new moon(暮光之城-新月英文版)-第44部分

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driving。　
Alice　was　apologetic。　〃I'm　sorry。〃　She　gestured　vaguely　toward　the　dashboard。　
〃There　wasn't　much　to　
choose　from。〃　
〃It's　fine；　Alice。〃　He　grinned。　〃They　can't　all　be　911　Turbos。〃　
She　sighed。　〃I　may　have　to　acquire　one　of　those　legally。　It　was　fabulous。〃　
〃I'll　get　you　one　for　Christmas；〃　Edward　promised。　
Alice　turned　to　beam　at　him；　which　worried　me；　as　she　was　already　speeding　
down　the　dark　and　curvy　
hillside　at　the　same　time。　
〃Yellow；〃　she　told　him。　
Edward　kept　me　tight　in　his　arms。　Inside　the　gray　cloak；　I　was　warm　and　
fortable。　More　than　
fortable。　
〃You　can　sleep　now；　Bella；〃　he　murmured。　〃It's　over。〃　
I　knew　he　meant　the　danger；　the　nightmare　in　the　ancient　city；　but　I　still　had　
to　swallow　hard　before　I　
could　answer。　
〃I　don't　want　to　sleep。　I'm　not　tired。〃　Just　the　second　part　was　a　lie。　I　
wasn't　about　to　close　my　eyes。　The　
car　was　only　dimly　lit　by　the　dashboard　controls；　but　it　was　enough　that　I　
could　see　his　face。　
He　pressed　his　lips　to　the　hollow　under　my　ear。　〃Try；〃　he　encouraged。　
I　shook　my　head。　
He　sighed。　〃You're　still　just　as　stubborn。〃　
I　was　stubborn；　I　fought　with　my　heavy　lids；　and　I　won。　
The　dark　road　was　the　hardest　part；　the　bright　lights　at　the　airport　in　
Florence　made　it　easier；　as　did　the　
chance　to　brush　my　teeth　and　change　into　clean　clothes；　Alice　bought　Edward　
new　clothes；　too；　and　he　
left　the　dark　cloak　on　a　pile　of　trash　in　an　alley。　The　plane　trip　to　Rome　was　
so　short　that　there　wasn't　
really　a　chance　for　the　fatigue　to　drag　me　under。　I　knew　the　flight　from　Rome　
to　Atlanta　would　be　another　
matter　entirely；　so　I　asked　the　flight　attendant　if　she　could　bring　me　a　Coke。　
〃Bella；〃　Edward　said　disapprovingly。　He　knew　my　low　tolerance　for　caffeine。　
Alice　was　behind　us。　I　could　hear　her　murmuring　to　Jasper　on　the　phone。　
〃I　don't　want　to　sleep；〃　I　reminded　him。　I　gave　him　an　excuse　that　was　
believable　because　it　was　true。　〃If　
I　close　my　eyes　now；　I'll　see　things　I　don't　want　to　see。　I'll　have　
nightmares。〃　
He　didn't　argue　with　me　after　that。　
It　would　have　been　a　very　good　time　to　talk；　to　get　the　answers　I　needed—
needed　but　not　really　wanted；　
I　was　already　despairing　at　the　thought　of　what　I　might　hear。　We　had　an　
uninterrupted　block　of　tirre　
ahead　of　us；　and　he　couldn't　escape　me　on　an　airplane—well；　not　easily；　at　
least。　No　one　would　hear　us　
except　Alice；　it　was　late；　and　most　of　the　passengers　were　turning　off　lights　
and　asking　for　pillows　in　
muted　voices。　Talk　would　help　me　fight　off　the　exhaustion。　
But；　perversely；　I　bit　my　tongue　against　the　flood　of　questions。　My　reasoning　
was　probably　flawed　by　
exhaustion；　but　I　hoped　that　by　postponing　the　discussion；　I　could　buy　a　few　
more　hours　with　him　at　
some　later　time—spin　this　out　for　another　night；　Scheherazade…style。　
So　I　kept　drinking　soda；　and　resisting　even　the　urge　to　blink。　Edward　seemed　
perfectly　content　to　hold　
me　in　his　arms；　his　fingers　tracing　my　face　again　and　again。　I　touched　his　
