5 midnight sun午夜阳光-第7部分

快捷操作: 按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页 按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页 按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部! 如果本书没有阅读完，想下次继续接着阅读，可使用上方 "收藏到我的浏览器" 功能 和 "加入书签" 功能！


　smells　too　good。　I　m　impressed　you　ve　lasted　this　long。　Not　helping；　Emmett。　I　was　revolted　by　his　acceptance　of　the　idea　that　I　would　kill　the　girl；　that　this　was　somehow　inevitable。　Was　it　her　fault　that　she　smelled　so　good？　I　know　when　it　happened　to　me　；　he　reminisced；　taking　me　back　with　him　half　a　century；　to　a　country　lane　at　dusk；　where　a　middleaged　women　was　taking　her　dried　sheets　down　from　a　line　strung　between　apple　trees。　The　scent　of　apples　hung　heavy　in　the　air　the　harvest　was　over　and　the　rejected　fruits　were　scattered　on　the　ground；　the　bruises　in　their　skin　leaking　their　fragrance　out　in　thick　clouds。　A　freshmowed　field　of　hay　was　a　background　to　that　scent；　a　harmony。　He　walked　up　the　lane；　all　but　oblivious　to　the　woman；　on　an　errand　for　Rosalie。　The　sky　was　purple　overhead；　orange　over　the　western　trees。　He　would　have　continued　up　the　meandering　cart　path　and　there　would　have　been　no　reason　to　remember　the　evening；　except　that　a　sudden　night　breeze　blew　the　white　sheets　out　like　sails　and　fanned　the　woman　s　scent　across　Emmett　s　face。

Ah；　I　groaned　quietly。　I　know。　As　if　my　own　remembered　thirst　was　not　enough。　I　didn　t　even　think　about　resisting。　I　didn　t　last　half　a　second。　His　memory　became　far　too　explicit　for　me　to　stand。　I　jumped　to　my　feet；　my　teeth　locked　hard　enough　cut　through　steel。　Esta　bien；　Edward？　Senora　Goff　asked；　startled　by　my　sudden　movement。　see　my　face　in　her　mind；　and　I　knew　that　I　looked　far　from　well。　Me　perdona；　I　muttered；　as　I　darted　for　the　door。　Emmett　por　favor；　puedas　tu　ayuda　a　tu　hermano？　she　asked；　gesturing　helplessly　toward　me　as　I　rushed　out　of　the　room。　Sure；　I　heard　him　say。　And　then　he　was　right　behind　me。　I　could　He　followed　me　to　the　far　side　of　the　building；　where　he　caught　up　to　me　and　put　his　hand　on　my　shoulder。　I　shoved　his　hand　away　with　unnecessary　force。　It　would　have　shattered　the　bones　in　a　human　hand；　and　the　bones　in　the　arm　attached　to　it。　Sorry；　Edward。　I　know。　I　drew　in　deep　gasps　of　air；　trying　to　clear　my　head　and　my　lungs。　Is　it　as　bad　as　that？　he　asked；　trying　not　to　think　of　the　scent　and　the　flavor　of　his　memory　as　he　asked；　and　not　quite　succeeding。　Worse；　Emmett；　worse。　He　was　quiet　for　a　moment。　Maybe　No；　it　would　not　be　better　if　I　got　it　over　with。　want　to　be　alone。　Go　back　to　class；　Emmett。　I　He　turned　without　another　word　or　thought　and　walked　quickly　away。　He　would　tell　the　Spanish　teacher　that　I　was　sick；　or　ditching；　or　a　dangerously　out　of　control　vampire。　Did　his　excuse　really　matter？　Maybe　I　wasn　t　ing　back。　Maybe　I　had　to　leave。　I　went　to　my　car　again；　to　wait　for　school　to　end。　To　hide。　Again。　I　should　have　spent　the　time　making　decisions　or　trying　to　bolster　my　resolve；　but；　like　an　addict；　I　found　myself　searching　through　the　babble　of　thoughts　emanating　from　the　school　buildings。　The　familiar　voices　stood　out；　but　I　wasn　t　interested　in　listening　to　Alice　s　visions　or　Rosalie　s　plaints　right　now。　I　found　Jessica　easily；　but　the　girl　was　not　with　her；　so　I　continued　searching。　Mike　Newton　s　thoughts　caught　my　attention；　and　I　located　her　at　last；　in　gym　with　him。　He　was　unhappy；　because　I　d　spoken　to　her　today　in　biology。　He　was　running　over　her　response　when　he　d　brought　the　subject　up　I　ve　never　seen　him　actually　talk　to　anyone　for　more　than　a　word　here　or　there。

