5 midnight sun午夜阳光-第25部分

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uld　be　Ephraim　s　own　progeny　that　would　violate　the　treaty　he　d　vowed　to　uphold。　A　grandson；　or　greatgrandson　perhaps。　How　many　years　had　it　been？　Seventy？　I　should　have　realized　that　it　was　not　the　old　men　who　believed　in　the　legends　that　would　be　the　danger。　Of　course；　the　younger　generation　those　who　would　have　been　warned；　but　would　have　thought　the　ancient　superstitions　laughable　of　course　that　was　where　the　danger　of　exposure　would　lie。　I　supposed　this　meant　I　was　now　free　to　slaughter　the　small；　defenseless　tribe　on　the　coastline；　were　I　so　inclined。　Ephraim　and　his　pack　of　protectors　were　long　dead　He　just　thought　it　was　a　silly　superstition；　Bella　said　suddenly；　her　voice　edged　with　a　new　anxiety。　He　didn　t　expect　me　to　think　anything　of　it。　Out　of　the　corner　of　my　eye；　I　saw　her　twist　her　hands　uneasily。　It　was　my　fault；　she　said　after　a　brief　pause；　and　then　she　hung　her　head　as　if　she　were　ashamed。　I　forced　him　to　tell　me。　Why？　It　wasn　t　so　hard　to　keep　my　voice　level　now。　The　worst　was　already　done。　As　long　as　we　spoke　of　the　details　of　the　revelation；　we　didn　t　have　to　move　on　to　the　consequences　of　it。　Lauren　said　something　about　you　she　was　trying　to　provoke　me。　She　made　a　little　face　at　the　memory。　I　was　slightly　distracted；　wondering　how　Bella　would　be　provoked　by　someone　talking　about　me　And　an　older　boy　from　the　tribe　said　your　family　didn　t　e　to　the　reservation；　only　it　sounded　like　he　meant　something　different。　So　I　got　Jacob　alone　and　I　tricked　it　out　of　him。　Her　head　dropped　even　lower　as　she　admitted　this；　and　her　expression　looked　guilty。　I　looked　away　from　her　and　laughed　out　loud。　She　felt　guilty？　possibly　have　done　to　deserve　censure　of　any　kind？　Tricked　him　how？　I　asked。　What　could　she

I　tried　to　flirt　it　worked　better　than　I　thought　it　would；　she　explained；　and　her　voice　turned　incredulous　at　the　memory　of　that　success。　I　could　just　imagine　considering　the　attraction　she　seemed　to　have　for　all　things　male；　totally　unconscious　on　her　part　how　overwhelming　she　would　be　when　she　tried　to　be　attractive。　I　was　suddenly　full　of　pity　for　the　unsuspecting　boy　she　d　unleashed　such　a　potent　force　on。　I　d　like　to　have　seen　that；　I　said；　and　then　I　laughed　again　with　the　black　humor。　I　wished　I　could　have　heard　the　boy　s　reaction；　witnessed　the　devastation　for　myself。　And　you　accused　me　of　dazzling　people　poor　Jacob　Black。　I　wasn　t　as　angry　with　the　source　of　my　exposure　as　I　would　have　expected　to　feel。　He　didn　t　know　better。　And　how　could　I　expect　anyone　to　deny　this　girl　what　she　wanted？　No；　I　only　felt　sympathy　for　the　damage　she　would　have　done　to　his　peace　of　mind。　I　felt　her　blush　heat　the　air　between　us。　out　her　window。　She　didn　t　speak　again。　What　did　you　do　then？　I　prompted。　I　glanced　at　her；　and　she　was　staring　Time　to　get　back　to　the　horror　story。　I　did　some　research　on　the　inter。　Ever　practical。　No；　she　said。　And　did　that　convince　you？　Nothing　fit。　Most　of　it　was　kind　of　silly。　And　then　She　broke　off　again；　and　I　heard　her　teeth　lock　together。　