5 midnight sun午夜阳光-第24部分

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ace　carefully　as　I　said　this。　it　confirmed　was　another。　Usually　I　can　Guessing　right　was　one　thing；　having　She　was　motionless；　her　eyes　wide。　I　felt　my　teeth　clench　together　as　I　waited　for　her　panic。　But　she　just　blinked　once；　swallowed　loudly；　and　then　quickly　scooped　another　bite　into　her　mouth。　She　wanted　me　to　continue。　I　was　keeping　tabs　on　Jessica；　I　went　on；　watching　each　word　as　it　sank　in。　Not　carefully　like　I　said；　only　you　could　find　trouble　in　Port　Angeles　I　couldn　t　resist　adding　that。　Did　she　realize　that　other　human　lives　were　not　so　plagued　with　near　death　experiences；　or　did　she　think　she　was　normal？　She　was　the　furthest　thing　from　normal　I　d　ever　encountered。　And　at　first　I　didn　t　notice　when　you　took　off　on　your　own。　Then；　when　I　realized　that　you　weren　t　with　her　anymore；　I　went　looking　for　you　at　the　bookstore　I　saw　in　her　head。　I　could　tell　that　you　hadn　t　gone　in；　and　that　you　d　gone　south　and　I　knew　you　would　have　to　turn　around　soon。　So　I　was　just　waiting　for　you；　randomly　searching　through　the　thoughts　of　people　on　the　street　to　see　if　anyone　had　noticed　you　so　I　would　know　where　you　were。　I　had　no　reason　to　be　worried　but　I　was　strangely　anxious　My　breath　came　faster　as　I　remembered　that　feeling　of　panic。　Her　scent　blazed　in　my　throat　and　I　was　glad。　It　was　a　pain　that　meant　she　was　alive。　As　long　as　I　burned；　she　was　safe。　I　started　to　drive　in　circles；　still　listening。　I　hoped　the　word　made　sense　to　her。　This　had　to　be　confusing。　The　sun　was　finally　setting；　and　I　was　about　to　get　out；　and　follow　you　on　foot。　And　then　As　the　memory　took　me　perfectly　clear　and　as　vivid　as　if　I　was　in　the　moment　again　I　felt　the　same　murderous　fury　wash　through　my　body；　locking　it　into　ice。　I　wanted　him　dead。　I　needed　him　dead。　My　jaw　clenched　tight　as　I　concentrated　on　holding　myself　here　at　the　table。　Bella　still　needed　me。　That　was　what　mattered。　Then　what？　she　whispered；　her　dark　eyes　wide。　I　heard　what　they　were　thinking；　I　said　through　my　teeth；　unable　to　keep　the　words　from　ing　out　in　a　growl。　I　saw　your　face　in　his　mind。　I　could　hardly　resist　the　urge　to　kill。　I　still　knew　precisely　where　to　find　him。　His　black　thoughts　sucked　at　the　night　sky；　pulling　me　toward　them　I　covered　my　face；　knowing　my　expression　was　that　of　a　monster；　a　hunter；　a　killer。　I　fixed　her　image　behind　my　closed　eyes　to　control　myself；　focusing　only　on　her　face。　The　delicate　framework　of　her　bones；　the　thin　sheath　of　her　pale　skin　like　silk

stretched　over　glass；　incredibly　soft　and　easy　to　shatter。　She　was　too　vulnerable　for　this　world。　She　needed　a　protector。　And；　through　some　twisted　mismanagement　of　destiny；　I　was　the　closest　thing　available。　I　tried　to　explain　my　violent　reaction　so　that　she　would　understand。　It　was　very　hard　you　can　t　imagine　how　hard　for　me　to　simply　take　you　away；　and　leave　them　alive；　I　whispered。　I　could　have　let　you　go　with　Jessica　and　Angela；　but　I　was　afraid　if　you　left　me　alone；　I　would　go　looking　for　them。　For　the　second　time　tonight；　I　confessed　to　an　intended　murder。　