new moon(暮光之城-新月英文版)-第8部分

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gone。'　〃　
Was　I　saying　that　out　loud？　I　bit　down　on　my　lip。　
〃Bella；　honey；　are　you　all　right？〃　
That　was　one　voice　I　would　know　anywhere—even　distorted；　as　it　was　now；　with　
worry。　
〃Charlie？〃　My　voice　sounded　strange　and　small。　
〃I'm　right　here；　baby。〃　
There　was　a　shifting　under　me；　followed　by　the　leathery　smell　of　my　dad's　
sheriff　jacket。　Charlie　
staggered　under　my　weight。　
〃Maybe　I　should　hold　on　to　her；〃　Sam　Uley　suggested。　
〃I've　got　her；〃　Charlie　said；　a　little　breathless。　
He　walked　slowly；　struggling。　I　wished　I　could　tell　him　to　put　me　down　and　let　
me　walk；　but　I　couldn't　
find　my　voice。　
There　were　lights　everywhere；　held　by　the　crowd　walking　with　him。　It　felt　like　
a　parade。　Or　a　funeral　
procession。　I　closed　my　eyes。　
〃We're　almost　home　now；　honey；〃　Charlie　mumbled　now　and　then。　
I　opened　my　eyes　again　when　I　heard　the　door　unlock。　We　were　on　the　porch　of　
our　house；　and　the　tall　
dark　man　named　Sam　was　holding　the　door　for　Charlie；　one　arm　extended　toward　
us；　as　if　he　was　
preparing　to　catch　me　when　Charlie's　arms　failed。　
But　Charlie　managed　to　get　me　through　the　door　and　to　the　couch　in　the　living　
room。　
〃Dad；　I'm　all　wet；〃　I　objected　feebly。　
〃That　doesn't　matter。〃　His　voice　was　gruff。　And　then　he　was　talking　to　someone　
else。　〃Blankets　are　in　the　
cupboard　at　the　top　of　the　stairs。〃　
〃Bella？〃　a　new　voice　asked。　I　looked　at　the　gray…haired　man　leaning　over　me；　
and　recognition　came　after　
a　few　slow　seconds。　
〃Dr。　Gerandy？〃　I　mumbled。　
〃That's　right；　dear；〃　he　said。　〃Are　you　hurt；　Bella？〃　
It　took　me　a　minute　to　think　that　through。　I　was　confused　by　the　memory　of　Sam　
Uley's　similar　question　
in　the　woods。　Only　Sam　had　asked　something　else：　Have　you　been　hurt？　he'd　
said。　The　difference　
seemed　significant　somehow。　
Dr。　Gerandy　was　waiting。　One　grizzled　eyebrow　rose；　and　the　wrinkles　on　his　
forehead　deepened。　
〃I'm　not　hurt；〃　I　lied。　The　words；　were　true　enough　for　what　he'd　asked。　
His　warm　hand　touched　my　forehead；　and　his　fingers　pressed　against　the　inside　
of　my　wrist。　I　watched　his　
lips　as　he　counted　to　himself；　his　eyes　on　his　watch。　
〃What　happened　to　you？〃　he　asked　casually。　
I　froze　under　his　hand；　tasting　panic　in　the　back　of　my　throat。　
〃Did　you　get　lost　in　the　woods？〃　he　prodded。　I　was　aware　of　several　other　
people　listening。　Three　tall　
men　with　dark　faces—from　La　Push；　the　Quileute　Indian　reservation　down　on　the　
coastline；　I　
guessed—Sam　Uley　among　them；　were　standing　very　close　together　and　staring　at　
me。　Mr。　Newton　was　
there　with　Mike　and　Mr。　Weber；　Angela's　father；　they　all　were　watching　me　more　
surreptitiously　than　the　
strangers。　Other　deep　voices　rumbled　from　the　kitchen　and　outside　the　front　
door。　Half　the　town　must　
have　been　looking　for　me。　
Charlie　was　the　closest。　He　leaned　in　to　hear　my　answer。　
〃Yes；〃　I　whispered。　〃I　got　lost。〃　
The　doctor　nodded；　thoughtful；　his　fingers　probing　gently　against　the　glands　
under　my　jaw。　Charlie's　face　
hardened。　
