new moon(暮光之城-新月英文版)-第9部分

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to　contemplate。　
〃I'm　not　leaving；〃　I　said。　
〃Why　not？〃　he　demanded。　
〃I'm　in　my　last　semester　of　school—it　would　screw　everything　up。〃　
〃You're　a　good　student—you'll　figure　it　out。〃　
〃I　don't　want　to　crowd　Mom　and　Phil。〃　
〃Your　mother's　been　dying　to　have　you　back。〃　
〃Florida　is　too　hot。〃　
His　fist　came　down　on　the　table　again。　〃We　both　know　what's　really　going　on　
here；　Bella；　and　it's　not　
good　for　you。〃　He　took　a　deep　breath。　〃It's　been　months。　No　calls；　no　letters；　
no　contact。　You　can't　keep　
waitingforhim。〃　
I　glowered　at　him。　The　heat　almost；　but　not　quite；　reached　my　face。　It　had　
been　a　long　time　since　I'd　
blushed　with　any　emotion。　
This　whole　subject　was　utterly　forbidden；　as　he　was　well　aware。　
〃I'm　not　waiting　for　anything。　I　don't　expect　anything；〃　I　said　in　a　low　
monotone。　
〃Bella—；〃　Charlie　began；　his　voice　thick。　
〃I　have　to　get　to　school；〃　I　interrupted；　standing　up　and　yanking　my　untouched　
breakfast　from　the　table。　I　
dumped　my　bowl　in　the　sink　without　pausing　to　wash　it　out。　I　couldn't　deal　
with　any　more　conversation。　
〃I'll　make　plans　with　Jessica；〃　I　called　over　my　shoulder　as　I　strapped　on　my　
school　bag；　not　meeting　his　
eyes。　〃Maybe　I　won't　be　home　for　dinner。　We'll　go　to　Port　Angeles　and　watch　a　
movie。〃　
I　was　out　the　front　door　before　he　could　react。　
In　my　haste　to　get　away　from　Charlie；　I　ended　up　being　one　of　the　first　ones　
to　school。　The　plus　side　was　
that　I　got　a　really　good　parking　spot。　The　downside　was　that　I　had　free　time　
on　my　hands；　and　I　tried　to　
avoid　free　time　at　all　costs。　
Quickly；　before　I　could　start　thinking　about　Charlie's　accusations；　I　pulled　
out　my　Calculus　book。　I　
flipped　it　open　to　the　section　we　should　be　starting　today；　and　tried　to　make　
sense　of　it。　Reading　math　
was　even　worse　than　listening　to　it；　but　I　was　getting　better　at　it。　In　the　
last　several　months；　I'd　spent　ten　
times　the　amount　of　time　on　Calculus　than　I'd　ever　spent　on　math　before。　As　a　
result；　I　was　managing　to　
keep　in　the　range　of　a　low　A。　I　knew　Mr。　Varner　felt　my　improvement　was　all　
due　to　his　superior　
teaching　methods。　And　if　that　made　him　happy；　I　wasn't　going　to　burst　his　
bubble。　
I　forced　myself　to　keep　at　it　until　the　parking　lot　was　full；　and　I　ended　up　
rushing　to　English。　We　were　
working　on　Animal　Farm；　an　easy　subject　matter。　I　didn't　mind　munism；　it　
was　a　wele　change　
from　the　exhausting　romances　that　made　up　most　of　the　curriculum。　I　settled　
into　my　seat；　pleased　by　the　
distraction　of　Mr。　Berty's　lecture。　
Time　moved　easily　while　I　was　in　school。　The　bell　rang　all　too　soon。　I　started　
repacking　my　bag。　
〃Bella？〃　
I　recognized　Mike's　voice；　and　I　knew　what　his　next　words　would　be　before　he　
said　them。　
〃Are　you　working　tomorrow？〃　
I　looked　up。　He　was　leaning　across　the　aisle　with　an　anxious　expression。　Every　
Friday　he　asked　me　the　
same　question。　Never　mind　that　I　hadn't　taken　so　much　as　a　sick　day。　Well；　
with　one　exception；　months　
