4 breaking dawn破晓-第41部分

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〃Just　one；〃　I　corrected　him。　

He　laughed。　〃Are　you　done　for　today？　Or　did　you　want　to　continue？〃　

〃Done；　I　think。〃　I　felt　very　full；　sort　of　sloshy；　even。　I　wasn't　sure　how　much　more　liquid　would　fit　into　my　
body。　But　the　burn　in　my　throat　was　only　muted。　Then　again；　I'd　known　that　thirst　was　just　an　
inescapable　part　of　this　life。　

And　worth　it。　

I　felt　in　control。　Perhaps　my　sense　of　security　was　false；　but　I　did　feel　pretty　good　about　not　killing　
anyone　today。　If　I　could　resist　totally　human　strangers；　wouldn't　I　be　able　to　handle　the　werewolf　and　a　
halfvampire　child　that　I　loved？　

〃I　want　to　see　Renesmee；〃　I　said。　Now　that　my　thirst　was　tamed　（if　nothing　close　to　erased）；　my　earlier　
worries　were　hard　to　forget。　I　wanted　to　reconcile　the　stranger　who　was　my　daughter　with　the　creature　
I'd　loved　three　days　ago。　It　was　so　odd；　so　wrong　not　to　have　her　inside　me　still。　Abruptly；　I　felt　empty　
and　uneasy。　

He　held　out　his　hand　to　me。　I　took　it；　and　his　skin　felt　warmer　than　before。　His　cheek　was　faintly　flushed；　
the　shadows　under　his　eyes　all　but　vanished。　

I　was　unable　to　resist　stroking　his　face　again。　And　again。　

I　sort　of　forgot　that　I　was　waiting　for　a　response　to　my　request　as　I　stared　into　his　shimmering　gold　eyes。　

It　was　almost　as　hard　as　it　had　been　to　turn　away　from　the　scent　of　human　blood；　but　I　somehow　kept　
the　need　to　be　careful　firmly　in　my　head　as　I　stretched　up　on　my　toes　and　wrapped　my　arms　around　him。　
Gently。　

He　was　not　so　hesitant　in　his　movements；　his　arms　locked　around　my　waist　and　pulled　me　tight　against　



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his　body。　His　lips　crushed　down　on　mine；　but　they　felt　soft。　My　lips　no　longer　shaped　themselves　around　
his；　they　held　their　own。　

Like　before；　it　was　as　if　the　touch　of　his　skin；　his　lips；　his　hands；　was　sinking　right　through　my　smooth；　
hard　skin　and　into　my　new　bones。　To　the　very　core　of　my　body。　I　hadn't　imagined　that　I　could　love　him　
more　than　I　had。　

My　old　mind　hadn't　been　capable　of　holding　this　much　love。　My　old　heart　had　not　been　strong　enough　to　
bear　it。　

Maybe　this　was　the　part　of　me　that　I'd　brought　forward　to　be　intensified　in　my　new　life。　Like　Carlisle's　
passion　and　Esme's　devotion。　I　would　probably　never　be　able　to　do　anything　interesting　or　special　
like　Edward；　Alice；　and　Jasper　could　do。　Maybe　I　would　just　love　Edward　more　than　anyone　in　the　
history　of　the　world　had　ever　loved　anyone　else。　

I　could　live　with　that。　

I　remembered　parts　of　this—twisting　my　fingers　in　his　hair；　tracing　the　planes　of　his　chest—but　other　
parts　were　so　new。　He　was　new。　It　was　an　entirely　different　experience　with　Edward　kissing　me　so　
fearlessly；　so　forcefully。　I　responded　to　his　intensity；　and　then　suddenly　we　were　falling。　

〃Oops；〃　I　said；　and　he　laughed　underneath　me。　〃I　didn't　mean　to　tackle　you　like　that。　Are　you　okay？〃　