What？　I　demanded。　her？　What　had　she　found？　What　had　made　sense　of　the　nightmare　for　There　was　a　short　paused；　and　then　she　whispered；　I　decided　it　didn　t　matter。　Shock　froze　my　thoughts　for　a　halfsecond；　and　then　it　all　fit　together。　Why　she　d　sent　her　friends　away　tonight　rather　than　escape　with　them。　Why　she　had　gotten　into　my　car　with　me　again　instead　of　running；　screaming　for　the　police　Her　reactions　were　always　wrong　always　pletely　wrong。　herself。　She　invited　it。　She　pulled　danger　toward　How　was　I　supposed　It　didn　t　matter？　I　said　through　my　teeth；　anger　filling　me。　to　protect　someone　so　so　so　determined　to　be　unprotected？　No；　she　said　in　a　low　voice　that　was　inexplicably　tender。　me　what　you　are。　She　was　impossible。　You　don　t　care　if　I　m　a　monster？　No。　If　I　m　not　human？　It　doesn　t　matter　to

I　started　to　wonder　if　she　was　entirely　stable。　I　supposed　that　I　could　arrange　for　her　to　receive　the　best　care　available　Carlisle　would　have　the　connections　to　find　her　the　most　skilled　doctors；　the　most　talented　therapists。　Perhaps　something　could　be　done　to　fix　whatever　it　was　that　was　wrong　with　her；　what　ever　it　was　that　made　her　content　to　sit　beside　a　vampire　with　her　heart　beating　calmly　and　steadily。　I　would　watch　over　the　facility；　naturally；　and　visit　as　often　as　I　was　allowed　You　re　angry；　she　sighed。　I　shouldn　t　have　said　anything。　As　if　her　hiding　these　disturbing　tendencies　would　help　either　of　us。　No。　I　d　rather　know　what　you　re　thinking　even　if　what　you　re　thinking　is　insane。　So　I　m　wrong　again？　she　asked；　a　bit　belligerent　now。　That　s　not　what　I　was　referring　to！　My　teeth　clenched　together　again。　doesn　t　matter　！　I　repeated　in　a　scathing　tone。　She　gasped。　I　m　right？　It　Does　it　matter？　I　countered。　She　took　a　deep　breath。　I　waited　angrily　for　her　answer。　But　I　am　curious。　She　knew　I　was　inhuman；　a　I　Not　really；　she　said；　her　voice　posed　again。　Not　really。　It　didn　t　really　matter。　She　didn　t　care。　monster；　and　this　didn　t　really　matter　to　her。　Aside　from　my　worries　about　her　sanity；　I　began　to　feel　a　swelling　of　hope。　tried　to　quash　it。　What　are　you　curious　about？　I　asked　her。　details。　How　old　are　you？　she　asked。　My　answer　was　automatic　and　ingrained。　And　how　long　have　you　been　seventeen？　I　tried　not　to　smile　at　the　patronizing　tone。　A　while；　I　admitted。　Seventeen。　There　were　no　secrets　left；　only　minor　Okay；　she　said；　abruptly　enthusiastic。　She　smiled　up　at　me。　back；　anxious　again　about　her　mental　health；　she　smiled　wider。　Don　t　laugh；　she　warned。　When　I　stared　I　grimaced。　But　how　can　you　e　out　during　the　daytime？　Her　research　had　not　ted　her　anything　unusual；　I　laughed　despite　her　request。　it　seemed。　Myth；　I　told　her。　Burned　by　the　sun？　Myth。