was　defensible。　At　least　this　one　She　was　quiet　as　I　struggled　to　control　myself。　I　listened　to　her　heartbeat。　The　rhythm　was　irregular；　but　it　slowed　as　the　time　passed　until　it　was　steady　again。　Her　breathing；　too；　was　low　and　even。　I　was　too　close　to　the　edge。　Would　I　kill　him；　then？　I　needed　to　get　her　home　before　Would　I　bee　a　murderer　again　when　she　trusted　me？　Was　there　any　way　to　stop　myself？　She　d　promised　to　tell　me　her　latest　theory　when　we　were　alone。　Did　I　want　to　hear　it？　I　was　anxious　for　it；　but　would　the　reward　for　my　curiosity　be　worse　than　not　knowing？　At　any　rate；　she　must　have　had　enough　truth　for　one　night。　I　looked　at　her　again；　and　her　face　was　paler　than　before；　but　posed。　Are　you　ready　to　go　home？　I　asked。　I　m　ready　to　leave；　she　said；　choosing　her　words　carefully；　as　if　a　simple　yes　did　not　fully　express　what　she　wanted　to　say。　Frustrating。　The　waitress　returned。　She　d　heard　Bella　s　last　statement　as　she　d　dithered　on　the　other　side　of　the　partition；　wondering　what　more　she　could　offer　me。　I　wanted　to　roll　my　eyes　at　some　of　the　offerings　she　d　had　in　mind。　How　are　we　doing？　she　asked　me。　We　re　ready　for　the　check；　thank　you；　I　told　her；　my　eyes　on　Bella。　The　waitress　s　breathing　spiked　and　she　was　momentarily　to　use　Bella　s　phrasing　dazzled　by　my　voice。　In　a　sudden　moment　of　perception；　hearing　the　way　my　voice　sounded　in　this　inconsequential　human　s　head；　I　realized　why　I　seemed　to　be　attracting　so　much　admiration　tonight　unmarred　by　the　usual　fear。　It　was　because　of　Bella。　Trying　so　hard　to　be　safe　for　her；　to　be　less　frightening；　to　be　human；　I　truly　had　lost　my　edge。　The　other　humans　saw　only　beauty　now；　with　my　innate　horror　so　carefully　under　control。　I　looked　up　at　the　waitress；　waiting　for　her　to　recover　herself。　It　was　sort　of

humorous；　now　that　I　understood　the　reason。　Sure；　she　stuttered。　Here　you　go。　She　handed　me　the　folder　with　the　bill；　thinking　of　the　card　she　d　slid　in　behind　the　receipt。　A　card　with　her　name　and　telephone　number　on　it。　Yes；　it　was　rather　funny。　I　had　money　ready　again。　I　gave　the　folder　back　at　once；　so　she　wouldn　t　waste　any　time　waiting　for　a　call　that　would　never　e。　No　change；　I　told　her；　hoping　the　size　of　the　tip　would　assuage　her　disappointment。　I　stood；　and　Bella　quickly　followed　suit。　I　wanted　to　offer　her　my　hand；　but　I　thought　that　might　be　pushing　my　luck　a　little　too　far　for　one　night。　I　thanked　the　waitress；　my　eyes　never　leaving　Bella　s　face。　Bella　seemed　to　be　finding　something　amusing；　too。　We　walked　out；　I　walked　as　close　beside　her　as　I　dared。　Close　enough　that　the　warmth　ing　off　her　body　was　like　a　physical　touch　against　the　left　side　of　my　body。　As　I　held　the　door　for　her；　she　sighed　quietly；　and　I　wondered　what　regret　made　her　sad。　I　stared　into　her　eyes；　about　to　ask；　when　she　suddenly　looked　at　the　ground；　seeming　embarrassed。　It　made　me　more　curious；　even　as　it　made　me　reluctant　to　ask。　The　silence　between　us　continued　while　I　opened　her　door　for　her　and　then　got　into　the　car。　I　turned　the　heater　on　the　warmer　weather　had　e　to　an　abrupt　end；　the　cold　car　must　be　unfortable　for　her。　