ago。　But　he　had　no　reason　to　look　at　me　with　such　concern。　I　was　a　model　
employee。　
〃Tomorrow　is　Saturday；　isn't　it？〃　I　said。　Having　just　had　it　pointed　out　to　me　
by　Charlie；　I　realized　how　
lifeless　my　voice　really　sounded。　
〃Yeah；　it　is；〃　he　agreed。　〃See　you　in　Spanish。〃　He　waved　once　before　turning　
his　back。　He　didn't　bother　
walking　me　to　class　anymore。　
I　trudged　off　to　Calculus　with　a　grim　expression。　This　was　the　class　where　I　
sat　next　to　Jessica。　
It　had　been　weeks；　maybe　months；　since　Jess　had　even　greeted　me　when　I　passed　
her　in　the　hall。　I　knew　
I　had　offended　her　with　my　antisocial　behavior；　and　she　was　sulking。　It　wasn't　
going　to　be　easy　to　talk　to　
her　now—especially　to　ask　her　to　do　me　a　favor。　I　weighed　my　options　
carefully　as　I　loitered　outside　the　
classroom；　procrastinating。　
I　wasn't　about　to　face　Charlie　again　without　some　kind　of　social　interaction　
to　report。　I　knew　I　couldn't　
lie；　though　the　thought　of　driving　to　Port　Angeles　and　back　alone—being　sure　
my　odometer　reflected　the　
correct　mileage；　just　in　case　he　checked—was　very　tempting。　Jessica's　mom　was　
the　biggest　gossip　in　
town；　and　Charlie　was　bound　to　run　into　Mrs。　Stanley　sooner　rather　than　later。　
When　he　did；　he　would　
no　doubt　mention　the　trip。　Lying　was　out。　
With　a　sigh；　I　shoved　the　door　open。　
Mr。　Varner　gave　me　a　dark　look—he'd　already　started　the　lecture。　I　hurried　to　
my　seat。　Jessica　didn't　
look　up　as　I　sat　next　to　her。　I　was　glad　that　I　had　fifty　minutes　to　mentally　
prepare　myself。　
This　class　flew　by　even　faster　than　English。　A　small　part　of　that　speed　was　
due　to　my　goody…goody　
preparation　this　morning　in　the　truck—but　mostly　it　stemmed　from　the　fact　
that　time　always　sped　up　when　
I　was　looking　forward　to　something　unpleasant。　
I　grimaced　when　Mr。　Varner　dismissed　the　class　five　minutes　early。　He　smiled　
like　he　was　being　nice。　
〃Jess？〃　My　nose　wrinkled　as　I　cringed；　waiting　for　her　to　turn　on　me。　
She　twisted　in　her　seat　to　face　me；　eyeing　me　incredulously。　〃Are　you　talking　
to　me；　Bella？〃　
〃Of　course。〃　I　widened　my　eyes　to　suggest　innocence。　
〃What？　Do　you　need　help　with　Calculus？〃　Her　tone　was　a　tad　sour。　
〃No。〃　I　shook　my　head。　〃Actually；　I　wanted　to　know　if　you　would　go　to　the　
movies　with　me　tonight？　I　
really　need　a　girls'　night　out。〃　The　words　sounded　stiff；　like　badly　delivered　
lines；　and　she　looked　
suspicious。　
〃Why　are　you　asking　me？〃　she　asked；　still　unfriendly。　
〃You're　the　first　person　I　think　of　when　I　want　girl　time。〃　I　smiled；　and　I　
hoped　the　smile　looked　genuine。　
It　was　probably　true。　She　was　at　least　the　first　person　I　thought　of　when　I　
wanted　to　avoid　Charlie。　It　
amounted　to　the　same　thing。　
She　seemed　a　little　mollified。　〃Well；　I　don't　know。〃　
〃Do　you　have　plans？〃　
〃No　I　guess　I　can　go　with　you。　What　do　you　want　to　see？〃　
〃I'm　not　sure　what's　playing；〃　I　hedged。　This　was　the　tricky　part。　I　racked　my　
brain　for　a　clue—hadn't　I　
heard　someone　talk　about　a　movie　recently？　Seen　a　poster？　〃How　about　that　one　
with　the　female　
president？〃　
She　looked　at　me　oddly。　〃Bella；　that　one's　been　out　of　the　theater　forever。〃　
