[科幻]宿主-第26部分

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Seeker　in　your　first　life？”

　She　nodded　once；　her　chin　set。

　“Well。　Well；　that’s　your　business。”　I　started　walking　again。　Maybe　if　I　respected　her　privacy；　she　would　

return　the　favor。

　“I　spoke　to　your　forter。”

　And　maybe　not；Melanie　thought　sourly。

　“What？”　I　gasped。

　“I　gather　you’ve　been　having　more　trouble　than　just　accessing　the　information　I　need。　Have　you　

considered　trying　another；　more　pliable　host？　She　suggested　that；　did　she　not？”

　“Kathy　wouldn’t　tellyou　anything！”

　The　Seeker’s　face　was　smug。　“She　didn’t　have　to　answer。　I’m　very　good　at　reading　human　expressions。　

I　could　tell　when　my　questions　struck　a　nerve。”

　“How　dare　you？　The　relationship　between　a　soul　and　her　forter　—”

　“Is　sacrosanct；　yes；　I　know　the　theory。　But　the　acceptable　means　of　investigation　don’t　seem　to　be　

working　with　your　case。　I　have　to　get　creative。”　

　

　My　anger　didn’t　faze　her。　Perhaps；　given　her　strange　personality；　she　was　used　to　such　reactions。

　“No。　I　think　you’re　telling　me　what　you　know。…　But　I　don’t　think　you’re　looking　as　hard　as　you　could。　
I’ve　seen　it　before。　You’re　growing　sympathetic　to　your　host。　You’re　letting　her　memories　unconsciously　
direct　your　own　desires。　It’s　probably　too　late　at　this　point。　I　think　you’d　be　more　fortable　moving　
on；　and　maybe　someone　else　will　have　better　luck　with　her。”

　“Hah！”　I　shouted。　“Melanie　would　eat　them　alive！”

　Her　expression　froze　in　place。

　She’d　had　no　idea；　no　matter　what　she　thought　she’d　discerned　from　Kathy。　She’d　thought　Melanie’s　

influence　was　from　memories；　that　it　was　unconscious。

　“I　find　it　very　interesting　that　you　speak　of　her　in　the　present　tense。”

　I　ignored　that；　trying　to　pretend　I　hadn’t　made　a　slip。　“If　you　think　someone　else　would　have　better　luck　

breaking　into　her　secrets；　you’re　wrong。”

　“Only　one　way　to　find　out。”

　“Did　you　have　someone　in　mind？”　I　asked；　my　voice　frigid　with　aversion。

　She　grinned。　“I’vegotten　permission　to　give　it　a　try。　Shouldn’t　take　long。　They’re　going　to　hold　my　host　

for　me。”

　I　had　to　breathe　deeply。　I　was　shaking；　and　Melanie　was　so　full　of　hate　that　she　was　past　words。　The　
idea　of　having　the　Seeker　inside　me；　even　though　I　knew　that　I　would　not　be　here；　was　so　repugnant　that　

I　felt　a　return　of　last　week’s　nausea。

　“It’s　too　bad　for　your　investigation　that　I’m　not　a　skipper。”

　The　Seeker’s　eyes　narrowed。　“Well；　it　does　certainly　make　this　assignment　drag　on。　History　was　never　

of　much　interest　to　me；　but　it　looks　like　I’m　in　for　a　full　course　now。”

　“You　just　said　that　it　was　probably　too　late　to　get　any　more　from　her　memories；”　I　reminded　her；　
struggling　to　make　my　voice　calm。　“Why　don’t　you　go　back　to　wherever　you　belong？”

　She　shrugged　and　smiled　a　tight　smile。　“I’m　sure　itis　too　late…　for　voluntary　information。　But　if　you　don’t　

cooperate；　she　might　just　lead　me　to　them　yet。”

　“Leadyou？”

　“When　she　takes　full　control；　and　you’re　no　better　than　that　weakling；　once　Racing　Song；　now　Kevin。　