She　huddled　in　my　jacket；　a　small　smile　on　her　lips。　I　waited；　postponing　conversation　until　the　lights　of　the　boardwalk　faded。　It　made　me　feel　more　alone　with　her。　Was　that　the　right　thing？　Now　that　I　was　focused　only　on　her；　the　car　seemed　very　small。　Her　scent　swirled　through　it　with　the　current　of　the　heater；　building　and　strengthening。　It　grew　into　its　own　force；　like　another　entity　in　the　car。　A　presence　that　demanded　recognition。　It　had　that；　I　burned。　The　burning　was　acceptable；　though。　It　seemed　strangely　appropriate　to　me。　I　had　been　given　so　much　tonight　more　than　I　d　expected。　And　here　she　was；　still　willingly　at　my　side。　I　owed　something　in　return　for　that。　A　sacrifice。　A　burnt　offering。　Now　if　I　could　just　keep　it　to　that；　just　burn；　and　nothing　more。　But　the　venom　filled　my　mouth；　and　my　muscles　tensed　in　anticipation；　as　if　I　were　hunting　I　had　to　keep　such　thoughts　from　my　mind。　And　I　knew　what　would　distract　me。　Now；　I　said　to　her；　fear　of　her　response　taking　the　edge　off　the　burn。　It　s　your　turn。

9。　Theory　Can　I　ask　just　one　more？　she　entreated　instead　of　answering　my　demand。　I　was　on　edge；　anxious　for　the　worst。　And　yet；　how　tempting　it　was　to　prolong　this　moment。　To　have　Bella　with　me；　willingly；　for　just　a　few　seconds　longer。　sighed　at　the　dilemma；　and　then　said；　One。　Well　；　she　hesitated　for　a　moment；　as　if　deciding　which　question　to　voice。　You　said　you　knew　I　hadn　t　gone　into　the　bookstore；　and　that　I　had　gone　south。　was　just　wondering　how　you　know　that。　I　glared　out　the　windshield。　Here　was　another　question　that　revealed　nothing　on　her　part；　and　too　much　on　mine。　I　thought　we　were　past　all　the　evasiveness；　she　said；　her　tone　critical　and　disappointed。　How　ironic。　She　was　relentlessly　evasive；　without　even　trying。　And　this　conversation　wasn　t　going　anywhere　I　I　Well；　she　wanted　me　to　be　direct。　good；　regardless。　Fine；　then；　I　said。　I　followed　your　scent。　I　wanted　to　watch　her　face；　but　I　was　afraid　of　what　I　would　see。　Instead；　I　listened　to　her　breath　accelerate　and　then　stabilize。　She　spoke　again　after　a　moment；　and　her　voice　was　steadier　than　I　would　have　expected。　And　then　you　didn　t　answer　one　of　my　first　questions　she　said。　I　looked　down　at　her；　frowning。　Which　one？　She　was　stalling；　too。

How　does　it　work　the　mind　reading　thing？　she　asked；　reiterating　her　question　from　the　restaurant。　Can　you　read　anybody　s　mind；　anywhere？　How　do　you　do　it？　Can　the　rest　of　your　family　？　She　trailed　off；　flushing　again。　That　s　more　than　one；　I　said。　She　just　looked　at　me；　waiting　for　her　answers。　And　why　not　tell　her？　She　d　already　guessed　most　of　this；　and　it　was　an　easier　subject　that　the　one　that　loomed。　No；　it　s　just　me。　And　I　can　t　hear　anyone；　anywhere。　I　have　to　be　fairly　close。　The　more　familiar　someone　s　voice　is；　the　farther　away　I　can　hear　them。　But　still；　no　more　than　a　few　miles。　I　tried　to　think　of　a　way　to　describe　it　so　that　she　would　understand。　An　analogy　that　she　could　relate　to。　It　s　a　little　like　being　in　a　huge　hall　filled　with　people；　everyone　talking　at　once。　