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 ̄
I laughed。 ^I doubt it。 ̄
Ian tilted his head to one side�察�his expression speculative。
^Melanie Stryder�拭院�he asked�察�addressing her。
We both started at the name。
Ian went on。 ^I¨d like the chance to speak with Wanda privately�察�if you don¨t mind。 Is there any way that
could be arranged�拭院�
Of all the nerve� �You tell him I said no chance in hell� �I donotlike this man。
My nose wrinkled up。
^What did she say�拭院�
^She said no。 ̄ I tried to say the words as gently as they could be said。 ^And that she doesn¨t´ like
you。 ̄
Ian laughed。 ^I can respect that。 I can respecther。 Well�察�it was worth a try。 ̄ He sighed。 ^Kind of puts a
damper on things�察�having an audience。 ̄
What things��Mel growled。
I grimaced。 I didn¨t like feeling her anger。 It was so much more vicious than mine。
Get used to it。
Ian put his hand on my face。 ^I¨ll let you think about things�察�okay�拭�So you can decide how you feel。 ̄
I tried to be objective about that hand。 It was soft against my face。 It felt´ nice。 Not like when Jared
touched me。 But also different from the way it felt when Jamie hugged me。 Other。
^It might take a while。 None of this makes any sense�察�you know�察院�I told him。
He grinned。 ^I know。 ̄
I realized�察�when he smiled then�察�that I wanted him to like me。 The rest!the hand on my face�察�the fingers
on my arm!I still wasn¨t sure at all about those。 But I wanted him to like me�察�and to think kind things
about me。 Which is why it was hard to tell him the truth。
^You don¨t really feel that way aboutme�察�you know�察院�I whispered。 ^It¨s this body。´ She¨s pretty�察�isn¨t
she�拭�
He nodded。 ^She is。 Melanie is a very pretty girl。 Even beautiful。 ̄ His hand moved to touch my bad
cheek�察�to stroke the rough�察�scarring skin with gentle fingers。 ^In spite of what I¨ve done to her face。 ̄
Normally�察�I would have denied that automatically。 Reminded him that the wounds on my face weren¨t his
truth came out in a rush�察�more heated than I¨d meant it to be。 ^Youcouldn¨t care about me。 If you could
hold me in your hand��me�察�you would be disgusted。 You would throw me to the ground and grind me
under your foot。 ̄
His pale forehead creased as his black brows pulled together。 ^I´ not if I knew it was you。 ̄
I laughed without humor。 ^How would you know�拭�You couldn¨t tell us apart。 ̄
His mouth turned down。
^It¨s just the body�察院�I repeated。
^That¨s not true at all�察院�he disagreed。 ^It¨s not the face�察�but the expressions on it。 It¨s not the voice�察�but
what you say。 It¨s not how you look in that body�察�but the things you do with it。You are beautiful。 ̄
He moved forward as he spoke�察�kneeling beside the bed where I lay and taking my hand again in both
of his。
^I¨ve never known anyone like you。 ̄
I sighed。 ^Ian�察�what if I¨d e here in Magnolia¨s body�拭院�
He grimaced and then laughed。 ^Okay。 That¨s a good question。 I don¨t know。 ̄
^Or Wes¨s�拭院�
^But you¨re female!you yourself are。 ̄
^And I always request whatever a planet¨s equivalent is。 It seems more´ right。 But I could be put into a
man and I would function just fine。 ̄
^But you¨re not in a man¨s body。 ̄
^See�拭�That¨s my point。 Body and soul。 Two different things�察�in my case。 ̄
^I wouldn¨t want it without you。 ̄
^You wouldn¨t wantme withoutit。  ̄
Ah�察�the finality of it。 Yes�察�I would die in this body。 The final death。
And I will never live in it again��Melanie whispered。
It¨s not how either of us planned our future�察�is it��
No。 Neither of us planned to have no future。
^Another internal conversation�拭院�Ian guessed。
^We¨re thinking of our mortality。 ̄
^You could live forever if you left us。 ̄
