　forged　between　us　was　not　one　that　
could　be　broken　by　
absence；　distance；　or　time。　And　no　matter　how　much　more　special　or　beautiful　
or　brilliant　or　perfect　than　
me　he　might　be；　he　was　as　irreversibly　altered　as　I　was。　As　I　would　always　
belong　to　him；　so　would　he　
always　be　mine。　
Was　that　what　I'd　been　trying　to　tell　myself？　
〃Oh！〃　
〃Bella？〃　
〃Oh。　Okay。　I　see。〃　
〃Your　epiphany？〃　he　asked；　his　voice　uneven　and　strained。　
〃You　love　me；〃　I　marveled。　The　sense　of　conviction　and　Tightness　washed　
through　me　again。　
Though　his　eyes　were　still　anxious；　the　crooked　smile　I　loved　best　flashed　
across　his　face。　〃Truly；　I　do。〃　
My　heart　inflated　like　it　was　going　to　crack　right　through　my　ribs。　It　filled　
my　chest　and　blocked　my　throat　
so　that　I　could　not　speak。　
He　really　did　want　me　the　way　I　wanted　him—forever。　It　was　only　fear　for　my　
soul；　for　the　human　things　
he　didn't　want　to　take　from　me；　that　made　him　so　desperate　to　leave　me　mortal。　
pared　to　the　fear　
that　he　didn't　want　me；　this　hurdle—my　soul—seemed　almost　insignificant。　
He　took　my　face　tightly　between　his　cool　hands　and　kissed　me　until　I　was　so　
dizzy　the　forest　was　
spinning。　Then　he　leaned　his　forehead　against　mine；　and　I　was　not　the　only　one　
breathing　harder　than　
usual。　
〃You　were　better　at　it　than　I　was；　you　know；〃　he　told　me。　
〃Better　at　what？〃　
〃Surviving。　You；　at　least；　made　an　effort。　You　got　up　in　the　morning；　tried　to　
be　normal　for　Charlie；　
followed　the　pattern　of　your　life。　When　I　wasn't　actively　tracking；　I　was　
totally　useless。　I　couldn't　be　
around　my　family—I　couldn't　be　around　anyone。　I'm　embarrassed　to　admit　that　I　
more　or　less　curled　up　
into　a　ball　and　let　the　misery　have　me。〃　He　grinned；　sheepish。　〃It　was　much　
more　pathetic　than　hearing　
voices。　And；　of　course；　you　know　I　do　that；　too。〃　
I　was　deeply　relieved　that　he　really　seemed　to　understand—forted　that　this　
all　made　sense　to　him。　At　
any　rate；　he　wasn't　looking　at　me　like　I　was　crazy。　He　was　looking　at　me　like
　he　loved　me。　
〃I　only　heard　one　voice；〃　I　corrected　him。　
He　laughed　and　then　pulled　me　tight　against　his　right　side　and　started　to　lead　
me　forward。　
〃I'm　just　humoring　you　with　this。〃　He　motioned　broadly　with　his　hand　toward　
the　darkness　in　front　of　us　
as　we　walked。　There　was　something　pale　and　immense　there—the　house；　I　
realized。　〃It　doesn't　matter　in　
the　slightest　what　they　say。〃　
〃This　affects　them　now；　too。〃　
He　shrugged　indifferently。　
He　led　me　through　the　open　front　door　into　the　dark　house　and　flipped　the　
lights　on。　The　room　was　just　
as　I'd　remembered　it—the　piano　and　the　white　couches　and　the　pale；　massive　
staircase。　No　dust；　no　
white　sheets。　
Edward　called　out　the　names　with　no　more　volume　than　I'd　use　in　regular　
conversation。　〃Carlisle？　Esme？　
Rosalie？　Emmett？　Jasper？　Alice？〃　They　would　hear。　
Carlisle　was　suddenly　standing　beside　me；　as　if　he'd　been　there　all　along。　
〃Wele　back；　Bella。〃　He　
smiled。　〃What　can　we　do　for　you　this　morning？　I　imagine；　due　to　the　hour；　that　
this　is　not　a　purely　social　
visit？〃　
I　nodded。　〃I'd　like　to　talk　to　everyone　at　once；　if　that's　okay。　About　
something　important。〃　
I　couldn't　help　glancing　up　at　Edward's　face　as　I　spoke。　His　expression　was　
critical；　but　resigned。　When　I　
looked　back　to　Carlisle；　he　was　looking　at　Edward；　too。　
〃Of　course；〃　Carlisle　said。　〃Why　don't　we　talk　in　the　other　room？〃　
Carlisle　led　the　way　through　the　bright　living　room；　around　the　corner　to　the　