Remember　him？　The　one　who　attacked　the　Healer？”　
I　stared　at　her；　eyes　wide；　nostrils　flared。　

　

　I　hadn’t　moved　an　inch　or　relaxed　a　muscle。　The　Seeker　leaned　in；　stretched　up　on　her　toes　to　put　her　
face　closer　to　mine。　Her　voice　turned　low　and　smooth　in　an　attempt　to　sound　persuasive。

　“Is　that　what　you　want；　Wanderer？　To　lose？　To　fade　away；　erased　by　another　awareness？　To　be　no　
better　than　a　host　body？”

　I　couldn’t　breathe。

　“It　only　gets　worse。　You　won’t　beyou　anymore。　She’ll　beat　you；　and　you’ll　disappear。　Maybe　someone　
will　intervene。…　Maybe　they’ll　move　you　like　they　did　Kevin。　And　you’ll　bee　some　child　named　
Melanie　who　likes　to　tinker　with　cars　rather　than　pose　music。　Or　whatever　it　is　she　does。”

　“The　success　rate　is　under　twenty　percent？”　I　whispered。

　She　nodded；　trying　to　suppress　a　smile。　“You’re　losing　yourself；　Wanderer。　All　the　worlds　you’ve　seen；　
all　the　experiences　you’ve　collected—they’ll　be　for　nothing。　I　saw　in　your　file　that　you　have　the　potential　
for　Motherhood。　If　you　gave　yourself　to　be　a　Mother；　at　least　all　that　would　not　be　entirely　wasted。　Why　
throw　yourself　away？　Have　you　considered　Motherhood？”

　I　jerked　away　from　her；　my　face　flushing。

　“I’m　sorry；”　she　muttered；　her　face　darkening；　too。　“That　was　impolite。　Forget　I　said　that。”

　“I’m　going　home。　Don’t　follow。”

　“I　have　to；　Wanderer。　It’s　my　job。”

　“Why　do　you　care　so　much　about　a　few　spare　humans？　Why？　How　do　you　justify　yourjob　anymore？　
We’ve　won！　It’s　time　for　you　to　join　society　and　do　something　productive！”

　My　questions；　my　implied　accusations；　did　not　ruffle　her。

　“Wherever　the　fringes　of　their　world　touch　ours　there　is　death。”　She　spoke　the　words　peacefully；　and　for　
a　moment　I　glimpsed　a　different　person　in　her　face。　It　surprised　me　to　realize　that　she　deeply　believed　in　
what　she　did。　Part　of　me　had　supposed　that　she　only　chose　to　seek　because　she　illicitly　craved　the　
violence。　“If　even　one　soul　is　lost　to　your　Jared　or　your　Jamie；　that　is　one　soul　too　many。　Until　there　is　
total　peace　on　this　planet；　my　job　will　be　justified。　As　long　as　there　are　Jareds　surviving；　I　am　needed　to　
protect　our　kind。　As　long　as　there　are　Melanies　leading　souls　around　by　the　nose…”

　I　turned　my　back　on　her　and　headed　for　my　apartment　with　long　strides　that　would　force　her　to　run　if　she　
wanted　to　keep　up。

　“Don’t　lose　yourself；　Wanderer！”　she　called　after　me。　“Time　is　running　out　for　you！”　She　paused；　then　

　

　Her　voice　faded　as　the　space　between　us　grew。　I　knew　she　would　follow　at　her　own　pace。　This　last　
unfortable　week—seeing　her　face　in　the　back　of　every　class；　hearing　her　footsteps　behind　me　on　the　
sidewalk　every　day—was　nothing　pared　to　what　was　ing。　She　was　going　to　make　my　life　a　
misery。

　It　felt　as　if　Melanie　were　bouncing　violently　against　the　inner　walls　of　my　skull。

　Let’s　get　her　canned。　Tell　her　higher…ups　that　she　did　something　unacceptable。　Assaulted　us。　It’s　
our　word　against　hers　—