Sleeping　in　coffins？　Myth。　Sleep　had　not　been　a　part　of　my　life　for　so　long　not　until　these　last　few　nights；　as　I　d　watched　Bella　dreaming　I　can　t　sleep；　I　murmured；　answering　her　question　more　fully。　She　was　silent　for　a　moment。　At　all？　she　asked。　Never；　I　breathed。　I　stared　into　her　eyes；　wide　under　the　thick　fringe　of　lashes；　and　yearned　for　sleep。　Not　for　oblivion；　as　I　had　before；　not　to　escape　boredom；　but　because　I　wanted　to　dream。　Maybe；　if　I　could　be　unconscious；　if　I　could　dream；　I　could　live　for　a　few　hours　in　a　world　where　she　and　I　could　be　together。　She　dreamed　of　me。　I　wanted　to　dream　of　her。　She　stared　back　at　me；　her　expression　full　of　wonder。　I　could　not　dream　of　her。　She　should　not　dream　of　me。　I　had　to　look　away。　You　haven　t　asked　me　the　most　important　question　yet；　I　said；　my　silent　chest　colder　and　harder　than　before。　She　had　to　be　forced　to　understand。　At　some　point；　she　would　have　to　realize　what　she　was　doing　now。　She　must　be　made　to　see　that　this　all　did　matter　more　than　any　other　consideration。　Considerations　like　the　fact　that　I　loved　her。　Which　one　is　that？　she　asked；　surprised　and　unaware。　This　only　made　my　voice　harder。　Oh。　That。　You　aren　t　concerned　about　my　diet？　She　spoke　in　a　quiet　tone　that　I　couldn　t　interpret。　Don　t　you　want　to　know　if　I　drink　blood？　Finally。　She　was　understanding。　Yes；　that。　She　cringed　away　from　my　question。　Well；　Jacob　said　something　about　that；　she　said。　What　did　Jacob　say？　He　said　you　didn　t　hunt　people。　He　said　your　family　wasn　t　supposed　to　be　dangerous　because　you　only　hunted　animals。　He　said　we　weren　t　dangerous？　I　repeated　cynically。　Not　exactly；　she　clarified。　He　said　you　weren　t　supposed　to　be　dangerous。　the　Quileutes　still　didn　t　want　you　on　their　land；　just　in　case。　But　I　stared　at　the　road；　my　thoughts　in　a　hopeless　snarl；　my　throat　aching　with　the　familiar　fiery　thirst。　So；　was　he　right？　she　asked；　as　calmly　as　if　she　were　confirming　a　weather

report。　About　not　hunting　people？　The　Quileutes　have　a　long　memory。　She　nodded　to　herself；　thinking　hard。　Don　t　let　that　make　you　placent；　though；　I　said　quickly。　keep　their　distance　from　us。　We　are　still　dangerous。　I　don　t　understand。　No　she　didn　t。　How　to　make　her　see？　They　re　right　to　We　try；　I　told　her。　We　re　usually　very　good　at　what　we　do。　Sometimes　we　make　mistakes。　Me；　for　example；　allowing　myself　to　be　alone　with　you。　Her　scent　was　still　a　force　in　the　car。　I　was　growing　used　to　it；　I　could　almost　ignore　it；　but　there　was　no　denying　that　my　body　still　yearned　toward　her　for　the　wrong　reason。　My　mouth　was　swimming　with　venom。　This　is　a　mistake？　she　asked；　and　there　was　heartbreak　in　her　voice。　The　sound　of　it　disarmed　me。　She　wanted　to　be　with　me　despite　everything；　she　wanted　to　be　with　me。　Hope　swelled　again；　and　I　beat　it　back。　A　very　dangerous　one；　I　told　her　truthfully；　wishing　the　truth　could　really　somehow　cease　to　matter。　She　didn　t　respond　for　a　moment。　I　heard　her　breathing　change　it　hitched　in　strange　ways　that　did　not　sound　like　fear。　Tell　me　more；　she　said　suddenly；　her　voice　distorted　by　anguish。　I　examined　her　carefully。　She　was　in　pain。　How　had　I　allowed　this？　What　more　do　you　want　to　know？　I　asked；　trying　to　think　of　a　way　to　keep　her　from　hurting。　She　should　not　hurt。　I　couldn　t　let　her　be　hurt。　Tell　me　why　you　hunt　animals　instead　of　people；　she　said；　still　anguished。　Wasn　t　it　obvious？　Or　maybe　this　didn　t　matter　to　her　either。　I　don　t　want　to　be　a　monster；　I　muttered。　But　animals　aren　t　enough？　