It　s　just　a　hum　a　buzzing　of　voices　in　the　background。　Until　I　focus　on　one　voice；　and　then　what　they　re　thinking　is　clear。　Most　of　the　time　I　tune　it　all　out　it　can　be　very　distracting。　And　then　it　s　easier　to　seem　normal；　I　grimaced　when　I　m　not　accidentally　answering　someone　s　thoughts　rather　than　their　words。　Why　do　you　think　you　can　t　hear　me？　she　wondered。　I　gave　her　another　truth　and　another　analogy。　I　don　t　know；　I　admitted。　The　only　guess　I　have　is　that　maybe　your　mind　doesn　t　work　the　same　way　the　rest　of　theirs　do。　Like　your　thoughts　are　on　the　AM　frequency　and　I　m　only　getting　FM。　I　realized　that　she　would　not　like　this　analogy。　had　me　smiling。　She　didn　t　disappoint。　The　anticipation　of　her　reaction　I　m　a　My　mind　doesn　t　work　right？　she　asked；　her　voice　rising　with　chagrin。　freak？　Ah；　the　irony　again。　I　hear　voices　in　my　mind　and　you　re　worried　that　you　re　the　freak。　I　laughed。　She　understood　all　the　small　things；　and　yet　the　big　ones　she　got　backwards。　Always　the　wrong　instincts　Bella　was　gnawing　on　her　lip；　and　the　crease　between　her　eyes　was　etched　deep。　Don　t　worry；　I　reassured　her。　It　s　just　a　theory　And　there　was　a　more　important　theory　to　be　discussed。　I　was　anxious　to　get　it　over　with。　Each　passing　second　was　beginning　to　feel　more　and　more　like　borrowed　time。　Which　brings　us　back　to　you；　I　said；　divided　in　two；　both　anxious　and　reluctant。　She　sighed；　still　chewing　her　lip　I　worried　that　she　would　hurt　herself。　She　stared　into　my　eyes；　her　face　troubled。　Aren　t　we　past　all　the　evasions　now？　I　asked　quietly。　She　looked　down；　struggling　with　some　internal　dilemma。　Suddenly；　she　stiffened　and　her　eyes　flew　wide　open。　Fear　flashed　across　her　face　for　the　first　time。　Holy　crow！　she　gasped。

I　panicked。　What　had　she　seen？　How　had　I　frightened　her？　Then　she　shouted；　Slow　down！　What　s　wrong？　I　didn　t　understand　where　her　terror　was　ing　from。　You　re　going　a　hundred　miles　an　hour！　she　yelled　at　me。　She　flashed　a　look　out　the　window；　and　recoiled　from　the　dark　trees　racing　past　us。　This　little　thing；　just　a　bit　of　speed；　had　her　shouting　in　fear？　I　rolled　my　eyes。　Relax；　Bella。　Are　you　trying　to　kill　us？　she　demanded；　her　voice　high　and　tight。　We　re　not　going　to　crash；　I　promised　her。　She　sucked　in　a　sharp　breath；　and　then　spoke　in　a　slightly　more　level　tone。　are　you　in　such　a　hurry？　I　always　drive　like　this。　I　met　her　gaze；　amused　by　her　shocked　expression。　Keep　your　eyes　on　the　road！　she　shouted。　I　ve　never　been　in　an　accident；　Bella。　I　ve　never　even　gotten　a　ticket。　I　grinned　at　her　and　touched　my　forehead。　It　made　it　even　more　ical　the　absurdity　of　being　able　to　joke　with　her　about　something　so　secret　and　strange。　Built　in　radar　detector。　Very　funny；　she　said　sarcastically；　her　voice　more　frightened　than　angry。　Charlie　s　a　cop；　remember？　I　was　raised　to　abide　by　traffic　laws。　Besides；　if　you　turn　us　into　a　Volvo　pretzel　around　a　tree　trunk；　you　can　probably　just　walk　away。　Probably；　I　repeated；　and　than　laughed　without　humor。　Yes；　we　would　fare　quite　differently　in　a　car　accident。　She　was　right　to　be　afraid；　despite　my　driving　abilities　But　you　can　t。　