^Yes�察�I could。 ̄ I sighed。 ^You know�察�humans have the shortest life span of any species I¨ve ever been�察�
except the Spiders。 You have so little time。 ̄
^Don¨t you think�察�then´ ̄ Ian paused and leaned closer to me so that I couldn¨t seem to see anything
around his face�察�just snow and sapphire and ink。 ^That maybe you should make the most of what time
you have�拭�That you shouldlive while you¨re alive�拭�
I didn¨t see it ing the way I had with Jared。 Ian was not as familiar to me。 Melanie realized what he
was going to do before I did�察�just a second before his lips touched mine。
No��
It wasn¨t like kissing Jared。 With Jared�察�there was no thought�察�only desire。 No control。 A spark to
gasoline!inevitable。 With Ian�察�I didn¨t even know what I felt。 Everything was muddled and confused。
His lips were soft and warm。 He pressed them only lightly to mine�察�and then brushed them back and
forth across my mouth。
^Good or bad�拭院�he whispered against my lips。
Bad� �Bad�察�bad��
^I!I can¨t think。 ̄ When I moved my mouth to speak�察�he moved his with it。
^That sounds´ good。 ̄
His mouth pressed down with more force now。 He caught my lower lip between his and pulled on it
gently。
Melanie wanted to hit him!so much more than she¨d wanted to punch Jared。 She wanted to shove him
away and then kick his face。 The image was horrible。 It conflicted jarringly with the sensation of Ian¨s
kiss。
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。
^Yes�拭院�
^Please stop。 I can¨t think。 Please。 ̄
He sat back at once�察�clasping his hands in front of him。 ^Okay�察院�he said�察�his tone cautious。
I pressed my hands against my face�察�wishing I could push out Melanie¨s anger。
^Well�察�at least nobody punched me。 ̄ Ian grinned。
^She wanted to do more than that。 Ugh。 I don¨t like it when she¨s mad。 It hurts my head。 Anger is so´
ugly。 ̄
^Why didn¨t she�拭院�
^Because I didn¨t lose control。 She only breaks free when I¨m´ overwhelmed。 ̄
He watched as I kneaded my forehead。
Calm down��I begged her。He¨s not touching me。
Has he forgotten that I¨mhere��Doesn¨t he care�拭�This is me�察�it¨sme� �
I tried to explain that。
What about you�拭�Have you forgotten Jared��
She threw the memories at me the way she¨d done in the beginning�察�only this time they were like blows。
A thousand punches of his smile�察�his eyes�察�his lips on mine�察�his hands on my skin´
Of course not。 Have you forgotten that you don¨t want me to love him��
^She¨s talking to you。 ̄
^Yelling at me�察院�I corrected。
^I can tell now。 I can see you concentrate on the conversation。 I never noticed before today。 ̄
^She¨s not always this vocal。 ̄
^Iam sorry�察�Melanie�察院�he said。 ^I know this must be impossible for you。 ̄
Again�察�she visualized smashing her foot into his sculpted nose�察�leaving it crooked like Kyle¨s。Tell him I
don¨t want his apologies。
I winced。
Ian half smiled�察�half grimaced。 ^She doesn¨t accept。 ̄
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。
^So she can break free�拭�If you¨re overwhelmed�拭院�
I shrugged。 ^Sometimes�察�if she takes me by surprise and I¨m too´ emotional。 Emotion makes it hard to
concentrate。 But it¨s been more difficult for her lately。 It¨s like the door between us is locked。 I don¨t
know why。 Itried to let her out when Kyle ! ̄ I stopped talking abruptly�察�grinding my teeth together。
^When Kyle tried to kill you�察院�he finished matter´of´factly。 ^You wanted her free�拭�Why�拭�
I just stared at him。
^To fight him�拭院�he guessed。
I didn¨t answer。
He sighed。 ^Okay。 Don¨t tell me。 Why do you think the´ door is locked�拭�
I frowned。 ^I don¨t know。 Maybe the time passing´ It worries us。 ̄
^But she broke through before�察�to punch Jared。 ̄
^Yes。 ̄ I shuddered at the memory of my fist striking his jaw。