Of　course　he　would　decide　to　find　Bella　interesting。　I　don　t　like　the　way　he　looks　at　her。　But　she　didn　t　seem　too　excited　about　him。　What　did　she　say？　Wonder　what　was　with　him　last　Monday。　Something　like　that。　Didn　t　sound　like　she　cared。　It　couldn　t　have　been　much　of　a　conversation　He　talked　himself　out　of　his　pessimism　in　that　way；　cheered　by　the　idea　that　Bella　had　not　been　interested　in　her　exchange　with　me。　This　annoyed　me　quite　a　bit　more　than　was　acceptable；　so　I　stopped　listening　to　him。　I　put　a　CD　of　violent　music　into　the　stereo；　and　then　turned　it　up　until　it　drowned　out　other　voices。　I　had　to　concentrate　on　the　music　very　hard　to　keep　myself　from　drifting　back　to　Mike　Newton　s　thoughts；　to　spy　on　the　unsuspecting　girl　I　cheated　a　few　times；　as　the　hour　drew　to　a　close。　Not　spying；　I　tried　to　convince　myself。　I　was　just　preparing。　I　wanted　to　know　exactly　when　she　would　leave　the　gym；　when　she　would　be　in　the　parking　lot。　I　didn　t　want　her　to　take　me　by　surprise。　As　the　students　started　to　file　out　of　the　gym　doors；　I　got　out　of　my　car；　not　sure　why　I　did　it。　The　rain　was　light　I　ignored　it　as　it　slowly　saturated　my　hair。　Did　I　want　her　to　see　me　here？　was　I　doing？　Did　I　hope　she　would　e　to　speak　to　me？　What　I　didn　t　move；　though　I　tried　to　convince　myself　to　get　back　in　the　car；　knowing　my　behavior　was　reprehensible。　I　kept　my　arms　folded　across　my　chest　and　breathed　very　shallowly　as　I　watched　her　walk　slowly　toward　me；　her　mouth　turning　down　at　the　corners。　She　didn　t　look　at　me。　A　few　times　she　glanced　up　at　the　clouds　with　a　grimace；　as　if　they　offended　her。　I　was　disappointed　when　she　reached　her　car　before　she　had　to　pass　me。　have　spoken　to　me？　Would　I　have　spoken　to　her？　Would　she　She　got　into　a　faded　red　Chevy　truck；　a　rusted　behemoth　that　was　older　than　her　father。　I　watched　her　start　the　truck　the　old　engine　roared　louder　than　any　other　vehicle　in　the　lot　and　then　hold　her　hands　out　toward　the　heating　vents。　The　cold　was　unfortable　to　her　she　didn　t　like　it。　She　bed　her　fingers　through　her　thick　hair；　pulling　locks　through　the　stream　of　hot　air　like　she　was　trying　to　dry　them。　I　imagined　what　the　cab　of　that　truck　would　smell　like；　and　then　quickly　drove　out　the　thought。　She　glanced　around　as　she　prepared　to　back　out；　and　finally　looked　in　my　direction。　She　stared　back　at　me　for　only　half　a　second；　and　all　I　could　read　in　her　eyes　was　surprise　before　she　tore　her　eyes　away　and　jerked　the　truck　into　reverse。　And　then　squealed　to　a　stop　again；　the　back　end　of　the　truck　missing　a　collision　with　Erin　Teague　s　pact　by　mere　inches。　She　stared　into　her　rearview　mirror；　her　mouth　hanging　open　with　chagrin。　When　the　other　car　had　pulled　past　her；　she　checked　all　her　blind　spots　twice　and　then　inched　out　the　parking　space　so　cautiously　that　it　made　me　grin。　It　was　like　she　thought　she　was　dangerous　in　her　decrepit　truck。　The　thought　of　Bella　Swan　being　dangerous　to　anyone；　no　matter　what　she　was　driving；　had　me　laughing　while　the　girl　drove　past　me；　staring　straight　ahead。

