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my name is red-厘議兆忖出碕-及24何蛍

酔楯荷恬: 梓囚徒貧圭�鮗� ○ 賜 ★ 辛酔堀貧和鍬匈 梓囚徒貧議 Enter 囚辛指欺云慕朕村匈 梓囚徒貧圭�鮗� ● 辛指欺云匈競何! 泌惚云慕短嗤堋響頼���誅卒亮茂�俊彭堋響��辛聞喘貧圭 "辺茄欺厘議箝誓匂" 孔嬬 才 "紗秘慕禰" 孔嬬��


from my hand。 As I always did�察�I left him alone to read the letter and satisfy his 
curiosity。 He soon raised his head from the page。 
^Isn¨t there anything else�拭院�he said。 He knew there was nothing else。 ^This 
is a brief note�察院�he said and read 
 
Black  Effendi�察 �you  pay  visits  to  our  home�察 �and  spend  your  days  here。  Yet  I¨ve 
heard that you haven¨t written even a single line of my father¨s book。 Don¨t get 
your hopes up without first pleting that manuscript。 
 
Letter in hand�察�he glared accusingly into my eyes�察�as if all this was my fault。 
I¨m not fond of these silences in this house。 
^There¨s  no  longer  any  word  of  her  being  married�察 �of  her  husband 
returning from the front�察院�he said。 ^Why�拭院�
^How should I know why�拭院�I said。 ^I¨m not the one who writes the letters。 ̄ 
144 
 
^Sometimes  I  wonder  even  about  that�察院 �he  said�察 �handing  back  the  letter 
along with fifteen silver。 
^Some men grow stingier the more they earn。 You¨re not that way�察院�I said。 
There was such an enchanting�察�intelligent side to this man that despite all 
his dark and evil traits�察�one could see why Shekure would still accept his letters。 
^What is this book of Shekure¨s father�拭院�
^You know� �Our Sultan is funding the whole project they say。 ̄ 
^Miniaturists are murdering each other over the pictures in that book�察院�he 
said。  ^Is  it  for  the  money  or!God  forbid!because  the  book  desecrates  our 
religion�拭�They say one glance at its pages is enough to bring on blindness。 ̄ 
He said all this�察�smiling in such a way that I knew I shouldn¨t take any of it 
seriously。 Even if it were a matter to take to heart�察�at the very least�察�there was 
nothing for him to take seriously about me taking the matter seriously。 Like 
many  of  the  men  who  depended  on  my  services  as  a  letter  courier  and 
mediator�察�Hasan lashed out at me when his pride was hurt。 I�察�as part of my 
job�察�pretended to be upset to hearten him。 Maidens�察�on the contrary�察�hugged 
me and cried when their feelings were hurt。 
^You¨re  an  intelligent  woman�察院 �said  Hasan  in  order  to  soothe  my  pride�察�
which he believed he¨d injured。 ^Deliver this posthaste。 I¨m curious about that 
fool¨s response。 ̄ 
For a moment�察�I felt like saying�察 �Black is not so foolish。 ̄ In such situations�察�
making  rival  suitors  jealous  of  each  other  will  earn  Esther  the  matchmaker 
more money。 But I was afraid he¨d have a sudden tantrum。 
^You  know  the  Tatar  beggar  at  the  end  of  the  street�拭院 �I  said。  ^He¨s  very 
vulgar�察�that one。 ̄ 
To avoid getting into it with the blind man�察�I walked down the other end of 
the street and thus happened to pass through the Chicken Market early in the 
morning。  Why  don¨t  Muslims  eat  the  heads  and  feet  of  chickens�拭 �Because 
they¨re so strange� �My grandmother�察�may she rest in peace�察�would tell me how 
chicken  feet  were  so  inexpensive  when  her  family  arrived  here  from  Portugal 
that she¨d boil them for food。 
At  Kemeraral��k�察 �I  saw  a  woman  on  horseback  with  her  slaves�察 �sitting  bolt 
upright  like  a  man。  She  was  proud  as  proud  could  be�察 �maybe  the  wife  of  a 
pasha  or  his  rich  daughter。  I  sighed。  If  Shekure¨s  father  hadn¨t  been  so 
absentmindedly  devoted  to  books�察 �if  her  husband  had  returned  from  the 
145 
 