〃Do　you　feel　tired？〃　Dr。　Gerandy　asked。　
I　nodded　and　closed　my　eyes　obediently。　
〃I　don't　think　there's　anything　wrong　with　her；〃　I　heard　the　doctor　mutter　to　
Charlie　after　a　moment。　〃Just　
exhaustion。　Let　her　sleep　it　off；　and　I'll　e　check　on　her　tomorrow；〃　he　
paused。　He　must　have　looked　
at　his　watch；　because　he　added；　〃Well；　later　today　actually。〃　
There　was　a　creaking　sound　as　they　both　pushed　off　from　the　couch　to　get　to　
their　feet。　
〃Is　it　true？〃　Charlie　whispered。　Their　voices　were　farther　away　now。　I　
strained　to　hear。　〃Did　they　leave？〃　
〃Dr。　Cullen　asked　us　not　to　say　anything；〃　Dr。　Gerandy　answered。　〃The　offer　
was　very　sudden；　they　had　
to　choose　immediately。　Carlisle　didn't　want　to　make　a　big　production　out　of　
leaving。〃　
〃A　little　warning　might　have　been　nice；〃　Charlie　grumbled。　
Dr。　Gerandy　sounded　unfortable　when　he　replied。　〃Yes；　well；　in　this　
situation；　some　warning　might　
have　been　called　for。〃　
I　didn't　want　to　listen　anymore。　I　felt　around　for　the　edge　of　the　quilt　
someone　had　laid　on　top　of　me；　and　
pulled　it　over　my　ear。　
I　drifted　in　and　out　of　alertness。　I　heard　Charlie　whisper　thanks　to　the　
volunteers　as；　one　by　one；　they　left。　
I　felt　his　fingers　on　my　forehead；　and　then　the　weight　of　another　blanket。　The　
phone　rang　a　few　times；　and　
he　hurried　to　catch　it　before　it　could　wake　me。　He　muttered　reassurances　in　a　
low　voice　to　the　callers。　
〃Yeah；　we　found　her。　She's　okay。　She　got　lost。　She's　fine　now；〃　he　said　again　
and　again。　
I　heard　the　springs　in　the　armchair　groan　when　he　settled　himself　in　for　the　
night。　
A　few　minutes　later；　the　phone　rang　again。　
Charlie　moaned　as　he　struggled　to　his　feet；　and　then　he　rushed；　stumbling；　to　
the　kitchen　I　pulled　my　head　
deeper　under　the　blankets；　not　wanting　to　listen　to　the　same　conversation　
again。　
〃Yeah；〃　Charlie　said；　and　yawned。　
His　voice　changed；　it　was　much　more　alert　when　he　spoke　again。　〃Where？'〃　There　
was　a　pause。　〃You're　
sure　it's　outside　the　reservation？〃　Another　short　pause。　〃But　what　could　be　
burning　out　there？〃　He　
sounded　both　worried　and　mystified。　〃Look；　I'll　call　down　there　and　check　it　
out。〃　
I　listened　with　more　interest　as　he　punched　in　a　number。　
〃Hey；　Billy；　it's　Charlie—sorry　I'm　calling　so　early　no；　she's　fine。　She's　
sleeping　Thanks；　but　that's　
not　why　I　called。　I　just　got　a　call　from　Mrs。　Stanley；　and　she　says　that　from　
her　second…story　window　she　
can　see　fires　out　on　the　sea　cliffs；　but　I　didn't　really　Oh！〃　Suddenly　there　
was　an　edge　in　his　
voice—irritation　or　anger。　〃And　why　are　they　doing　that？　Uh　huh。　Really？〃　
He　said　it　sarcastically。　
〃Well；　don't　apologize　to　me。　Yeah；　yeah。　Just　make　sure　the　flames　don't　
spread　I　know；　I　know；　I'm　
surprised　they　got　them　lit　at　all　in　this　weather。〃　
Charlie　hesitated；　and　then　added　grudgingly。　〃Thanks　for　sending　Sam　and　the　
other　boys　up。　You　were　
right—they　do　know　the　forest　better　than　we　do。　It　was　Sam　who　found　her；　so　
I　owe　you　one　Yeah；　
I'll　talk　to　you　later；〃　he　agreed；　still　sour；　before　hanging　up。　