　In　a　human　world；I　reminded　her；　almost　sad　that　I　didn’t　have　access　to　that　sort　of　recourse。There　
are　no　higher…ups；　in　that　sense。　Everyone　works　together　as　equals。　There　are　those　whom　many　
report　to；　in　order　to　keep　the　information　organized；　and　councils　who　make　decisions　about　that　
information；　but　they　won’t　remove　her　from　an　assignment　she　wants。　You　see；　it　works　like　—

　Who　cares　how　it　works　if　it　doesn’t　help　us？　I　know—let’s　kill　her！A　gratuitous　image　of　my　hands　
tightening　around　the　Seeker’s　neck　filled　my　head。

　That　sort　of　thing　isexactlywhy　my　kind　is　better　left　in　charge　of　this　place。

　Get　off　your　high　horse。　You’d　enjoy　it　as　much　as　I　would。The　image　returned；　the　Seeker’s　face　
turning　blue　in　our　imagination；　but　this　time　it　was　acpanied　by　a　fierce　wave　of　pleasure。

　That’s　you；　not　me。My　statement　was　true；　the　image　sickened　me。　But　it　was　also　perilously　close　to　
false—in　that　I　would　very　much　enjoy　never　seeing　the　Seeker　again。

　What　do　we　do　now？　I’m　not　giving　up。　You’re　not　giving　up。　And　that　wretched　Seeker　is　sure　as　
hell　not　giving　up！

　I　didn’t　answer　her。　I　didn’t　have　a　ready　answer。

　It　was　quiet　in　my　head　for　a　brief　moment。　That　was　nice。　I　wished　the　silence　could　last。　But　there　was　
only　one　way　to　buy　my　peace。　Was　I　willing　to　pay　the　price？　Did　I　have　a　choice　anymore？

　Melanie　slowly　calmed。　By　the　time　I　was　through　the　front　door；　locking　behind　me　the　bolts　that　I　had　
never　before　turned—human　artifacts　that　had　no　place　in　a　peaceful　world—her　thoughts　were　
contemplative。

　I’d　never　thought　about　how　you　all　carry　on　your　species。　I　didn’t　know　it　was　likethat。

　We　take　it　very　seriously；　as　you　can　imagine。　Thanks　for　your　concern。She　wasn’t　bothered　by　the　
thick　edge　of　irony　in　the　thought。

　She　was　still　musing　over　this　discovery　while　I　turned　on　my　puter　and　began　to　look　for　shuttle　
flights。　It　was　a　moment　before　she　was　aware　of　what　I　was　doing。

　Where　are　we　going？The　thought　held　a　flicker　of　panic。　I　felt　her　awareness　begin　to　rifle　through　my　
head；　her　touch　like　the　soft　brush　of　feathers；　searching　for　anything　I　might　be　keeping　from　her。　

　

　The　panic　was　more　than　a　flicker　now。Why？

　I’m　going　to　see　the　Healer。　I　don’t　trusther。I　want　to　talk　to　him　before　I　make　my　decision。

　There　was　a　brief　silence　before　she　spoke　again。

　The　decision　to　kill　me？

　Yes；　that　one。

　CHAPTER　8

　Loved

　You’reafraid　to　fly？”　The　Seeker’s　voice　was　full　of　disbelief　edging　toward　mockery。　“You’ve　traveled　
through　deep　space　eight　times　and　you’re　afraid　to　take　a　shuttle　to　Tucson；　Arizona？”

　“First　of　all；　I’m　not　afraid。　Second；　when　I　traveled　through　deep　space　I　wasn’t　exactly　aware　of　
where　I　was；　what　with　being　stored　in　a　hibernation　chamber。　And　third；　this　host　gets　motion　sickness　
on　shuttles。”