^Because you were overwhelmed and emotional�拭�
^Yes。 ̄
^What did he do�拭�Just kiss you�拭�
I nodded。
Ian flinched。 His eyes tightened。
^What�拭院�I asked。 ^What¨s wrong�拭�
^When Jared kisses you�察�you are´ overwhelmed by emotion。 ̄
I stared at him�察�worried by the expression on his face。 Melanie enjoyed it。That¨s right��
He sighed。 ^And when I kiss you´ you aren¨t sure if you like it。 You are not´ overwhelmed。 ̄
^Oh。 ̄ Ian was jealous。 How very strange this world was。 ^I¨m sorry。 ̄
^Don¨t be。 I told you I¨d give you time�察�and I don¨t mind waiting for you to think things through。 I don¨t
mind that at all。 ̄
^What do you mind�拭院�Because he minded something very much。
He took a deep breath and blew it out slowly。 ^I saw how you loved Jamie。 That was always really
He was looking away�察�staring at the wall over me。 I had to look away�察�too。 I stared at the sunlight where
it touched the red door。
^How much of that is Melanie�拭院�he wanted to know。
^I don¨t know。 Does it matter�拭院�
I could barely hear his answer。 ^Yes。 It does to me。 ̄ Without looking at me or seeming to notice what
he was doing�察�Ian took my hand again。
It was very quiet for a minute。 Even Melanie was still。 That was nice。
Then�察�as though a switch had been flipped�察�Ian was his normal self again。 He laughed。
^Time is on my side�察院�he said�察�grinning。 ^We¨ve got the rest of our lives in here。 One day you¨ll wonder
what you ever saw in Jared。 ̄
In your dreams。
I laughed with him�察�happy he was joking again。
^Wanda�拭�Wanda�察�can I e in�拭院�
Jamie¨s voice started from down the hall and�察�acpanied by the sound of his jogging steps�察�ended
right outside the door。
^Of course�察�Jamie。 ̄
I already had my hand held out to him before he shrugged the door aside。 I hadn¨t seen him nearly
enough lately。 Unconscious or crippled�察�I hadn¨t been free to seek him out。
^Hey�察�Wanda� �Hey�察�Ian� 院�Jamie was all grins�察�his messy hair bouncing when he moved。 He headed for
my reaching hand�察�but Ian was in his way。 So he settled for sitting on the edge of my mattress and resting
his hand on my foot。 ^How are you feeling�拭院�
^Better。 ̄
^Hungry yet�拭�There¨s beef jerky and corn on the cob� �I could get you some。 ̄
^I¨m okay for now。 How are you�拭�I haven¨t seen you much lately。 ̄
Jamie made a face。 ^Sharon gave me detention。 ̄
I smiled。 ^What did you do�拭院�
^Nothing。 I was totally framed。 ̄ His innocent expression was a bit overdone�察�and he quickly changed the
subject。 ^Guess what�拭�Jared was saying at lunch that he didn¨t think it was fair for you to have to move
^I¨ll bet he did�察院�Ian murmured。
^So what do you think�察�Wanda�拭�We get to be roomies again� 院�
^But Jamie�察�where will Jared stay�拭院�
^Wait!let me guess�察院�Ian interrupted。 ^I bet he said the room was big enough for three。 Am I right�拭院�
^Yeah。 How did you know�拭院�
^Lucky guess。 ̄
^So that¨s good�察�isn¨t it�察�Wanda�拭�It will be just like before we came here� 院�
It felt sort of like a razor sliding between my ribs when he said that!too clean and precise a pain to be
pared to a blow or a break。
Jamie analyzed my tortured expression with alarm。 ^Oh。 No�察�I mean but with you�察�too。 It will be nice。
The four of us�察�right�拭院�
I tried to laugh through the pain�察�it didn¨t hurt any worse than not laughing。
Ian squeezed my hand。
^The four of us�察院�I mumbled。 ^Nice。 ̄
Jamie crawled up the mattress�察�worming his way around Ian�察�to put his arms around my neck。
^Sorry。 Don¨t be sad。 ̄
^Don¨t worry about it。 ̄
^You know I love you�察�too。 ̄
So sharp�察�so piercing�察�the emotions of this planet。 Jamie had never said those words to me before。 My
whole body suddenly felt a few degrees warmer。