dining　room；　turning　on　lights　
as　he　went。　The　walls　were　white；　the　ceilings　high；　like　the　living　room。　In　
the　center　of　the　room；　under　
the　low…hanging　chandelier；　was　a　large；　polished　oval　table　surrounded　by　
eight　chairs。　Carlisle　held　out　
a　chair　for　me　at　the　head。　
I'd　never　seen　the　Cullens　use　the　dining　room　table　before—it　was　just　a　
prop。　They　didn't　eat　in　the　
house。　
As　soon　as　I　turned　to　sit　in　the　chair；　I　saw　that　we　were　not　alone。　Esme　
had　followed　Edward；　and　
behind　her　the　rest　of　the　family　filed　in。　
Carlisle　sat　down　on　my　right；　and　Edward　on　my　left。　Everyone　else　took　their　
seats　in　silence。　Alice　
was　grinning　at　me；　already　in　on　the　plot。　Emmett　and　Jasper　looked　curious；　
and　Rosalie　smiled　at　me　
tentatively。　My　answering　smile　was　just　as　timid。　That　was　going　to　take　some　
getting　used　to。　
Carlisle　nodded　toward　me。　〃The　floor　is　yours。〃　
I　swallowed。　Their　gazing　eyes　made　me　nervous。　Edward　took　my　hand　under　the　
table。　I　peeked　at　
him；　but　he　was　watching　the　others；　his　fate　suddenly　fierce。　
〃Well；〃　I　paused。　〃I'm　hoping　Alice　has　already　told　you　everything　that　
happened　in　Volterra？〃　
〃Everything；〃　Alice　assured　me。　
I　threw　her　a　meaningful　look。　〃And　on　the　way？〃　
〃That；　too；〃　she　nodded。　
〃Good；〃　I　sighed　with　relief。　〃Then　we're　all　on　the　same　page。〃　
They　waited　patiently　while　I　tried　to　order　my　thoughts。　
〃So；　I　have　a　problem；〃　I　began。　〃Alice　promised　the　Volturi　that　I　would　
bee　one　of　you。　They're　
going　to　send　someone　to　check；　and　I'm　sure　that's　a　bad　thing—something　to　
avoid。　
〃And　so；　now；　this　involves　you　all。　I'm　sorry　about　that。〃　I　looked　at　each　
one　of　their　beautiful　faces；　
saving　the　most　beautiful　for　last。　Edward's　mouth　was　turned　down　into　a　
grimace。　〃But；　if　you　don't　
want　me；　then　I'm　not　going　to　force　myself　on　you；　whether　Alice　is　willing　
or　not。〃　
Esme　opened　her　mouth　to　speak；　but　I　held　up　one　finger　to　stop　her。　
〃Please；　let　me　finish。　You　all　know　what　I　want。　And　I'm　sure　you　know　what　
Edward　thinks；　too。　I　
think　the　only　fair　way　to　decide　is　for　everyone　to　have　a　vote。　If　you　
decide　you　don't　want　me；　then　
I　guess　I'll　go　back　to　Italy　alone。　I　can't　have　them　ing　here。〃　My　
forehead　creased　as　I　considered　
that。　
There　was　the　faint　rumble　of　a　growl　in　Edward's　chest。　I　ignored　him。　
〃Taking　into　account；　then；　that　I　won't　put　any　of　you　in　danger　either　way；　
I　want　you　to　vote　yes　or　no　
on　the　issue　of　me　being　a　vampire。〃　
I　half…smiled　on　the　last　word；　and　gestured　toward　Carlisle　to　begin。　
〃Just　a　minute；〃　Edward　interrupted。　
I　glared　at　him　through　narrowed　eyes。　He　raised　his　eyebrows　at　me；　squeezing　
my　hand。　
〃I　have　something　to　add　before　we　vote。〃　
I　sighed。　
〃About　the　danger　Bella's　referring　to；〃　he　continued。　〃I　don't　think　we　need　
to　be　overly　anxious。〃　
His　expression　became　more　animated。　He　put　his　free　hand　on　the　shining　table　
and　leaned　forward。　
〃You　see；〃　he　explained；　looking　around　the　table　while　he　spoke；　〃there　was　
more　than　one　reason　why　
I　didn't　want　to　shake　Aro's　hand　there　at　the　end。　There's　something　they　
didn't　think　of；　and　I　didn't　
want　to　cine　them　in。〃　He　grinned。　
〃Which　was？〃　Alice　prodded。　I　was　sure　my　expression　was　just　as　skeptical　as　
hers。　
〃The　Volturi　are　overconfident；　and　with　good　reason。　When　they　decide　to　find　
someone；　it's　not　really　a　