face；　too。　I　couldn't　stop　myself；　
though　I　was　afraid　it　would　hurt　me　later；　when　I　was　alone　again。　He　
continued　to　kiss　my　hair；　my　
forehead；　my　wrists　but　never　my　lips；　and　that　was　good。　After　all；　how　
many　ways　can　one　heart　be　
mangled　and　still　be　expected　to　keep　beating？　I'd　lived　through　a　lot　that　
should　have　finished　me　in　the　
last　few　days；　but　it　didn't　make　me　feel　strong。　Instead；　I　felt　horribly　
fragile；　like　one　word　could　shatter　
me。　
Edward　didn't　speak。　Maybe　he　was　hoping　I　would　sleep。　Maybe　he　had　nothing　
to　say。　
I　won　the　fight　against　my　heavy　lids。　I　was　awake　when　we　reached　the　airport　
in　Atlanta；　and　I　even　
watched　the　sun　beginning　to　rise　over　Seattle's　cloud　cover　before　Edward　
slid　the　window　shut。　I　was　
proud　of　myself。　I　hadn't　missed　one　minute。　
Neither　Alice　nor　Edward　was　surprised　by　the　reception　that　waited　for　us　at　
Sea…Tac　airport；　but　it　
caught　me　off　guard。　Jasper　was　the　first　one　I　saw—he　didn't　seem　to　see　me　
at　all。　His　eyes　were　only　
for　Alice。　She　went　quickly　to　his　side；　they　didn't　embrace　like　other　
couples　meeting　there。　They　only　
stared　into　each　other's　faces；　yet；　somehow；　the　moment　was　so　private　that　I　
still　felt　the　need　to　look　
away。　
Carlisle　and　Esme　waited　in　a　quiet　corner　far　from　the　line　for　the　metal　
detectors；　in　the　shadow　of　a　
wide　pillar。　Esme　reached　for　me；　hugging　me　fiercely；　yet　awkwardly；　because　
Edward　kept　his　arms　
around　me；　too。　
〃Thank　you　so　much；〃　she　said　in　my　ear。　
Then　she　threw　her　arms　around　Edward；　and　she　looked　like　she　would　be　crying　
if　that　were　possible。　
〃Youwill　never　put　me　through　：hat　again；〃　she　nearly　growled。　
Edward　grinned；　repentant。　〃Sorry；　Mom。〃　
〃Thank　you；　Bella；〃　Carlisle　said。　〃We　owe　you。〃　
〃Hardly；〃　I　mumbled。　The　sleepless　night　was　suddenly　overpowering。　My　head　
felt　disconnected　from　
my　body。　
〃She's　dead　on　her　feet；〃　Esme　scolded　Edward。　〃Let's　get　her　home。〃　
Not　sure　if　home　was　what　I　wanted　at　this　point；　I　stumbled；　half…blind；　
through　the　airport；　Edward　
dragging　me　on　one　side　and　Esme　on　the　other。　I　didn't　know　if　Alice　and　
Jasper　were　behind　us　or　not；　
and　I　was　too　exhausted　to　look。　
I　think　I　was　mostly　asleep；　though　I　was　still　walking；　when　we　reached　their　
car。　The　surprise　of　seeing　
Emmett　and　Rosalie　leaning　against　the　black　sedan　under　the　dim　lights　of　the　
parking　garage　revived　me　
some。　Edward　stiffened。　
〃Don't；〃　Esme　whispered。　〃She　feels　awful。〃　
〃She　should；〃　Edward　said；　making　no　attempt　to　keep　his　voice　down。　
〃It's　not　her　fault；〃　I　said；　my　words　garbled　with　exhaustion。　
〃Let　her　make　amends；〃　Esme　pleaded。　〃We'll　ride　with　Alice　and　Jasper。〃　
Edward　glowered　at　the　absurdly　lovely　blond　vampire　waiting　for　us。　
〃Please；　Edward；〃　I　said。　I　didn't　want　to　ride　with　Rosalie　any　more　than　he　
seemed　to；　but　I'd　caused　
more　than　enough　discord　in　his　family。　
He　sighed；　and　towed　me　toward　the　car。　
Emmett　and　Rosalie　got　in　the　front　seat　without　speaking；　while　Edward　pulled　