He　stroked　my　face。　〃Slightly　better　than　okay〃　And　then　a　perplexed　expression　crossed　his　face。　
〃Renesmee？〃　he　asked　uncertainly；　trying　to　ascertain　what　I　wanted　most　in　this　moment。　A　very　difficult　
question　to　answer；　because　I　wanted　so　many　things　at　the　same　time。　

I　could　tell　that　he　wasn't　exactly　averse　to　procrastinating　our　return　trip；　and　it　was　hard　to　think　about　
much　besides　his　skin　on　mine—there　really　wasn't　that　much　left　of　the　dress。　But　my　memory　of　
Renesmee；　before　and　after　her　birth；　was　being　more　and　more　dreamlike　to　me。　More　unlikely。　All　
my　memories　of　her　were　human　memories；　an　aura　of　artificiality　clung　to　them。　Nothing　seemed　real　
that　I　hadn't　seen　with　these　eyes；　touched　with　these　hands。　

Every　minute；　the　reality　of　that　little　stranger　slipped　further　away。　

〃Renesmee；〃　I　agreed；　rueful；　and　I　whipped　back　up　onto　my　feet；　pulling　him　with　me。　

22。　PROMISED　

Thinking　of　Renesmee　brought　her　to　that　centerstage　place　in　my　strange；　new；　and　roomy　but　
distractible　mind。　So　many　questions。　

〃Tell　me　about　her；〃　i　insisted　as　he　took　my　hand。　Being　linked　barely　slowed　us。　

〃She's　like　nothing　else　in　the　world；〃　he　told　me；　and　the　sound　of　an　almost　religious　devotion　was　there　
again　in　his　voice。　

I　felt　a　sharp　pang　of　jealousy　over　this　stranger。　He　knew　her　and　I　did　not。　It　wasn't　fair。　

〃How　much　is　she　like　you？　How　much　like　me？　Or　like　I　was；　anyway。〃　




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〃It　seems　a　fairly　even　divide。〃　

〃She　was　warmblooded；〃　I　remembered。　

〃Yes。　She　has　a　heartbeat；　though　it　runs　a　little　bit　faster　than　a　human's。　Her　temperature　is　a　little　bit　
hotter　than　usual；　too。　She　sleeps。〃　

〃Really？〃　

〃Quite　well　for　a　newborn。　The　only　parents　in　the　world　who　don't　need　sleep；　and　our　child　already　
sleeps　through　the　night。〃　He　chuckled。　

I　liked　the　way　he　said　our　child。　The　words　made　her　more　real。　

〃She　has　exactly　your　color　eyes—so　that　didn't　get　lost；　after　all。〃　He　smiled　at　me。　〃They're　so　
beautiful。〃　

〃And　the　vampire　parts？〃　I　asked。　

〃Her　skin　seems　about　as　imperable　as　ours。　Not　that　anyone　would　dream　of　testing　that。〃　

I　blinked　at　him；　a　little　shocked。　

〃Of　course　no　one　would；〃　he　assured　me　again。　〃Her　diet。。。　well；　she　prefers　to　drink　blood。　Carlisle　
continues　to　try　to　persuade　her　to　drink　some　baby　formula；　too；　but　she　doesn't　have　much　patience　
with　it。　Can't　say　that　I　

blame　her—nastysmelling　stuff；　even　for　human　food。〃　

I　gaped　openly　at　him　now。　He　made　it　sound　like　they　were　having　conversations。　〃Persuade　her？〃　

〃She's　intelligent；　shockingly　so；　and　progressing　at　an　immense　pace。　Though　she　doesn't　speak　
—yet—she　municates　quite　effectively。〃　

〃Doesn't。　Speak。　Yet〃　

He　slowed　our　pace　further；　letting　me　absorb　this。　

〃What　do　you　mean；　she　municates　effectively？〃　I　demanded。　

〃I　think　it　will　be　easier　for　you　to。。。　see　for　yourself。　It's　rather　difficult　to　describe。〃　

I　considered　that。　I　knew　there　was　a　lot　that　I　needed　to　see　for　myself　before　it　would　be　real。　I　wasn't　
sure　how　much　more　I　was　ready　for；　so　I　changed　the　subject。　