I　searched　for　another　parison；　a　way　that　she　could　understand。　I　can　t　be　sure；　of　course；　but　I　d　pare　it　to　living　on　tofu　and　soy　milk；　we　call　ourselves　vegetarians；　our　little　inside　joke。　It　doesn　t　pletely　satiate　the　hunger　or　rather　thirst。　But　it　keeps　us　strong　enough　to　resist。　Most　of　the　time。　My　voice　got　lower；　I　was　ashamed　of　danger　I　had　allowed　her　to　be　in。　Danger　I　continued　to　allow　Sometimes　it　s　more　difficult　than　others。　Is　it　very　difficult　for　you　now？

I　sighed。　admitted。　Of　course　she　would　ask　the　question　I　didn　t　want　to　answer。　Yes；　I　I　expected　her　physical　response　correctly　this　time：　her　breathing　held　steady；　her　heart　kept　its　even　pattern。　I　expected　it；　but　I　did　not　understand　it。　How　could　she　not　be　afraid？　But　you　re　not　hungry　now；　she　declared；　perfectly　sure　of　herself。　Why　do　you　think　that？　Your　eyes；　she　said；　her　tone　offhand。　I　told　you　I　had　a　theory。　I　ve　noticed　that　people　men　in　particular　are　crabbier　when　they　re　hungry。　I　chuckled　at　her　description：　crabby。　There　was　an　understatement。　But　she　was　dead　right；　as　usual。　You　are　observant；　aren　t　you？　I　laughed　again。　She　smiled　a　little；　the　crease　returning　between　her　eyes　as　if　she　were　concentrating　on　something。　Were　you　hunting　this　weekend；　with　Emmett？　she　asked　after　my　laugh　had　faded。　The　casual　way　she　spoke　was　as　fascinating　as　it　was　frustrating。　Could　she　really　accept　so　much　in　stride？　I　was　closer　to　shock　than　she　seemed　to　be。　Yes；　I　told　her；　and　then；　as　I　was　about　to　leave　it　at　that；　I　felt　the　same　urge　I　d　had　in　the　restaurant：　I　wanted　her　to　know　me。　I　didn　t　want　to　leave；　I　went　on　slowly；　but　it　was　necessary。　It　s　a　bit　easier　to　be　around　you　when　I　m　not　thirsty。　Why　didn　t　you　want　to　leave？　I　took　a　deep　breath；　and　then　turned　to　meet　her　gaze。　difficult　in　a　very　different　way。　This　kind　of　honesty　was　It　makes　me　anxious；　I　supposed　that　word　would　suffice；　though　it　wasn　t　strong　enough；　to　be　away　from　you。　I　wasn　t　joking　when　I　asked　you　to　try　not　to　fall　in　the　ocean　or　get　run　over　last　Thursday。　I　was　distracted　all　weekend；　worrying　about　you。　And　after　what　happened　tonight；　I　m　surprised　that　you　did　make　it　through　a　whole　weekend　unscathed。　Then　I　remembered　the　scrapes　on　her　palms。　Well；　not　totally　unscathed；　I　amended。　What？　Your　hands；　I　reminded　her。　She　sighed　and　grimaced。　I　fell。　I　d　guessed　right。　That　s　what　I　thought；　I　said；　unable　to　contain　my　smile。　I　suppose；　being　you；　it　could　have　been　much　worse　and　that　possibility　tormented　me　the　entire　time　I　was　away。　It　was　a　very　long　three　days。　I　really　got　on　Emmett　s　nerves。　Honestly；　that　didn　t　belong　in　the　past　tense。　I　was　probably　still　irritating　Emmett；　and　all　the　rest　of　my　family；　too。　Except　Alice　Three　days？　she　asked；　her　voice　suddenly　sharp。　today？　I　didn　t　understand　the　edge　in　her　voice。　Didn　t　you　just　get　back　No；　we　got　back　Sunday。