Safavid war with his plunder�察�Shekure might¨ve lived like this haughty woman。 
More than anyone�察�she deserved it。 
When I turned onto Black¨s street�察�my heart quickened。 Did I want Shekure 
to  marry  this  man�拭 �I¨ve  succeeded  both  in  keeping  Shekure  involved  with 
Hasan  and�察 �at  the  same  time�察 �in  keeping  them  apart。  But  what  about  this 
Black�拭 �He  seems  to  have  both  feet  on  the  ground  in  all  respects  except  with 
regard to his love for Shekure。 
^Clothierrrrr� 院�
There¨s  nothing  I¨d  trade  for  the  pleasure  of  delivering  letters  to  lovers 
addled by loneliness or the lack of wife or husband。 Even if they¨re certain of 
receiving the worst news�察�when they¨re about to read the letter�察�a shudder of 
hope overes them。 
By  not  mentioning  anything  about  her  husband¨s  return�察 �by  tying  her 
warning ^Don¨t get your hopes up ̄ to one condition alone�察�Shekure had�察�of 
course�察�given Black more than just cause to be hopeful。 With great pleasure�察�I 
watched him read the letter。 He was so happy he was distraught�察�afraid even。 
When he withdrew to write his response�察�I�察�being a sensible clothes peddler�察�
spread open my decoy ^delivery ̄ satchel and withdrew from it a dark money 
purse�察�which I attempted to sell to Black¨s nosy landlady。 
^This is made of the best Persian velvet�察院�I said。 
^My son died at war in Persia�察院�she said。 ^Whose letters do you deliver to 
Black�拭院�
I  could  read  from  her  face  that  she  was  making  plans  to  set  up  her  own 
wiry  daughter�察 �or  who  knows  whose  daughter�察 �with  lionhearted  Black。  ^No 
one¨s�察院 �I  said。  ^A  poor  relative  of  his  who¨s  on  his  deathbed  in  the 
Bayrampasha sickhouse and needs money。 ̄ 
^Oh my�察院�she said�察�unconvinced�察 �who is the unfortunate man�拭院�
^How did your son die in the war�拭院�I asked stubbornly。 
We  began  to  glare  at  each  other  with  hostility。  She  was  a  widow  and  all 
alone。  Her  life  must¨ve  been  quite  difficult。  If  you  ever  happen  to  bee  a 
clothier´cum´messenger like Esther�察�you¨ll soon learn that only wealth�察�might 
and  legendary  romances  stir  people¨s  curiosity。  Everything  else  is  but  worry�察�
separation�察�jealousy�察�loneliness�察�enmity�察�tears�察�gossip and never´ending poverty。 
Such things never change�察�just like the objects that furnish a home�此�a faded old 
kilim�察 �a  ladle  and  small  copper  pan  resting  on  an  empty  baking  sheet�察 �tongs 
and  an  ash  box  resting  beside  the  stove�察 �two  worn  chests!one  small�察 �one 
146 
 
large!a turban stand maintained to conceal the widow¨s solitary life and an 
old sword to scare thieves off。 
Black  hastily  returned  with  his  money  purse。  ^Clothier  woman�察院 �he  said�察�
making himself heard to the meddling landlady rather than myself。 ^Take this 
and  bring  it  to  our  suffering  patient。  If  he  has  any  response  for  me�察 �I¨ll  be 
waiting。 You can find me at Master Enishte¨s house�察�where I¨ll spend the rest 
of the day。 ̄ 
There¨s no need for all of these games。 No cause for a young brave´heart like 
Black to hide his amatory maneuvers�察�the signals he receives�察�the handkerchiefs 
and letters he sends in pursuit of a maiden。 Or does he truly have his eye on 
his landlady¨s daughter�拭�At times�察�I didn¨t trust Black at all and was afraid that 
he was deceiving Shekure terribly。 How is it that�察�despite spending his entire 
day with Shekure in the same house�察�he¨s incapable of giving her a sign�拭�
Once I was outside�察�I opened the purse。 It contained twelve silver coins and 
a letter。 I was so curious about the letter that I nearly ran to Hasan。 Vegetable´
sellers had spread out cabbage�察�carrots and the rest in front of their shops。 But 
I didn¨t even have it in me to touch the plump leeks that were crying out to 
me to fondle them。 
I turned onto the side street�察�and saw that the blind Tatar was there waiting 
to heckle me again。 ^Tuh�察院�I spat in his direction�察�that was all。 Why doesn¨t this 
biting cold freeze these vagrants to death�拭�
As  Hasan  silently  read  the  letter�察 �I  could  barely  maintain  my  patience。 
Finally�察�unable to restrain myself�察�I suddenly said ^Yes�拭院�and he began reading 
aloud�此�
 