Charlie　muttered　something　incoherent　as　he　shuffled　back　to　the　living　room。　
〃What's　wrong？〃　I　asked。　
He　hurried　to　my　side。　
〃I'm　sorry　I　woke　you；　honey。〃　
〃Is　something　burning？〃　
〃It's　nothing；〃　he　assured　me。　〃Just　some　bonfires　out　on　the　cliffs。〃　
〃Bonfires？〃　I　asked。　My　voice　didn't　sound　curious。　It　sounded　dead。　
Charlie　frowned。　〃Some　of　the　kids　from　the　reservation　being　rowdy；〃　he　
explained。　
〃Why？〃　I　wondered　dully。　
I　could　tell　he　didn't　want　to　answer。　He　looked　at　the　floor　under　his　knees。　
〃They're　celebrating　the　
news。〃　His　tone　was　bitter。　
There　was　only　one　piece　of　news　I　could　think　of；　try　as　I　might　not　to。　And　
then　the　pieces　snapped　
together。　〃Because　the　Cullens　left；〃　I　whispered。　〃They　don't　like　the　
Cullens　in　La　Push—I'd　forgotten　
about　that。〃　
The　Quileutes　had　their　superstitions　about　the　〃cold　ones；〃　the　blood…
drinkers　that　were　enemies　to　their　
tribe；　just　like　they　had　their　legends　of　the　great　flood　and　wolf…men　
ancestors。　Just　stories；　folklore；　to　
most　of　them。　Then　there　were　the　few　that　believed。　Charlie's　good　friend　
Billy　Black　believed；　though　
even　Jacob；　his　own　son；　thought　he　was　full　of　stupid　superstitions。　Billy　
had　warned　me　to　stay　away　
from　the　Cullens　
The　name　stirred　something　inside　me；　something　that　began　to　claw　its　way　
toward　the　surface；　
something　I　knew　I　didn't　want　to　face。　
〃It's　ridiculous；〃　Charlie　spluttered。　
We　sat　in　silence　for　a　moment。　The　sky　was　no　longer　black　outside　the　
window。　Somewhere　behind　
the　rain；　the　sun　was　beginning　to　rise。　
〃Bella？〃　Charlie　asked。　
I　looked　at　him　uneasily。　
〃He　left　you　alone　in　the　woods？〃　Charlie　guessed。　
I　deflected　his　question。　〃How　did　you　know　where　to　find　me？〃　My　mind　shied　
away　from　the　inevitable　
awareness　that　was　ing；　ing　quickly　now。　
〃Your　note；〃　Charlie　answered。　surprised。　He　reached　into　the　back　pocket　of　
his　jeans　and　pulled　out　a　
much…abused　piece　of　paper。　It　was　dirty　and　damp；　with　multiple　creases　from　
being　opened　and　
refolded　many　times。　He　unfolded　it　again；　and　held　it　up　as　evidence。　The　
messy　handwriting　was　
remarkably　close　to　my　own。　
Going　for　a　walk　with　Edward；　up　the　path；　it　said。　Back　soon；　B。　
〃When　you　didn't　e　back；　I　called　the　Cullens；　and　no　one　answered；〃　
Charlie　said　in　a　low　voice。　
〃Then　I　called　the　hospital；　and　Dr。　Gerandy　told　me　that　Carlisle　was　gone。〃　
〃Where　did　they　go？〃　I　mumbled。　
He　stared　at　me。　〃Didn't　Edward　tell　you？〃　
I　shook　my　head；　recoiling。　The　sound　of　his　name　unleashed　the　thing　that　was　
clawing　inside　of　me—a　
pain　that　knocked　me　breathless；　astonished　me　with　its　force。　
Charlie　eyed　me　doubtfully　as　he　answered。　〃Carlisle　took　a　job　with　a　big　
hospital　in　Los　Angeles。　I　
guess　they　threw　a　lot　of　money　at　him。〃　
Sunny　L。A。　The　last　place　they　would　really　go。　I　remembered　my　nightmare　with　
the　mirror　the　bright　
sunlight　shimmering　off　of　his　skin—　
Agony　ripped　through　me　with　the　memory　of　his　face。　
〃I　want　to　know　if　Edward　left　you　alone　out　there　in　the　middle　of　the　