problem。　Do　you　remember　Demetri？〃　He　glanced　down　at　me。　
I　shuddered。　He　took　that　as　a　yes。　
〃He　finds　people—that's　his　talent；　why　they　keep　him。　
〃Now；　the　whole　time　we　were　with　any　of　them；　I　was　picking　their　brains　for　
anything　that　might　save　
us；　getting　as　much　information　as　possible。　So　I　saw　how　Demetri's　talent　
works。　He's　a　tracker—a　
tracker　a　thousand　times　more　gifted　than　Jarres　was。　His　ability　is　loosely　
related　to　what　I　do；　or　what　
Aro　does。　He　catches　the　flavor？　I　don't　know　how　to　describe　it　the　tenor
　of　someone's　mind；　
and　then　he　follows　that。　It　works　over　immense　distances。　
〃But　after　Aro's　little　experiments；　well〃　Edward　shrugged。　
〃You　think　he　won't　be　able　to　find　me；〃　I　said　flatly。　
He　was　smug。　〃I'm　sure　of　it。　He　relies　totally　on　that　other　sense。　When　it　
doesn't　work　with　you；　they'll　
all　be　blind。〃　
〃And　how　does　that　solve　anything？〃　
〃Quite　obviously；　Alice　will　be　able　to　tell　when　they're　planning　a　visit；　
and　I'll　hide　you。　They'll　be　
helpless；〃　he　said　with　fierce　enjoyment。　〃It　will　be　like　looking　for　a　piece　
of　straw　in　a　haystack！〃　
He　and　Emmett　exchanged　a　glance　and　a　smirk。　
This　made　no　sense。　〃But　they　can　find　you；〃　I　reminded　him。　
〃And　I　can　take　care　of　myself。〃　
Emmett　laughed；　and　reached　across　the　table　toward　his　brother；　extending　a　
fist。　
〃Excellent　plan；　my　brother；〃　he　said　with　enthusiasm。　
Edward　stretched　out　his　arm　to　smack　Emmett's　fist　with　his　own。　
〃No；〃　Rosalie　hissed。　
〃Absolutely　not；〃　I　agreed。　
〃Nice。〃　Jasper's　voice　was　appreciative。　
〃Idiots；〃　Alice　muttered。　
Esme　just　glared　at　Edward。　
I　straightened　up　in　my　chair；　focusing。　This　was　my　meeting。　
〃All　right；　then。　Edward　has　offered　an　alternative　for　you　to　consider；〃　I　
said　coolly。　〃Let's　vote。〃　
I　looked　toward　Edward　this　time；　it　would　be　better　to　get　his　opinion　out　of　
the　way。　〃Do　you　want　me　
to　join　your　family？〃　
His　eyes　were　hard　and　black　as　flint。　〃Not　that　way。　You're　staying　human。〃　
I　nodded　once；　keeping　my　face　businesslike；　and　then　moved　on。　
〃Alice？〃　
〃Yes。〃　
〃Jasper？〃　
〃Yes；〃　he　said；　voice　grave。　I　was　a　little　surprised—I　hadn't　been　at　all　
sure　of　his　vote—but　I　
suppressed　my　reaction　and　moved　on。　
〃Rosalie？〃　
She　hesitated；　biting　down　on　her　full；　perfect　bottom　lip。　〃No。〃　
I　kept　my　face　blank　and　turned　my　head　slightly　to　move　on；　but　she　held　up　
both　her　hands；　palms　
forward。　
〃Let　me　explain；〃　she　pleaded。　〃I　don't　mean　that　I　have　any　aversion　to　you　
as　a　sister。　It's　just　that　
this　is　not　the　life　I　would　have　chosen　for　myself。　I　wish　there　had　been　
someone　there　to　vote　no　for　
me。〃　
I　nodded　slowly；　and　then　turned　to　Emmett。　
〃Hell；　yes！〃　He　grinned。　〃We　can　find　some　other　way　to　pick　a　fight　with　this　
Demetri。〃　
I　was　still　grimacing　at　that　when　I　looked　at　Esme。　
〃Yes；　of　course；　Bella。　I　already　think　of　you　as　part　of　my　family。〃　
〃Thank　you；　Esme；〃　I　murmured　as　I　turned　toward　Carlisle。　
I　was　suddenly　nervous；　wishing　I　had　asked　for　his　vote　first。　I　was　sure　
that　this　was　the　vote　that　
mattered　most；　the　vote　that　counted　more　than　any　majority。　
Carlisle　wasn't　looking　at　me。　
〃Edward；〃　he　said。　
〃No；〃　Edward　growled。　His　jaw　was　strained　tight；　his　lips　curled　back　from　
his　teeth。　
〃It's　the　only　way　that　makes　sense；〃　Carlisle　insisted。　〃You've　chosen　not　to　
live　without　her；　and　that　
doesn't　leave　me　a　choice。〃　