With　a　sigh；　I　let　the　car　drift　to　a　crawl。　She　eyed　the　speedometer。　Almost。　I　hate　driving　slow；　I　muttered；　but　let　the　Happy？　Why　Was　this　still　too　fast　for　her？　needle　slide　another　notch　down。　This　is　slow？　she　asked。　Enough　mentary　on　my　driving；　I　said　impatiently。　How　many　times　had　she　dodged　my　question　now？　Three　times？　Four？　Were　her　speculations　that　horrific？　I　had　to　know　immediately。　I　m　still　waiting　for　your　latest　theory。　She　bit　her　lip　again；　and　her　expression　became　upset；　almost　pained。　I　reigned　in　my　impatience　and　softened　my　voice。　I　didn　t　want　her　to　be

distressed。　I　won　t　laugh；　I　promised；　wishing　that　it　was　only　embarrassment　that　made　her　unwilling　to　talk。　I　m　more　afraid　that　you　ll　be　angry　with　me；　she　whispered。　I　forced　my　voice　to　stay　even。　Pretty　much；　yeah。　She　looked　down；　refusing　to　meet　my　eyes。　Go　ahead；　I　encouraged。　Her　voice　was　small。　I　don　t　know　how　to　start。　I　remembered　her　words　before　dinner。　The　seconds　passed。　Is　it　that　bad？　Why　don　t　you　start　at　the　beginning？　You　said　you　didn　t　e　up　with　this　on　your　own。　No；　she　agreed；　and　then　was　silent　again。　I　thought　about　things　that　might　have　inspired　her。　book？　A　movie？　What　got　you　started　a　I　should　have　looked　through　her　collections　when　she　was　out　of　the　house。　I　had　no　idea　if　Bram　Stoker　or　Anne　Rice　was　there　in　her　stack　of　worn　paperbacks　No；　she　said　again。　It　was　Saturday；　at　the　beach。　I　hadn　t　expected　that。　The　local　gossip　about　us　had　never　strayed　into　anything　too　bizarre　or　too　precise。　Was　there　a　new　rumor　I　d　missed？　Bella　peeked　up　from　her　hands　and　saw　the　surprise　on　my　face。　I　ran　into　an　old　family　friend　Jacob　Black；　she　went　on。　have　been　friends　since　I　was　a　baby。　His　dad　and　Charlie　Jacob　Black　the　name　was　not　familiar；　and　yet　it　reminded　me　of　something　some　time；　long　ago　I　stared　out　of　the　windshield；　flipping　through　memories　to　find　the　connection。　His　dad　is　one　of　the　Quileute　elders；　she　said。　Jacob　Black。　Ephraim　Black。　A　descendant；　no　doubt。　It　was　as　bad　as　it　could　get。　She　knew　the　truth。　My　mind　was　flying　through　the　ramifications　as　the　car　flew　around　the　dark　curves　in　the　road；　my　body　rigid　with　anguish　motionless　except　for　the　small；　automatic　actions　it　took　to　steer　the　car。　She　knew　the　truth。　But　if　she　d　learned　the　truth　Saturday　then　she　d　known　it　all　evening　long　and　yet

We　went　for　a　walk；　she　went　on。　And　he　was　telling　me　about　some　old　legends　trying　to　scare　me；　I　think。　He　told　me　one　She　stopped　short；　but　there　was　no　need　for　her　qualms　now；　I　knew　what　she　was　going　to　say。　The　only　mystery　left　was　why　she　was　here　with　me　now。　Go　on；　I　said。　About　vampires；　she　breathed；　the　words　less　than　a　whisper。　Somehow；　it　was　even　worse　than　knowing　that　she　knew；　hearing　her　speak　the　word　aloud。　I　flinched　at　the　sound　of　it；　and　then　controlled　myself　again。　And　you　immediately　thought　of　me？　I　asked。　No。　He　mentioned　your　family。　How　ironic　that　it　would　be　Ephraim　s　own　progeny　that　would　violate　the　treaty　he　d　vowed　to　uphold。　A　grandson；　or　grea