　The　Seeker　rolled　her　eyes　in　disgust。　“So　take　medication！　What　would　you　have　done　if　Healer　Fords　
hadn’t　relocated　to　Saint　Mary’s？　Would　you　be　driving　to　Chicago？”

　“No。　But　since　the　option　of　driving　is　now　reasonable；　I　will　take　it。　It　will　be　nice　to　see　a　bit　more　of　
this　world。　The　desert　can　be　stunning　—”

　“The　desert　is　dead　boring。”

　“—and　I’m　not　in　any　hurry。　I　have　many　things　to　think　through；　and　I　will　appreciate　some　timealone。　”　
I　looked　pointedly　at　her　as　I　emphasized　the　last　word。

　“I　don’t　understand　the　point　of　visiting　your　old　Healer　anyway。　There　are　many　petent　Healers　
here。”

　“I’m　fortable　with　Healer　Fords。　He　has　experience　with　this；　and　I　don’t　trust　that　I　have　all　the　
information　I　need。”　I　gave　her　another　significant　look。

　“You　don’t　have　time　tonot　hurry；　Wanderer。　I　recognize　the　signs。”

　“Forgive　me　if　I　don’t　consider　your　information　impartial。　I　know　enough　of　human　behavior　to　
recognize　the　signs　of　manipulation。”

　She　glowered　at　me。

　I　was　packing　my　rental　car　with　the　few　things　I　planned　to　take　with　me。　I　had　enough　clothes　to　go　a　
week　between　washing；　and　the　basic　hygiene　necessities。　Though　I　wasn’t　bringing　much；　I　was　leaving　
even　less　behind。　I’d　accumulated　very　little　in　the　way　of　personal　belongings。　After　all　these　months　in　
my　small　apartment；　the　walls　were　still　bare；　the　shelves　empty。　Perhaps　I’d　never　meant　to　settle　here。　

　

　I　had　another　choice；　too。　I　could　abandon　this　entire　world　as　a　failure　and　move　on　to　a　tenth　planet。　I　
could　work　to　forget　this　whole　experience。　Earth　could　be　just　a　short　blip　in　my　otherwise　spotless　
record。

　But　where　would　I　go？　A　planet　I’d　already　experienced？　The　Singing　World　had　been　one　of　my　
favorites；　but　to　give　up　sight　for　blindness？　The　Planet　of　the　Flowers　was　lovely。…　Yet　
chlorophyll…based　life…forms　had　so　little　range　of　emotion。　It　would　feel　unbearably　slow　after　the　tempo　
of　this　human　place。

　A　new　planet？　Therewas　a　recent　acquisition—here　on　Earth；　they　were　calling　the　new　hosts　Dolphins　
for　lack　of　a　better　parison；　though　they　resembled　dragonflies　more　than　marine　mammals。　A　highly　
developed　species；　and　certainly　mobile；　but　after　my　long　stay　with　the　See　Weeds；　the　thought　of　
another　water　planet　was　repugnant　to　me。

　No；　there　was　still　so　much　tothis　planet　that　I　hadn’t　experienced。　Nowhere　else　in　the　known　universe　
called　to　me　as　strongly　as　this　shady　little　green　yard　on　this　quiet　street。　Or　held　the　lure　of　the　empty　
desert　sky；　which　I’d　seen　only　in　Melanie’s　memories。

　Melanie　did　not　share　her　opinion　on　my　options。　She　had　been　very　quiet　since　my　decision　to　find　
Fords　Deep　Waters；　my　first　Healer。　I　wasn’t　sure　what　the　detachment　meant。　Was　she　trying　to　seem　
less　dangerous；　less　of　a　burden？　Was　she　preparing　herself　for　the　invasion　of　the　Seeker？　For　death？　
Or　was　she　preparing　to　fight　me？　To　try　to　take　over？

　Whatever　her　plan；　she　kept　herself　distant。　She　was　just　a　faint；　watchful　presence　in　the　back　of　my　
head。