woods；〃　Charlie　insisted。　
His　name　sent　another　wave　of　torture　through　me。　I　shook　my　head；　frantic；　
desperate　to　escape　the　
pain。　〃It　was　my　fault。　He　left　me　right　here　on　the　trail；　in　sight　of　the　
house　but　I　tried　to　follow　him。〃　
Charlie　started　to　say　something；　childishly；　I　covered　my　ears。　〃I　can't　talk　
about　this　anymore；　Dad。　I　
want　to　go　to　my　room。〃　
Before　he　could　answer；　I　scrambled　up　from　the　couch　and　lurched　my　way　up　
the　stairs。　
Someone　had　been　in　the　house　to　leave　a　note　for　Charlie；　a　note　that　would　
lead　him　to　find　me。　From　
the　minute　that　I'd　realized　this；　a　horrible　suspicion　began　to　grow　in　my　
head。　I　rushed　to　my　room；　
shutting　and　locking　the　door　behind　me　before　I　ran　to　the　CD　player　by　my　
bed。　
Everything　looked　exactly　the　same　as　I'd　left　it。　I　pressed　down　on　the　top　
of　the　CD　player。　The　latch　
unhooked；　and　the　lid　slowly　swung　open。　
It　was　empty。　
The　album　Renee　had　given　me　sat　on　the　floor　beside　the　bed；　just　where　I'd　
put　it　last。　I　lifted　the　cover　
with　a　shaking　hand。　
I　didn't　have　to　flip　any　farther　than　the　first　page。　The　little　metal　
corners　no　longer　held　a　picture　in　
place。　The　page　was　blank　except　for　my　own　handwriting　scrawled　across　the　
bottom：　Edward　Cullen；　
Charlie's　kitchen；　Sept。　13th。　
I　stopped　there。　I　was　sure　that　he　would　have　been　very　thorough。　
It　will　be　as　if　I'd　never　existed；　he'd　promised　me。　
I　felt　the　smooth　wooden　floor　beneath　my　knees；　and　then　the　palms　of　my　
hands；　and　then　it　was　
pressed　against　the　skin　of　my　cheek。　I　hoped　that　I　was　fainting；　but；　to　my　
disappointment；　I　didn't　lose　
consciousness。　The　waves　of　pain　that　had　only　lapped　at　me　before　now　reared　
high　up　and　washed　
over　my　head；　pulling　me　under。　
I　did　not　resurface。　
　4。　WAKING　UP
TIME　PASSES。　EVEN　WHEN　IT　SEEMS　IMPOSSIBLE。　EVEN　when　each　tick　of　the　second　
hand　
aches　like　the　pulse　of　blood　behind　a　bruise。　It　passes　unevenly；　in　strange　
lurches　and　dragging　lulls；　but　
pass　it　does。　Even　for　me。　
CHARLIE'S　FIST　CAME　DOWN　ON　THE　TABLE。　〃THAT'S　IT；　Bella！　I'm　sending　you　
home。〃　
I　looked　up　from　my　cereal；　which　I　was　pondering　rather　than　eating；　and　
stared　at　Charlie　in　shock。　I　
hadn't　been　following　the　conversation—actually；　I　hadn't　been　aware　that　we　
were　having　a　
conversation—and　I　wasn't　sure　what　he　meant。　
〃I　am　home；〃　I　mumbled；　confused。　
〃I'm　sending　you　to　Renee；　to　Jacksonville；〃　he　clarified。　
Charlie　watched　with　exasperation　as　I　slowly　grasped　the　meaning　of　his　
words。　
〃What　did　I　do？〃　I　felt　my　face　crumple。　It　was　so　unfair。　My　behavior　had　
been　above　reproach　for　the　
past　four　months。　After　that　first　week；　which　neither　of　us　ever　mentioned；　I　
hadn't　missed　a　day　of　
school　or　work。　My　grades　were　perfect。　I　never　broke　curfew—I　never　went　
anywhere　from　which　to　
break　curfew　in　the　first　place。　I　only　very　rarely　served　leftovers。　
Charlie　was　scowling。　
〃You　didn't　do　anything。　That's　the　problem。　You　never　do　anything。〃　
〃You　want　me　to　get　into　trouble？〃　I　wondered；　my　eyebrows　pulling　together　in　