me　in　the　back　again。　I　
knew　I　wasn't　going　to　be　able　to　fight　my　eyelids　anymore；　and　I　laid　my　head　
against　his　chest　in　defeat；　
letting　them　close。　I　felt　the　car　purr　to　life。　
〃Edward；〃　Rosalie　began。　
〃I　know。〃　Edward's　brusque　tone　was　not　generous。　
〃Bella？〃　Rosalie　asked　softly。　
My　eyelids　fluttered　open　in　shock。　It　was　the　first　time　she'd　ever　spoken　
directly　to　me。　
〃Yes；　Rosalie？〃　I　asked；　hesitant。　
〃I'm　so　very　sorry；　Bella。　I　feel　wretched　about　every　part　of　this；　and　so　
grateful　that　you　were　brave　
enough　to　go　save　my　brother　after　what　I　did。　Please　say　you'll　forgive　me。〃　
The　words　were　awkward；　stilted　because　of　her　embarrassment；　but　they　seemed　
sincere。　
〃Of　course；　Rosalie；〃　I　mumbled；　grasping　at　any　chance　to　make　her　hate　me　a　
little　less。　〃It's　not　your　
fault　at　all。　I'm　the　one　who　jumped　off　the　damn　cliff。　Of　course　I　forgive　
you。〃　
The　words　came　out　like　mush。　
〃It　doesn't　count　until　she's　conscious；　Rose；〃　Emmett　chuckled。　
〃I'm　conscious；〃　I　said；　it　just　sounded　like　a　garbled　sigh。　
〃Let　her　sleep；〃　Edward　insisted；　but　his　voice　was　a　little　warmer。　
It　was　quiet　then；　except　for　the　gentle　thrum　of　the　engine。　I　must　have　
fallen　asleep；　because　it　seemed　
like　seconds　later　when　the　door　opened　and　Edward　was　carrying　me　from　the　
car。　My　eyes　wouldn't　
open。　At　first　I　thought　we　were　still　at　the　airport。　
And　then　I　heard　Charlie。　
〃Bella！〃　he　shouted　from　some　distance。　
〃Charlie；〃　I　mumbled；　trying　to　shake　off　the　stupor。　
〃Shh；〃　Edward　whispered。　〃It's　okay；　you're　home　and　safe。　Just　sleep。〃　
〃I　can't　believe　you　have　the　nerve　to　show　your　face　here。〃　Charlie　bellowed　
at　Edward；　his　voice　much　
closer　now。　
〃Stop　it；　Dad；〃　I　groaned。　He　didn't　hear　me。　
〃What's　wrong　with　her？〃　Charlie　demanded。　
〃She's　just　very　tired；　Charlie；〃　Edward　assured　him　quietly。　〃Please　let　her　
rest。〃　
〃Don't　tell　me　what　to　do！〃　Charlie　yelled。　〃Give　her　to　me。　Get　your　hands　
off　her！〃　
Edward　tried　to　pass　me　to　Charlie；　but　I　clung　to　him　with　locked；　tenacious　
fingers。　I　could　feel　my　dad　
yanking　on　my　arm。　
〃Cut　it　out；　Dad；〃　I　said　with　more　volume。　I　managed　to　drag　my　lids　back　to　
stare　at　Charlie　with　bleary　
eyes。　〃Be　mad　at　me。〃　
We　were　in　front　of　my　house。　The　front　door　was　standing　open。　The　cloud　
cover　overhead　was　too　
thick　to　guess　at　a　time　of　day。　
〃You　bet　I　will　be；〃　Charlie　promised。　〃Get　inside。〃　i'〃Kay。　Let　me　down；〃　I　
sighed。　
Edward　set　me　on　my　feet。　I　could　see　that　I　was　upright；　but　I　couldn't　feel　
my　legs。　I　trudged　forward　
anyway；　until　the　sidewalk　swirled　up　toward　my　face。　Edward's　arms　caught　me　
before　I　hit　the　
concrete。　
〃Just　let　me　get　her　upstairs；〃　Edward　said。　〃Then　I'll　leave。〃　
〃No；〃　I　cried；　panicking。　I　hadn't　got　my　answers　yet。　He　had　to　stay　for　at　
least　that　much；　didn't　he？　
〃I　won't　be　far；〃　Edward　promised；　whispering　so　low　in　my　ear　that　Charlie　
didn't　have　a　hope　of　
hearing。　
I　didn't　hear　Charlie　answer；　but　Edward　headed　into　the　house。　My　open　eyes　
only　made　it　till　the　stairs。　