〃Oh。〃　I　frowned。　〃Is　there　anything　you'd　like　to　see？〃　
Jessica's　natural　bubbliness　started　to　leak　out　in　spite　of　herself　as　she　
thought　out　loud。　〃Well；　there's　
that　new　romantic　edy　that's　getting　great　reviews。　I　want　to　see　that　one。　
And　my　dad　just　saw　
Dead　End　and　he　really　liked　it。〃　
I　grasped　at　the　promising　title。　〃What's　that　one　about？〃　
〃Zombies　or　something。　He　said　it　was　the　scariest　thing　he'd　seen　in　years。〃　
〃That　sounds　perfect。〃　I'd　rather　deal　with　real　zombies　than　watch　a　romance。　
〃Okay。〃　She　seemed　surprised　by　my　response。　I　tried　to　remember　if　I　liked　
scary　movies；　but　I　wasn't　
sure。　〃Do　you　want　me　to　pick　you　up　after　school？〃　she　offered。　
〃Sure。〃　
Jessica　smiled　at　me　with　tentative　friendliness　before　she　left。　My　answering　
smile　was　just　a　little　late；　
but　I　thought　that　she　saw　it。　
The　rest　of　the　day　passed　quickly；　my　thoughts　focused　on　planning　for　
tonight。　I　knew　from　experience　
that　once　I　got　Jessica　talking；　I　would　be　able　to　get　away　with　a　few　
mumbled　responses　at　the　
appropriate　moments。　Only　minimal　interaction　would　be　required。　
The　thick　haze　that　blurred　my　days　now　was　sometimes　confusing。　I　was　
surprised　when　I　found　myself　
in　my　room；　not　clearly　remembering　the　drive　home　from　school　or　even　opening　
the　front　door。　But　that　
didn't　matter。　Losing　track　of　time　was　the　most　I　asked　from　life。　
I　didn't　fight　the　haze　as　I　turned　to　my　closet。　The　numbness　was　more　
essential　in　some　places　than　in　
others。　I　barely　registered　what　I　was　looking　at　as　I　slid　the　door　aside　to　
reveal　the　pile　of　rubbish　on　
the　left　side　of　my　closet；　under　the　clothes　I　never　wore。　
My　eyes　did　not　stray　toward　the　black　garbage　bag　that　held　my　present　from　
that　last　birthday；　did　not　
see　the　shape　of　the　stereo　where　it　strained　against　the　black　plastic；　I　
didn't　think　of　the　bloody　mess　
my　nails　had　been　when　I'd　finished　clawing　it　out　of　the　dashboard。　
I　yanked　the　old　purse　I　rarely　used　off　the　nail　it　hung　from；　and　shoved　the　
door　shut。　
Just　then　I　heard　a　horn　honking。　I　swiftly　traded　my　wallet　from　my　schoolbag　
into　the　purse。　I　was　in　a　
hurry；　as　if　rushing　would　somehow　make　the　night　pass　more　quickly。　
I　glanced　at　myself　in　the　hall　mirror　before　I　opened　the　door；　arranging　my　
features　carefully　into　a　smile　
and　trying　to　hold　them　there。　
〃Thanks　for　ing　with　me　tonight；〃　I　told　Jess　as　I　climbed　into　the　
passenger　seat；　trying　to　infuse　my　
tone　with　gratitude。　It　had　been　a　while　since　I'd　really　thought　about　what　I　
was　saying　to　anyone　
besides　Charlie。　Jess　was　harder。　I　wasn't　sure　which　were　the　right　emotions　
to　fake。　
〃Sure。　So；　what　brought　this　on？〃　Jess　wondered　as　she　drove　down　my　street。　
〃Brought　what　on？〃　
〃Why　did　you　suddenly　decide　to　go　out？〃　It　sounded　like　she　changed　her　
question　halfway　through。　
I　shrugged。　〃Just　needed　a　change。〃　
I　recognized　the　song　on　the　radio　then；　and　quickly　reached　for　the　dial。　〃Do　
you　mind？〃　I　asked。　
