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 ̄ 
I laughed。 ^I doubt it。 ̄ 
Ian tilted his head to one side�察�his expression speculative。 
^Melanie Stryder�拭院�he asked�察�addressing her。 
We both started at the name。 
Ian went on。 ^I¨d like the chance to speak with Wanda privately�察�if you don¨t mind。 Is there any way that 


could be arranged�拭院�
Of all the nerve� �You tell him I said no chance in hell� �I donotlike this man。 
My nose wrinkled up。 
^What did she say�拭院�
^She said no。 ̄ I tried to say the words as gently as they could be said。 ^And that she doesn¨t´ like 


you。 ̄ 
Ian laughed。 ^I can respect that。 I can respecther。 Well�察�it was worth a try。 ̄ He sighed。 ^Kind of puts a 


damper on things�察�having an audience。 ̄ 
What things��Mel growled。 
I grimaced。 I didn¨t like feeling her anger。 It was so much more vicious than mine。


 Get used to it。

 Ian put his hand on my face。 ^I¨ll let you think about things�察�okay�拭�So you can decide how you feel。 ̄

 I tried to be objective about that hand。 It was soft against my face。 It felt´ nice。 Not like when Jared 
touched me。 But also different from the way it felt when Jamie hugged me。 Other。 
^It might take a while。 None of this makes any sense�察�you know�察院�I told him。 
He grinned。 ^I know。 ̄ 
I realized�察�when he smiled then�察�that I wanted him to like me。 The rest!the hand on my face�察�the fingers 

on my arm!I still wasn¨t sure at all about those。 But I wanted him to like me�察�and to think kind things 

about me。 Which is why it was hard to tell him the truth。 
^You don¨t really feel that way aboutme�察�you know�察院�I whispered。 ^It¨s this body。´ She¨s pretty�察�isn¨t 
she�拭�

 He nodded。 ^She is。 Melanie is a very pretty girl。 Even beautiful。 ̄ His hand moved to touch my bad 
cheek�察�to stroke the rough�察�scarring skin with gentle fingers。 ^In spite of what I¨ve done to her face。 ̄ 
Normally�察�I would have denied that automatically。 Reminded him that the wounds on my face weren¨t his 

 

truth came out in a rush�察�more heated than I¨d meant it to be。 ^Youcouldn¨t care about me。 If you could 
hold me in your hand��me�察�you would be disgusted。 You would throw me to the ground and grind me 
under your foot。 ̄

 His pale forehead creased as his black brows pulled together。 ^I´ not if I knew it was you。 ̄ 
I laughed without humor。 ^How would you know�拭�You couldn¨t tell us apart。 ̄ 
His mouth turned down。 
^It¨s just the body�察院�I repeated。 
^That¨s not true at all�察院�he disagreed。 ^It¨s not the face�察�but the expressions on it。 It¨s not the voice�察�but 


what you say。 It¨s not how you look in that body�察�but the things you do with it。You are beautiful。 ̄


 He moved forward as he spoke�察�kneeling beside the bed where I lay and taking my hand again in both 
of his。 
^I¨ve never known anyone like you。 ̄ 
I sighed。 ^Ian�察�what if I¨d e here in Magnolia¨s body�拭院�
He grimaced and then laughed。 ^Okay。 That¨s a good question。 I don¨t know。 ̄ 
^Or Wes¨s�拭院�
^But you¨re female!you yourself are。 ̄ 
^And I always request whatever a planet¨s equivalent is。 It seems more´ right。 But I could be put into a 

man and I would function just fine。 ̄ 
^But you¨re not in a man¨s body。 ̄ 
^See�拭�That¨s my point。 Body and soul。 Two different things�察�in my case。 ̄ 
^I wouldn¨t want it without you。 ̄ 
^You wouldn¨t wantme withoutit。  ̄ 

 

 Ah�察�the finality of it。 Yes�察�I would die in this body。 The final death。

 And I will never live in it again��Melanie whispered。

 It¨s not how either of us planned our future�察�is it��

 No。 Neither of us planned to have no future。

 ^Another internal conversation�拭院�Ian guessed。

 ^We¨re thinking of our mortality。 ̄

 ^You could live forever if you left us。 ̄

 ^Yes�察�I could。 ̄ I sighed。 ^You know�察�humans have the shortest life span of any species I¨ve ever been�察�

except the Spiders。 You have so little time。 ̄

 ^Don¨t you think�察�then´ ̄ Ian paused and leaned closer to me so that I couldn¨t seem to see anything 
around his face�察�just snow and sapphire and ink。 ^That maybe you should make the most of what time 
you have�拭�That you shouldlive while you¨re alive�拭�

 I didn¨t see it ing the way I had with Jared。 Ian was not as familiar to me。 Melanie realized what he 
was going to do before I did�察�just a second before his lips touched mine。

 No��

 It wasn¨t like kissing Jared。 With Jared�察�there was no thought�察�only desire。 No control。 A spark to 
gasoline!inevitable。 With Ian�察�I didn¨t even know what I felt。 Everything was muddled and confused。

 His lips were soft and warm。 He pressed them only lightly to mine�察�and then brushed them back and 
forth across my mouth。

 ^Good or bad�拭院�he whispered against my lips。

 Bad� �Bad�察�bad��

 ^I!I can¨t think。 ̄ When I moved my mouth to speak�察�he moved his with it。

 ^That sounds´ good。 ̄

 His mouth pressed down with more force now。 He caught my lower lip between his and pulled on it 
gently。

 Melanie wanted to hit him!so much more than she¨d wanted to punch Jared。 She wanted to shove him 
away and then kick his face。 The image was horrible。 It conflicted jarringly with the sensation of Ian¨s 
kiss。 

 

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。 
^Yes�拭院�
^Please stop。 I can¨t think。 Please。 ̄ 
He sat back at once�察�clasping his hands in front of him。 ^Okay�察院�he said�察�his tone cautious。 
I pressed my hands against my face�察�wishing I could push out Melanie¨s anger。 
^Well�察�at least nobody punched me。 ̄ Ian grinned。 
^She wanted to do more than that。 Ugh。 I don¨t like it when she¨s mad。 It hurts my head。 Anger is so´ 


ugly。 ̄ 
^Why didn¨t she�拭院�
^Because I didn¨t lose control。 She only breaks free when I¨m´ overwhelmed。 ̄ 
He watched as I kneaded my forehead。 
Calm down��I begged her。He¨s not touching me。 
Has he forgotten that I¨mhere��Doesn¨t he care�拭�This is me�察�it¨sme� �
I tried to explain that。 
What about you�拭�Have you forgotten Jared��


 She threw the memories at me the way she¨d done in the beginning�察�only this time they were like blows。 
A thousand punches of his smile�察�his eyes�察�his lips on mine�察�his hands on my skin´

 Of course not。 Have you forgotten that you don¨t want me to love him��

 ^She¨s talking to you。 ̄ 
^Yelling at me�察院�I corrected。 
^I can tell now。 I can see you concentrate on the conversation。 I never noticed before today。 ̄ 
^She¨s not always this vocal。 ̄ 
^Iam sorry�察�Melanie�察院�he said。 ^I know this must be impossible for you。 ̄ 
Again�察�she visualized smashing her foot into his sculpted nose�察�leaving it crooked like Kyle¨s。Tell him I 


don¨t want his apologies。

 I winced。 
Ian half smiled�察�half grimaced。 ^She doesn¨t accept。 ̄ 


 

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。 
^So she can break free�拭�If you¨re overwhelmed�拭院�
I shrugged。 ^Sometimes�察�if she takes me by surprise and I¨m too´ emotional。 Emotion makes it hard to 


concentrate。 But it¨s been more difficult for her lately。 It¨s like the door between us is locked。 I don¨t 
know why。 Itried to let her out when Kyle ! ̄ I stopped talking abruptly�察�grinding my teeth together。


 ^When Kyle tried to kill you�察院�he finished matter´of´factly。 ^You wanted her free�拭�Why�拭�


 I just stared at him。


 ^To fight him�拭院�he guessed。


 I didn¨t answer。


 He sighed。 ^Okay。 Don¨t tell me。 Why do you think the´ door is locked�拭�


 I frowned。 ^I don¨t know。 Maybe the time passing´ It worries us。 ̄


 ^But she broke through before�察�to punch Jared。 ̄


 ^Yes。 ̄ I shuddered at the memory of my fist striking his jaw。


 ^Because you were overwhelmed and emotional�拭�


 ^Yes。 ̄


 ^What did he do�拭�Just kiss you�拭�


 I nodded。


 Ian flinched。 His eyes tightened。


 ^What�拭院�I asked。 ^What¨s wrong�拭�


 ^When Jared kisses you�察�you are´ overwhelmed by emotion。 ̄


 I stared at him�察�worried by the expression on his face。 Melanie enjoyed it。That¨s right��


 He sighed。 ^And when I kiss you´ you aren¨t sure if you like it。 You are not´ overwhelmed。 ̄


 ^Oh。 ̄ Ian was jealous。 How very strange this world was。 ^I¨m sorry。 ̄


 ^Don¨t be。 I told you I¨d give you time�察�and I don¨t mind waiting for you to think things through。 I don¨t 
mind that at all。 ̄

 ^What do you mind�拭院�Because he minded something very much。

 He took a deep breath and blew it out slowly。 ^I saw how you loved Jamie。 That was always really 

 

 He was looking away�察�staring at the wall over me。 I had to look away�察�too。 I stared at the sunlight where 
it touched the red door。 
^How much of that is Melanie�拭院�he wanted to know。


 ^I don¨t know。 Does it matter�拭院�
I could barely hear his answer。 ^Yes。 It does to me。 ̄ Without looking at me or seeming to notice what 
he was doing�察�Ian took my hand again。


 It was very quiet for a minute。 Even Melanie was still。 That was nice。 
Then�察�as though a switch had been flipped�察�Ian was his normal self again。 He laughed。 
^Time is on my side�察院�he said�察�grinning。 ^We¨ve got the rest of our lives in here。 One day you¨ll wonder 


what you ever saw in Jared。 ̄


 In your dreams。

 I laughed with him�察�happy he was joking again。 
^Wanda�拭�Wanda�察�can I e in�拭院�
Jamie¨s voice started from down the hall and�察�acpanied by the sound of his jogging steps�察�ended 


right outside the door。 
^Of course�察�Jamie。 ̄ 
I already had my hand held out to him before he shrugged the door aside。 I hadn¨t seen him nearly 


enough lately。 Unconscious or crippled�察�I hadn¨t been free to seek him out。 
^Hey�察�Wanda� �Hey�察�Ian� 院�Jamie was all grins�察�his messy hair bouncing when he moved。 He headed for 
my reaching hand�察�but Ian was in his way。 So he settled for sitting on the edge of my mattress and resting 

his hand on my foot。 ^How are you feeling�拭院�
^Better。 ̄ 
^Hungry yet�拭�There¨s beef jerky and corn on the cob� �I could get you some。 ̄ 
^I¨m okay for now。 How are you�拭�I haven¨t seen you much lately。 ̄ 
Jamie made a face。 ^Sharon gave me detention。 ̄ 
I smiled。 ^What did you do�拭院�
^Nothing。 I was totally framed。 ̄ His innocent expression was a bit overdone�察�and he quickly changed the 

subject。 ^Guess what�拭�Jared was saying at lunch that he didn¨t think it was fair for you to have to move 

 

 ^I¨ll bet he did�察院�Ian murmured。 
^So what do you think�察�Wanda�拭�We get to be roomies again� 院�
^But Jamie�察�where will Jared stay�拭院�
^Wait!let me guess�察院�Ian interrupted。 ^I bet he said the room was big enough for three。 Am I right�拭院�
^Yeah。 How did you know�拭院�
^Lucky guess。 ̄ 
^So that¨s good�察�isn¨t it�察�Wanda�拭�It will be just like before we came here� 院�
It felt sort of like a razor sliding between my ribs when he said that!too clean and precise a pain to be 


pared to a blow or a break。


 Jamie analyzed my tortured expression with alarm。 ^Oh。 No�察�I mean but with you�察�too。 It will be nice。 
The four of us�察�right�拭院�
I tried to laugh through the pain�察�it didn¨t hurt any worse than not laughing。 
Ian squeezed my hand。 
^The four of us�察院�I mumbled。 ^Nice。 ̄ 
Jamie crawled up the mattress�察�worming his way around Ian�察�to put his arms around my neck。 
^Sorry。 Don¨t be sad。 ̄ 
^Don¨t worry about it。 ̄ 
^You know I love you�察�too。 ̄ 
So sharp�察�so piercing�察�the emotions of this planet。 Jamie had never said those words to me before。 My 

whole body suddenly felt a few degrees warmer。 
So sharp��Melanie agreed�察�wincing at her own pain。 
^Will you e back�拭院�Jamie begged against my shoulder。 
I couldn¨t answer right away。 
^What does Mel want�拭院�he asked。 
^She wants to live with you�察院�I whispered。 I didn¨t have to check to know that。 