The　last　thing　I　felt　was　Edward's　cool　hands　prying　my　fingers　loose　from　his　
shirt。　
　23。　THE　TRUTH
I　HAD　THE　SENSE　THAT　I'D　BEEN　ASLEEP　FOR　A　VERY　long　time—my　body　was　stiff；　
like　I　
hadn't　moved　once　through　all　that　time；　either。　My　mind　was　dazed　and　slow；　
strange；　colorful　
dreams—dreams　and　nightmares—swirled　dizzily　around　the　inside　of　my　head。　
They　were　so　vivid。　The　
horrible　and　the　heavenly；　all　mixed　together　into　a　bizarre　jumble。　There　was　
sharp　impatience　and　fear；　
both　part　of　that　frustrating　dream　where　your　feet　can't　move　fast　enough　
And　there　were　plenty　of　
monsters；　red…eyed　fiends　that　were　all　the　more　ghastly　for　their　genteel　
civility。　The　dream　was　still　
strong—I　could　even　remember　the　names。　But　the　strongest；　clearest　part　of　
the　dream　was　not　the　
horror。　It　was　the　angel　that　was　most　clear。　
It　was　hard　to　let　him　go　and　wake　up。　This　dream　did　not　want　to　be　shoved　
away　into　the　vault　of　
dreams　I　refused　to　revisit。　I　struggled　with　it　as　my　mind　became　more　alert；　
focusing　on　reality。　I　
couldn't　remember　what　day　of　the　week　it　was；　but　I　was　sure　Jacob　or　school　
or　work　or　something　
was　waiting　for　me。　I　inhaled　deeply；　wondering　how　to　face　another　day。　
Something　cold　touched　my　forehead　with　the　softest　pressure。　
I　squeezed　my　eyes　more　tightly　shut。　I　was　still　dreaming；　it　seemed；　and　it　
felt　abnormally　real。　I　was　so　
close　to　waking　any　second　now；　and　it　would　be　gone。　
But　I　realized　that　it　felt　too　real；　too　real　to　be　good　for　me。　The　stone　
arms　I　imagined　wrapped　around　
me　were　far　too　substantial。　If　I　let　this　go　any　further；　I'd　be　sorry　for　it　
later。　With　a　resigned　sigh；　I　
wrenched　back　my　eyelids　to　dispel　the　illusion。　
〃Oh！〃　I　gasped；　and　threw　my　fists　over　my　eyes。　
Well；　clearly；　I'd　gone　too　far；　it　must　have　been　a　mistake　to　let　my　
imagination　get　so　out　of　hand。　
Okay；　so　〃let〃　was　the　wrong　word。　I'd　forced　it　to　get　out　of　hand—pretty　
much　stalked　my　
hallucinations—and　now　my　mind　had　snapped。　
It　took　less　than　half　a　second　for　me　to　realize　that；　as　long　as　I　was　truly　
insane　now；　I　might　as　well　
enjoy　the　delusions　while　they　were　pleasant。　
I　opened　my　eyes　again—and　Edward　was　still　there；　his　perfect　face　just　
inches　away　from　mine。　
〃Did　I　frighten　you？〃　His　low　voice　was　anxious。　This　was　very　good；　as　
delusions　went。　The　face；　the　
voice；　the　scent；　everything—it　was　so　much　better　than　drowning。　The　
beautiful　figment　of　my　
imagination　watched　my　changing　expressions；　with　alarm。　His　irises　were　
pitch…black；　with　bruise…like　
shadows　under　them。　This　surprised　me；　my　hallucinatory　Edwards　were　usually　
better　fed。　
I　blinked　twice；　desperately　trying　to　remember　the　last　thing　that　I　was　sure　
was　real。　Alice　was　part　of　
my　dream；　and　I　wondered　if　she　had　really　e　back　at　all；　or　if　that　was　
just　the　preamble。　I　thought　
she'd　returned　the　day　I'd　nearly　drowned　
〃Oh；　crap〃　I　croaked。　My　throat　was　thick　with　sleeping。　
〃What's　wrong；　Bella？〃　