〃Why　is　Jacob　still　here？〃　I　asked。　〃How　can　he　stand　it？　Why　should　he？〃　My　ringing　voice　trembled　a　
little。　〃Why　should　he　have　to　suffer　more？〃　

〃Jacob　isn't　suffering；〃　he　said　in　a　strange　new　tone。　〃Though　I　might　be　willing　to　change　his　condition；〃　
Edward　added　through　his　teeth。　




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〃Edward！〃　I　hissed；　yanking　him　to　a　stop　（and　feeling　a　little　thrill　of　smugness　that　I　was　able　to　do　it）。　
〃How　can　you　say　that？　Jacob　has　given　up　everything　to　protect　us！　What　I've　put　him　through—！〃　I　
cringed　at　the　dim　memory　of　shame　and　guilt。　It　seemed　odd　now　that　I　had　needed　him　so　much　then。　
That　sense　of　absence　without　him　near　had　vanished；　it　must　have　been　a　human　weakness。　

〃You'll　see　exactly　how　I　can　say　that；〃　Edward　muttered。　〃I　promised　him　that　I　would　let　him　explain；　
but　I　doubt　you'll　see　it　much　differently　than　I　do。　Of　course；　I'm　often　wrong　about　your　thoughts；　aren't　
I？〃　He　pursed　his　lips　and　eyed　me。　

〃Explain　what？〃　

Edward　shook　his　head。　〃I　promised。　Though　I　don't　know　if　I　really　owe　him　anything　at　all　anymore。　。　。　
。〃　His　teeth　ground　together。　

〃Edward；　I　don't　understand。〃　Frustration　and　indignation　took　over　my　head。　

He　stroked　my　cheek　and　then　smiled　gently　when　my　face　smoothed　out　in　response；　desire　
momentarily　overruling　annoyance。　〃It's　harder　than　you　make　it　look；　I　know。　I　remember。〃　

〃I　don't　like　feeling　confused。〃　

〃I　know。　And　so　let's　get　you　home；　so　that　you　can　see　it　all　for　yourself。〃　His　eyes　ran　over　the　remains　
of　my　dress　as　he　spoke　of　going　home；　and　he　frowned。　〃Hmm。〃　After　a　half　second　of　thought；　he　
unbuttoned　his　white　shirt　and　held　it　out　for　me　to　put　my　arms　through。　

〃That　bad？〃　

He　grinned。　

I　slipped　my　arms　into　his　sleeves　and　then　buttoned　it　swiftly　over　my　ragged　bodice。　Of　course；　that　
left　him　without　a　shirt；　and　it　was　impossible　not　to　find　that　distracting。　

'Til　race　you；〃　I　said；　and　then　cautioned；　〃no　throwing　the　game　this　time！〃　

He　dropped　my　hand　and　grinned。　〃On　your　mark　。。。〃　

Finding　my　way　to　my　new　home　was　simpler　than　walking　down　Charlie's　street　to　my　old　one。　Our　
scent　left　a　clear　and　easy　trail　to　follow；　even　running　as　fast　as　I　could。　

Edward　had　me　beat　till　we　hit　the　river。　I　took　a　chance　and　made　my　leap　early；　trying　to　use　my　extra　
strength　to　win。　

〃Ha！〃　I　exulted　when　I　heard　my　feet　touch　the　grass　first。　

Listening　for　his　landing；　I　heard　something　I　did　not　expect。　Something　loud　and　much　too　close。　A　
thudding　heart。　

Edward　was　beside　me　in　the　same　second；　his　hands　clamped　down　hard　on　the　tops　of　my　arms。　

〃Don't　breathe；〃　he　cautioned　me　urgently。　




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I　tried　not　to　panic　as　I　froze　midbreath。　My　eyes　were　the　only　things　that　moved；　wheeling　instinctively　
to　find　the　source　of　the　sound。　