3。　Phenomenon　Truly；　I　was　not　thirsty；　but　I　decided　to　hunt　again　that　night。　of　prevention；　inadequate　though　I　knew　it　to　be。　A　small　ounce　Carlisle　came　with　me；　we　hadn　t　been　alone　together　since　I　d　returned　from　Denali。　As　we　ran　through　the　black　forest；　I　heard　him　thinking　about　that　hasty　goodbye　last　week。　In　his　memory；　I　saw　the　way　my　features　had　been　twisted　in　fierce　despair。　felt　his　surprise　and　sudden　worry。　Edward？　I　have　to　go；　Carlisle。　What　s　happened？　Nothing。　Yet。　But　it　will；　if　I　stay。　I　felt　how　it　had　hurt　him　when　I　d　cringed　away　from　I　have　to　go　now。　I　He　d　reached　for　my　arm。　his　hand。　I　don　t　understand。　Have　you　ever　has　there　ever　been　a　time　I　watched　myself　take　a　deep　breath；　saw　the　wild　light　in　my　eyes　through　the　filter　of　his　deep　concern。　Has　any　one　person　ever　smelled　better　to　you　than　the　rest　of　them？　better？　Oh。　When　I　d　known　that　he　understood；　my　face　had　fallen　with　shame。　He　d　reached　out　to　touch　me；　ignoring　it　when　I　d　recoiled　again；　and　left　his　hand　on　my　shoulder。　Do　what　you　must　to　resist；　son。　faster。　I　will　miss　you。　Here；　take　my　car。　It　s　Much　He　was　wondering　now　if　he　d　done　the　right　thing　then；　sending　me　away。　Wondering　if　he　hadn　t　hurt　me　with　his　lack　of　trust。　No；　I　whispered　as　I　ran。　That　was　what　I　needed。　I　might　so　easily　have　betrayed　that　trust；　if　you　d　told　me　to　stay。　I　m　sorry　you　re　suffering；　Edward。　But　you　should　do　what　you　can　to　keep　the　Swan　child　alive。　Even　if　it　means　that　you　must　leave　us　again。　I　know；　I　know。　Why　did　you　e　back？　too　difficult　You　know　how　happy　I　am　to　have　you　here；　but　if　this　is　I　didn　t　like　feeling　a　coward；　I　admitted。

We　d　slowed　we　were　barely　jogging　through　the　darkness　now。　Better　that　than　to　put　her　in　danger。　She　ll　be　gone　in　a　year　or　two。　You　re　right；　I　know　that。　Contrarily；　though；　his　words　only　made　me　more　anxious　to　stay。　The　girl　would　be　gone　in　a　year　or　two　Carlisle　stopped　running　and　I　stopped　with　him；　he　turned　to　examine　my　expression。　But　you　re　not　going　to　run；　are　you？　I　hung　my　head。　Is　it　pride；　Edward？　There　s　no　shame　in　Not　now。　No；　it　isn　t　pride　that　keeps　me　here。　Nowhere　to　go？　I　laughed　shortly。　No。　That　wouldn　t　stop　me；　if　I　could　make　myself　leave。　We　ll　e　with　you；　of　course；　if　that　s　what　you　need。　You　only　have　to　ask。　You　ve　moved　on　without　plaint　for　the　rest　of　them。　They　won　t　begrudge　you　this。　I　raised　one　eyebrow。　He　laughed。　Yes；　Rosalie　might；　but　she　owes　you。　Anyway；　it　s　much　better　for　us　to　leave　now；　no　damage　done；　than　for　us　to　leave　later；　after　a　life　has　been　ended。　All　humor　was　gone　by　the　end。　I　flinched　at　his　words。　Yes；　I　agreed。　My　voice　sounded　hoarse。　But　you　re　not　leaving？　I　sighed。　I　should。　I　m　failing　to　see　Even　to　myself；　it　made　no　sense。　What　holds　you　here；　Edward？　I　don　t　know　if　I　can　explain。　He　measured　my　expression　for　a　long　moment。　No；　I　do　not　see。　But　I　will　respect　your　privacy；　if　you　prefer。　Thank　you。　It　s　generous　of　you；　seeing　as　how　I　give　privacy　to　no　one。　With　one　exception。　And　I　was　doing　what　I　could　to　deprive　her　of　that；　wasn　t　I？　We　all　have　our　quirks。　He　laughed　again。　Shall　we？　He　d　just　caught　the　scent　of　a　small　herd　of　deer。　It　was　hard　to　rally　much　enthusiasm　for　what　was；　even　under　the　best　of　circumstances；　a　less　than　mouthwatering　aroma。　Right　now；　with　the　memory　of　the　girl　s　blood　fresh　in　my　mind；　the　smell　actually　turned　my　stomach。　I　sighed。　Let　s；　I　agreed；　though　I　knew　that　forcing　more　blood　down　my　throat　would　help　so　little。