〃No；　go　ahead。〃　
I　scanned　through　the　stations　until　I　found　one　that　was　harmless。　I　peeked　
at　Jess's　expression　as　the　
new　music　filled　the　car。　
Her　eyes　squinted。　〃Since　when　do　you　listen　to　rap？〃　
〃I　don't　know；〃　I　said。　〃A　while。〃　
〃You　like　this？〃　she　asked　doubtfully。　
〃Sure。〃　
It　would　be　much　too　hard　to　interact　with　Jessica　normally　if　I　had　to　work　
to　tune　out　the　music；　too。　I　
nodded　my　head；　hoping　I　was　in　time　with　the　beat。　
〃Okay〃　She　stared　out　the　windshield　with　wide　eyes。　
〃So　what's　up　with　you　and　Mike　these　days？〃　I　asked　quickly。　
〃You　see　him　more　than　I　do。〃　
The　question　hadn't　started　her　talking　like　I'd　hoped　it　would。　
〃It's　hard　to　talk　at　work；〃　I　mumbled；　and　then　I　tried　again。　〃Have　you　been　
out　with　anyone　lately？〃　
〃Not　really。　I　go　out　with　Conner　sometimes。　I　went　out　with　Eric　two　weeks　
ago。〃　She　rolled　her　eyes；　
and　I　sensed　a　long　story。　I　clutched　at　the　opportunity。　
〃Eric　Yorkie？　Who　asked　who？〃　
She　groaned；　getting　more　animated。　〃He　did；　of　course！　I　couldn't　think　of　a　
nice　way　to　say　no。〃　
〃Where　did　he　take　you？〃　I　demanded；　knowing　she　would　interpret　my　eagerness　
as　interest。　〃Tell　me　
all　about　it。〃　
She　launched　into　her　tale；　and　I　settled　into　my　seat；　more　fortable　now。　
I　paid　strict　attention；　
murmuring　in　sympathy　and　gasping　in　horror　as　called　for。　When　she　was　
finished　with　her　Eric　story；　
she　continued　into　a　Conner　parison　without　any　prodding。　
The　movie　was　playing　early；　so　Jess　thought　we　should　hit　the　twilight　
showing　and　eat　later。　I　was　
happy　to　go　along　with　whatever　she　wanted；　after　all；　I　was　getting　what　I　
wanted—Charlie　off　my　
back。　
I　kept　Jess　talking　through　the　previews；　so　I　could　ignore　them　more　easily。　
But　I　got　nervous　when　the　
movie　started。　A　young　couple　was　walking　along　a　beach；　swinging　hands　and　
discussing　their　mutual　
affection　with　gooey　falseness。　I　resisted　the　urge　to　cover　my　ears　and　start　
humming。　I　had　not　
bargained　for　a　romance。　
〃I　thought　we　picked　the　zombie　movie；〃　I　hissed　to　Jessica。　
〃This　is　the　zombie　movie。〃　
〃Then　why　isn't　anyone　getting　eaten？〃　I　asked　desperately。　
She　looked　at　me　with　wide　eyes　that　were　almost　alarmed。　〃I'm　sure　that　
part's　ing；〃　she　whispered。　
〃I'm　getting　popcorn。　Do　you　want　any？〃　
〃No；　thanks。〃　
Someone　shushed　us　from　behind。　
I　took　my　time　at　the　concession　counter；　watching　the　clock　and　debating　what　
percentage　of　a　
ninety…minute　movie　could　be　spent　on　romantic　exposition。　I　decided　ten　
minutes　was　more　than　enough；　
but　I　paused　just　inside　the　theater　doors　to　be　sure。　I　could　hear　horrified　
screams　blaring　from　the　
speakers；　so　I　knew　I'd　waited　long　enough。　
〃You　missed　everything；〃　Jess　murmured　when　I　slid　back　into　my　seat。　〃Almost　
everyone　is　a　zombie　
now。〃　
〃Long　line。〃　I　offered　her　some　popcorn。　She　took　a　handful。　
The　rest　of　the　movie　was　prised　of　gruesome　zombie　attacks　and　endless　
screaming　from　the　
handful　of　people　left　alive；　their　numbers　dwindling　quickly。　I　would　have　
thought　there　was　nothing　in　