mystification。　I　made　an　
effort　to　pay　attention。　It　wasn't　easy。　I　was　so　used　to　tuning　everything　
out；　my　ears　felt　stopped　up。　
〃Trouble　would　be　better　than　this　this　moping　around　all　the　time！〃　
That　stung　a　bit。　I'd　been　careful　to　avoid　all　forms　of　moroseness；　moping　
included。　
〃I　am　not　moping　around。〃　
〃Wrong　word；〃　he　grudgingly　conceded。　〃Moping　would　be　better—that　would　be　
doing　something。　
You're　just　lifeless；　Bella。　I　think　that's　the　word　I　want。〃　
This　accusation　struck　home。　I　sighed　and　tried　to　put　some　animation　into　my　
response。　
〃I'm　sorry；　Dad。〃　My　apology　sounded　a　little　flat；　even　to　me。　I'd　thought　
I'd　been　fooling　him。　Keeping　
Charlie　from　suffering　was　the　whole　point　of　all　this　effort。　How　depressing　
to　think　that　the　effort　had　
been　wasted。　
〃I　don't　want　you　to　apologize。〃　
I　sighed。　〃Then　tell　me　what　you　do　want　me　to　do。〃　
〃Bella；〃　he　hesitated；　scrutinizing　my　reaction　to　his　next　words。　〃Honey；　
you're　not　the　first　person　to　go　
through　this　kind　of　thing；　you　know。〃　
〃I　know　that。〃　My　acpanying　grimace　was　limp　and　unimpressive。　
〃Listen；　honey。　I　think　that—that　maybe　you　need　some　help。〃　
〃Help？〃　
He　paused；　searching　for　the　words　again。　〃When　your　mother　left；〃　he　began；　
frowning；　〃and　took　you　
with　her。〃　He　inhaled　deeply。　〃Well；　that　was　a　really　bad　time　for　me。〃　
〃I　know；　Dad；〃　I　mumbled。　
〃But　I　handled　it；〃　he　pointed　out。　〃Honey；　you're　not　handling　it。　I　waited；　
I　hoped　it　would　get　better。〃　
He　stared　at　me　and　I　looked　down　quickly。　〃I　think　we　both　know　it's　not　
getting　better。〃　
〃I'mfine。〃　
He　ignored　me。　〃Maybe；　well；　maybe　if　you　talked　to　someone　about　it。　A　
professional。〃　
〃You　want　me　to　see　a　shrink？〃　My　voice　was　a　shade　sharper　as　I　realized　what　
he　was　getting　at。　
〃Maybe　it　would　help。〃　
〃And　maybe　it　wouldn't　help　one　little　bit。〃　
I　didn't　know　much　about　psychoanalysis；　but　I　was　pretty　sure　that　it　didn't　
work　unless　the　subject　was　
relatively　honest。　Sure；　I　could　tell　the　truth—if　I　wanted　to　spend　the　rest　
of　my　life　in　a　padded　cell。　
He　examined　my　obstinate　expression；　and　switched　to　another　line　of　attack。　
〃It's　beyond　me；　Bella。　Maybe　your　mother—〃　
〃Look；〃　I　said　in　a　flat　voice。　〃I'll　go　out　tonight；　if　you　want。　I'll　call　
Jess　or　Angela。〃　
〃That's　not　what　I　want；〃　he　argued；　frustrated。　〃I　don't　think　I　can　live　
through　seeing　you　try　harder。　
I've　never　seen　anyone　trying　so　hard。　It　hurts　to　watch。〃　
I　pretended　to　be　dense；　looking　down　at　the　table。　〃I　don't　understand；　Dad。　
First　you're　mad　because　
I'm　not　doing　anything；　and　then　you　say　you　don't　want　me　to　go　out。〃　
〃I　want　you　to　be　happy—no；　not　even　that　much。　I　just　want　you　not　to　be　
miserable。　I　think　you'll　have　
a　better　chance　if　you　get　out　of　Forks。〃　
My　eyes　flashed　up　with　the　first　small　spark　of　feeling　I'd　had　in　too　long　
to　contemplate。　
〃I'm　not　leaving；〃　I　said。　
〃Why　not？〃　he　demanded。　
〃I'm　in　my　last　semester　of　school—it　would　screw　everything　up。〃　
〃You're　a