Then　why　weren　t　any　of　you　in　school？　she　demanded。　Her　irritation　confused　me。　She　didn　t　seem　to　realize　that　this　question　was　one　that　related　to　mythology　again。　Well；　you　asked　if　the　sun　hurt　me；　and　it　doesn　t；　I　said。　in　the　sunlight；　at　least；　not　where　anyone　can　see。　That　distracted　her　from　her　mysterious　annoyance。　head　to　one　side。　But　I　can　t　go　out　Why？　she　asked；　leaning　her　I　doubted　I　could　e　up　with　the　appropriate　analogy　to　explain　this　one。　So　I　just　told　her；　I　ll　show　you　sometime。　And　then　I　wondered　if　this　was　a　promise　I　would　end　up　breaking。　Would　I　see　her　again；　after　tonight？　Did　I　love　her　enough　yet　to　be　able　to　bear　leaving　her？　You　might　have　called　me；　she　said。　What　an　odd　conclusion。　But　I　knew　you　were　safe。　I　She　came　to　an　abrupt　stop；　and　looked　at　But　I　didn　t　know　where　you　were。　her　hands。　What？　I　didn　t　like　it；　she　said　shyly；　the　skin　over　her　cheekbones　warming。　seeing　you。　It　makes　me　anxious；　too。　Are　you　happy　now？　I　demanded　of　myself。　Not　Well；　here　was　my　reward　for　hoping。　I　was　bewildered；　elated；　horrified　mostly　horrified　to　realize　that　all　my　wildest　imaginings　were　not　so　far　off　the　mark。　This　was　why　it　didn　t　matter　to　her　that　I　was　a　monster。　It　was　exactly　the　same　reason　that　the　rules　no　longer　mattered　to　me。　Why　right　and　wrong　were　no　longer　pelling　influences。　Why　all　my　priorities　had　shifted　one　rung　down　to　make　room　for　this　girl　at　the　very　top。　Bella　cared　for　me；　too。　I　knew　it　could　be　nothing　in　parison　to　how　I　loved　her。　But　it　was　enough　for　her　to　risk　her　life　to　sit　here　with　me。　To　do　so　gladly。　Enough　to　cause　her　pain　if　I　did　the　right　thing　and　left　her。　Was　there　anything　I　could　do　now　that　would　not　hurt　her？　Anything　at　all？　I　should　have　stayed　away。　her　nothing　but　pain。　I　should　never　have　e　back　to　Forks。　From　making　it　worse？　I　would　cause　Would　that　stop　me　from　staying　now？　The　way　I　felt　right　now；　feeling　her　warmth　against　my　skin　No。　Nothing　would　stop　me。　This　is　wrong。　Ah；　I　groaned　to　myself。

What　did　I　say？　she　asked；　quick　to　take　the　blame　on　herself。　Don　t　you　see；　Bella？　It　s　one　thing　for　me　to　make　myself　miserable；　but　a　wholly　other　thing　for　you　to　be　so　involved。　I　don　t　want　to　hear　that　you　feel　that　way。　It　was　the　truth；　it　was　a　lie。　The　most　selfish　part　of　me　was　flying　with　the　knowledge　that　she　wanted　me　as　I　wanted　her。　It　s　wrong。　It　s　not　safe。　I　m　dangerous；　Bella　please；　grasp　that。　No。　Her　lips　pouted　out　petulantly。　I　m　serious。　I　was　battling　with　myself　so　strongly　half　desperate　for　her　to　accept；　half　desperate　to　keep　the　warnings　from　escaping　that　the　words　came　through　my　teeth　as　a　growl。　So　am　I；　she　insisted。　late。　I　told　you；　it　doesn　t　matter　what　you　are。　It　s　too　Too　late？　The　world　was　bleakly　black　and　white　for　one　endless　second　as　I　watched　the　shadows　crawl　across　the　sunny　lawn　toward　Bella　s　sleeping　form　in　my　memory。　Inevitable；　unstoppable。　They　stole　the　color　from　her　skin；　and　plunged　her　into　darkness。　Too　late？　Alice　s　vision　swirled　in　my　head；　Bella　s　blood　red　eyes　staring　back　at　me　impassively。　Expressionless　but　there　was　no　way　that　she　could　not　hate　me　for　that　future。　Hate　me　for　stealing　everything　from　her。　Stealing　her　l