I　frowned　at　him　unhappily。　His　face　was　even　more　anxious　than　before。　
〃I'm　dead；　right？〃　I　moaned。　〃I　did　drown。　Crap；　crap；　crap！　This　is　gonna　
kill　Charlie。〃　
Edward　frowned；　too。　〃You're　not　dead。〃　
〃Then　why　am　I　not　waking　up？〃　I　challenged；　raising　my　eyebrows。　
〃You　are　awake；　Bella。〃　
I　shook　my　head。　〃Sure；　sure。　That's　what　you　want　me　to　think。　And　then　it　
will　be　worse　when　I　do　
wake　up。　If　I　wake　up；　which　I　won't；　because　I'm　dead。　This　is　awful。　Poor　
Charlie。　And　Renee　and　
Jake〃　I　trailed　off　in　horror　at　what　I　had　done。　
〃I　can　see　where　you　might　confuse　me　with　a　nightmare。〃　His　short…lived　smile　
was　grim。　〃But　I　can't　
imagine　what　you　could　have　done　to　wind　up　in　hell。　Did　you　mit　many　
murders　while　I　was　away？〃　
I　grimaced。　〃Obviously　not。　If　I　was　in　hell；　you　wouldn't　be　with　me。〃　
He　sighed。　
My　head　was　getting　clearer。　My　eyes　flickered　away　from　his　face—unwillingly
—for　one　second；　to　the　
dark；　open　window；　and　then　back　to　him。　I　started　to　remember　details　and　I　
felt　a　faint；　unfamiliar　
blush　warm　the　skin　over　my　cheekbones　as　I　slowly　realized　that　Edward　was　
really；　truly　here　with　me；　
and　I　was　wasting　time　being　an　idiot。　
〃Did　all　of　that　really　happen；　then？〃　It　was　almost　impossible　to　reassign　my　
dream　as　reality。　I　couldn't　
wrap　my　head　around　the　concept。　
〃That　depends。〃　Edward's　smile　was　still　hard。　〃If　you're　referring　to　us　
nearly　being　massacred　in　Italy；　
then；　yes。〃　
〃How　strange；〃　I　mused。　〃I　really　went　to　Italy。　Did　you　know　I'd　never　been　
farther　east　than　
Albuquerque？〃　
He　rolled　his　eyes。　〃Maybe　you　should　go　back　to　sleep。　You're　not　coherent。〃　
〃I'm　not　tired　anymore。〃　It　was　all　ing　clear　now。　〃What　time　is　it？　How　
long　have　I　been　sleeping？〃　
〃It's　just　after　one　in　the　morning。　So；　about　fourteen　hours。〃　
I　stretched　as　he　spoke。　I　was　so　stiff。　
〃Charlie？〃　I　asked。　
Edward　frowned。　〃Sleeping。　You　should　probably　know　that　I'm　breaking　the　
rules　right　now。　Well；　not　
technically；　since　he　said　I　was　never　to　walk　through　his　door　again；　and　I　
came　in　the　window　But；　
still；　the　intent　was　clear。〃　
〃Charlie　banned　you　from　the　house？〃　I　asked；　disbelief　quickly　melting　into　
fury。　
His　eyes　were　sad。　〃Did　you　expect　anything　else？〃　
My　eyes　were　mad。　I　was　going　to　have　a　few　words　with　my　father—perhaps　it　
would　be　a　good　time　
to　remind　him　that　I　was　over　the　legal　age　of　adulthood。　It　didn't　matter　so　
much；　of　course；　except　in　
principle。　All　too　soon　there　would　be　no　reason　for　the　prohibition。　I　turned　
my　thoughts　to　less　painful　
avenues。　
〃What's　the　story？〃　I　asked；　genuinely　curious；　but　also　trying　desperately　to　
keep　the　conversation　
casual；　to　keep　a　firm　grip　on　myself；　so　I　wouldn't　scare　him　away　with　the　
frantic；　gnawing　craving　that　
was　raging　inside　me。　
〃What　do　you　mean？〃　
〃What　am　I　telling　Charlie？　What's　my　excuse　for　disappearing　for　how　long　
was　I　gone；　anyway？〃　I　
tried　to　count　the　hours　in　my　head。　
〃Just　three　days。〃　His　eyes　tightened；　but　he　smiled　more　naturally　this　time。　
〃Actually