Jacob　stood　at　the　line　where　the　forest　touched　the　Cullens'　lawn；　his　arms　folded　across　his　body；　his　
jaw　clenched　tight。　Invisible　in　the　woods　behind　him；　I　heard　now　two　larger　hearts；　and　the　faint　crush　
of　bracken　under　huge；　pacing　paws。　

〃Carefully；　Jacob；〃　Edward　said。　A　snarl　from　the　forest　echoed　the　concern　in　his　voice。　〃Maybe　this　
isn't　the　best　way—〃　

〃You　think　it　would　be　better　to　let　her　near　the　baby　first？〃　Jacob　interrupted。　〃It's　safer　to　see　how　
Bella　does　with　me。　I　heal　fast。〃　

This　was　a　test？　To　see　if　I　could　not　kill　Jacob　before　I　tried　to　not　kill　Renesmee？　I　felt　sick　in　the　
strangest　way—it　had　nothing　to　do　with　my　stomach；　only　my　mind。　Was　this　Edward's　idea？　

I　glanced　at　his　face　anxiously；　Edward　seemed　to　deliberate　for　a　moment；　and　then　his　expression　
twisted　from　concern　into　something　else。　He　shrugged；　and　there　was　an　undercurrent　of　hostility　in　his　
voice　when　he　said；　〃It's　your　neck；　I　guess。〃　

The　growl　from　the　forest　was　furious　this　time；　Leah；　I　had　no　doubt。　

What　was　with　Edward？　After　all　that　we'd　been　through；　shouldn't　he　have　been　able　to　feel　some　
kindness　for　my　best　friend？　I'd　thought—maybe　foolishly—that　Edward　was　sort　of　Jacob's　friend　now；　
too。　I　must　have　misread　them。　

But　what　was　Jacob　doing？　Why　would　he　offer　himself　as　a　test　to　protect　Renesmee？　

It　didn't　make　any　sense　to　me。　Even　if　our　friendship　had　survived。。。　

And　as　my　eyes　met　Jacob's　now；　I　thought　that　maybe　it　had。　He　still　looked　like　my　best　friend。　But　he　
wasn't　the　one　who　had　changed。　What　did　I　look　like　to　him？　

Then　he　smiled　his　familiar　smile；　the　smile　of　a　kindred　spirit；　and　I　was　sure　our　friendship　was　intact。　It　
was　just　like　before；　when　we　were　hanging　out　in　his　homemade　garage；　just　two　friends　killing　time。　
Easy　and　normal。　

Again；　I　noticed　that　the　strange　need　I'd　felt　for　him　before　I'd　changed　was　pletely　gone。　He　was　
just　my　friend；　the　way　it　was　supposed　to　be。　

It　still　made　no　sense　what　he　was　doing　now；　though。　Was　he　really　so　selfless　that　he　would　try　to　
protect　me—with　his　own　life—from　doing　something　in　an　uncontrolled　split　second　that　I　would　regret　
in　agony　forever？　That　went　way　beyond　simply　tolerating　what　I　had　bee；　or　miraculously　managing　
to　stay　my　friend。　Jacob　was　one　of　the　best　people　I　knew；　but　this　seemed　like　too　much　to　accept　
from　anyone。　

His　grin　widened；　and　he　shuddered　slightly。　〃I　gotta　say　it；　Bells。　You're　a　freak　show。〃　

I　grinned　back；　falling　easily　into　the　old　pattern。　This　was　a　side　of　him　I　understood。　

Edward　growled。　〃Watch　yourself；　mongrel。〃　



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The　wind　blew　from　behind　me　and　I　quickly　filled　my　lungs　with　the　safe　air　so　I　could　speak。　〃No；　he's　
right。　The　eyes　are　really　something；　aren't　they？〃　