We　both　shifted　into　a　hunting　crouch　and　let　the　unappealing　scent　pull　us　silently　forward。　It　was　colder　when　we　returned　home。　The　melted　snow　had　refrozen；　it　was　as　if　a　thin　sheet　of　glass　covered　everything　each　pine　needle；　each　fern　frond；　each　blade　of　grass　was　iced　over。　While　Carlisle　went　to　dress　for　his　early　shift　at　the　hospital；　I　stayed　by　the　river；　waiting　for　the　sun　to　rise。　I　felt　almost　swollen　from　the　amount　of　blood　I　d　consumed；　but　I　knew　the　lack　of　actual　thirst　would　mean　little　when　I　sat　beside　the　girl　again。　Cool　and　motionless　as　the　stone　I　sat　on；　I　stared　at　the　dark　water　running　beside　the　icy　bank；　stared　right　through　it。　Carlisle　was　right。　I　should　leave　Forks。　They　could　spread　some　story　to　explain　my　absence。　Boarding　school　in　Europe。　Visiting　distant　relatives。　Teenage　runaway。　The　story　didn　t　matter。　No　one　would　question　too　intensely。　It　was　just　a　year　or　two；　and　then　the　girl　would　disappear。　She　would　go　on　with　her　life　she　would　have　a　life　to　go　on　with。　She　d　go　to　college　somewhere；　get　older；　start　a　career；　perhaps　marry　someone。　I　could　picture　that　I　could　see　the　girl　dressed　all　in　white　and　walking　at　a　measured　pace；　her　arm　through　her　father　s。　It　was　odd；　the　pain　that　image　caused　me。　I　couldn　t　understand　it。　Was　I　jealous；　because　she　had　a　future　that　I　could　never　have？　That　made　no　sense。　Every　one　of　the　humans　around　me　had　that　same　potential　ahead　of　them　a　life　and　I　rarely　stopped　to　envy　them。　I　should　leave　her　to　her　future。　Stop　risking　her　life。　That　was　the　right　thing　to　do。　Carlisle　always　chose　the　right　way。　I　should　listen　to　him　now。　The　sun　rose　behind　the　clouds；　and　the　faint　light　glistened　off　all　the　frozen　glass。　One　more　day；　I　decided。　I　would　see　her　one　more　time。　I　could　handle　that。　Perhaps　I　would　mention　my　pending　disappearance；　set　the　story　up。　This　was　going　to　be　difficult；　I　could　feel　that　in　the　heavy　reluctance　that　was　already　making　me　think　of　excuses　to　stay　to　extend　the　deadline　to　two　days；　three；　four　But　I　would　do　the　right　thing。　I　knew　I　could　trust　Carlisle　s　advice。　And　I　also　knew　that　I　was　too　conflicted　to　make　the　right　decision　alone。　Much　too　conflicted。　How　much　of　this　reluctance　came　from　my　obsessive　curiosity；　and　how　much　came　from　my　unsatisfied　appetite？　I　went　inside　to　change　into　fresh　clothes　for　school。　Alice　was　waiting　for　me；　sitting　on　the　top　step　at　the　edge　of　the　third　floor。　You　re　leaving　again；　she　accused　me。　I　sighed　and　nodded。　I　can　t　see　where　you　re　going　this　time。