that　to　disturb　me。　But　I　felt　uneasy；　and　I　wasn't　sure　why　at　first。　
It　wasn't　until　almost　the　very　end；　as　I　watched　a　haggard　zombie　shambling　
after　the　last　shrieking　
survivor；　that　I　realized　what　the　problem　was。　The　scene　kept　cutting　between　
the　horrified　face　of　the　
heroine；　and　the　dead；　emotionless　face　of　her　pursuer；　back　and　forth　as　it　
closed　the　distance。　
And　I　realized　which　one　resembled　me　the　most。　
I　stood　up。　
〃Where　are　you　going？　There's；　like；　two　minutes　left；〃　Jess　hissed。　
〃I　need　a　drink；〃　I　muttered　as　I　raced　for　the　exit。　
I　sat　down　on　the　bench　outside　the　theater　door　and　tried　very　hard　not　to　
think　of　the　irony。　But　it　was　
ironic；　all　things　considered；　that；　in　the　end；　I　would　wind　up　as　a　zombie。　
I　hadn't　seen　that　one　ing。　
Not　that　I　hadn't　dreamed　of　being　a　mythical　monster　once—just　never　a　
grotesque；　animated　
corpse。　I　shook　my　head　to　dislodge　that　train　of　thought；　feeling　panicky。　I　
couldn't　afford　to　think　about　
what　I'd　once　dreamed　of。　
It　was　depressing　to　realize　that　I　wasn't　the　heroine　anymore；　that　my　story　
was　over。　
Jessica　came　out　of　the　theater　doors　and　hesitated；　probably　wondering　where　
the　best　place　was　to　
search　for　me。　When　she　saw　me；　she　looked　relieved；　but　only　for　a　moment。　
Then　she　looked　irritated。　
〃Was　the　movie　too　scary　for　you？〃　she　wondered。　
〃Yeah；〃　I　agreed。　〃I　guess　I'm　just　a　coward。〃　
〃That's　funny。〃　She　frowned。　〃I　didn't　think　you　were　scared—I　was　screaming　
all　the　time；　but　I　didn't　
hear　you　scream　once。　So　I　didn't　know　why　you　left。〃　
I　shrugged。　〃Just　scared。〃　
She　relaxed　a　little。　〃That　was　the　scariest　movie　I　think　I've　ever　seen。　
I'll　bet　we're　going　to　have　
nightmares　tonight。〃　
〃No　doubt　about　that；〃　I　said；　trying　to　keep　my　voice　normal。　It　was　
inevitable　that　I　would　have　
nightmares；　but　they　wouldn't　be　about　zombies。　Her　eyes　flashed　to　my　face　
and　away。　Maybe　I　hadn't　
succeeded　with　the　normal　voice。　
〃Where　do　you　want　to　eat？〃　Jess　asked。　
〃I　don't　care。〃　
〃Okay。〃　
Jess　started　talking　about　the　male　lead　in　the　movie　as　we　walked。　I　nodded　
as　she　gushed　over　his　
hotness；　unable　to　remember　seeing　a　non…zombie　man　at　all。　
I　didn't　watch　where　Jessica　was　leading　me。　I　was　only　vaguely　aware　that　it　
was　dark　and　quieter　now。　
It　took　me　longer　than　it　should　have　to　realize　why　it　was　quiet。　Jessica　had　
stopped　babbling。　I　looked　
at　her　apologetically；　hoping　I　hadn't　hurt　her　feelings。　
Jessica　wasn't　looking　at　me。　Her　face　was　tense；　she　stared　straight　ahead　
and　walked　fast。　As　I　
watched；　her　eyes　darted　quickly　to　the　right；　across　the　road；　and　back　
again。　
I　glanced　around　myself　for　the　first　time。　
We　were　on　a　short　stretch　of　unlit　sidewalk。　The　little　shops　lining　the　
street　were　all　locked　up　for　the　
night；　windows　black。　Half　a　block　ahead；　the　streetlights　started　up　again；　
and　I　could　see；　farther　down；　
the　bright　golden　arches　of　the　McDonald's　she　was　heading　for。　
Across　the　street　there　was　one　open　business。