〃Supercreepy。　But　it's　not　as　bad　as　I　thought　it　would　be。〃　

〃Gee—thanks　for　the　amazing　pliment！〃　

He　rolled　his　eyes。　〃You　know　what　I　mean。　You　still　look　like　you—sort　of。　Maybe　it's　not　the　look　so　
much　as。。。　you　are　Bella。　I　didn't　think　it　would　feel　like　you　were　still　here。〃　He　smiled　at　me　again　
without　a　trace　of　bitterness　or　resentment　anywhere　in　his　face。　Then　he　chuckled　and　said；　〃Anyway；　I　
guess　I'll　get　used　to　the　eyes　soon　enough。〃　

〃You　will？〃　I　asked；　confused。　It　was　wonderful　that　we　were　still　friends；　but　it　wasn't　like　we'd　be　
spending　much　time　together。　

The　strangest　look　crossed　his　face；　erasing　the　smile。　It　was　almost。。。　guilty？　Then　his　eyes　shifted　to　
Edward。　

〃Thanks；〃　he　said。　〃I　didn't　know　if　you'd　be　able　to　keep　it　from　her；　promise　or　not。　Usually；　you　just　
give　her　everything　she　wants。〃　

〃Maybe　I'm　hoping　she'll　get　irritated　and　rip　your　head　off；〃　Edward　suggested。　

Jacob　snorted。　

〃What's　going　on？　Are　you　two　keeping　secrets　from　me？〃　I　demanded；　incredulous。　

〃I'll　explain　later；〃　Jacob　said　selfconsciously—like　he　didn't　really　plan　on　it。　Then　he　changed　the　
subject。　〃First；　let's　get　this　show　on　the　road。〃　His　grin　was　a　challenge　now　as　he　started　slowly　
forward。　

There　was　a　whine　of　protest　behind　him；　and　then　Leah's　gray　body　slid　out　of　the　trees　behind　him。　
The　taller；　sandycolored　Seth　was　right　behind　her。　

〃Cool　it；　guys；〃　Jacob　said。　〃Stay　out　of　this。〃　

I　was　glad　they　didn't　listen　to　him　but　only　followed　after　him　a　little　more　slowly。　

The　wind　was　still　now；　it　wouldn't　blow　his　scent　away　from　me。　

He　got　close　enough　that　I　could　feel　the　heat　of　his　body　in　the　air　between　us。　My　throat　burned　in　
response。　

〃C'mon；　Bells。　Do　your　worst。〃　

Leah　hissed。　

I　didn't　want　to　breathe。　It　wasn't　right　to　take　such　dangerous　advantage　of　Jacob；　no　matter　if　he　was　
the　one　offering。　But　I　couldn't　get　away　from　the　logic。　How　else　could　I　be　sure　that　I　wouldn't　hurt　
Renesmee？　



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Tm　getting　older　here；　Bella；〃　Jacob　taunted。　〃Okay；　not　technically；　but　you　get　the　idea。　Go　on；　take　a　
whiff。〃　

〃Hold　on　to　me；〃　I　said　to　Edward；　cringing　back　into　his　chest。　

His　hands　tightened　on　my　arms。　

I　locked　my　muscles　in　place；　hoping　I　could　keep　them　frozen。　I　resolved　that　I　would　do　at　least　as　
well　as　I　had　on　the　hunt。　Worstcase　scenario；　I　would　stop　breathing　and　run　for　it。　Nervously；　I　took　a　
tiny　breath　in　through　my　nose；　braced　for　anything。　

It　hurt　a　little；　but　my　throat　was　already　burning　dully　anyway。　Jacob　didn't　smell　that　much　more　human　
than　the　mountain　lion。　There　was　an　animal　edge　to　his　blood　that　instantly　repelled。　Though　the　loud；　
wet　sound　of　his　heart　was　appealing；　the　scent　that　went　with　it　made　my　nose　wrinkle。　It　was　actually　
easier　with　the　smell　to　temper　my　reaction　to　the　sound　and　heat　of　his　pulsing　blood。　

I　took　another　breath　and　relaxed。　〃Huh。　I　can　see　what　everyone's　been　going　on　about。　You　stink；　
Jacob。〃　

Edward　burst　into