　I　made　my　last　trip　inside；　searching　for　anything　forgotten。　The　apartment　looked　empty。　There　were　
only　the　basic　furnishings　that　had　been　left　by　the　last　tenant。　The　same　plates　were　still　in　the　cupboards；　
the　pillows　on　the　bed；　the　lamps　on　the　tables；　if　I　didn’t　e　back；　there　would　be　little　for　the　next　
tenant　to　clear　out。

　The　phone　rang　as　I　was　stepping　out　the　door；　and　I　turned　back　to　get　it；　but　I　was　too　late。　I’d　
already　set　the　message　system　to　answer　on　the　first　ring。　I　knew　what　the　caller　would　hear：　my　vague　
explanation　that　I　would　be　out　the　rest　of　the　semester；　and　that　my　classes　would　be　canceled　until　a　
replacement　could　be　found。　No　reason　given。　I　looked　at　the　clock　on　top　of　the　television。　It　was　
barely　past　eight　in　the　morning。　I　was　sure　it　must　be　Curt　on　the　phone；　having　just　received　the　only　
slightly　more　detailed　e…mail　I’d　sent　him　late　last　night。　I　felt　guilty　about　not　finishing　out　my　mitment　
to　him；　almost　like　I　was　already　skipping。　Perhaps　this　step；　this　quitting；　was　the　prelude　to　my　next　
decision；　my　greater　shame。　The　thought　was　unfortable。　It　made　me　unwilling　to　listen　to　whatever　
the　message　said；　though　I　wasn’t　in　any　real　hurry　to　leave。

　I　looked　around　the　empty　apartment　one　more　time。　There　was　no　sense　of　leaving　anything　behind　me；　

　

　I’d　never　had　a　host　that　was　capable　of　superstition。　It　was　an　interesting　sensation。　Like　knowing　you　
were　being　watched　without　being　able　to　find　the　watcher。　It　raised　goose　bumps　on　the　nape　of　my　
neck。

　I　shut　the　door　firmly　behind　me　but　did　not　touch　the　obsolete　locks。　No　one　would　disturb　this　place　
until　I　returned　or　it　was　given　to　someone　new。

　Without　looking　at　the　Seeker；　I　climbed　into　the　car。　I　hadn’t　done　much　driving；　and　neither　had　
Melanie；　so　this　made　me　a　bit　nervous。　But　I　was　sure　I　would　get　used　to　it　soon　enough。

　“I’ll　be　waiting　for　you　in　Tucson；”　the　Seeker　said；　leaning　in　the　open　passenger…side　window　as　I　
started　the　engine。

　“I　have　no　doubt　of　that；”　I　muttered。

　I　found　the　controls　on　the　door　panel。　Trying　to　hide　a　smile；　I　hit　the　button　to　raise　the　glass　and　
watched　her　jump　back。

　“Maybe…　；”　she　said；　raising　her　voice　to　almost　a　shout　so　that　I　could　hear　her　over　the　engine　noise　
and　through　the　closed　window；　“maybe　I’ll　try　it　your　way。　Maybe　I’ll　see　you　on　the　road。”

　She　smiled　and　shrugged。

　She　was　just　saying　it　to　upset　me。　I　tried　not　to　let　her　see　that　she　had。　I　focused　my　eyes　on　the　road　
ahead　and　pulled　carefully　away　from　the　curb。

　It　was　easy　enough　to　find　the　freeway　and　then　follow　the　signs　out　of　San　Diego。　Soon　there　were　no　
signs　to　follow；　no　wrong　turns　to　take。　In　eight　hours　I　would　be　in　Tucson。　It　wasn’t　long　enough。　
Perhaps　I　would　stay　a　night　in　some　small　town　along　the　way。　If　I　could　be　sure　that　the　Seeker　would　
be　ahead；　waiting　impatiently；　rather　than　following　behind；　a　stop　would　be　a　nice　delay。

　I　found　myself　looking　in　the　rearview　mirror　often；　sear