 

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 ̄ 
^Do you want me to live with you�拭院�
^You know I do�察�Wanda。 Please。 ̄ 
I hesitated。 
^Please�拭院�
^If that¨s what you want�察�Jamie。 Okay。 ̄ 
^Woo hoo� 院�Jamie crowed in my ear。 ^Cool� �I¨m gonna go tell Jared� �I¨ll get you some food�察�too�察�


okay�拭院�He was already on his feet�察�bouncing the mattress so that I felt it in my ribs。 
^Okay。 ̄ 
^You want something�察�Ian�拭院�
^Sure�察�kid。 I want you to tell Jared he¨s shameless。 ̄ 
^Huh�拭院�
^Never mind。 Go get Wanda some lunch。 ̄ 
^Sure。 And I¨ll ask Wes for his extra bed。 Kyle can e back in here�察�and everything will be like it 


should be� 院�
^Perfect�察院�Ian said�察�and though I didn¨t look at his face�察�I knew he was rolling his eyes。 
^Perfect�察院�I whispered�察�and felt the razor¨s edge again。


 CHAPTER 39


 Worried 
Perfect��I grumbled to myself。Just perfect。 
Ian was ing to join me for lunch�察�a big smile glued into place on his face。 Trying to cheer me up´ 


again。 
I think you¨re overdoing the sarcasm lately��Melanie told me。 
I¨ll keep that in mind。

 I hadn¨t heard from her much in the past week。 Neither of us was good pany right now。 It was 
better if we avoided social interaction�察�even with each other。

 ^Hey�察�Wanda�察院�Ian greeted me�察�hopping up onto the counter beside me。 He had a bowl of tomato soup 
in one hand�察�still steaming。 Mine was beside me�察�cooled and half full。 I was toying with a piece of roll�察�
ripping it into tiny pieces。 

 

 ^Oh�察�e on。 ̄ He put his hand on my knee。 Mel¨s angry reaction was lethargic。 She was too used to 
this kind of thing to really work up a good fit anymore。 ^They¨ll be back today。 Before sunset�察�without a 

doubt。 ̄

 ^You said that three days ago�察�and two days ago�察�and again yesterday�察院�I reminded him。

 ^I have a good feeling about today。 Don¨t sulk!it¨s so human�察院�he teased。

 ^I¨m not sulking。 ̄ Iwasn¨t。 I was so worried I could barely think straight。 It didn¨t leave me energy to do 

anything else。

 ^This isn¨t the first raid Jamie¨s gone on。 ̄

 ^That makes me feel so much better。 ̄ Again with the sarcasm。 Melanie was right!I really was 

overusing it。 
^He¨s got Jared and Geoffrey and Trudy with him。 And Kyle¨shere。  ̄ Ian laughed。 ^So there¨s no way 

they¨ll get into any trouble。 ̄

 ^I don¨t want to talk about it。 ̄

 ^Okay。 ̄

 He turned his attention to his food and let me stew。 Ian was nice that way!always trying to give me 
what I wanted�察�even when what I wanted was unclear to either of us。 His insistent attempts to distract me 
from the present anxiety excepted�察�of course。 I knew I didn¨t wantthat。 I wanted to worry�察�it was the 
only thing I could do。

 It had been a month since I¨d moved back into Jamie and Jared¨s room。 For three weeks of that time�察�
the four of us had lived together。 Jared slept on a mattress wedged above the head of the bed where 
Jamie and I slept。

 I¨d gotten used to it!the sleeping part�察�at least�察�I was having a hard time sleeping now in the empty 

room。 I missed the sound of two other bodies breathing。

 I hadn¨t gotten used to waking up every morning with Jared there。 It still took me a second too long to 
return his morning greeting。 He was not at ease�察�either�察�but he was always polite。 We were both very 
polite。

 It was almost scripted at this point。

 ^Good morning�察�Wanda�察�how did you sleep�拭�

 ^Fine�察�thank you�察�and you�拭�

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