I　don　t　know　where　I　m　going　yet；　I　whispered。　I　want　you　to　stay。　I　shook　my　head。　Maybe　Jazz　and　I　could　e　with　you？　They　ll　need　you　all　the　more；　if　I　m　not　here　to　watch　out　for　them。　of　Esme。　Would　you　take　half　her　family　away　in　one　blow？　You　re　going　to　make　her　so　sad。　I　know。　That　s　why　you　have　to　stay。　That　s　not　the　same　as　having　you　here；　and　you　know　it。　Yes。　But　I　have　to　do　what　s　right。　And　think　There　are　many　right　ways；　and　many　wrong　ways；　though；　aren　t　there？　For　a　brief　moment　she　was　swept　away　into　one　of　her　strange　visions；　I　watched　along　with　her　as　the　indistinct　images　flickered　and　whirled。　I　saw　myself　mixed　in　with　strange　shadows　that　I　couldn　t　make　out　hazy；　imprecise　forms。　And　then；　suddenly；　my　skin　was　glittering　in　the　bright　sunlight　of　a　small　open　meadow。　This　was　a　place　I　knew。　There　was　a　figure　in　the　meadow　with　me；　but；　again；　it　was　indistinct；　not　there　enough　to　recognize。　The　images　shivered　and　disappeared　as　a　million　tiny　choices　rearranged　the　future　again。　I　didn　t　catch　much　of　that；　I　told　her　when　the　vision　went　dark。　Me　either。　Your　future　is　shifting　around　so　much　I　can　t　keep　up　with　any　of　it。　I　think；　though　She　stopped；　and　she　flipped　through　a　vast　collection　of　other　recent　visions　for　me。　They　were　all　the　same　blurry　and　vague。　I　think　something　is　changing；　though；　she　said　out　loud。　be　at　a　crossroads。　I　laughed　grimly。　now；　right？　Your　life　seems　to　You　do　realize　that　you　sound　like　a　bogus　gypsy　at　a　carnival　She　stuck　her　tiny　tongue　out　at　me。　Today　is　all　right；　though；　isn　t　it？　I　asked；　my　voice　abruptly　apprehensive。　I　don　t　see　you　killing　anyone　today；　she　assured　me。　Thanks；　Alice。　Go　get　dressed。　ready。　I　won　t　say　anything　I　ll　let　you　tell　the　others　when　you　re　Miss　She　stood　and　darted　back　down　the　stairs；　her　shoulders　hunched　slightly。　you。　Really。　Yes；　I　would　really　miss　her；　too。

It　was　a　quiet　ride　to　school。　Jasper　could　tell　that　Alice　was　upset　about　something；　but　he　knew　that　if　she　wanted　to　talk　about　it　she　would　have　done　so　already。　Emmett　and　Rosalie　were　oblivious；　having　another　of　their　moments；　gazing　into　each　others　eyes　with　wonder　it　was　rather　disgusting　to　watch　from　the　outside。　We　were　all　quite　aware　how　desperately　in　love　they　were。　Or　maybe　I　was　just　being　bitter　because　I　was　the　only　one　alone。　Some　days　it　was　harder　than　others　to　live　with　three　sets　of　perfectly　matched　lovers。　This　was　one　of　them。　Maybe　they　would　all　be　happier　without　me　hanging　around；　illtempered　and　belligerent　as　the　old　man　I　should　be　by　now。　Of　course；　the　first　thing　I　did　when　we　reached　the　school　was　to　look　for　the　girl。　Just　preparing　myself　again。　Right。　It　was　embarrassing　how　my　world　suddenly　seemed　to　be　empty　of　everything　but　her　my　whole　existence　centered　around　the　girl；　rather　than　around　myself　anymore。　It　was　easy　enough　to　unders