So sharp��Melanie agreed�察�wincing at her own pain。
^Will you e back�拭院�Jamie begged against my shoulder。
I couldn¨t answer right away。
^What does Mel want�拭院�he asked。
^She wants to live with you�察院�I whispered。 I didn¨t have to check to know that。
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 ̄
^Do you want me to live with you�拭院�
^You know I do�察�Wanda。 Please。 ̄
I hesitated。
^Please�拭院�
^If that¨s what you want�察�Jamie。 Okay。 ̄
^Woo hoo� 院�Jamie crowed in my ear。 ^Cool� �I¨m gonna go tell Jared� �I¨ll get you some food�察�too�察�
okay�拭院�He was already on his feet�察�bouncing the mattress so that I felt it in my ribs。
^Okay。 ̄
^You want something�察�Ian�拭院�
^Sure�察�kid。 I want you to tell Jared he¨s shameless。 ̄
^Huh�拭院�
^Never mind。 Go get Wanda some lunch。 ̄
^Sure。 And I¨ll ask Wes for his extra bed。 Kyle can e back in here�察�and everything will be like it
should be� 院�
^Perfect�察院�Ian said�察�and though I didn¨t look at his face�察�I knew he was rolling his eyes。
^Perfect�察院�I whispered�察�and felt the razor¨s edge again。
CHAPTER 39
Worried
Perfect��I grumbled to myself。Just perfect。
Ian was ing to join me for lunch�察�a big smile glued into place on his face。 Trying to cheer me up´
again。
I think you¨re overdoing the sarcasm lately��Melanie told me。
I¨ll keep that in mind。
I hadn¨t heard from her much in the past week。 Neither of us was good pany right now。 It was
better if we avoided social interaction�察�even with each other。
^Hey�察�Wanda�察院�Ian greeted me�察�hopping up onto the counter beside me。 He had a bowl of tomato soup
in one hand�察�still steaming。 Mine was beside me�察�cooled and half full。 I was toying with a piece of roll�察�
ripping it into tiny pieces。
^Oh�察�e on。 ̄ He put his hand on my knee。 Mel¨s angry reaction was lethargic。 She was too used to
this kind of thing to really work up a good fit anymore。 ^They¨ll be back today。 Before sunset�察�without a
doubt。 ̄
^You said that three days ago�察�and two days ago�察�and again yesterday�察院�I reminded him。
^I have a good feeling about today。 Don¨t sulk!it¨s so human�察院�he teased。
^I¨m not sulking。 ̄ Iwasn¨t。 I was so worried I could barely think straight。 It didn¨t leave me energy to do
anything else。
^This isn¨t the first raid Jamie¨s gone on。 ̄
^That makes me feel so much better。 ̄ Again with the sarcasm。 Melanie was right!I really was
overusing it。
^He¨s got Jared and Geoffrey and Trudy with him。 And Kyle¨shere。  ̄ Ian laughed。 ^So there¨s no way
they¨ll get into any trouble。 ̄
^I don¨t want to talk about it。 ̄
^Okay。 ̄
He turned his attention to his food and let me stew。 Ian was nice that way!always trying to give me
what I wanted�察�even when what I wanted was unclear to either of us。 His insistent attempts to distract me
from the present anxiety excepted�察�of course。 I knew I didn¨t wantthat。 I wanted to worry�察�it was the
only thing I could do。
It had been a month since I¨d moved back into Jamie and Jared¨s room。 For three weeks of that time�察�
the four of us had lived together。 Jared slept on a mattress wedged above the head of the bed where
Jamie and I slept。
I¨d gotten used to it!the sleeping part�察�at least�察�I was having a hard time sleeping now in the empty
room。 I missed the sound of two other bodies breathing。
I hadn¨t gotten used to waking up every morning with Jared there。 It still took me a second too long to
return his morning greeting。 He was not at ease�察�either�察�but he was always polite。 We were both very
polite。
It was almost scripted at this point。
^Good morning�察�Wanda�察�how did you sleep�拭�
^Fine�察�thank you�察�and you�拭�
�
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