Edward　dropped　my　hand；　shoving　away　from　the　table。　He　stalked　out　of　the　
room；　snarling　under　his　
breath。　
〃I　guess　you　know　my　vote。〃　Carlisle　sighed。　
I　was　still　staring　after　Edward。　〃Thanks；〃　I　mumbled。　
An　earsplitting　crash　echoed　from　the　other　room。　
I　flinched；　and　spoke　quickly。　〃That's　all　I　needed。　Thank　you。　For　wanting　to　
keep　me。　I　feel　exactly　the　
same　way　about　all　of　you；　too。〃　My　voice　was　jagged　with　emotion　by　the　end。　
Esme　was　at　my　side　in　a　flash；　her　cold　arms　around　me。　
〃Dearest　Bella；〃　she　breathed。　
I　hugged　her　back。　Out　of　the　corner　of　my　eye；　I　noticed　Rosalie　looking　down　
at　the　table；　and　I　
realized　that　my　words　could　be　construed　in　two　ways。　
〃Well；　Alice；〃　I　said　when　Esme　released　me。　〃Where　do　you　want　to　do　this？〃　
Alice　stared　at　me；　her　eyes　widening　with　terror。　
〃No！　No！　NO！〃　Edward　roared；　charging　back　into　the　room。　He　was　in　my　face　
before　I　had　time　to　
blink；　bending　over　me；　his　expression　twisted　in　rage。　〃Are　you　insane？〃　he　
shouted。　〃Have　you　utterly　
lost　your　mind？〃　
I　cringed　away；　my　hands　over　my　ears。　
〃Um；　Bella；〃　Alice　interjected　in　an　anxious　voice。　〃I　don't　think　I'm　ready　
for　that。　I'll　need　to　prepare〃　
〃You　promised；〃　I　reminded　her；　glaring　under　Edward's　arm。　
〃I　know；　but　Seriously；　Bella！　I　don't　have　any　idea　how　to　not　killyou。〃　
〃You　can　do　it；〃　I　encouraged。　〃I　trust　you。〃　
Edward　snarled　in　fury。　
Alice　shook　her　head　quickly；　looking　panicked。　
〃Carlisle？〃　I　turned　to　look　at　him。　
Edward　grabbed　my　face　in　his　hand；　forcing　me　to　look　at　him。　His　other　hand　
was　out；　palm　toward　
Carlisle。　
Carlisle　ignored　that。　〃I'm　able　to　do　it；〃　he　answered　my　question。　I　wished　
I　could　see　his　expression。　
〃You　would　be　in　no　danger　of　me　losing　control。〃　
〃Sounds　good。〃　I　hoped　he　could　understand；　it　was　hard　to　talk　clearly　the　
way　Edward　held　my　jaw。　
〃Hold　on；〃　Edward　said　between　his　teeth。　〃It　doesn't　have　to　be　now。〃　
〃There's　no　reason　for　it　not　to　be　now；〃　I　said；　the　words　ing　out　
distorted。　
〃I　can　think　of　a　few。〃　
〃Of　course　you　can；〃　I　said　sourly。　〃Now　let　go　of　me。〃　
He　freed　my　face；　and　folded　his　arms　across　his　chest。　〃In　about　two　hours；　
Charlie　will　be　here　looking　
for　you。　I　wouldn't　put　it　past　him　to　involve　the　police。〃　
〃All　three　of　them。〃　But　I　frowned。　
This　was　always　the　hardest　part。　Charlie；　Renee。　Now　Jacob；　too。　The　people　I　
would　lose；　the　people　
I　would　hurt。　I　wished　there　was　some　way　that　I　could　be　the　only　one　to　
suffer；　but　I　knew　that　was　
impossible。　
At　the　same　time；　I　was　hurting　them　more　by　staying　human。　Putting　Charlie　in　
constant　danger　through　
my　proximity。　Putting　Jake　in　worse　danger　still　by　drawing　his　enemies　across　
the　land　he　felt　bound　to　
protect。　And　Renee—I　couldn't　even　risk　a　visit　to　see　my　own　mother　for　fear　
of　bringing　my　deadly　
problems　along　with　me！　
I　was　a　danger　magnet；　I'd　accepted　that　about　myself。　
Accepting　this；　I　knew　I　needed　to　be　able　to　take　care　of　myself　and　protect　
the　ones　I　loved；　even　if　
that　meant　that　I　couldn't　be　with　them。　I　needed　to　be　strong。　
〃In　the　interest　of　remaining　inconspicuous；〃　Edward　said；　still　talking　
through　his　gritted　teeth；　but　
looking　at　Carlisle　now；　〃I　suggest　that　we　put　this　conversation　off；　at　the　
very　least　until　Bella　finishes　
high　school；　and　moves　out　of　Charlie's　house。〃　
〃That's　a　reasonable　request；　Bella；〃　Carlisle