My  Dearest  Shekure�察 �you¨ve  requested  that  I  plete  your  father¨s  book。  You 
can be certain that I have no other goal。 I visit your house for this reason�察�not to 
pester you�察�as you¨d earlier indicated。 I¨m quite aware that my love for you is my 
own  concern。  Yet�察 �due  to  this  love�察 �I¨m  unable  properly  to  take  up  my  pen  and 
write what your father!my dear Uncle!has requested for his book。 Whenever I 
sense your presence in the house�察�I seize up and am of no service to your father。 I¨ve 
mulled this over extensively and there can be but one cause�此�After twelve years�察�I¨ve 
seen your face only once�察�when you showed yourself at the window。 Now�察�I quite 
fear losing that vision。 If I could once more see you close´up�察�I¨d have no fear of 
losing you�察�and I could easily finish your father¨s book。 Yesterday�察�Shevket brought 
me to the abandoned house of the Hanged Jew。 No one will see us there。 Today�察�at 
147 
 
whatever  time  you  see  fit�察 �I¨ll  go  there  and  wait  for  you。  Yesterday�察 �Shevket 
mentioned that you dreamt your husband had died。 
 
Hasan read the letter mockingly�察�in places raising his already high´pitched 
voice  even  higher  like  a  woman¨s�察 �and  in  places�察 �emulating  the  trembling 
supplication of a lover who¨d lost all reason。 He made light of Black¨s having 
written his wish ^to see you just once ̄ in Persian。 He added�察 �As soon as Black 
saw  that  Shekure  had  given  him  some  hope�察 �he  quickly  began  to  negotiate。 
Such haggling isn¨t something a genuine lover would resort to。 ̄ 
^He¨s genuinely in love with Shekure�察院�I said naively。 
^This ment proves that you¨ve taken Black¨s side�察院�he said。 ^If Shekure 
has written that she dreamt my older brother was dead�察�it means she accepts 
her husband¨s death。 ̄ 
^That was just a dream�察院�I said like an idiot。 
^I  know  how  smart  and  cunning  Shevket  is。  We  lived  together  for  many 
years� �Without his mother¨s permission and prodding�察�he¨d never have taken 
Black to the house of the Hanged Jew。 If Shekure thinks she¨s through with my 
older brother!with us!she¨s terribly mistaken� �My older brother is still alive 
and he¨ll return from the war。 ̄ 
Before he had a chance to conclude�察�he went into the next room where he 
intended to light a candle�察�but succeeded only in burning his hand。 He let out 
a  howl。  All  the  while  licking  the  burn�察 �he  finally  lit  the  candle  and  placed  it 
beside  a  folding  worktable。  He  produced  a  reed  pen  from  its  case�察 �dipped  it 
into an inkwell and began furiously writing on a small piece of paper。 I sensed 
his  pleasure  at  my  watching  him�察 �and  to  show  that  I  wasn¨t  afraid�察 �I  smiled 
exaggeratedly。 
^Who is this Hanged Jew�察�you must know�拭院�he asked。 
^Just  beyond  these  houses  there¨s  a  yellow  one。  They  say  that  Moshe 
Hamon�察�the beloved doctor of the previous Sultan and the wealthiest of men�察�
had for years hidden his Jewish mistress from Amasya and her brother there。 
Years ago in Amasya�察�on the eve of Passover�察�when a Greek youth supposedly 
 ̄disappeared` in the Jeed that he¨d been strangled 
so unleavened bread could be made from his blood。 When false witnesses were 
brought  forward�察 �an  execution  of  Jews  began�察 �however�察 �the  Sultan¨s  beloved 
doctor  helped  this  beautiful  woman  and  her  brother  escape�察 �and  hid  them 
with the permission of the Sultan。 After the Sultan died�察�His enemies couldn¨t 
148 
 
find  the  beautiful  woman�察 �but  they  hanged  her  brother�察 �who¨d  been  living 
alone。^ 
^If Shekure doesn¨t wait for my brother to e back from the front�察�they¨ll 
punish her�察院�said Hasan�察�handing me the letters。 
No  anger  or  wrath  could  be  seen  on  his  face�察 �just  the  misfortune  and 
sorrow particular to the love´stricken。 I suddenly saw in his eyes how fast love 
had  aged  him。  The  money  he¨d  begun  to  earn  working  in  customs  hadn¨t 
made him more youthful at all。 After all his offended grimaces and threats�察�it 
dawned on me that he might once again ask me how Shekure could be won 
over。  But  he¨d  e  so  close  to  being  thoroughly  evil  that  he  could  no 
longer ask。 Once one accepts evil!and rejection in love is a significant cause 
for doing so!cruelty folloe afraid of my thoughts and that 
terrible red sword the boys talked about�察�which severed whatever it touched�察�
in my desperation to leave�察�in a near frenzy�察�I stumbled outside onto the street。 
This was how I fell unwitting victim to the curses of the Tatar beggar。 But I 
immediately pulled myself together。 I softly dropped a small stone I¨d picked 
off the ground into his handkerchief and said�察 �There you go�察�mangy Tatar。 ̄ 
Without  laughing�察 �I  watched  his  hand  reach  hopefully  for  the  stone  he 
thought  was  a  coin。  Ignoring  his  curses�察 �I  headed  toward  one  of  my 
^daughters�察院�whom I¨d married off to a good husband。 
That sweet ^daughter ̄ of mine served me a piece of spinach pie�察�a leftover�察�
but still crisp。 For the afternoon meal she was preparing lamb stew in a sauce 
heavy with beaten eggs and spiced with sour plum�察�just the way I like it。 So as 
not to disappoint her�察�I waited and ate two full ladles with fresh bread。 She¨d 
also  made  a  nice  pote  of  stewed  grapes。  Without  any  hesitation�察 �I 
requested some rose´petal jam�察�a spoonful of which I stirred into the pote 
before topping off my meal。 Afterward�察�I went on to deliver the letters to my 
melancholy Shekure。 
 
 
   
149 
 
I�察�SHEKURE 
 
I  was  in  the  midst  of  folding  and  putting  away  the  clothes  that  had  been 
washed  and  hung  out  to  dry  yesterday  when  Hayriye  announced  Esther  had 
e´or�察�this was what I planned to tell you。 But why should I lie�拭�All right 
then�察�when Esther arrived�察�I was spying on my father and Black through the 
closet peephole�察�impatiently waiting for the letters from Black and Hasan�察�and 
thus�察 �my  mind  was  preoccupied  with  her。  Just  as  I  sensed  that  my  father¨s 
fears of death were justified�察�I also knew Black¨s interest in me wasn¨t eternal。 
He was in love insofar as he wanted to be married�察�and because he wanted to 
be married�察�he easily fell in love。 If not me�察�he¨d love。 If not me�察�he¨d marry 
another�察�taking care to fall in love with her beforehand。 
In  the  kitchen�察 �Hayriye  sat  Esther  in  a  corner  and  handed  her  a  glass  of 
rosewater  sherbet�察 �as  she  gave  me  a  guilty  look。  I  realized  that  since  Hayriye 
had  bee  my  father¨s  mistress�察 �she  might  be  reporting  to  him  everything 
she sees。 I¨m afraid that this may indeed be the case。 
^My  black´eyed  girl�察 �my  dark´fortuned  beauty�察 �my  stunning  beauty  of 
beauties�察�I was delayed because Nesim�察�my pig of a husband�察�kept me occupied 
with  all  sorts  of  nonsense�察院 �said  Esther。  ^You  have  no  husband  senselessly 
haranguing you�察�and I hope you know the value of this。 ̄ 
She took out the letters�察�I snatched them from her hand。 Hayriye withdrew 
to a corner where she wouldn¨t be in the way�察�but could still hear everything 
that  passed  between  us。  So  Esther  wouldn¨t  be  able  to  see  my  expression�察 �I 
turned my back on her and read Black¨s letter first。 When I thought about the 
house  of  the  Hanged  Jew�察 �I  shuddered  for  a  moment。  ^Don¨t  be  afraid�察�
Shekure�察�you can manage in any situation�察院�I said to myself and began reading 
Hasan¨s letter。 He was on the verge of madness�此�
 
Shekure�察�I¨m burning with desire�察�yet I know
卦指朕村 貧匯匈 和匯匈 指欺競何 壘��1�� 家��2��
酔楯荷恬: 梓囚徒貧圭�鮗� ○ 賜 ★ 辛酔堀貧和鍬匈 梓囚徒貧議 Enter 囚辛指欺云慕朕村匈 梓囚徒貧圭�鮗� ● 辛指欺云匈競何!
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